171The sun was shining in the sky, the trees in the Leaf Village were in full bloom, and the birds were heralding the peak of summer with their songs. The air was redolent with the smell of honeysuckle.
All in all, it was a picturesque day in the Land of Fire. The sort of day that came once in a year, a day on which even the most hardworking of ninjas would look out the window, sigh deeply and take a few minutes off to reminisce in the summer haze.
The Leaf chunin-hopefuls gathered outside Training Ground 44 had no such inclinations, despite the beauty of the day. It wasn't the fact that they were standing outside a gigantic forest filled with looming trees that seemed to suck in all sunlight, a place where even songbirds didn't dare to venture. It wasn't the fact that they'd just been put through one of the most difficult tests they'd ever had to face, a test that had pushed them to the limits of their own self-belief, and forced them to face their deepest fears and insecurities.
No, the Leaf genin were freaked out because of one Naruto Uzumaki. This was improbable because of the nature of the boy in question - he was loud, brash, and confident to the point of delusional. He was always up and moving, either yelling at his rival Sasuke, or yelling that he would become Hokage, or yelling at Sakura to date him. Or yelling that he was in the mood for some ramen.
Naruto was always yelling.
Which is why his peers were currently looking at him warily, with more than a touch of trepidation. The blond trouble-maker was crouched down on the ground, sitting in quiet contemplation and muttering to himself, resting his chin on the tips of his forefingers.
The proctors for the Second Phase of the genin exam were still explaining the dangers of the test, Kiba was allowing Hinata to bandage his cheek where the crazy lady had cut him with her kunai, but none of the rookie genin were really paying attention. Their gaze, even the notoriously driven Sasuke Uchiha's, was on an event with even lower odds than, say, Kakashi Hatake being punctual or Maito Gai wearing normal clothes.
The combined forces of their looks seemed to break Naruto's attention out of his musing. He startled, overbalancing for a second before he righted himself to find all of his classmates looking at him.
"What?" he asked. "Why are all of you staring at me like that? Do I got something on my face, or what?"
The eight other ninja quickly looked away, trying to pretend that they hadn't been marvelling at him like an animal in a cage.
Strangely, Naruto didn't comment. Even stranger, he stood and quietly approached Shikamaru, who couldn't help tensing up a little.
"Hey, Shika," he said, his voice still uncharacteristically serious. "You're a lazy bastard, but you're really smart and everything, right?"
Shikamaru frowned at the backhanded compliment. "Troublesome," he muttered. "What're you getting at, Naruto?" While he'd never minded the blond ninja's antics, they weren't really close friends. If Naruto was asking for advice, Shikamaru wasn't sure if he wanted to help him, comrade or not, while they were about to be dropped into a genin battle royale, and a single advantage could mean the difference between life and death.
"The point of this first test…it was to cheat, right?" asked Naruto, his eyes looking off into the distance. "Ninjas…are allowed to cheat?"
The expressions on the other ninja's faces changed almost comically, including a few others who'd been listening in on the conversation.
"You idiot, Naruto!" screamed his teammate Sakura, secretly glad that the universe was suddenly being restored to order. "The first rule of ninja is that they cheat! Deception is the key tenet to being a ninja!" Her classmates mirrored the expression of contempt on her face, with the exception of a few.
Naruto didn't seem put off by her volume, or perhaps he'd gotten used to communicating with Sakura through yelling. The pink haired ninja was no shy maiden, either, no matter how good a front she tried to put up in front of Sasuke.
"Deception…is the same as cheating?" mumbled Naruto, who looked like he was working on one of the questions from the first phase of the exams. "So it's not just stuff like hiding inside a Shadow Clone army, or pretending you're dead while using a substitution like Kakashi-sensei, or pretending to be a shadow under a shuriken?"
Shikamaru tilted his head at that last bit. By virtue of his massive intellect, he could already see where the blond was going with this. The corner of his mouth tilted up.
The Nara genin lifted his hand up, forestalling another round of yelling from Sakura. "Yes, Naruto," he addressed the blond. "Deception is the same as cheating. Ninja are encouraged to cheat and lie as much as they can within the limits of their mission." He sighed again at Naruto's blank look. "Every ninja cheats and lies as much as they can. If you have any advantage you can pull out, you take it." Seeing that he had the blond hooked, he continued, his mind whirling through plans and scenarios. "Ninjas game the system as much as they are allowed to, within the rules." At another uncomprehending look, he put it in simpler terms, or rather, in Naruto-speak. If he suspected correctly, that was the problem the blond was dealing with.
"Think of it like pranking everyone else as much as you can, and getting away with it instead of being punished. Even getting rewarded for it," he added after a moment, enjoying the look of dawning comprehension on Naruto's face. Lazy bastard he might have been in truth, but he enjoyed breaking problems down just as much as every member of the Nara clan.
Naruto's face lit up like the sun was penetrating the dense overgrowth of the Forest of Death, making Hinata squeak and turn away. The other genin watched, almost entranced, as his countenance changed again, a frown appearing on his cheery features. It was like a particularly large tree had decided to spread its leaves and block the sun from its natural domain, after all.
"But…old man Hokage made me promise not to pull any pranks? Now that I was a serious genin of the Leaf?" Naruto said, squinting at Shikamaru like he was trying to figure out if the other boy was lying.
Sasuke harrumphed. He might not have been a Nara, but he was a genius for a reason, and he could see where this conversation was going. Even Kiba, who'd been part of some of the pranks Naruto had now stopped, was slowly beginning to understand.
"It's just like you to not look underneath the underneath, idiot," Sasuke said, his face set in a sneer that would normally have set Naruto off. The Uzumaki just turned his attention to his teammate quietly, still looking a little lost. "The Hokage told you to stop pranking civilians and your fellow Leaf ninja in a manner that might distract the military. The true order was to turn all of it against your enemies and on missions, and to do it in such a way that you benefit the village. You were just too thickheaded to understand, I suppose."
Naruto didn't rise to the bait, falling into deep rumination again. Sasuke and Shikamaru exchanged quick looks, one smug and the latter grateful.
The rookies watched as the metaphorical tree finally parted ways, and Naruto's face burst into a full-fledged, almost manic grin.
"I can still prank?" he whispered. "I can still prank?!" he repeated again, his voice trembling with joy.
Sasuke put his hands on Naruto's shoulder and looked down at the shorter genin. The Uzumaki was continuously obnoxious and annoying, but the two of them had formed a bond over time, and the other genin was the closest thing that Sasuke had to a true friend…rival. A rival who could only improve his own skills if he kept up at a commensurate rate.
"Naruto," Sasuke said, looking steadily into Naruto's eyes and ignoring Sakura, who looked like she was going to spontaneously combust. "I want you to prank everyone and everything."
Naruto's hands shook, his eyes actually welled up with tears. "Sasuke…" he whispered, his voice now trembling with a different emotion. He reached up and placed his own hand over Sasuke's own. "You've made me the happiest man in all of Konoha."
Sasuke smirked. Sakura and Ino clapped their hands over their noses.
"Hold on," said Kiba. "If this is going the way it is, then I want in."
"Wait, what are you talking about?" asked Ino, rounding on the Inuzuka.
"Hm," said Sasuke, smirking again. "What's in it for us?"
"What's in it for you? Will someone please tell me what's going on?" Ino's voice gradually got shriller as she got more annoyed.
"Isn't it obvious?" asked Shikamaru, "Team 7 is going to try and game the second part of the exam. And Kiba and I," he turned to Sasuke, "want to team up for it. What do you want?" he asked the Uchiha.
"Techniques," countered the Uchiha immediately. "One from each member of each team."
"Whoa, dude," said Kiba. "All we know are clan techniques, and there's no way we can teach you those!"
"Um," said Hinata, blushing scarlet when all eyes turned to her. "Maybe from our family?" She blanched at her own words. "Or our jounin-sensei?"
"Hold on," said Sakura. "You're going to bank on Naruto to get us through a life or death test in the middle of the exam? He's an idiot! Sasuke, I thought you wanted to fight strong people in the exams?"
Sasuke sneered. Really, it was like he had three expressions, smirking, sneering…and nothing. "I don't want to waste my time fighting the chaff anyway. The faster we clear the exam, the more chance I have of actually fighting strong ninjas. Most of the genin here look like they're nothing more than fodder to me."
"But wait!" protested Ino. "Naruto? He didn't even pass the Academy properly! He's the dead last of the class!"
"And I was right above him," countered Shikamaru. "Class rankings mean nothing in the real world. Besides, this is a test with two parts: survival and evasion. Out of all of us, who has experience evading high level ninja for hours while simultaneously trapping and diverting them?"
All of their heads turned to Naruto. Ino looked at him like she'd never seen him before.
"But that's just one part," pointed out Sakura. "We still need to get the scrolls before we make our way to the tower. Naruto might be good at avoiding ninja, but what about getting the scrolls in the first place?"
The blond in question stepped into the middle of their gathering. His lips were pulled up in a fashion many of them hadn't seen in months, and suddenly several of them were glad that they were on the same side as the Uzumaki. "Don't worry, Sakura," he said, his eyes glinting, "Sasuke and Shino just explained everything to me." He cracked his knuckles. "Let's get rolling."
Fifteen minutes into the thirty allotted before the exams begin, a commotion distracted the genin who were going one by one to collect a scroll for their team.
A chunin walked out from behind the screen, holding a kicking and protesting Naruto Uzumaki by the scruff of his jumpsuit. "This idiot was trying to sneak into the station and steal some extra scrolls before the exam began!" he shouted. "Anko, as proctor, what do you think we should do?"
Anko smirked. Quick as a flash, she drew another kunai and sent it at the pair. The chunin yelped and jumped aside, but it hit Naruto dead in the gut. He collapsed immediately, and then poofed out of existence.
All eyes turned to Team 7, who were still standing in line and chatting amongst themselves. Teams 8 and 10 were gathered around them, watching the proceedings in amusement.
"Hm?" said Naruto, turning around to see all the proctors glaring at him. "Is something wrong? Why'd you guys stop?"
The chunin spluttered. "You brat! You thought you'd send a Shadow Clone to do your dirty work for you?"
"To do what work?" Naruto asked, looking for all the world like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. "Man, Mr. Proctor, you're getting a little red there. Calm down, won't you?"
"Calm down? Calm down? You little brat! I'm going to have you and your team expelled from the exams right now -"
"Now, now," said Anko, suddenly appearing behind Naruto and wrapping her arm around his neck in a fashion that appeared loving but was anything but. Naruto froze, but did his best to put a brave face on. He didn't succeed, thanks to the chakra pressure that felt like it was sliding down his neck and pressing slowly against his throat. "Why don't we let the cute little duckling explain what he was trying to do?"
"What's there to explain?" sputtered the chunin. "We all know this brat learned the technique when he stole the Forbidden Scroll from the Hokage Tower! He probably thought he could sneak in and get an advantage for his team, but he was too stupid to do it properly!"
A murmur went around the area. A genin skilled enough to infiltrate the Hokage Tower and learn a B-ranked technique? And influential enough to not have his career ended for it?
Several eyes looked at Team 7 in a new light.
"Heh," chuckled Naruto. "Prove it."
The chunin stopped short. Even Anko hesitated for a split second.
"Prove it?" repeated the chunin blankly.
"Yeah," said Naruto, appearing more confident. "Prove that it was my clone."
"It looked like you, you little idiot, what the hell are you talking about?!"
All the ninja around the station frowned.
"You do know the Transformation technique exists, right?" Ino raised her hand, speaking hesitantly, like she was talking to someone slow. "Naruto's an idiot, but he's not stupid enough to infiltrate an area looking like himself. Isn't it far more likely that someone else tried it and wanted to implicate a Leaf genin?"
The chunin stopped short, going from red to purple in embarrassment. "What, are you in league with him?" he finally challenged, even though his voice was cracking from embarrassment.
Ino scowled. "Please, with him? He was dead last in the Academy, why would I ever want to ally with him?"
The clearing fell silent. Several foreign ninja processed the fact that the purported failure of the Leaf's Academy was strong enough to steal from the Hokage himself and learn a forbidden technique. Everyone suddenly felt a lot more wary of the Leaf ninjas.
"I - I -"
The awkward moment was cut by the sound of Anko's laughter. "Well, you sure made yourself look like a fool there, Saito. Looks like we've got a tricky bunch this year, don't we?" She uncurled herself from around the Uzumaki. "Very well, we'll let that one slide," she ordered, winking at the Uzumaki, who crossed his arms and shrugged. "But be rest assured, I will be keeping an extra close eye on all of you henceforth. One toe out of line and I won't hesitate to drink a river of blood," she burst into laughter again. The killing intent that spread over the chunin-hopefuls left no room to doubt her supposed amusement.
Even the chunin who'd come out from the station to watch the proceedings quietly crept back to their posts.
The genin took their scrolls and placed themselves at their starting positions quietly after that. Naruto got a dirty look from the proctor, but it rolled off him like water off a duck's back.
"Very well," said Anko, baring her teeth. "The second part of the exam begins…" The gates in front of the genin opened as she raised her hand.
"Now!" The hand fell, and the examinees charged in.
Several events happened over the next 45 minutes.
For one, Anko finished briefing with the higher-ups and returned to the station to order the proctors to their post. She arrived to chaos.
"Mitarashi!" yelled a chunin as she approached. "There's been sabotage in the exams, we just found Saito tied up and unconscious behind the bushes!"
Anko jumped over to the undergrowth. The captured chunin was still lying on his side, drooling onto the ground.
"His chakra's drained and all his tenketsu are closed!" reported another sub-ordinate. "If I didn't know better, I'd say it was a Leaf ninja pair who attacked him. Do you think -"
His report was cut off from the sound of sniggering from up ahead. Another Saito came into view, his clothes a little roughed up from where he'd dived aside to avoid Anko's kunai.
The imposter smiled and winked. Then he vanished in a cloud of smoke.
Anko cursed. And then she turned and ran full speed to make it to the Tower.
In another part of the Forest, Gaara grew increasingly frustrated as he tried to track down enemy ninja with his useless team. For all of his strengths, he was not a sensor, and neither were his brother and sister. When he finally found a trio of Leaf genin with a puppy, he didn't even check for their scroll before burying them in a wave of sand and crushing them mercilessly.
He was rewarded not with blood, but the sound of four pops. His sand drew back to display nothing but clear air instead of mangled corpses.
Gaara grit his teeth, and leapt deeper into the forest. He would feed his mother with even more blood to pay for the trickery.
On another occasion, an enemy of the Leaf village licked his lips as he stalked his prey through the forest. His senses might be slightly dulled by the foreign skin he was wearing over his true form, but he was more than experienced enough to hunt his target still. Deciding to drop in with a bit of a blast, he sent a large gust of wind directly at the three genin sitting on the ground.
All three were blown back by the force of his attack. And then all three vanished in a puff of smoke. Orochimaru recognized the technique immediately, and screamed in anger. Then he took off with his teammates, intent on killing at one genin before he marked the Uchiha.
While everything went down in the Training Ground, a group of ten chunin proctors leapt down from the trees and gathered in front of the tower at the centre of the Forest.
Then they released their Transformation technique and laughed as they piled into the building. Wordlessly, all of them read the puzzle and released the scrolls together.
Iruka, Izumo and Kotetsu appeared in a puff of smoke and gaped at their location and the ninja in front of them.
"What the fuck?" said Izumo, and Iruka himself was too stunned to chastise him.
The genin laughed harder. "Well," Naruto said, a peculiar smile on his face. "It wasn't a very difficult test."
Iruka had years of experience dealing with that smile. "Naruto," he sighed, resisting the urge to summon himself back to the Leaf Village and get a stiff drink. "What did you do?"
"Destroy the competition, get the scroll, haul ass here?"
"Naruto, I'm warning you -"
"Troublesome," said Shikamaru, even though he was also smiling. "I want to sleep, so I'll get it out of the way. Ino hit the proctor with her clan technique, walked him into the Forest. Hinata and Shino took him out." The Hyuga in question went a little pink but didn't protest her innocence. "Shino's bugs lifted the scroll when Naruto created a distraction. Test began, he made Transformed Shadow Clones of all us while we Transformed into the other proctors and made a straight shot to the tower. Test over, now can I go home?"
The three chunins felt their jaws drop. "You - you're the Nara kid, right? To think Shikaku's boy could come up with such a plan…" said Izumo weakly.
"Me?" Shikamaru nudged his head in the direction of Team 7. "The proctor of the first phase taught Naruto that it's okay for ninjas to cheat."
The chunin quickly digested this information and made the appropriate connection. Then they paled and swallowed emphatically.
"I'm not telling the Hokage," muttered Kotetsu.
"I call not it too," Izumo said quickly.
Iruka cursed silently. Looking at the expectant faces of the genin, he reached up and massaged the bridge of his nose to try and forestall the blooming headache. "Fine. All three teams…pass." Ignoring the cheers that broke out, even though a part of him was delighted to see Naruto receive the lion's share of it, he turned to the other two. "Explain the rest of it to them. I'm going to go see Lord Third."
"Right," said Izumo, before his face turned contemplative. "To think nine Leaf rookies could beat even Itachi's old record…"
Sasuke, who was close enough to hear this, suddenly rediscovered an old expression. It was…smiling? He hurriedly looked away and bumped fists with a grinning Naruto instead.
"Hey," said Ino suddenly, a look of rising horror on her face. "Does this mean Naruto is a genius?"
Author's Notes: Yes, yes, I know I have other, nascent stories, but I'm working on them too. This is quite possibly the last bit of free time I'll have in the next decade or so, so I'm going to indulge myself. This isn't going to be a story as much as just snippets I write and update as and when I please. Please review if you liked it/want certain scenes (even though I'll write the story in chronological order)/matchups.
One thing I struggled with here was Sasuke. Shippuden colours people's perception of him, but Part 1 Sasuke was originally a total dudebro. There's the Wave sacrifice, of course, but he also acknowledges Naruto, tells him he wants to fight him in the finals, backs him up against Kankuro and Gaara even when he's running on empty, even backs Sakura up before the exams begin and she's nervous, but still spots the genjutsu on the second floor. Bottomline: Part 1 Sasuke is great before his slow slide into insanity. Considering how I just messed up Rochi's plans, I think I'm going to explore the bro-dom a bit here. Yes, Naruto and Sasuke making unintentionally (and maybe even intentionally, later, as every bros do) homoerotic comments are totally going to be a thing in this story. Can't wait to have those two team up! Let me know what you guys think about all of it! I imagine later, with the powerscaling, things will go from pure trickery to some cool-ass (hopefully) fights, but I want my ninjas to act like ninjas. If it turns into a power romp...well, who's complaining as long as it's a fun ride?
I sort of also want to explore the relationship of this Naruto with Shikamaru. They could be great together. Terrible, but great.