16This is a crackfic. In other words, I am not taking this seriously at all. Expect OOC and strange situations. More info at the bottom!
#1
"Hey, do you know what a Railgun is?"
"Hm?"
"It's some sort of battleship weapon that fires metal shells using superpowered electromagnets. The principle is the same as a maglev train."
Clink. Mikoto Misaka flicked the token into the air with her thumb.
It whirled through the air before landing back on her thumb.
"…It's apparently something like this…"
Precisely as she spoke…
An orange beam of light lanced right past Touma's head soundlessly. It was actually more of a laser beam than a lance. He only realized it had come from the girl's thumb because that's where he saw the tip of the ray of light.
A moment later, a thunderclap sounded as if lightning had struck. The shock wave of air being torn apart inches from his ears threw off his sense of balance. Shakily, wobbly, he glanced behind him.
The moment the orange beam collided with the bridge's pavement, the asphalt had been blown inward the same way water is when an airplane crash-lands on the ocean's surface. Having spent its destructive energy in that straight thirty-meter line, it faded into an afterglow, searing its image into the air.
"Even a coin like this has massive power if it's flying at three times the speed of sound. Although it does melt after about fifty meters because of air friction."
Iron and concrete swayed violently as if the structure were an unreliable suspension bridge. The metal bolts holding it together clinked and clanked and shot out of their moorings all over its scaffolding.
However, instead of being intimidated, Touma remained nonchalant.
"So, that was A Certain Scientific Railgun, huh?"
Misaka blinked.
"...What?"
Touma blinked and glanced upwards. "Why did I say that?"
"What do you mean by that?!"
"It's like my brain went on autopilot there. That's a first…"
Those words only served to make the girl angrier. "You… IDIOT!" She threw a lightning spear at Touma, forcing him to raise his right hand. It struck his hand before it dispersed away. "I was trying to make a point about that weird hand of yours, but now I'm just mad!"
"Wha?! Why are you so mad!" Touma began backing away.
"Because…" Misaka glared at the spiky haired boy. "Those words really pissed me off!"
"But I didn't even say anything bad!"
"Apologize!"
That night, Touma left the scene hopelessly confused.
#2
Touma was going to get his futon aired out, dammit!
He hoisted the futon off his bed. He wouldn't be able to die in peace if his futon wasn't at least soft. Bringing down his foot, he felt a disquieting squish as he stepped in something spongy. Investigating the cause, he found a piece of yakisoba bread in its clear wrapper. It had been shoved into the back of the aforementioned annihilated refrigerator, so it was probably already sour.
"…Hope we don't have any summer showers today."
What was sadly most likely a premonition spilled out of his mouth. He turned again to the open screen door that opened onto his balcony, only to discover that a white futon was already draped over the railing, airing out.
"?"
Even though these were student dorms, they were basically set up the same way as studio apartments, so Touma lived by himself. That being the case, there was nobody but him to go hanging futons from his terrace.
It was only upon closer examination that he realized it wasn't a futon at all.
Hanging over the ledge was a girl wearing white clothes.
Instead of being shocked, Touma reacted like any normal human would.
"Huh? A Certain Everyday Index-san?"
The girl was prepared to "ask politely" for food, but upon hearing his words, she froze.
"...How do you know my name?"
"Well, uh… actually, I don't know." Touma scratched his head in confusion, still holding the futon. "This happened yesterday too with that biri-biri girl. My mind went on autopilot… or something like that."
For some reason, Index was very tempted to bite the boy's head. But she somehow held off on that.
"...Well, I'm hungry!"
#3
Touma stood over Index. He had finally been able to fully negate John's Pen and break the church's control over her. It seemed like he had won.
At that moment, one of the light feathers landed on Kamijou's head.
He thought for a moment he heard someone shouting.
He didn't know whether it was Stiyl, or Kanzaki, or even himself, or maybe Index. Maybe she had woken up.
His entire body, all the way down to his fingertips, was sapped of its strength from that one hit, as if he had been smashed in the head with a metal hammer.
Kamijou collapsed on top of Index, who was herself still huddled on the floor…
…As if to cover her from the glowing feathers raining down upon them.
Just like snow piling up, dozens of illuminated feathers danced down to blanket Kamijou's body.
Touma Kamijou laughed. At the same time, his mouth somehow began moving on its own. It should have been impossible, and yet…
"S-So… that's i-it, huh? I-I'm some kind of A Certain Unknown Level 0?"
In that moment, everyone that knew the misfortune boy felt an unexplainable rage well up in them. The strange feeling faded away as quickly as it arrived.
Right afterwards, Touma Kamijou died.
#4
"Strangely enough, I might actually still remember."
The frog-faced doctor looked at his transparent patient, a bit surprised.
"Your memories died along with your brain cells, though?"
That was a lame thing to say, even for me, thought the doctor immediately after saying it.
But he went on to ask the following anyway:
"It's like a computer hard drive being burned to a crisp. If there's no information left in your brain, then where would you say those memories could possibly come from?"
He asked for it because for some reason…
…he thought that the boy would somehow dispel the logic for him.
"Where? That's obvious," the transparent boy answered.
"My soul, right?"
That's where the discussion should have ended. But…
"After all, we live in A Certain Magical Index!"
"...Uh, Kamijou?"
"...Uh, I didn't mean to say that."
"What does that even mean?" Heaven Canceller was hopelessly confused.
"I don't know! Maybe its my soul trying give me a cryptic message?"
"..."
Touma scratched his head. "I hope those cryptic messages don't become a habit..."
Why did I write this? Well, its simple: its very funny.
On a serious note, I kept thinking of these situations in my head where various characters said the name of the show. I could not stop laughing at them. So I wrote it out.
Is it stupid? Yes. Should I be writing my other stories? Yes. When will those be updated? Sometime.
Anyways, for reference, every title that is said / will be said is either an official title of a Toaru manga / novel / anime, or its one of the top 5 Toaru fics. You can see that in #3. I couldn't help but include those. I hope the authors of those don't mind it! If you are reading this and don't like it, just let me know, ok?
Next chapter will be soon! Maybe tomorrow? Idk. I hope you enjoy this!