3Perfect Chaos
Luke returns to the apartment to apologize after Cassie kicks him out for not telling her about his drug debt.
Luke wasn't sure what to do next. He wasn't sure where to go after his blow-up fight with Cassie. He could go back home, explain to his father that the marriage was a mistake and was purely lust, that they were too quick to get married. With their newly repaired relationship, Luke knew his father would be supportive. But did he trust him enough to not get suspicious of the timing? To figure out that it was all a lie? Surely, he wouldn't rat out his own son to the feds.
Luke could go to Frankie's house, his parents assured him that he was always welcome. But the fact that he was still alive and their son wasn't, he figured it wouldn't be fair to them. He felt enough survivor's guilt, he didn't want to dwell on it any more than he had to. He didn't deserve to still be alive. It should've been Frankie.
"I'm going to my show tonight," Cassie had said hours earlier, before storming out the door, pointing a well-manicured finger at him, "and when I get back, I want you gone."
He was supposed to go to the show with her, cheer her on. It would have been his first time seeing her band, The Loyal, perform live. Sure, he's heard her practice for countless nights, singing the songs she had admitted were inspired by him and their marriage. Her soulful, smooth voice tracing every inch of the apartment. Even her vocal warmups sounded angelic. How could she make gibberish sound so beautiful? He allowed himself to fall asleep to the sound of her voice, a personal lullaby. It helped him take his mind off the pain of his leg, knowing that as long as he could hear the familiarity of her voice, he was going to be okay.
They were married, but not in love. They married for all the wrong reasons, so why did his heart hurt and his stomach churn at her ultimatum? He should have been grateful for the fight they had. He should be delighted to have been given an easy out, especially after their original plan had gone awry. And yet, he felt every ounce of shame for having betrayed Cassie like that. He couldn't bear the thought of something bad happening to her or her mother on his account. He should have been honest with her from the beginning.
"Don't go near my wife or her mother again," Luke had scowled at Johnno when he finally had the courage to confront his former dealer. My wife. It sounded so good on his lips, sounded so real.
Luke wanted so badly to go to Cassie's show regardless of what had transpired, but he thought of a million reasons of how that could go wrong: Cassie would walk off-stage mid-song, Cassie would have him thrown out, Cassie would yell at him in front of hundreds of people, et cetera. Instead, Luke respected her wishes. He would get his leg shattered again for her if it meant making her happy. Anything for her.
Hesitant, Luke packed his things, which took no time at all. All he had was a duffel bag full of clothes and three pairs of shoes. He set his things by the front door and took a deep breath. Peaches sat by his duffel bag, her tail wagging as she looked up at him with doe eyes. He scratched the top of her head. He decided he would go on a run, or whatever his leg would allow, figure out where to go, what to do next, and come back for his things later.
Going for a run would definitely clear his head. Going for a run would hopefully help him forget about Cassie Salazar.
Cassie was off pitch the whole set. She had a thousand things on her mind, and Luke was every single one of them. The way a vein surfaced on his forehead when he was trying to defend himself to her, the guilt that washed over him when he realized he may be in the wrong. The clenching of his jaw when she knew he was fighting back tears. But maybe she was overreacting. Maybe she had fault in it too. Like marrying a guy she knew nothing about, a guy with opposing views, a guy she vowed never to get involved with. Or the fact that he was trying to apologize and explain himself but she didn't want to hear it. Who could blame her? He was the reason her mother's house gotten broken into, all because of a stupid drug debt.
It was the right decision to break it off. How stupid of her to believe that they could make it work after Luke's injury. It wasn't part of the plan. But then again, it also wasn't part of the plan to fall in love with him. She wasn't sure when, or how, but along the way, she had looked forward to coming home to him, wanting to share with him every detail of her day. She found herself writing more songs about him, not just inspired by him, but about him. She found herself smiling just at the mere thought of him.
If she really wanted him gone, then why did her voice tremble even more during the last song, Come Back Home, the first song she had ever written about Luke? The lyrics hit her harder than it did the first time she performed it over FaceTime for him and his company when he was overseas. Hell, what do I know where you and I go? Damn it, I hope you come back home.
The crowd roared after the final note, Cassie breathing heavily and forcing a smile. She peeled her hair from her sweaty neck and raised her arms as the crowd continued to cheer. She was relieved of the audience's reaction although she knew that was one of the worst performances of her life. Hand in hand with her bandmates, they bowed.
Instead of staying for celebratory drinks with the rest of her band, she made an excuse about her blood sugar being low and rushed back home, nearly running several red lights.
Cassie took a deep breath before she turned the doorknob, her hand almost slipping because of the sweat on her palms. Part of her wished that Luke was still there, and they could talk things out, like normal married couples do. But they weren't a normal married couple.
The other part of her wished that he really did leave, so she could file the divorce papers and move on with her life and ride the wave of newfound success of The Loyal. She knew deep down what she wanted more.
Cassie opened the door slowly, and scanned the apartment. The pull-out couch had been cleaned up, the throw pillows sitting nicely on either side, a mauve blanket draped on one of the arms. The kitchen sink had been tidied up, no dishes on the counter. She wandered into the bedroom, where Peaches slept soundly by the foot of the bed, and opened the drawer she had reserved for Luke's clothes. It was empty. In the bathroom, her lone, pink toothbrush sat in a cup on the sink. She closed her eyes and sighed. Any trace of Luke Morrow, gone. It was like he had never even been there.
Knock knock.
No answer.
Knock knock.
It was three in the morning, did Luke really expect Cassie to be awake? Of course not. But he hoped she couldn't sleep due to the circumstances, much like he couldn't sleep on the pavement of the basketball court across the street from Cassie's apartment. After his miles long run, he finally decided that he was going to fight for her, to tell her that he wasn't pretending anymore, that he hadn't been for quite some time. The feelings he had for her was undeniable, and he wasn't just going to throw it all away. Being a recovered addict had taught him that.
Luke wanted to wait until morning to knock on her door, but it couldn't wait. He needed to see her. Now.
Cassie was not a heavy sleeper. This Luke knew, because every nightmare he had, where he would scream in his sleep, she would wake him to make sure he was okay. Though he wouldn't admit it, he appreciated her inviting him to her bed, stroking his hair to help him fall back asleep.
Luke cursed himself when there was no answer again. He flinched when he heard Peaches bark. Besides the click-clacking of Peaches' paws across the wooden floor and her barking getting louder, there were no human-sized footsteps to be heard. There was no way Cassie slept through all of that.
Panicked, Luke reached for the potted plant on the windowsill by the door. He lifted it, finding the spare key underneath. Worst hiding spot ever, he thought. But he was thankful it was there. He opened the door to Peaches staring up at him, panting, happy to see Luke return.
"Hi, girl," he smiled, rubbing her tummy when she rolled over on her back. "Where's Cassie?"
Peaches led Luke to her bedroom, where she was sprawled out on the bed with a glucose pack in her hand. She was still wearing the clothes from the show, a black, v-neck tank top, and cutoff denim shorts. Her breathing was uneven, and this he took quick notice of. He frantically shook her awake, feeling tears pool in his eyes. There was a possibility that Cassie might not have put the glucose pack in her mouth on time. He feared what might happen next.
"Mom, stop," Cassie whispered finally, her eyes still closed, a sigh of relief escaping Luke's mouth.
Luke let his tears fall onto her, sobbing as she scrunched her face. Her eyes fluttered open, squinting.
"Luke," she said groggily. She struggled to wrap her arms around him, pulling him into her neck. "Sh… it's okay."
Cassie had never seen him cry like this, and hearing his loud sobs pained her.
Luke caught his breath and pulled away, sitting on the bed. Cassie sat up, taking both her hands to Luke's face. She used her thumbs to wipe away the remaining tears as he sniffled. Luke wrapped his hands around her wrists, their eyes meeting. They let silence surround them, until Cassie was the one to break.
"Why are you crying?" Cassie asked, then noticing the opened glucose pack beside her. She shrugged. "Oh. I'm fine."
"That scares me, you know that?" Luke whispered, peeling her hands off his face. He touched his lips to her knuckles. "You losing control of your body like that."
"Scares you," Cassie scoffed. She crossed her arms. "Imagine how I feel."
Luke tensed up, wanting to mention his injured leg. Instead, he bit his tongue. He didn't want to fight with her anymore.
"What are you doing here, Luke?" Cassie sighed. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
"I just wanted to talk. Please." Luke's voice was quiet and low, desperate.
"Why should I listen to you?" Cassie countered. Truthfully, she wanted to. But she couldn't get sucked back in. "Didn't I kick you out hours ago?"
"You can't just keep doing this." Luke shook his head. "Pushing away anyone who's ever cared about you."
"Care about me?" Cassie's voice grew louder. She slapped his arm. She screeched, "You could've gotten me or my mother killed!"
"You don't think I know that?!" Luke stood up, his chest heaving. He tapped his temple, that damn vein appearing. "You don't think that's why I never told you?!"
"You were being selfish." Cassie straightened her back and folded her hands in her lap, avoiding his gaze.
"I didn't want you to worry," Luke said sternly.
"Selfish," Cassie repeated, shaking her head.
"I wasn't trying to be," Luke whispered, turning away from Cassie. He walked to her balcony, examining the stillness of the crisp night. The glow of the streetlamps outlining his shadowy figure. He sighed. "This is hard for me too. I thought I could just deal with it on my own and be done with it."
"Asking for help doesn't make you any less of a man," Cassie said, defeated. "You could have told me. I would have helped you pay for it."
"That's not fair to you." Luke shook his head.
"What's mine is yours." Cassie shrugged.
"I paid him back," Luke said with a gulp. "All of it."
"So you're done?"
Luke turned around to meet Cassie's hopeful but sad eyes. He nodded. She got off the bed and slowly stepped towards him. He stood there, frozen, waiting for what was going to happen next. He swallowed.
Cassie was on her tiptoes in front of him, his breathing steady and slow. Luke grabbed her by the waist, pulling her as close to his body as possible, his body heat radiating. She gasped in response to his familiar touch, snaking her arms around his neck, scraping the back of his head with her fingernails. He crashed his lips onto hers, his hands moving up to cup her face. He kissed her with such passion, tenderness, and urgency. She kissed back just the same.
"I'm sorry for lashing out at you," Cassie said, pulling away to catch her breath. "I spiraled. The thought of something happening to my mom… It was too much for me. She's all I have."
Luke nodded and replied, "I get it. I should've told you sooner."
It was Cassie's turn to nod.
"It's not something I'm proud of," Luke continued. "But it's something I'm working on."
"Two years sober," Cassie reminded him. She poked his chest. "That's a big accomplishment. I'm proud of you."
"Now that I'm clear of my debt, I can finally move on," Luke said, relief evident in his tone. His shoulders dropped. "I can focus on more important things now. Like my wife."
"Oh?" Cassie raised a brow.
"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," Luke admitted. "Your fierceness, your unapologetic self, your compassion for others."
Cassie buried her face in his chest. She could hear his pulse, racing.
"I know we hated each other at first," Luke continued, kissing the top of her head. "But it's different now."
"You're not so bad yourself," Cassie chuckled, looking up at him, "when you let your guard down. When you really let me see the real you."
"I care about you," Luke breathed. He tucked the strand of loose hair behind her ear. "Please let me."
"Only if you let me do the same for you." Cassie moved her arms to hug his waist. She touched her forehead to his, allowing their breathing to synchronize. "No more hiding things from each other, okay?"
Luke nodded. He raised his pinky between them. Cassie rolled her eyes with a smirk, remembering the time she had made him pinky swear when they agreed to get married. She wrapped her pinky around his.
"I love you, Cassie," Luke said, his hands returned to cup her face. He brushed her bottom lip with his thumb.
"I love you too, Luke," Cassie said against his lips with a smile. She took his hands into hers, watching as she fiddled with his wedding band.