308AN: revisiting a fan fiction classic with a new twist. The Harry Potter Vegas vacation prompt is by all rights one of the dumbest things I've run across in that almost all of them have the cast just roll with a major life changing event shared with a total stranger. It's always the teenagers fault… silently watches had a good spin on it though. Liked that one. Let's see how this turns out.
POV: Taylor Hebert
location: cauldron cell
Point in Timeline: immediately post surrender to the PRT
With an explosive exhale I tried to jolt upright only to be held down by straps across my arms legs and chest. Glancing around.
"The fuck?!"
I didn't remember falling asleep. I should not have fallen asleep. There were no bugs in my range. None.
"Good morning, miss Hebert."
My head whipped to the side revealing a blurry outline. Blinking I finally realized I didn't have my mask, with its corrective lenses, or my costume. Instead, I was wearing... a dress? It felt like a dress.
…Who the fuck was the soon to be corpse that undressed me and where the fuck was my costume?! That took me months of work to make!
"I'm sorry we have to meet like this. I don't often need to interfere so directly, and usually when I do it's in a more final manner. But you represent an opportunity. Removing your allies fail safes and removing them from play without harming them was a refreshing change of pace from how problems are normally delt with."
The others were alive… hopefully. There was no reason to trust this woman. But if she was being honest… well there went all of my leverage.
"What did you do to them?" I demanded.
"They have been temporarily relocated to an alt earth with a very low concentration of parahumans. They should have no problems thriving. Should you succeed, you should be reunited, eventually." She said with infuriating calm.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!
"Succeed at what exactly?" I glared at the women.
"It didn't have to be you." The woman continued, ignoring my question. "There were others I could use for this. But you are… appropriate. In temperament, morals, and ability. More than that, though you did not yet know it, this was necessary to save one of my few friends from you. Alexandria is simply incapable of bending. Much like yourself." She patted my arm. "But until you there has never been a cape that could have successfully killed her when she forced them to lash out. So, I'm sending you not only because you are up to the task, but to spare my friend. Given I've pulled your own friends out of the line of fire I trust you will consider it a fair exchange."
No not really because even if both our friends got to walk away from this alive, I was getting separated from mine and she wasn't! And how the hell was I supposed to kill Alexandria with bugs?! I mean I could try to choke her to death with them but… well that might work.
"Normally I would give you more details but… well, chances are you would do anything else out of spite, and then be left stranded on an alt Earth until Dinah's predictions about the End of the World become relevant."
Which wasn't how I wanted to spend the time leading up to things. Thank you very much for the doomsday reminder, you bitch.
"Instead, I would just advice you to go with your instincts, and not murder anyone out of hand."
With another pat on my arm, she turned and walked out of the room. I started shouting after her, but I was ignored and then there was only the hissing sound of a dispersing gas.
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POV: Harry Potter
Location: Las Vegas Nevada
Point in timeline: summer after fifth year
I was going to kill Tonks for dragging me here like this.
"Come to Vegas, Harry. You need a vacation, Harry. Sirius would want you to have some fun, Harry."
It was all a crock of shite… well alright, Sirius would probably have approved. And I do need a vacation. But this? This wasn't me. Lights, and noise, and people. This just made me feel twitchy and crowded.
Still there was probably something I could salvage from the night considering the trace didn't work outside of the UK. A switching spell on my water bottle netted me a full bottle of rum. I waved to Tonks and Remus where they were dancing, once I caught Tonks eye, I pointed at the bracelet she charmed with a tracking spell and jerked my head towards the exit.
The half drunk metemorph just grinned and waved me off before refocusing on Remus.
To hell with the both of them. I was finding a relatively quiet corner and getting drunk.
Two streets, one rapid retreat from a constable who would never believe the fake ID Tonks gave me, four times ducking in and then immediately out of a building based only on noise level, and what must have been about six fingers of rum later, I finally gave up and dropped onto a bus stop bench. Two fingers of rum after that and quiet cursing drew my eyes to the left where a leggy girl around my age in a modest sundress wobbled like someone hit by a jelly legs jinx. She stumbled her way over and collapsed onto the other end of the bench rubbing at her temples.
"Try something and I'll kill you." She slurred.
Discretion being the better part of valor I took another drink and offered her the bottle.
She glared at it.
"Not drunk. Crazy bitch drugged me and dumped me out here. S'm sorta gas."
"Why? And how're you're you going to kill me while drugged to high hell." I asked, taking another sip. The world was starting to roll a bit, and everything was getting sort of fuzzy. It was a hell of an improvement over the last few weeks.
"Crazy bitch has a thinker power. Something, something, stopping me before I can do whatever." She made a disgusted exhale.
Thinker power?
"And drugging you?"
"Hell if I know. S'why I'm calling her, crazy bitch."
"That sucks."
I offered her the bottle again.
She sighed, but this time she took a swig.
"Now I'm stuck, and alone, again!" She slugged back a bit more of the rum before passing it back.
I nodded.
"My cousin dragged me out here from Britain, said I needed a vacation." I took a swig. "Bollocks, she just wanted to drag me along so she could pull my uncle into it and try and get in his pants."
I took another swig before passing the bottle.
"Which is shite, cuss I could really use a vacation. Bloody terrorist wankers can't just leave me the hell alone."
The girl took a swig and eyed me carefully.
"Terrorists?"
"Inbred tossers, obsessed with nobility and bloodlines. Dangerous, too many sympathizers in the government. Took a year to get them to admit they were even around."
The bottle was starting to look a bit low, maybe I should slow down? After this one.
"Be coming for me again sooner or later." I muttered before passing the bottle.
"Be ready when they do. Kill em first." She took another drink, eyed the bottle, shook her head and set it aside.
"Jus like that then? Kill em first?" I asked.
"What else would you do? Roll over and let them have the first shot, and all the rest too?" She snorted. "Doesn't work on bullies, doesn't work on villains, don't see why it'd work on terrorist. Only ones you can trust to have your back are your friends. Worry about them and yourself."
"And kill the terrorist?"
"You turn em over to the police, will they stay locked up? You said they had friends in the government?"
"I don't really want to be like them though, isn't that…"
"Terrorists, right? Tryin to kill you? Tryin to kill other people?"
"Yeah." I admitted.
"You don't fight back to kill ya won't be anything like them. Cuss they'll be alive, and you'll be dead."
… I think I'd have a hard time arguing against that sober.
"… Right. Kill em first." I muttered as I took another pull from the bottle I didn't remember picking back up.
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POV: Taylor
Location: Vegas hotel suite
Time: 10 AM
I was unspeakably tempted to gather a swarm for the sole purpose of acting as a blackout curtain and cutting off the sunlight leaking into the room. Instead, I was doing the smart thing and dispersing a small swarm around the hotel suite and in the hallway outside.
My throbbing head objected. My sense of self preservation overruled it.
I still couldn't see very well, but I'd found a carving knife in the kitchen and wedged it between the armrest and couch cushion. My swarm was something like ninety percent irritants with a handful of decent scorpions. Not that they couldn't be used to strip flesh from bone in short order if I used enough, but I wanted more wasps and venomous spiders.
The smart thing to do would be to leave. But I'd woken up on the couch, still dressed, across from the boy passed out in the recliner, also still dressed. Clothes still being on, and the lack of any telling soreness bought the group some leeway. The mystery ring on my finger that wouldn't even budge, which matched the boys? That demanded an explanation which I was going to get even if I needed to start cramming scorpions in orifices.
More practically… I had nowhere to go. No identification. No resources. And the lack of cape news on any of the six news stations I'd found on tv pretty clearly said I wasn't on Earth Bet anymore. Seriously, what the hell were the Triumvirate doing hiding a cape like the crazy bitch?
Yes, thinkers did better from the shadows and there was no reason to think she also had whatever power transported me here but if they had access to dimensional portals why the hell were we not evacuating Bet and leaving the Endbringers to rampage across an empty planet? None of this made any damn sense and without being able to threaten someone with all the spiders I probably wasn't going to get any answers. Certainly wasn't going to get those answers from anyone in this dimension.
So, waiting, sipping water, wishing aspirin did more than take the edge off of my hangover. Not murdering whoever these people were out of hand, because I wanted answers about the fucking ring. Keeping my eyes shut because a hangover and lack of glasses mixed just made the headache worse.
Never would have turned myself in if I knew this was going to happen. If I ever get home, I'm going to have words with Dina over this.
A groan from the recliner got me to open my eyes and squint at the blob lying there.
"Morning. Water and aspirin on the counter. Not much but it helped a bit."
The boy jolted upright.
"Who are…. Oh, you're the girl from last night. Er we didn't…"
"Not as far as I can tell." I answered blandly. "And there goes my faint hope that you would remember last night and tell me what happened."
"I remember talking on the bench. You advised killing terrorists… not much after that though." The boy said as he stumbled towards the water and aspirin.
"So, nothing more than I remember. Great. Hopefully the couple in the bed will know something."
I closed my eyes and huffed. I should probably look into getting breakfast, but last time I stood up the room was still shaking. I didn't really feel like pushing my luck.
"What's your name anyway?" I asked. "I'm assuming we must have done introductions last night, but my memories cut off before that."
"Harry Potter. You?"
"Taylor Hebert." Another dimension. No point using an alias here. "Don't suppose you have a spare set of glasses do you? No idea if our prescriptions are the same but I'd settle for less fuzzy right now."
Harry muttered something then wobbled over to place a pair of glasses in my hand. They were an old full circle design in a metal frame. Not my usual look but beggars can't be choosers.
Sure enough, they were not my prescription. They did make things less fuzzy.
"Thanks, not a match, but it's an improvement."
"Sooo, drugged and dumped in Vegas?" He asked.
"It's a long story, unless you want to explain why terrorists are after you?"
"…Maybe put that off till the hangover goes away."
My lips twitched up and I shook my head.
"More interested in why the wedding ring won't come off."
"Wedding ring?" He checked his own hand. "Oh bloody hell!"
"Yeah, that about sums it up. You know I always heard about people getting drunk married in Vegas, but I didn't realize it was a thing that actually happened."
And if there was some power involved in keeping the damn thing on my finger? Well, that was something to look into. If this place had a covert cape culture, well I wanted to know about them and what rules they play by. Before I got my head taken off for interfering in anything.
Harry tugged at his own ring. It did about as much as my own efforts which is to say nothing.
"Tried soapy water but it didn't do anything. Weirdly it doesn't actually feel tight, it just won't move. Can't even spin it." I spoke up.
Harry glared at the ring before blowing out a breath.
"This might just be my honorary uncle's idea of a joke. It's a bit tasteless for him, but if he was as drunk as we were…"
I was still betting on some kind of power being involved with this nonsense so that might make his honorary uncle my first point of contact with whatever groups had powers here. But if that was the case… if powers ran in families like back home?
I might be outnumbered on top of being potentially outgunned.
Well, maybe it was time to give diplomacy another try. With no reputation to fall back on that would be both easier and harder. No villain stigma, but also no rep. I could try playing up the lost and alone angle… but if these people weren't the nice sort that could backfire. Badly.
Harry distracted me from my thoughts with a triumphant cry as he fished something out of a messenger bag.
"Something some friends from school cooked up. Heat free firecrackers basically."
"My head is in no condition to appreciate even those little bang snaps they give kids at carnivals. Why are you playing with something like that now?"
Harry gestured at the bedroom.
"Because if this is Remus's idea of a joke I want to get even."
My lips twitched up and I jammed my fingers in my ears. This might not help with the whole diplomacy thing, but at least it would cut down on the waiting for answers bit.
Thirty seconds with the bangs and snaps ongoing and I was now certain I'd stumbled into a group of people with powers. Chemical reactions that make a good pop without heat? Sure, I'd buy that. Ones that just kept going? That sounded like Tinker work. My bugs just caught flashes and streaks of light. I didn't have enough coverage to get a clear picture.
It took another minute for the bangs and snaps to stop. And the whole time the room's occupants were shouting. It took another five before they managed to find all their clothes and stagger out of the room.
"You bloody wanker." The woman who stormed out of the room had blood red hair and a scowl on her face. "Lighting off one of the twins' inventions before a girl gets her hangover potion is just rude!"
She waved the stick in her hand and two corked bottles flew across the room to her. She passed off the second to the man following behind her. She popped the cork, chugged, grimaced, then froze as she caught sight of me. Her hair wilted to a muddy brown instantly and Harry slapped a hand to his face.
"Great job, Tonks. Never mind the Statue of Secrecy when you need a hangover cure is that it? You are supposed to be an Auror!" Harry snapped.
Well, this sounded like it was going downhill in a hurry, so maybe…
I coughed and set a few hundred flies into multiple orbits around myself.
All three of them gaped at me.
"I take it you keep things like this quiet around here?"
Then there was shouting, and questions and an exchange of information.
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POV: Harry Potter
"I don't believe this shite!" Tonks shouted as she slammed her hands onto the coffee table. "Other dimensions, superheroes straight out of Saturday morning cartoons, and monsters that'd make Godzilla cry for mummy! This is ridiculous!"
Taylor just arched an eyebrow calm as can be.
"Oh yeah? You have magic terrorists led by a Lich. You have magical animals straight out of children's novels and a government so inept that they believed a teenager posed a serious threat to their right to govern and respond by torturing minors…. And not a single parent attempted to do anything about it." The fact the teachers did nothing was less than surprising.
Tonks opened her mouth for an angry retort, paused to consider the point… and Taylor went right on talking like she hadn't noticed the impending eruption.
"Frankly the only reason I'm not scoffing at the fact you call your powers magic is that it's almost entirely universal and requires training. Back home people would point at you and laugh if you claimed you were using magic."
Tonks pouted.
"If you weren't a muggle, I'd demand an oath on your magic that you weren't bull shitting us."
"You're the witch." Taylor scoffed. "Draw some runes in blood or something so I can't lie, just so long as you let me say I'd rather not answer. I'm American, and we're rather fond of the fifth amendment."
Which meant, what?
"What?" Tanks asked, saving me the embarrassment.
"Right to refuse to incriminate myself. You don't need to know my whole life story."
"Not that." Tonks scoffed. "That rubbish about drawing runes in blood."
"I've known about magic for half an hour. Excuse me if I'm drawing my understanding from fiction until I learn all the rules for it."
Which was entirely fair in my mind. Especially given how many of the cliches were true… which did beg the question of how exactly the cliches held true across dimensions when her world supposedly did not have magic. Or if the cliches did in fact hold true. Hard to be sure yet. Hermione would go nuts trying to figure all this out.
"Look, forget about that for now." Taylor said. "It's not like you have a better explanation of what I am, and we can figure out proof later. The only reason I didn't swarm all of you is that I woke up dressed and not sleeping next to anyone."
And wasn't that a scary thought…
"The damn ring won't come off and I want an explanation, now." Taylor demanded as she showed Tonks the back of her and the ring she wore. I held up my own hand just to drive the point home.
"Yeah, jokes a joke and all, Remus, but this isn't funny. What did you do? Password lock the sticking charm?" I asked.
Remus, who had been suspiciously quiet, fidgeted like a nervous first year before clearing his throat to speak.
"So, umm, I'm assuming none of you actually remembers last night then?"
Tonks shook her head just as Taylor said "No."
"Ahh, well, I, um, do remember."
Taylor reached up to rub the bridge of her nose as the bugs in the room started to move around a bit violently.
"So, we found you two shortly after you finished the bottle of rum, which we should talk about where you got that-"
"Switching spell, lecture me later and get on with it, Remus." I cut him off.
He puffed up like he was ready to start a lecture now only for Taylor's bugs to ratchet up their volume as she glared.
Remus coughed and got on with it.
"Tonks dragged all of us to a small, office? Chapel? Both? Really not sure. Said she'd made arrangements in advance, then started insisting you two join us because she always wanted a double wedding…"
Tonks thunked her head on the coffee table and started to curse.
"I think you two just agreed to shut her up honestly. Taylor said something about it not mattering anyway, which I assume is related to the fact the government doesn't think you exist here?"
She nodded tightly and muttered, "Probably."
"So, we got married and headed back here." Remus finished.
"And the reason the rings will not come off?" Taylor demanded in a scary flat voice.
Remus and Tonks both flinched.
"In my defense I was drunk enough to not think it through at the time and Tonks apparently set things up in advance." Remus held up his hands in front of his chest. "But, uh, it was a magical wedding ceremony. Actual magic. Really old, really serious magic. The kind that doesn't appreciate people going back on their vows."
And here Remus took a second to glare at Ton- huh, can't call her that anymore. Nymphadora, he glared at Nymphadora in a way which promised a future conversation.
"Nymphadora Lupin what the fuck did you do?!" I shouted as I rounded on her. "You dragged me out here saying I needed a vacation, but it's been nothing but stressful for me, and then you go and drag me into a magically enforced marriage with a perfect stranger while both of us were drunk enough to agree to anything!"
I was dimly aware that the number of bugs in the room seemed to be skyrocketing.
Tonks opened her mouth to say something only to stop as a swarm of flies started to circle her.
"What exactly are the terms we are bound to? What kind of limitations will this put on us?" Taylor's voice was perfectly, terrifyingly, level. The insects on the other hand were going nuts. I might not be Hermione, but I was going to bet there was a connection there.
"It's an old vow. I don't remember the specifics, but… you two won't be able to go more than a certain distance from one another until you… consummate, the marriage."
Taylor's hand dipped in and out of the couch, coming back up with a carving knife which she laid across her lap. She did not look away from Remus as she did so. Remus gulped but kept talking.
"If you two harm each other physically or emotionally with intent, the vow will punish you for it with pain. If you were to kill your partner…"
"The vow will kill us." Taylor finished.
Remus nodded.
I started cursing under my breath.
Taylor tapped a finger against her knife.
"If, and I stress the if, we consummated it. Could we go our separate ways and live our lives with just a permanent piece of jewelry."
"No." Tonks answered not looking at any of us. "You could go your separate ways, never see each other again, but, ugh. The old vows like this consider infidelity to be a betrayal. The magic… you couldn't be with anyone else."
The noise of the bugs exploded to a whole new level. Before they all landed and fell silent. Then she spoke while looking directly at her ring.
"If my husband, Harry Potter, took part in our marriage, knowing what it meant and entailed in an attempt to entrap and coerce me, then I would consider such to be a grievous betrayal, and an attempt to harm me."
There was a moment of stillness and then magic surged through the room, through the rings, and through us. Even Taylor seemed surprised and aware of it despite being a muggle. I realized just what she was doing, what she was potentially setting me up for. And I really couldn't blame her. This looked really, really bad from just about any perspective. Fifteen seconds later the magic receded. I gave it another ten count before blowing out the breath I'd been holding and slumping back in my chair.
"Huh… honestly didn't expect… that." Taylor muttered before looking my way. "I'm sorry, I've been betrayed, a lot. And you seem alright but…" she trailed off and shrugged.
"Can't say I blame you." I admitted.
The Lupins were both looking at Taylor with bug eyed expressions, if I wasn't riding an adrenaline crash right now, I'd probably look similar. Taylor learned about magic existing less than an hour ago and she managed to exploit an old marriage vow she didn't even know the wording of to act in her own defense. That wasn't power like Dumbledore, or book smarts like Hermione, that was clever and ruthless and intuitive. Which could be really handy considering-
I blanched as I realized what I was thinking and what she had just called magic to judge me on.
"I'm sorry." I blurted out. "I just, if you're stuck with me that means… that means you're a target now too."
She blinked, looked at me and then frowned.
"Terrorists. Right, you're a high priority target and now I'm connected to you." She crossed her arms and scowled. "I suppose we could, ergh, consummate the marriage. Then I could disappear into some city's criminal community. Maybe even move from city to city. Might keep a few of the fuckers busy chasing false leads you could drop… but if they have some magic way to track people?"
Nymphadora wiggled a hand back and forth.
"They would need something to track you by, blood would be best and even then, it's tricky."
Taylor hummed.
"Then you'd be risking your life against terrorist, and I'd be risking mine against gangs… frankly I like my odds more than yours, but that'd be pretty callous. Last one standing gets on with their life and we call it a bust after five years if we're both still kicking?"
Ok, oww, that stung, but I couldn't exactly disagree either. I'd like her odds more than mine too.
"But you said this guy was genocidal right? Anyone that doesn't meet his pureblood ideology dies or lives as second class citizens?"
I nodded.
Taylor hesitated.
"I'd be pretty useless during winter, and if, if, I agreed to help I'm going to need some things to close the gap, magic bugs would be a good start. Knives and guns are going to be a must if I'm going to be playing counter terrorist."
Well, that was a terrifying thought. Swarms of magical bugs and guns in the hands of someone whose advice was "kill them first."
Nymphadora sputtered.
"Are you crazy! We're British, we can't just buy guns in America and take them back with us!"
"Well of course not. If we bought them that would leave a trail for someone to follow. But we're in America. Between your magic and my ability to search with my bugs we could all be decked out for war in a couple hours if we find the kind of dipshit that collects tons of guns. If we're really lucky they'll be the kind that ignores laws and mods them to be full auto. Or keeps military grade sniper rifles."
She looked thoughtful as she tapped at her knee.
"I can cheat a bit if I use bugs for aiming, but we should get plenty of ammo, so I have enough to practice with."
The Lupin's were spluttering messes. I started to laugh. Taylor was nothing like anyone at Hogwarts. Between the fifth amendment thing and the way she acted? Good bet she wasn't one of those cartoon heroes. And that was… well probably not what I'd have gone looking for in a wife. But if she was willing to help fight Voldemort… That could be really useful.
"You know I like that version more." I offered. "We fight the same group, and if we're both still standing when it's all said and done maybe we can make it work."
Taylor's lips twitched up.
"Well, they're not neo Nazi's so it's not quite like home, but they're close enough for stomping them to feel familiar. Tell me the full story instead of the cliff notes before I decide?"
"We've got the time." I agreed. This whole mess was shite, but maybe we could salvage something from it after all. Or at least not be miserable forever.