9,255So, my mother is now meant to stay off her feet for 6-8 weeks due to her injured knee and keeps telling me she intends to but then sneaks off because she's bored and wants to do things.
Today she called me and asked where all the ironing was. I told her I'd already done it for her so she wouldn't have to, and then asked why she had been looking for it in the first place if she was meant to be staying off her feet.
"Oh, I didn't want to be lazy so I just did a few chores."
Fuuuuuuck's saaaaaake…
Cover Art: Curbizzle
Chapter 86
The weather outside Beacon was obnoxiously good, the world having failed to receive the message that Ruby Rose was not in the mood for sunshine and rainbows. Angrily, she tore at some grass by her feet and threw it into the air, as if to spite nature itself, but the grass just fluttered down on her knees. Nothing had changed; not the weather, not her mood, and not the general state of the world.
Just another thing I can't do properly.
"So, this is where you are."
Ruby scowled. Of course Yang would find her; she couldn't even succeed at disappearing for a few hours without her sister tracking her down. Grass crunched underfoot as Yang came to stand with her back to the tree Ruby was sat at the foot of. On the opposite side of it, the two of them staring in different directions. Neither spoke. Ruby didn't want to talk, and Yang didn't know how. A life spent bullishly breaking down every problem before her hadn't prepared her for one so delicate.
"I love you," Yang blurted out.
Ruby rolled her eyes but dutifully responded in kind, not wanting Yang to think she didn't. It wasn't like the problem was with Yang. The problem was with her – and with Jaune for being cruel enough to share this with everyone. So much for being one of my best friends. "I love you too, Yang."
"But you don't love yourself…?"
Her teeth gritted together. "I love myself just fine! I'm happy with things as they are." That was a lie. "Or as they were."
"Before I knew that dream we shared was real?"
Stupid Jaune; stupid Semblance; stupid dreams. Ruby snarled and dug her heels into the ground, churning up mud and grass in a futile but destructive haze. She wanted to scream. Things had been great – things had been fine – and then Jaune had to go and ruin it all. Maybe Weiss had been right about him when she first called him a buffoon.
"Yikes. I guess that answers my question there. I just… help me, Ruby. Help me understand."
"What is there to understand?" Ruby groused. "You saw everything."
"I understand why you feel the way you do. I just don't understand how you can." There was a moment of silence, before Yang spoke once more. "Me?" she said, practically a question. "You compare yourself to me?"
"Who else am I meant to?"
"Someone better. Mom."
"Which one? The one that ran away or the one that ran away and died?"
Yang's breathing hitched. Ruby smiled, hoping she'd get angry and say awful things to her. Hoping she would push off the tree and walk away, leaving Ruby to her temper tantrum. Yang did no such thing, of course. She saw through the ruse for what it was – because Yang was perfect like that.
"The good one. Our real mom. But even if you couldn't with her, I just don't see how you can compare yourself to me and come up short. Other than in height."
"And chest size."
Yang laughed, then stopped when she realised Ruby hadn't made a joke. "Does that… Does that actually bother you? Ruby, most guys don't care about them half as much as they pretend to. Girls either. And they're a pain—"
"I'm not jealous of your boobs, Yang."
Not specifically, anyway. Even if she had the same size as Yang, they'd just look inflated and out of proportion on her smaller and slimmer body. That wasn't the point. Yang's size, and her looks, were just one of a million little things that added up. If she'd just been bigger, or prettier, then it wouldn't matter.
But it was everything combined.
Bigger, prettier, smarter, fitter, more charismatic, more acceptable hobbies, good at talking to people and making friends, confident, powerful semblance, able to hold up against dad and uncle Qrow in hand-to-hand. The list went on. Yang had been the bell of the ball back at Signal. There wasn't a student who didn't know her name, and the teachers sang her praises. Even the fact she fought hand-to-hand stung, because Ruby would be stuck watching her and dad spar from her bedroom window. Sure, Qrow sparred with Ruby more given their weapons, but he wasn't around as much. It was a rarer thing.
"I just don't get it," Yang said. "I'm not that special."
"So says every talented person in the world…"
Yang winced. "Me? Talented? That's not what my teachers used to say. Reckless, more like. Headstrong. Stubborn. Too dumb to learn from my mistakes and running in time and time again." Yang mimicked an annoyed voice, "Yang Xiao-Long, if attacking head on didn't work the first time, what makes you think it would work the sixth time? Learn something, if that thick skull of yours allows it! Ugh," she grunted, voice normal once more. "Easy for them to say. My Semblance requires me to take hits. I have to be an idiot. You, though…" Yang let out a long huff. "You can dart around, be nimble, change directions and come from anywhere in an instant. You can come in close or snipe from range and change directions in a flash. If anything, I'm jealous of the way you fight."
Ruby snorted.
"You literally can't believe that, can you?" Yang had caught it. "You think I'm just saying it to cheer you up or something. That there's no way I'd wish to be more like you."
That was because there wasn't. Yang was just trying to make her feel better, because that was what a good sister would do. And Yang was a good sister. The best. Much better of one than Ruby was, making her older sister so miserable over this. If I were a better sister, we wouldn't be here like this, she thought. But it's not my fault. I was doing a perfectly good job keeping this to myself until Jaune went and ruined it.
No one had known.
Everyone had been happy.
Everything had been just perfect.
"Maybe if I were more like you, I'd have had a mom who loved me."
Ruby hissed through her teeth. "Mom did love you!"
"Your mom did. Mine didn't. And Summer didn't love me straight away, you know. She loved dad, she was in love with dad, and I was the compromise she had to make to have him." Yang blew out sharply. "I was young, but I still remember after you were born how much more Summer loved you than me."
Ruby's eyes widened. Slowly, she peeked around the tree, terrified of what she'd see. Sure enough, Yang was crying – her eyes were closed, teeth gritted. "That… That's not true," she whispered. "Mom loved you. Loved us both."
"Course she did. But you can love someone more and you can love someone less. It was always my little rose with you. Summer was great to me – a way better mom than I could have asked for – but I wasn't her little rose. It was you who got her last name. You who got her looks, her hair, her eyes. Mom would go through all the motions with me, tuck me into bed, tell me she loves me, but she'd do it twice as long and twice as hard with you."
"No…"
Ruby wanted to call her a liar, if only out of memory of her – their – mother, but what did she know of the time she'd been a baby? Yang would have only been two years old at the time, but she'd have been able to perceive the world in a way a baby couldn't.
"Mom did love us both," Yang told her. "I'm not saying she didn't. And it was unconscious, I think. Even when you were older, when you were three, mom would bounce you on her lap every chance she got. I remember thinking how she never did that to me even when I was little. She'd hold me if I was hurt or scared, and she'd have changed the world if I asked her to, but I always had to ask. It was never offered." Yang wiped at her eyes and choked a little. "I don't know if maybe she felt she couldn't. Like she didn't want to force herself on me like that, or if it'd be an insult to my real mom if she did, and Summer still cared for her. All I know is I was around five when I started to realise mom loved you more."
Liar, Ruby thought. Call her a liar. Call her out. She's just saying this to make you feel better.
But, if that were the case, then it wasn't working. Ruby felt awful.
"I guess that's why I grew up so much like dad," Yang continued. "I think he knew. He was always there, always calling me his little sunflower or some other stupid nickname. When mom was cuddling you, dad would take me outside and show me how to throw a punch."
Yang always had been a daddy's girl. Always spending more time with their father, Ruby had felt, sometimes with a little jealousy of her own. Now she knew why. Yang had clung to their father because he loved more equally.
"But sometimes even that wouldn't work out," she continued. "You remember that time I lost a dare and had to dye my hair black?"
"Yeah…"
It had been a rough one. Friendships had almost shattered over it, given how much Yang loved her hair, but she'd done it, using some wash-in dye to change it goth-black. Everyone had laughed, even if Yang still looked beautiful. And then they'd gone home and Yang had furiously washed it out that night. It was long after mom had died, in their teenage years.
"I washed it out because of dad's reaction," she said. "He saw me with black hair and he just froze." Oh. That wasn't good. "He couldn't look at me, Ruby. Always kept his eyes over my shoulder or above me. Even looking at me was hurting him. I felt sick."
"You didn't know…"
"No. But I sure as hell knew after. These looks you seem to think are so great…" Yang waved a hand over her face. "It's mom's face. Raven's. You inherited everything from the kindest woman imaginable and I got everything from a bitch who walked out the door and left us. So yeah, it doesn't make me happy to hear you're comparing yourself to me. Not when I've wanted nothing more than to be like you."
"But—"
"Young, talented, skipping ahead. No one ever suggested I skip a grade, much less two. But I guess you never noticed that. Too busy thinking yourself inferior when you've literally achieved more in life than I have and you're two years younger."
"What?" Ruby yelped. "You've achieved way more."
"Like what?" Yang asked, laughing bitterly. "What have I achieved, Ruby? I have a speedrun record for driving away my mom, and a good attempt at getting my little sister murdered by Grimm."
Ruby winced. "It didn't happen. Qrow saved us."
"Yeah, but how many other people our age can say they were even that stupid? You ask Blake, Weiss, Jaune or anyone, and I bet none of them would have taken their baby sister out into the wilderness like that. None of them would have put someone they loved into a situation where someone had to save them. And what were the odds Qrow would even find us? It's a miracle we're alive, Ruby. A one in a million chance that I didn't get us both killed." Yang spat the last part out. "That's something to be admired. And I'm not someone you should be comparing yourself to."
Ruby felt dizzy. "That's not true! You're an amazing sister – the best! The teachers at Signal loved you—"
"Ruby, they hated my guts."
"That's not true—"
"They wanted to expel me."
"Bwuh…? What!?"
"End of my first year at Signal, just before you started. It was a big meeting," Yang said, head thumping back against the wood. "Dad and I got called in. Too much backchat, not enough improvement. They said I'd be a threat to myself and everyone else, and that I'd just get myself killed if I didn't improve. I was worst in class, Ruby. Not because I was stupid but because I thought I knew best. And they wanted rid of me. Dad begged them to give me another chance, then begged me to change. I did, obviously. Scared me into working harder. Into being better."
Ruby listened with wide eyes. "Why did I never hear…?"
"What? That your big sister was a useless idiot?" Yang laughed, but there were tears in it. Her voice cracked a little. "I was bawling my eyes out, Ruby. I was embarrassed. I begged dad not to tell you because I was ashamed and didn't want my little sister to know how much of a screw-up I was."
"I… I wouldn't have…"
"I was young!" Yang shouted. "I was stupid! And I've been stupid a lot. Damn it, Ruby, you know how I am. Smashed up a club and could have been arrested, punched Torchwick's mech through a support column. If there had been people driving up there, they'd have died because I didn't think about collateral damage. Calling me perfect… Ruby, it's ridiculous. I'm constantly messing up."
That… But… That…
"At some point you need to ask yourself, sis." Yang said, sounding so utterly defeated. "How much of you comparing yourself to me is real, and how much of it is you comparing yourself to some fantasy version of me? It's touching that you see me that way, that you think I'm some awesome person, but I'm not. I'm just a normal girl. Not even a smart one. Book-smarts, sure, but no wisdom. Dad tells me that, Uncle Qrow tells me that, and the Headmistress sure as hell told me it every single cla—oof!"
Ruby tackled her sister. "I'm sorry!" she wailed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"
They fell onto the grass, Yang cushioning her, Yang grunting. "Sheesh, Ruby. What are you even apologising for?"
"For making you feel bad."
"Tch." Yang rubbed her back and looked up at the sky. "You make me feel good, sis. Looking up to me like that makes me feel like I'm a million feet tall." A hand rubbed her hair. "But I'm just saying maybe tone it down a little, especially if it makes you feel insignificant. Do you not even hear the times Weiss tells me I should be more mature like you? Or when Blake teases me by saying my little sister is smarter than I am?"
Of course she'd heard it. She… She just never took it seriously. Never bothered to believe it.
"Miss Goodwitch even told me I should try and learn a thing or two from you, back before she became headmistress. Back when she was criticising my style as brute force stupidity. Take a few cues from your sister, she'd say. Miss Rose at least understands the concept of strategy."
"I… I only bothered to learn it because of you," Ruby mumbled into her sister's chest. "Because you were so strong in our spars that I had to do something to not lose all the time."
"But you still learned it. Shows that clever mind of yours. Ozpin was right to make you team leader."
Ruby clung harder.
"Are you crying?"
"No!" Ruby lied. "Shut up!"
"Must be my imagination then." Yang laughed. "I cried a little, too."
"About mom, Summer—"
"Call her mom. I do. And yeah, it was real. I love her, and she loved me, and she was the best mom I could have ever asked for. But no one is perfect, Ruby. Not me, not you, and not her. Summer was amazing, but it was still her first time being a mom. I was never unhappy. I just clung to dad more. And it didn't last long enough to be an issue."
But it could have been, Ruby couldn't help but think. If mom lived and Yang continued to feel less loved, then she had to wonder if she and her sister would be so close now. Or would some degree of bitterness have crept in and ruined things. It was a question she'd never have an answer to, and one she didn't want one to.
"I hate Jaune," she said, instead.
"You don't hate him. You hate that this shit between us had to become public."
"Hnghh." Ruby grumbled, but didn't have the energy to argue. "I'm still angry at him. I'm not talking to him for a while."
"Yeah. That's fair. He loves you, y'know."
Ruby squawked. "He does not! Yang, ew!"
"Heh. Maybe not like that. Like a big brother. Just give him a chance. And probably some patience," she added. "But only the latter because he has a lot on his plate right now. I'm sure he'd have come and apologised already if he didn't literally have Cinder Fall thinking she's his daughter."
Ruby couldn't resist. "Does that make you her mom?"
"Brave thing for someone within tickling range to say."
Silver eyes widened. "No!"
"Yes!"
"Arghhh—Noooo. Hahahaha! Stoop! Yang, no! Ahahaha!"
/-/
Emerald Sustrai was well aware of her overall safety and security, specifically of how little of either she had under Salem and Arthur Watts. Their "rescue" had been as much an abduction as anything, and now she kept her head down at all times, knowing she was one wrong word from death.
"We cannot afford to give them more time," Watts said. "We grow no stronger while they might gain new allies and abilities at any moment. Reinforcements from Atlas will come to fill their losses and seek young Emerald here. Not to mention every night runs the risk of that boy entering our dreams and killing us. We must strike now."
"I am well aware, Arthur." The monster that was hardly even a woman at this point spoke coolly. Emerald didn't make eye contact with her, too afraid it would be taken as a threat. "I am gathering Grimm in sufficient quantities outside Beacon and Vale. Do not make the mistake of assuming I am idle."
"I'm sorry if that's how it came across, my lady."
Watts wasn't loyal. That much was clear to Emerald but, somehow, not to Salem. The man made constant shows of obedience but that was all they were – theatre. He talked a good game but his every mannerism reeked of self-satisfied smuggery. Emerald couldn't believe Salem didn't see it, but maybe that was a sign of how far she'd deviated from human, that she could no longer read humans even when they were acting so obvious.
Emerald didn't comment on it.
Didn't point out the obvious betray coming for Salem.
"Then, my lady, I can ensure a city-wide blackout when the attack begins. Add a little chaos to proceedings. That should prevent any calls for help. However, I can't entirely close down the city or Beacon. Both have backup systems that run autistically – that means the systems run independent of any network or internet connection. I'd have to physically locate and login to those computers to do anything."
"Hm. Very well. We shall strike two days from now."
So soon? That was much too soon! Emerald winced but didn't speak. Cinder would have had a plan, would have decided everything in advance and great detail. There were none here. Watts just had his vague idea and Salem's plan was essentially to throw Grimm at them and overwhelm Beacon.
Cinder would have given us specific instructions and planned for us to synchronise things. Are they not going to come up with any kind of strategy?
Apparently, they were not. Salem stood and commented on checking her Grimm and left her and Watts behind. Only once she was gone did Watts speak to her.
"Our esteemed mistress isn't one for the finer details. A weakness of hers." He chuckled, handing Emerald a sheet of paper. "Here are the times I have prepared some surprises in Beacon. Coincide your own hunt for Cinder with those times and you should have more success."
"And you…?" she dared to ask.
"I have my own plans in mind. Need to know basis." He leaned in, his smile nothing short of mocking. "Let's not play as fools when the audience is gone, young Emerald. You're looking to rescue Cinder and escape with her. I won't be the one to tell Salem. Personally, I don't know how far the two of you could escape anyway, but I wish you luck all the same."
Emerald licked her lips. "You're planning on betraying Salem."
"You cannot betray what you were never loyal to. Cinder and I, for all our disagreements, shared our thoughts on this. Neither of us were ever loyal. Tyrian and Hazel were – one a fanatic and the other a fool tied to petty vengeance – but Cinder saw Salem as a means to an end."
"And you?"
"I see her as a bit of a fool. Powerful, but bumbling. An outdated relic whose plans are still rooted in an almost feudal style of thinking. All she can imagine is overpowering her enemies in pitched battle. No thought for the finer nuances of influencing a world caught in the information era."
It wasn't a bad way of describing Salem. There was no doubting her raw power, but she was so very simple beyond that. Too simple. Salem ruled like a monarchy, whereas Ozpin had realised the best way to fight her was to act as a power behind the throne, to influence the world but not control it – knowing that doing so would mean the world could defend itself even when he wasn't around. By contrast, Salem was the type to see direct oversight as the only way forward. It wasn't a sustainable method, and it was little wonder Ozpin was winning.
If not for Salem being functionally immortal, she'd have been killed centuries ago.
But that didn't matter.
None of it did.
Only Cinder mattered. Only Cinder. Emerald would sneak into Beacon, find her, and bombard her with memories of their time together. If Arc had wiped her mind by forcing her to experience fake memories, then she would bring Cinder back by forcing her to relive the real ones. Her Semblance couldn't change reality like Arc's could, but she could use it to show Cinder things. It would be like a reel of their time, their history, their plans.
All she had to do was jog Cinder's memory and she would come back. Back to her senses, back to how she used to be, back to the woman who would crush Beacon and take the world under her sway.
Back to Emerald.
Next Chapter: 13th February
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