33Despite having a party with enough concentrated firepower to level Tokyo, the first thing the girls did when they realize Kenichi had been kidnapped by a wild brorilla was panic.
"Big Bro, no! You can't possibly survive the Brorilla training camp, you're only level three!" Alice wailed, tugging at her hair as she fretted over the dropped water bottle. They had found one large brorilla print in the mud, so the three girls had a fairly good idea of what had happened to Kenchi. What they didn't know was where, exactly, he had gone.
"W-we can find him! T-they said he was at the lumbermill, w-we jus thave to find it!" Yunyun wailed, waving her arms about in a panic and running in wild circles. "M-Megumin, where's the lumbermill!?"
"How could I know that!? By a forest? But Kenichi had the map! How are we supposed to find it now?!" Megumin said pulling her hat down about her ears and looking rather pale herself.
"I know, we'll follow the river! Lumbermills are often built by rivers, as they can use the water to power their saws," Alice declared. "This way!" she hurried off upstream, only to pause when Megumin and Yunyun failed to follow her, and were in fact shouting for her to stop.
"The footprint goes the other way! It won't be upstream!" Megumin argued.
"Um, t-that's back in the direction of town…didn't you n-notice?" Yunyun asked timidly.
"Oh." Alice looked back and forth, then blushed. "Um, I'm not very good with directions…Maybe one of you should lead."
"I know what to do," Megumin said smugly. Reaching into her robe, she pulled out a tiny black cat that was snoring softly, and set her on the ground. "Chomusuke can track down Kenichi!"
All three of the girls crouched around Chomusuke, who after a moment, blinked and looked up at them. "Nyaa?"
"Chomusuke, smell this water bottle!" Megumin ordered, thrusting the canteen under Chomusuke's nose. The cat obliged, giving it a good sniff, then looked up at Megumin, her tail waving back and forth expectantly. "Now Chomusuke, go! Track Kenichi's scent!"
"Nyaa~."
The little cat turned towards the stream, then headed downstream. The girls eagerly followed, but they hadn't gone far when Chomusuke stopped.
"What is it, girl? Do you smell him? Where are the brorillas?!" Megumin asked eagerly.
In response, Chomusuke sat down by the stream bank, dangling a paw in the water. After half a minute, she hauled out a trout nearly as big as she was. Dragging her prize up onto the bank, Chomuske began to breathe fire onto the fish, roasting to a nice crispy brown.
The three girls huddled together, shivering slightly, tears trickling down their cheeks.
"...I don't think cats are very good at tracking, Megumin."
"Shut up. At least I know what direction is downstream!"
"P-poor Kenichi is going to d-die…"
Just then, when all hope was lost, a sound came from the road. The heavy trod of boots, and the clatter of plate armor. All three girls sprang up, hope filling their chest, as down the road, clad in shining armor, a noble warrior with a giant sword on their back approached.
"Sir knight!" Alice cried, jumping up the bank and racing forward. "We require your aid in our hour of-"
"Y-Your highness!? What are you doing here!?" the knight gasped, freezing upon hearing and seeing Alice approach.
Alice, in turn, froze herself "...uh oh…"
Gasping for breath, Kenichi's arms quivered as he desperately struggled to lift the barbell. He strained with all his might, knowing in his heart that if he failed, the bar would come crashing down onto his chest, crushing his ribs and killing him. With a final desperate effort, he managed to lift the bar up, extending his arms fully, then sliding it back onto the rest as he gasped for air.
"BROOOOOOOO!" the apes around him cheered, hooting and stomping their feet while pounding their chests.
"T-that's one," Kenichi gasped, sagging with relief, his arms falling down limply from the bench to dangle at his sides.
The big blond brorilla that had kidnapped Kenichi knelt down by his side, flashing large flat teeth at him in a broad grin and giving Kenichi a thumbs up. "Bro!"
"Well, I-I think that weight might be a little much, maybe we could reduce it?" Kenichi asked hopefully.
The brorilla frowned, and fingered Kenichi's noodle like arms. He raised one shaggy eyebrow. "Bro?"
"Yeah…yeah you're right," Kenichi moaned, flopping back on the bench. He took in a deep breath. "Alright. Spot me. I have to finish this set."
"BROOOOOOO!" the apes cheered, and one dutifully stepped up to spot Kenichi as he lifted the bar again.
"T-two…"
"Um, Yunyun, Megumin, this is, um, Lala-"
"Darkness. M-my name is Darkness…"
"R-right. Um, this is Darkness, a, er, knight that I know…"
Yunyun and Megumin eyed the stranger, Yunyun with a hopeful smile and her hands clasped before her chest, Megumin skeptically with her arms folded over her breasts. "Right. And how do you know our friend here, Darkness?"
"I, um, a-am a knight in service to her Highness's father!"
"Ah, I am just Alice, Darkness. My father is, er, a soldier…"
"I thought your father was a merchant," Megumin said, her tone as dry as the El Roadian desert.
"T-that too! He, um, he's a soldier…w-who also sells things! Yes! Um, a-any way, Darkness is my cousin."
"Y-your cousin is a soldier in your father's army?" Yunyun asked, sounding rather confused.
"T-technially, um, yes," Darkness said, and Alice hastily nodded her agreement.
"Right. So when are you going to tell us that-" Megumin began, but Yunyun elbowed her hard.
"Megumin! It's r-rude to question people's mysterious backstories!" Yunyun hissed in her rival's ear.
"Ugh, fine. It's just so cliche, you know? They could at least spice it up a bit and try harder," Megumin complained in a stage whisper. She raised her voice to her normal (excessively loud) volume and said, "Fine, she's your cousin and she's a soldier in your dad's army, which definitely isn't the Royal Guard. But, can she read a map?"
"I-I am well trained in cartography and in recanoitering," Darkness said, jerking a nod. "What seems to be the trouble? Are you lost?"
"No, we're not lost, but my Big Bro was kidnapped by Brorillas!" Alice cried.
"The Crown Prince?!" Darkness gasped in horror, earning a sigh and face palm from Yunyun and a smug smirk from Megumin.
"Ha ha, uh, you're so funny, La-er-Darkness. No, I mean, Kenichi Shirahama! He was getting water, and a brorilla kidnapped him, and none of us have any tracking skills!"
"Oh," Darkness sighed, looking rather relieved. "Well, I am no tracker, and I am afraid my friend Chris was busy today, so I was going to attempt to fight the gryphons on my own."
"Wouldn't they tear you limb from limb?" Megumin asked, frowning.
A bit of drool leaked from Darkness' lips, which she hastily wiped away. "I-I would dare them to try! But regardless, we must rescue your friend. I have heard rumors that they are located at the lumber mill. That is five miles to the south east. We can follow the river for two, then take the right fork, follow it for another mile, then cross over at the bridge and go through the forest to where the lumber mill is."
"See?" Megumin said with a shake of her head. "I told you it was downstream."
"Thank you, Darkness! Please, lead the way," Alice said, motioning for Darkness to take the lead.
"Of course! We shall rescue your, ah, Big Bro, Lady Alice."
"...just Alice, please."
"Ah, of course, Alice. Um, does your father know about this 'Big Bro' of yours…?"
"Er, no, and I would, ah, prefer you not inform him, Darkness."
"I see. My, ah, father… he is not fully aware of my current activities as well…"
"Our mission is also one conducted in the utmost of secrecy, hidden from our own fathers, lest they try to stop us and drag us back home against our wills!" Megumin declared, puffing out her chest as they walked.
"B-but my dad gave me a nice letter of introduction to Lord Dustiness when we got to A-Axel, a-and you promised your parents you would write them and Komekko every day…"
"Pay no attention to my foolish rival, she knows not of what she speaks! We are but four helpless maidens, cast adrift upon the winds of the world, fighting injustice and working to master the glories of EXPLOSION MAGIC!"
Darkness eyed Megumin out of the corner of her eye. "Ah, my bloodline…it is not one given to magecraft. If you could not tell from my armor, I am a Crusader. My skills are focused on defending my allies, and I have put all my points in defense. I-I do not think I have the prerequisets for Explosion Magic, as neither my intellence nor my mana pool is sufficient to learn such a potent skill."
"Hmph. I will forgive you for having that overly developed pair of melons strapped to your chest, as you have freely acknowledged the superiority of Explosion Magic."
Hugging herself, Darkness blushed and turned away from Megumin. "H-How crude of you! D-do you mock my figure, debasing me and casting me as nothing more than a worldly temptress, good for nothing aside from using her body to satisfy the base desires of others?"
"No, but anyone who isn't an archmage falls into one of two categories; Meat shield, and baggage carrier. I will acquiesce to allow you to be my meat shield."
"M-Megumin!" Yunyun scowled at her rival, then turned pleading eyes on Darkness. "Um, p-please don't judge her too harshly…um, my people are, uh, a little biased against outsiders… w-we don't think of you as just a meat shield, b-but our friend!"
"No, please, use me as your 'meat shield'!" Darkness panted excitedly. "I long to be the one who protects my allies, using my flesh as a living barrier against all attacks, being battered and crushed by foes as my allies-"
"Um, Darkness?" Alice said, looking rather uncomfortable and blushing heavily.
"Er, y-yes your- uh Alice?" Darkness stammered, visibly collecting herself.
"... you can have fun with the Brorillas AFTER we crush them and rescue Kenichi."
"Of course, Alice," Darkness agreed meekly, despite the fact that she was more than a foot taller and far more muscular than the slender little girl.
The three hurried on along the streambank, heading towards the lumbermill and their wayward "Big Bro."
"N-ine hundred ninty eighty, gasp n-nine hundred…ninty…nine…" Kenichi fell back onto the wooden floor, gasping for breath, his abs absolutely screaming in pain.
"Bro!" Blond the Brorilla said. He was holding Kenichi's legs, and he looked down, a knowing look in his eyes.
"R-right. I can't…can't give up," Kenichi panted. He forced himself to sit up one more time. "One…one thousand!"
"BRO BRO BRO BRO!" the brorilla's chanted. Instead of letting Kenichi lay there and suffer in peace, they hauled him to his feet. A cup of something was shoved into Kenichi's hands, and he took a grateful sip, then choked. It wasn't water, but a thick shake of some sort that tasted absolutely vile.
"Bro!" Blond said, raising up a massive tankard of the stuff. He sucked it all down, then smacked his lips in satisfaction and beat his chest. "Bro!"
"R-right, gotta keep my energy up…" Grimacing, Kenichi forced himself to down the shake coughing and spluttering all the while. He got a big thumbs up for his efforts, and gave an unsteady grin.
"Whew, that was a lot, I-I think I need a breather now…w-wait! No, not the pull ups again!"
Ignoring Kenichi's pleas, the brorilla's dragged him over to a series of pull up bars, where several brorillas, most of them black or dark brown, were grunting and doing pull up themselves.
"Bro! Bro!" Blond encouraged, giving Kenichi a thumbs up.
Desperately, Kenichi tried, his arms straining, his muscles quivering, snot running down his nose and into his mouth. But he just couldn't do it. He sagged, unable to manage it.
"S-sorry, bros. I just…I can't. I'm totally gassed here."
"Bro…" Blond shook his head, resting a hand on Kenichi's shoulder. Then he flashed his tombstone like teeth, tilting his head back in a wicked grin. "BRO!"
Two brorilla's hurried forward, and began to bulid a fire right under Kenichi. At the same time, Blond got out some chains and secured Kenichi's wrists to the pull up bar.
"Ah! No, stop what are you doing!? AH! AHHHHH! HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT!" Wildly, Kenichi began to do pull ups, not even counting as the brorilla's howled with laughter and faned the flames. He didn't even bother with keeping track, just desperately doing as many pull ups as he could.
Eventually, he ran out of steam, sagging there as flames licked up at him. Thankfully, Blond unhooked his chains and dropped Kenichi to the floor, where he lay in a twitching puddle of sweat, pain, and slightly seared skin.
"N-no more…I…I can't…"
The brorilla's tried to rouse Kenichi for some light cardio (a 10km run up a mountain) but there was no point, he was spent. Rubbing the back of their heads, the other brorilla's looked to blond.
"Bro." Going over to a bubbling cauldron in the corner filled with a glowing red fluid, Blond took out a syringe that looked like it was used to give horses shots, and filled it all the way up. He flicked it and squirted a bit out to get rid of the bubbles, then went over to the comatose Kenichi. Kneeling down, he motioned for the other brorilla's to grab Kenichi.
"Huh? Wazzat? N-no more, I need…I need sleep…"
Blond jabbed the needle right into Kenichi's ass, depressing it all the way and making the boy writhe and howl in pain. When they let go of him, Kenichi suddenly jumped up, breathing hard, his skin red, veins throbbing and standing out in his skin. A brorilla handed him another shake, and Kenichi downed it instantly, then threw the empty clay mug to the ground hard enough to shatter it.
"RAAAARRRGHHHH!" Kenichi roared, ripping off his shirt and pounding his chest.
"BROOOO!" the brorilla's cheered. Blond pointed forward, and half a dozen of them booked it out the door towards the distant lone mountain.
"FIVE CLICKS UP, FIVE CLICKS DOWN! CURRAHEEEEEEEEEE!" Kenichi screamed, and look off, leading the pack on their light jog.
Blond nodded in satisfaction, and turned back to his gym. He examined the cauldron, smelling it, then nodding in satisfaction. The juice was almost ready. It hadn't killed the human outright, which was good, because Blond was growing fond of his Little Bro. But that meant it wasn't quite potent enough yet.
"BRO BRO BRO!" he extorted, and the brorillas began to work even harder, their sweat and effort going straight into the spell surrounding their cauldron of juice.
Author's note:
Remember kids, don't do drugs. Unless they're steroids! Then, do lots of drugs!