On the night of the dance, I sat in the chair at my desk when I should have already been on the way, staring at the costume hanging up on my wardrobe door. Chloe had bought it for me, knowing I probably wouldn't get one for myself. It was a vampire costume, and I was a little embarrassed, because I was fifteen, and it seemed kinda stupid. Besides, I didn't even want to go. Chloe had pestered me to ask literally anyone, but I didn't want to ask a guy that wasn't Ash, because that would out me unnecessarily, and I didn't want to ask a girl, because I wasn't interested in any.

I had no date, and I would have to watch Ash and Serena dance all night, and she'd probably flirt with him until he decided to give her a chance… I shook my head, crossing my arms and sighing. I could just say I got sick.

I stood up and walked across the room to my bed, crawling under the covers again where it was warmer. If I just went to sleep, it would be easier to ignore all the calls and texts I was inevitably going to get from everyone when I didn't show up. I knew I was kind of depressed, but I thought it would be worse if I went.

I had my eyes closed for all of three minutes when I heard my mom calling my name from downstairs. Irritated, I threw the covers off and went to the door. "What?" I called down.

"There's someone at the door for you," she called back. I stood there, confused for a few seconds, trying to figure out who it could be. Everyone would already be at the school by now. It might have been Chloe, noticing I'd dodged her texts all day, realising I was going to bail. But then surely my mom would have said Chloe instead of 'someone'.

I walked down. My mom was walking into our living room, a mug of tea in her hand, and the door was open, revealing Ash, in a vampire costume of his own. He smiled, revealing fake fangs, and I froze.

"Hi," he said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.

"Ash," I said, crossing the hallway and stepping outside, closing the door behind us. I didn't want my mom to hear. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh, more importantly, why aren't you dressed?" He asked, looking down at my sweatpants and hoodie.

"Oh, I'm not going," I said, avoiding his eyes. I didn't want to let him down, and it was sweet of him to come check on me, but- "I don't have a date, anyway."

"Sure you are," he said. "Go on. Get dressed, I'll wait here for you. I'll go with you."

I blinked at him, stunned. "But, where's Serena?" I asked.

"She's sick, I think. Cancelled a couple hours ago. I was gonna text you, but then I lost my phone, and by the time I found it it was late, so I figured it'd be easier to run here and hope you weren't already gone, so uh…" He trailed off, shrugging and smiling. "Are you gonna come, or what?"

I suppose maybe it was something about the backdrop of the orange glow from the sunset behind him, or the way the cold breeze was blowing from the same direction, ruffling his hair slightly, or the way he edged slightly closer as he asked me, but I swear something changed in that moment. Something snapped inside me, and I was full of adrenaline, blood pumping, as I said yes, and backed up into the house. He told me he'd wait outside for me to change, and I was so full of energy I ran right up the stairs, shaking as I tried to put on the ridiculous costume, feeling better knowing Ash was waiting outside with a costume just as ridiculous. I was filled with hope. It felt like magic.

The whole night felt like magic. We walked to the school together, both shivering from the cold but smiling, talking about something stupid that I can't remember. I was nervous about showing up with him, like it would give me away or something, even though there was nothing romantic between us, and probably anyone could see that.

We walked into the school together, late. Everyone was gathered in the gym, where they'd set up a stage, complete with a DJ booth, and loud, bassy tunes that shook the floor beneath us as we entered. I don't know why I expected people to turn and stare as we entered, but no one even noticed us, too wrapped up in each other and the music. Relief flooded over me, and I gravitated towards where I saw Chloe and Dawn dancing ridiculously with each other. Dawn was dressed as a ghost bride, with her makeup making her deliberately look dead, and her hair was tangled and teased to be messy for the first time. Chloe was matching her, in a white suit, her dead fianceé, like disaster occurred and they both died at their wedding.

The DJ was playing 'bad idea!' by girl in red, and they were looking right at each other, waving their arms stupidly in front of each other, moving their legs in time, and the sight of it stopped me in my tracks. Who was I to ruin such an obviously magical moment?

"I think they're made for each other," Ash said into my ear. I hadn't realised how close he'd gotten, and I felt my face run red.

When the song ended and they finished laughing, holding onto each other's arms, Chloe spotted me, and waved, excited. She ran over, dragging Dawn behind her. It was almost like they were dating already. I didn't want to be jealous, but I was.

"Goh, you came!" She called over the music. I felt an overwhelming urge to hug her, which I almost never did. She was beaming at me, and her good mood was rubbing off on me, making me even more electric.

"Where's Serena?" Dawn asked Ash, loud enough for me to hear.

"Sick," he answered simply. "I brought Goh instead."

I knew I was blushing, but he wasn't looking at me, thankfully. Dawn raised her eyebrows. "Goh is your date?"

Ash rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Well, yeah, like a friend date."

I swallowed hard and reminded myself that I already knew that, but it still made my heart clench painfully. Chloe was listening too, and she turned to give me a smirk, which I rolled my eyes at. I was not going to let her wind me up. I was going to have a good night, whether my date only brought me as a friend or not.

Dawn said she'd get us both drinks. I said we could get our own but she was insistent, and when I tasted the ones she brought us back, I figured out why. She'd snuck some alcohol in it somehow. I coughed when I drank it, not liking the taste at all, which earned a laugh from her. I scowled down into it.

"It's vodka, I got it from Misty. I only put a little in it," she said. "I'll get you another one, if you want. Sorry, Goh."

I shook my head. "It's not that bad." It felt good to be breaking the rules for once. Especially when I saw Ash knocking his cup against Chloe's beside us, laughing at something she'd said. I wasn't sure if liquid confidence was actually a thing, but I didn't mind finding out.

We were there for hours, switching between dancing and sitting on the benches lining the gym, taking a break. Every time I saw Ash leave the crowd I followed him, wanting every moment alone with him that I could get. We'd sit alone at the edge of the room, away from the crowd, just talking. Those were actually my favourite moments of the night.

Well, aside from the last dance. They announced it would be the final dance, and invited everyone to the dance floor with their dates, and started playing a slow song I had never heard before. I groaned, because I usually didn't like that kind of music, but Ash was standing, grinning.

"Well, c'mon then," he said.

"You want to slow dance?" I asked incredulously. Almost everyone else was on the floor, arms around each other, hands on each other's waists, swaying slowly to the romantic drawl of the singer. Ash was waiting for me to stand.

"We look kinda stupid just sitting here." He laughed. I could tell he was joking, and that made the whole thing better, somehow. I sighed and followed him to the dancefloor, suddenly overwhelmed by nerves as he playfully put his arms around my neck, looping them together at the back. I could tell there was nothing in this from him, but I was so nervous about putting my hands on his waist that I hesitated, for a second. I'd only had two drinks that had the tiniest amount of Misty's vodka, and I figured that even if liquid confidence was a thing, that was not enough to give me any. I hardly felt anything at all, aside from butterflies filling every inch of my stomach.

I finally managed to make myself put my hands on him, and he started dancing with me, deliberately badly, and I could tell he was finding it amusing. I laughed, dancing badly too, going along with it. After a few moments the nerves disappeared to the wind, and I was just enjoying myself again. In the crowd, nobody even gave us a second look, and it felt so freeing not having to worry about somebody taking it the wrong way. We were just two kids dancing in the sea of bodies like everybody else.

I don't know when the vibe changed. I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment. All I know is that all of a sudden, we were both dancing for real, just like everyone else. He was looking at me, and I mean really looking at me, his eyes burning into mine. I felt a shiver run up my spine, setting all of my nerves on fire. I was almost embarrassed, and thought I should probably look away, in case he could see the emotions swirling behind my eyes, but I couldn't make myself. We watched each other for the rest of the song.

Then it ended, and the lights came back on, and Ash had stepped away from me, putting distance between us again. Whatever energy had been between us for that minute or so was gone, like it was never there, and I was left breathless.

"Hey," Dawn said, coming up beside us, making me jump. "Wanna hang out a bit longer?"

It was already almost ten, and I thought my mom might be angry if I texted her saying I wasn't coming straight back, but Ash was agreeing, and Chloe too. I thought about them going without me, and my stomach twisted, so I pushed my worries back and shrugged.

We went to the park, just five minutes away from the school. It was dark, and cold, but I remember feeling on fire as we goofed around there, pushing each other and shouting, chasing each other. Dawn had pushed me around on a little spinning contraption in the kids playground a little too fast until I almost fell off and stumbled away, leaning over the fence like I might throw up in the grass, and Ash had almost died laughing at me, patting me on the back. When it hit eleven, and we were all tired, we sat on a wall nearby. Dawn and Chloe had taken their heeled shoes off, and were leaning against one another, whispering. Ash and I were sitting staring out over the park in a comfortable silence.

He turned to me then and said "I'm really glad we met you and Chloe, Goh."

I remember thinking how, for the first time ever, my life was starting to feel like a movie, and Ash made me feel like I was the main character.

— — — —

It was a Saturday in mid-November, and I was sitting upstairs on my bed, reading a romance novel. I rarely ever bothered with romance novels. Usually, they bored me, because I never seemed to care about either of the characters, or their relationship, and when you find you don't care whether the characters end up together in the end, they're painfully hard to focus on.

Embarrassingly, the last three books I'd read were romance novels. Every time, I imagined the main characters were Ash and I, and I enjoyed them more than any other books I'd ever read. I was starting to think I needed help.

Between pages, I was checking my phone, and replying to Ash's texts. He was out of town, visiting his mom's parents or something like that, and was secretly typing his replies to me under the table at dinner. The thought of him sneaking around like that just to talk to me made my heart pound.

It was my mom's one day off from work of the week, and I could hear her pacing around downstairs. The phone rang, and I heard her get up to answer it. I didn't think anything of it, until a few minutes later, when I heard her footsteps on the stairs, and she gently knocked at my door.

When she pushed it open, she was frowning. I sat up a little straighter, immediately worried. "What is it?" I asked.

"Chloe's mom just rang. She said Chloe collapsed today. She's at the hospital now, and they're running some tests on her."

I'd already thrown the book down onto the bed, losing my page. A sick feeling rose in my stomach and chest, making me dizzy. "Is she awake? Is she okay?" I asked, panicked. Chloe had never collapsed before, and I had no idea what could be wrong with her. I felt the world tipping beneath my feet.

"I think she's awake. Do you want to head over there?" Mom asked, her face full of concern. I was already standing, grabbing a hoodie from the back of the chair and pulling it on. She took that as a yes, and we went straight to the hospital. We were mostly silent from the car ride, and I think it was because my mom knew I wouldn't be very responsive when I was so worried.

My mom spoke to the lady behind the desk when we got there. She sent us to one of the waiting rooms, where Chloe's parents and brother were waiting, looking just as worried as I did. I raced over, already battering Chloe's mom with questions.

"She's awake. She's okay, Goh," her mom reassured me, but she looked tired, and like she didn't really believe what she was saying. "We can't go in just yet."

"Do they have any idea what's wrong?" I asked.

She shook her head. "They're not sure yet."

I heard the doors behind us open, and Dawn raced in, looking like she'd been crying. Dawn and Chloe still weren't dating officially, but I knew they'd gone on at least two dates, and were just testing the waters. It took a lot of convincing to get Chloe to admit that they'd kissed, just once, when they stopped to run down to the beach together one night when they were walking home.

Before Dawn could say anything, a nurse appeared, telling us that Chloe was resting, and that it could be a while until we heard anything or were allowed into her room, because they were very busy, and understaffed. I was frustrated, and wanted to shout at her, and tell her they should prioritise Chloe, but I knew that wasn't true, and that they were doing the best they could.

Dawn approached Chloe's mom and dad, and I heard her introduce herself. I stepped away, sitting on one of the old chairs lining the wall. My mom sat beside me and placed her hand on top of mine to comfort me, but every second felt like a lifetime of waiting, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could wait for news without going insane.

An hour or so passed. Dawn sat beside me for the most part, trying to make conversation, but I was unresponsive, so she talked to my mom more than me. Chloe's mom and dad were up and down a lot, asking if we wanted any snacks from the vending machine, or just going outside for air. I hated hospitals. They smelled funny, and the lights were always too bright, and they filled me with a strange anxiety I couldn't shake.

I was about to get up and go for some air myself when the same nurse reappeared. I stood impatiently, thinking we would be allowed into her room finally, but the nurse told her parents to come in alone with her brother, so they could speak. I almost burst, even more frustrated and worried, as they stood and walked in the direction of her room.

"It'll be okay, Goh," my mom said, reaching for my hand, but I pulled it away before she reached my fingers.

"I'm going for some air," I said in annoyance, already storming back towards the hallway that led to the main entrance. I thought Dawn might follow me, but she didn't, and I was glad. I wasn't really angry, or annoyed, and especially not at my mom, but I was worried sick, and it was manifesting itself as anger. I needed to breathe, to calm myself, and stop thinking of all the things that could be wrong with her that were likely much worse than the truth.

I leaned against the brick wall, breathing in the fresh air, trying to relax myself. I closed my eyes and lay my head back.

"Goh!"

My eyes flew open again. It was Ash, jogging towards me from the parking lot. I felt the fresh air whoosh right back out of my lungs at the sight of him, and it was hard to breathe again.

"Ash," I said as he came to a stop in front of me. "What are you doing here?"

"We left early when I heard about Chloe," he answered, out of breath. "How is she? Is she okay?"

"I'm not sure," I said, frowning. "They haven't let us see her yet. Well, her parents are there now, speaking to the doctor. I don't-" I freeze, feeling tears gathering at the corners of my eyes for the first time since getting here. I'd managed to hold them back, but the sight of Ash, and just his presence, somehow made it much harder. I swallowed hard, hoping he hadn't noticed, because I didn't want to cry in front of him.

"She'll be okay," he said. "I'm sure of it. I know you must be worried sick."

I felt the first tear slip down my cheek and fall off my chin. I saw the change in Ash's face when he realised I was crying. His eyes softened, and he looked me right in the eyes before reaching out and putting his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. He was a solid weight against me. I could feel his heart beating against me as he held me there, my face in his neck. I could smell his hair, and feel his hand rubbing gently on my back soothingly.

I clung onto him for an embarrassingly long time. It didn't take long for his hug to calm me down, but I didn't want to let go, so I pretended it did. He was warm, and comforting, and felt safe. When he finally pulled away, I felt a shiver of cold, and wanted to pull him right back.

I was glad we were apart before Dawn came out though, telling us we could go in to see her now. I rushed right to her room, and she was sitting up in bed, smiling at me. It was such a relief to see her okay that I had to put a hand out to rest on the wall. Her parents had already left the room, so it was just us, until Dawn and Ash stepped in behind me. I sat on the edge of her bed while she explained that she had been worried about something for a while now, but that coming here she now realised she didn't need to worry. She explained to us that she had something called arrhythmia, a condition that affected her heart rate, but that the tests showed she had no underlying conditions, and otherwise was perfectly healthy, so had nothing to worry about.

My mom took me home. It was late by the time I got back, and I was exhausted, so I went straight up to my room, falling into bed and sighing. I couldn't focus enough to read anything, and nothing on Netflix seemed appealing, so I stuck my earphones in and closed my ears, listening to music for what seemed like hours, and I almost drifted off until my phone pinged. I peeled my eyes open and held it up over me.

It was Ash. Drew was a little older than us, and had just passed his driving test. They were going out for a night drive, and wanted me to come with them. My heart clenched, but I knew I wouldn't be allowed, so I text back:

I can't. My mom wouldn't let me out now.

It took just a few seconds for Ash's reply to come through. Reckon you could sneak out?

My heart was pounding. I checked the digital clock. It was 11:12pm. I knew my mom and dad would be in bed asleep by now, but still… I stared at the text, each passing second tempting me more, until I sat upright, ready to text back, but then Ash text again, before I could.

We're outside, if you want to come. Just let me know.

If I listened carefully, I could hear the faint sound of the engine running. I stood, pacing over to the door and pushing it open, praying it wouldn't creak. It didn't, and downstairs was dark and silent. I could hear dad snoring, so I hurried down the stairs, grabbing the jacket that had my key in the pocket and shoving shoes on at the door.

I cringed as I unlocked and pulled open the door. It seemed so loud in the silence, but I didn't think my mom would hear even if she was awake over the sound of my dad's snoring. I closed it carefully behind me, locking it again. I climbed over the fence, knowing how creaky the gate was, and hopped down onto the other side, looking down the street to where Drew's red car was parked, waiting for me. My breath caught, and I hurried down the street, my breath curling in the air in front of me.

I saw Gary in the passenger seat, waving. I climbed into the back, beside Ash, who was grinning at me. I was buzzing the second I sat beside him. Sneaking out felt… good. It was harmless anyway, and all we did was drive around for a few hours, listening to music and talking about pointless things until Ash fell asleep beside me, his head lolling to the side. I'd laughed and told Drew to take us home. When we were outside his house I tapped him on the shoulder, and giggled when he woke up, groggy and confused.

He gave me a long, intense look for a moment before he climbed out that set my body on fire. That look followed me all the way home, and kept me awake most of the night. Ash was definitely starting to get under my skin.