.
Somebody named Judy Garland was singing Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas in a movie called "Meet Me In St. Louis". El watched it with emotions that she didn't have a word for thrumming in her heart and her stomach, it was all attached to Mike. She wondered if he was somewhere, thinking about her. Feeling this indescribable feeling about her. Missing her so much it hurt to breathe.
She wondered if he was wishing that they could spend Christmas together. Whatever Christmas was. She still wasn't sure even with an encyclopedia definition of the holiday, and the grumbles from lab attendants about missing Christmas to look after her.
But she knew that whatever it was, she wanted to experience it with Mike, like she had experienced so many other things with him for the first time.
Maybe one day when their troubles were out of sight. If she was certain of anything right now, it was that her troubles weren't out of sight and that she didn't want to bother Mike with them. It was enough she'd already seen him being questioned by people looking for her. It was enough that Hopper had found her and taken her in.
She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the morbid thoughts because it was Christmas and according to Hopper, you weren't supposed to have morbid thoughts or be sad during Christmastime.
But as she watched Tootie destroy the snow people and cry about not wanting to leave St. Louis, she couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. Because sadness was something she was fairly well-acquainted with.
She let out a shuddery, wet sigh and wrapped her thin blanket tighter around her shoulders.
But it didn't shield her from her feelings.
.
The second Christmas she actually celebrated was different from her first Christmas out of the lab. She wore a plaid dress with an itchy lace collar that Joyce had insisted on buying her along with her Snowball dress. Mike had even been allowed to come and spend a couple of hours with her.
Were all their troubles miles away? El didn't know, she had an uneasy feeling that anything could change in a blink of an eye. But she also didn't want to dwell on it. Not with love songs disguised as Christmas music playing and Mike smiling at her, bathed in multicolored Christmas lights while he held her hand.
He had even given her a Christmas gift. A teddy bear with a vibrant red ribbon tied around his neck. Thankfully, Hopper had had the foresight to go and get Mike a gift from her. So, she hadn't felt awkward not having anything for him in exchange.
"I don't need anything," Mike had told her as he pulled shiny wrapping paper away from a copy of The Hobbit. "Last Christmas all I wished for was for you to be here with me and now here you are…" he looked at her like he still couldn't believe she was alive and well."Here you are."
"All I wished for last year was to be with you again," El replied, recalling what the previous looked like, and the same feeling that she still didn't have a name for her stabbed her in the stomach and the heart.
She shook her head, reminding herself that it was over.
"Is everything okay?" Mike asked, looking concerned.
"I just missed you," El said,
Mike reached over and put his hand on her knee, squeezing it gently. "I missed you too. But we don't have to think about that anymore. Not right now. Tonight, we're together."
El's face brightened. He was right, tonight they were together and everything else that came before didn't matter anymore.
.
The next Christmas, they were apart again. Because of course they were, luck had never been in their favor. First with them being apart for almost a whole year without any communication. Then those horrible few days over the summer when they hadn't really been boyfriend and girlfriend. Now they were separated by miles and miles with only letters, weekly calls, and scheduled visits to tide them over.
Their troubles certainly were not miles away this Christmas.
El sighed and turned her attention back to unwrapping funky ornaments that weren't a part of her history and put one on a tree. She tried to hang onto the feelings from the year before, the joyful feeling that she had had at the Snowball and sitting with Mike in the cabin living room, while they ate sugar cookies and he'd told her how pretty she looked.
But she'd already forgotten what it felt like. Sometimes without Mike and Hopper (again), it didn't feel like there was a before. Just an after, an after riddled with goodbyes and one bad thing after another. Bullying, nightmares, being tragically bad at school, and endless nights where she couldn't talk to Mike because Joyce was tied up with work.
Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat.
It didn't feel much like Christmas even though she had only celebrated one Christmas where she imagined that's what it was probably supposed to feel like. This Christmas felt like the Joni Mitchell songs that Joyce played on repeat, it don't snow here, it stays pretty green and I wish I had a river I could skate away on.
It felt like counting down the long days to the precious few days that she'd have with Mike in Hawkins. The days she'd have free from Angela and algebra and essays about people who had died long before she'd been born. She felt incredibly stupid and terribly behind everyone else.
Christmas break couldn't get there fast enough even though she was sure the feelings of gloom and doom, and twinges of blue would stay with her for a while.
.
She took a plane with Will and Jonathan to Indiana the day after Christmas. Nancy and Mike were waiting for them at the airport when they landed. For the first time since Mike and El had said goodbye in the Byers' old front yard, there was a spark of something in her chest when she saw him waiting for her by the gate.
She didn't care who was watching her or if it would create a spectacle (one of her vocabulary words from before the start of vacation), she ran to him and threw her arms around his neck. He put his arms around her waist and buried his face in her neck, inhaling deeply.
"I missed you so much," she told him, even though she'd written it to him in a letter the week before.
"I miss you too," he replied, holding her at arm's length like he wanted to memorize her.
She was self-conscious of her too big sweater and the way Joyce had trimmed her bangs, but the way he smiled at her reassured her that she at least looked alright. She melted into his arms again, unaware of Will lurking in the background waiting to greet Mike.
After they got everything situated, Mike explained to Will and El that they had to go to a party Lucas was throwing, and he hoped they didn't mind. El was a little disappointed, if she had been looking forward to anything, it had been spending time alone with Mike. It had been so long since she'd gotten to spend any one-on-one time with him, and with how tight finances were, she didn't know how long it would be before she saw him again.
But she took it all in stride, nodding along with Will as they all piled into the Wheeler car and drove off to Lucas' house.
After all, it would be nice to see Dustin, Max, and Lucas again.
Except it wasn't.
Max kept to herself for the most part, making excuses to leave almost as soon as they showed up. Lucas spent most of his time with his new basketball teammate, and Dustin talked endlessly about someone named Eddie.
El was familiar with the name because Mike had mentioned him in their letters, but without much context other than he was their dungeon master, it wasn't the most interesting conversation for her.
The party was too loud and chaotic, El finally put her coat on and slipped outside to sit on the porch where the endless chatter and Last Christmas were dimmed by closed doors and windows. She sat down on the 's front porch and watched her breath come out in white puffs.
A couple minutes later, the door opened again. She glanced over her shoulder to see who it was and smiled slightly when she saw it was just Mike. She didn't mind if he disturbed her solitude.
"There you are," he said. "Is everything okay?"
"Too much noise," El answered. "Too many people."
Mike nodded. "I didn't think about how overwhelming it was going to be for you before I accepted the invitation for everyone. I thought it would be nice to catch up with everyone…" he trailed off sheepishly. "But—"
"Everything has changed," she finished for him softly.
"Everyone's changed," he added.
El nodded in agreement, hoping that he wouldn't say she'd changed too. She had done the best she could to make it seem like everything was normal. Like she was thriving. Like she was doing better than alright, better than before.
They fell into silence for a while, Mike's hand found her knee, the warmth from it seeped into her tights, warming her up a little bit and it felt like it was just the two of them for a little while.
"Let's go for a walk," Mike suggested out of the blue. "Not very far… I just want to be alone…"
"Yeah. Sure," El looked at the house. "Should we tell people that we're leaving just in case?"
Mike shrugged as he stood up. "It'll be a while before Nancy and Jonathan come back for us, and we're not going far. It'll be okay."
El got the feeling that nobody would notice they were gone even if they did tell them they were going for a walk. She stood up too and took his hand. They walked for a while, looking at the houses decorated with lights and making smalltalk about what they'd gotten for Christmas.
Suddenly Mike stopped abruptly and let go of her hand, fumbling in his coat pocket for something. "I have something for you," he told her.
El was puzzled, he'd already sent her a gift. A brand new copy of the Magician's Nephew by C.S Lewis and custom made stationary with her name on it. They had agreed to keep it simple and relatively cheap.
She was about to protest and remind him of their deal when he pulled out a box.
"Mike—"
"I would have sent it with your other presents but I wanted to give it to you in person," he interrupted. "I know we said small gifts this year but… I saw it and thought of you, and I wanted to get you a big present this summer to make up for lying to you…" he stopped, realizing he was rambling and took a deep breath. "Anyway, I saved enough money and I could finally get you something nice."
"I loved the book and the stationary," El said. "I haven't really had new books before—"
"This is a little different than books," Mike replied as he opened the cover and revealed a gold ring with a garnet that winked in the twinkly Christmas lights.
El's breath caught in her throat. It was beautiful, she hadn't owned something quite as lovely before. She was afraid to even touch it but she didn't have much of a choice because Mike was taking it out of the box and putting it on her ring finger, but it was too big. He tried every finger until it finally fit snugly on her pointer finger.
"It's a promise," he said.
What it was a promise for, he didn't say. Forever? That he loved her? She didn't know. She didn't want to ask because the moment felt so perfect that she didn't need to be confrontational.
"I love it," El said, because she did. "I love you."
Mike gave her one of his half smiles and then pulled her in for a kiss.
For a second, it almost felt like Christmas the year before.
.
Her fourth Christmas was spent watching the snowfall while everyone hoped there would be a break from demogorgon attacks. There weren't any extravagant presents or feasts, just everyone gathered around a fire, thankful to be alive for another day. Sitting next to Mike with his fingers laced through her's and Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas playing on the record player was gift enough,
El knew it was.
But still she wondered if there would ever be a time when their troubles would finally be miles away.
Next year?
Next year seemed like it would never get there. She realized that it might never well come either. They could all die in an hour, tomorrow… she could die, sacrificing herself for everyone finally just like 001 wanted her to. She glanced over at Mike and thought that maybe her beloved boyfriend could die too and that forever would never happen for them.
She would never let that happen though and if by some unlucky strike of fate he did die, she was going to go with him. She couldn't imagine a life without him in it, she had the distinct feeling that if she died then he would go too or maybe he'd spend the rest of his life talking to Christmas lights.
El shook her head, the thoughts were too morbid for Christmas day. Even a Christmas day like this.
Mike seemed to change the shift in her mood and he squeezed her hand as if to reassure her that everything was alright. She smiled at him gratefully.
"Let's go outside," El whispered.
Mike nodded, getting up to tell his mom where they were going before coming back with two oversized parkas. They slipped outside before anyone else could realize where they were going and sat down on the porch.
El sighed deeply.
"Maybe it'll be over soon," Mike said, taking her hand and kissing the ring that he had given her the year before. "Maybe we can just leave Hawkins and never come back. He didn't know you were in California earlier this year."
"Maybe he would know where I am now. I have my powers back, "El answered. "I can't imagine unleashing Vecna on the whole world. I would be lying if I said the idea hadn't crossed my mind though. But I have to see this through."
"I don't want to lose you," Mike said.
"I know," El replied because he had said it so many times since the day he had finally confessed that he loved her. "I don't want to lose you either."
"I don't think forever would be long enough together."
El chewed the inside of her lip. "What do you want to do if we do have forever together?"
"Move far away from Indiana for starters, then I'll marry you and we can have kids, and spend their whole lives embarrassing them with how much we love each other."
El's heart skipped a beat but it also felt like this was something they shouldn't be talking about, that they shouldn't be planning for a future when she wasn't sure that they had a life to plan. Or if anyone was going to live. She almost felt guilty about it. But she was also tired of living in doom and gloom. It felt like a bright slice of light in the darkness of their lives.
She turned to Mike and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Merry Christmas," she said.
"Merry Christmas," Mike echoed.
.
In all the years of trouble and of bad twists of fate, El actually couldn't believe their luck. It was Christmas a year later and everything was settled. As settled as it could be anyway. Her nights were filled with horrifyingly bad dreams and she still was plagued with crippling anxiety. Sometimes she was still sure that everything could be taken away from her. That Vecna and the demogorgon could make a grand comeback at any time and rewrite happily ever after. Or take away whatever semblance of a happily ever after they had gotten.
Because of course, they hadn't gotten 100 percent of a happily ever after. There had been casualties of the war, and Max had gone back home to California without much of a promise to visit.
El sighed, trying to brush the cobwebs from all the days away from her mind. She saw Mike standing in the doorway, looking at her and smiling.
"Hi," she said, smiling at him in return as she got up from the couch to meet him, brushing away a hint of lint from her Christmas tree green velvet dress.
"Hi," he echoed.
Suddenly, all the gloomy feelings that had been plaguing her a moment ago were overcrowded with a burst of affection for Mike. She reached out and brushed his hair away from his face before kissing him as enthusiastically as she could.
All the troubles that had followed her around for most of her life were truly gone. If she knew anything, she knew that more troubles could come and that nothing in life was guaranteed. But for now, everything was okay.
She tightened her grip on Mike and held onto him and that feeling for as long as she could.
.
I intended for this story to be much more cheerful than it turned out. It's not for lack of being cheerful, it's just the direction the story took. I hope you liked it just a little bit and that you'll leave a review for me if you did.
Happy holidays and Merry Christmas! Thanks for sticking with me in 2022. I'll see you in the next one.
Love,
Holly