Edited by: Priapus, Old man of the mountain, Immortal Spank


I've been trying to ignore the irritating vibration coming from my wrist for the past ten minutes, but it's only gotten stronger as time passed. I know it's Carmine calling me, but she's never been this persistent. She'll usually leave a message if I don't answer in the first minute.

Can't I please sleep? I've barely had a wink because I spent most of the time having sex with Amber until the sun rose, in fact. Which, in all honesty, left me very satisfied. It was worth sacrificing so much sleep to release all the frustration this 'gliding champion' caused me.

It mostly wasn't her fault, though, but I don't care. Besides, I've been nice to her; she started it, and after my passive act with Sucrose, I knew I didn't want to waste this chance. And this could help me get Eula even sooner. Why wouldn't she if her best friend was so quick to fold?

Then again, I don't plan on going anywhere near as rough on Eula. I think Amber passed out by the third round, and I kept waking her up because a participating partner is infinitely better than a body that isn't moving.

I glance to the side, not seeing Amber anywhere. Where did she go? Her clothes are nowhere to be seen, but I can smell her nearby. I don't see her anywhere, though.

Whatever, I don't feel like thinking right now.

So I close my eyes once the vibration stops, hoping Carmine gets the message and leaves me alone already. Unfortunately, it starts again, making me sit up and growl in frustration. What's so important that she'd try to call so many times? She's so dense.

As I bring the watch to my face, seconds away from answering the call and yelling at her face, I pause as I see the odd notification. '13 gifts have been received. Open all of them?', making me realize she wasn't calling. Huh…

The annoyance I was feeling just now is quickly replaced with curiosity as I press 'yes'. Suddenly, several random objects fall on my lap, from medieval weapons to coins to furniture. What is this?

Another gift notification pops up soon after, confusing me further.

"What is she doing now…" I mutter, rubbing the back of my head.

I accept, and a giant crate suddenly hits my head before falling to the ground. I don't know what's inside it, but at this point, I might as well ask what she's trying to do by sending me all this stuff.

I hit the 'call' button, and she almost immediately picks up.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Oh." She blinks. "I guess you've been receiving things?"

"Weapons, a broom, and a coffee table?" I raise a brow. "I know you aren't the best at socializing, but these aren't typical gifts you'd give your sibling."

"I'm just testing the feature." She shrugs. At my confused look, she clarifies. "The cross-space thing. There are two options: Transfer and Portal. Whatever you were receiving was done through the first. I thought I'd see what I could fit in before it rejected my offerings, and so far, it's been accepting everything I gave it. The second option opens a portal to that neutral space Mother was talking about, though it has a one-week cooldown and–"

"And you couldn't have done this later? I was asleep." I complain; everything she's saying enters one ear and exits the other. "The notification noise is annoying."

"It's five PM, stupid." She deadpans. "Don't cut me off. It's uncivilized."

"Stop yapping too much, then. You're making my headache worse." I respond rudely, rubbing my temples. "What's in the crate?"

Carmine doesn't say anything, opting to glare at me instead. I don't feel like dealing with her brand of crap at the moment, so I just open it, quickly regretting my choice of words once I see the several expensive-looking wine bottles.

Ah…

"Where did you get this?" I ask, attempting to change the subject.

"Some dimwit was being a self-righteous prick—for no reason, mind you—so I broke into his house and stole his most prized possessions, including the wine." She answers, still looking annoyed. She's been swearing a lot recently. "I sent it to you because I don't drink, and I thought you'd like it."

Now I feel even worse.

"Turns out you were just as undeserving." She adds. "Is this how you treat your older sister? For shame, Crimson. I'm disappointed in you."

"I get it, I get it; I was being an imbecile." I sigh. "I don't feel like arguing right now."

"I want an apology."

"I'm sorry."

"Apologies not accepted."

"Why did you ask for it, then?" I rub my forehead impatiently.

"You didn't sound sincere." She says. "Also, to show you how you act sometimes."

"Point taken," I respond. "Just… can we talk later? I'll make it up today, I promise."

"Fine." She says. "It better be worth my time, or else I won't talk to you for a year."

I snort as soon as she ends the call. She acts like she is difficult to please when she's as easy to humor as a child.

I look at the wine bottles in the crate, popping one open and taking a whiff of it out of curiosity. It's easy to tell even from the smell that it's very high quality, so whoever this 'dimwit' was must've been wealthy. The decorated bottles could've been an indication had it not been a tactic used to fool the common people into buying cheap alcohol in fancy bottles.

A terrible practice indeed.

I look away from the crate as I hear someone approaching, seeing a fully-clothed Amber freeze and redden once she meets my eyes. There she is. And here I thought she was going to leave me here on my own.

"And where have you been?" I ask with a disarming smile, hiding the wincing caused by my painful headache.

"U-um, I thought I'd bathe at the river over there." She answers quietly, trying not to look at my junk. "Sorry, you looked so deep in your sleep, and I didn't want to bother you."

"That's considerate of you," I reply, noticing her strange posture. "I apologize if I've been too rough on you."

Her blush intensifies, but she says nothing. I know fully well that she enjoyed it. How couldn't she when she was screaming my name throughout the night?

"Though, a nice, cold bath right now sounds lovely," I add as I stand up, saving her the embarrassment. "You don't mind waiting until I'm done, yes? I'd like it if we walked back to the city together. Or flew. Your choice."

"Er, no, take your time." She says, perking up once I mentioned flying. "...What's with all this stuff, though?"

"Don't mind it." I sigh as she points at the random things on the patch of grass we slept on. I'll graciously accept the wine. Nothing else. "I won't take long. A few minutes at most."

I think I will go back to sleep if I'm able to. I don't feel like doing anything today; not even messing with Jean sounds amusing at the moment. I'm thankful that my only older sister is nearly as simple as I am; otherwise, I'd likely be stuck trying to get her something nice for hours.

Hopefully, this bath will ease the pain a little.


My annoyed frown does not change one bit throughout our flight back to the city, no matter how good the wind feels on my skin. That bath did not ease the pain. In fact, it made it worse. Not even the worst of hangovers is this terrible. This is why I hate it when I'm disturbed in my sleep. Even more annoying is the fact that I don't have any of my magic or enchantments that would rid me of this discomfort, and I don't think I can go back to sleep anymore. I'm not as tired because of my earlier bath.

I should've chosen magic. Consequences of such a tiny scale are for lower lifeforms to worry about, not someone as grand as I am. I hate feeling like a peasant. Why is this even allowed? In fact, how can I, an almighty dragon, suffer something as stupid as a headache?

I'm a literal god of unfathomable power. I can easily bend all of reality and reshape time and space into whatever I want. How is this the most painful and agonizing thing I've suffered in who knows how long? Am I being humiliated by the woman upstairs? Is this her doing? Is this what she meant?

This is bullshit.

I shake those thoughts out of my head. No, I doubt that. It's very unlike her regardless. Her punishments usually involve a shoe, her trusty cane, or, worst case, a belt. She wouldn't go out of her way to be subtle about something like this. She's too Asian for that.

What am I to do?

Seeing the church from the corner of my eye gives me an idea. I wonder if Barbara's brand of magic can heal headaches. Even if not outright cure it, maybe at least make it feel less terrible.

Hmm, I'll drop off Amber and the crate, then look for her. It's certainly worth a shot.

"So uh," Amber starts, holding onto me from behind. "How come you can fly without flapping your wings?"

"Magic," I answer blankly, but not rudely, as I know it isn't her fault I'm feeling miserable. If anything, it's Carmine's fault. "My wings constantly release small amounts of it so I can fly. It's simpler than flapping them all the time."

And it's magic I can't use any other way. This is not fair.

"That makes sense."

"Where do you want me to drop you off?" I ask before she starts another conversation.

"Oh, uh, over there." She points down. "Angel's Share."

I glide down and land in an inconspicuous alley, not wanting to alert any annoying guards. I know Amber would vouch for me, but my hand may or may not move to politely shut them up by crushing their skulls. It does that on its own sometimes.

I don't want to kill anyone. Or, more like, I don't want to suffer the consequences of randomly murdering people. I would actually like to kill someone right now, which is very unlike me if I say so myself.

This is why I hate being mad. I'm civilized enough to control it easily, but draconic bloodlust is still very annoying to deal with. Like an itch that refuses to go away until I scratch it.

Amber gets off and looks at me with a smile, which I return, if a bit strained, as my wings retract into my back.

"Thank you so much for the ride, Mr. Crimson," Amber says as I put the crate down to stretch my arms. "I had so much fun yesterday."

"Likewise, but please drop the Mister part," I say after a somewhat satisfied groan. "I'd say we're close enough to not need these honorifics anymore."

"Hehe, yeah, that's true." She blushes and giggles sheepishly. "Don't worry; I'll do my best to convince the knights to give you a chance!"

"Appreciated, but unneeded." I shake my head. "They won't change their minds about me, and I'm okay with it. Focus more on yourself."

"Well, if you say so." The Outrider relents, then quickly pecks me on the lips.

Cute.

"Don't tell anyone, but I think I'll be back for more 'rides'." Amber whispers with a grin, even though her face is bright red.

I snort. Had she gotten more confident? See, this is why I don't deserve this pain. I'm helping other people be better versions of themselves.

"I'll look forward to it."

Amber beams happily before running off, waving goodbye.

"See you around!"

She's pleasant. My head is still pounding, but this was a nice gesture from her. Dare I say, it made me feel better ever so slightly. Though, I still need to get Carmine's gift before I feel even worse. Fortunately, that is a hilariously easy task, so I can do that after getting rid of this irritating ache.

Faster than the eye can see, I arrive at my house, enter my room, and hide the crate under my bed. I'll be sure to enjoy that later.

Now, to find that ray of sunshine…


– Amber –

Maybe going back to the Favonius Knights HQ directly after being dropped off by Crimson wasn't a good idea. She hadn't forgotten that he was highly suspected of being a complete psychopath, even though she found all the 'evidence' rather weak, but it did slip her mind that she was being watched.

Amber shuffled nervously under the gaze of the Grandmaster, her usual gentle blue eyes now bloodshot from all the stress, paranoia, and exhaustion as the bags under them were very visible. Her hair was an unkempt mess and could barely be called a ponytail at this point.

Jean always looked intimidating when she was serious, but every other time, that presence had clearly belonged to a prestigious knight, a powerful warrior, and a worthy leader. But now, it felt like the presence of an insane conspiracy theorist. This was not the Jean she knew.

"You knew fully well that your fellow knights were tailing Crimson 24/7." She said, "What was going on inside your head when you decided to approach him with your silly challenge?"

"U-um…" Amber felt cold sweat run down her cheek. "I-I thought I'd get Eula off his back in case she annoyed him too much."

That wasn't the entire truth, obviously. But Amber didn't want to test Jean's patience. Might as well play along with her madness for now.

"Without approval from your superiors?" Jean's eyes narrowed. "You could've gotten yourself and everyone around you hurt."

Amber didn't believe that one bit. Crimson wouldn't do that.

"But I didn't…?" She responded. "I just thought I could help."

Surprisingly, this made Jean's face soften a bit. She still looked like she was one report away from losing her mind, but this made the Outrider feel a little better about herself. Maybe she wasn't all that far gone.

"I understand, but please don't approach a potentially immense threat unless authorized." She said with a sigh, rubbing her eyes. "Though, I'm glad you're okay. What matters most to me is that you're unharmed."

Amber found that incredibly sweet, but to be completely fair, her ass did hurt a bit. Even now, she was still walking a little weird. Extremely worth it, though. That didn't feel like sex, more like a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Though, she was a virgin prior, so she wouldn't know.

"Tell me what happened." Jean then asked. "Specifically after you flew off with him."

"Huh?" Amber felt her heart drop at this order, her face becoming pure red. "U-um, well…"

For the most part, they just flew around the world. And while that meant a lot to the Outrider, she didn't think it would be considered important to everyone else. Honestly, the entire trip was just Crimson indulging her more than anything.

But she also couldn't casually tell them that Crimson spent the entire night reshaping her insides. That would, at best, get her shocked looks from Jean and, at worst, end up with her being imprisoned for sleeping with a potential enemy. Scratch that; with how convinced Jean was that Crimson was bad news, Amber might as well have gotten fucked by an Abyss Agent.

Goodness, she seriously did not think this one through, did she? Sleeping with Crimson? Seriously, Amber? Risking your entire career for this?

…Oh, who was she kidding? It was still worth it. It was so worth it; Amber was currently itching to get dicked down by him again.

"Where did he take you?" She questioned. "And did he do anything to you?"

"N-not really? To be honest, it wasn't as eventful as you'd think." Amber tried to answer truthfully. Kind of. "I just asked him if we could fly around. Nothing more."

"Why would you ask him that?!" Jean's eyes opened wide. "Are you crazy?!"

That was the wrong thing to say, Amber realized.

"W-wait, I-I just thought I could get information from him that way." She lied. "Get him to lower his guard, you know?"

"That is still incredibly dangerous. You're out of your mind." The Grandmaster said. "He's far more intelligent than you give him credit for. It's more likely that he figured out what you were trying to do."

Which was nothing in reality, but that was a hole she knew she couldn't climb up from. Amber had dug it a tad too deep, so she might as well continue digging until she hit rock bottom. See where that could get her.

"Okay, but have you considered that maybe…" Amber carefully phrased her next few words. "...he's not as bad as you think he is?"

Jean paused, then glared at her so hard that if looks could kill, everyone in Mondstadt would immediately drop dead.

"Are you implying that he's not looking for anything? That all of this—everything he has been doing…" She looked like she was about to burst a vessel. "...Is mere coincidence?"

…That was a rhetorical question, wasn't it?"

"...Yes?"

Instead of flying off the handle like Amber thought Jean was about to do, she simply sat back down and put her head on the desk in front of her, letting out a long, drawn-out groan like a very disappointed mother.

That honestly kind of hurt Amber. A punch to the face would've been tamer.

"...You're dismissed."

"L-look, Jean, I just think that you're punching shadows at this point. Everyone thinks that." She said, trying to convince her maybe. Hopefully. "Perhaps try having an actual conversation with him? He's nice—very nice. He's polite and a good listener, too."

Jean said nothing.

"I think maybe you'd get a lot more insight if you personally interacted with him," Amber added. "I know Lisa told you that at some point, too."

"So that's it, then?" Jean responded, not even lifting her head from the desk. "It's Lisa's doing, isn't it?"

"Er, no–"

"Just leave."

"But–"

"Get out." She shooed the Outrider. "Let me be 'crazy' in peace."

…Yeah, there was no helping her. Unless Crimson himself decided to do it. Unfortunately, Crimson was very convinced that there was no convincing her.

This had turned into a very difficult situation.

Amber sighed and obeyed, closing the office door behind her gently. It was only a matter of time before Jean collapsed or lost her marbles, and nobody was looking forward to it. All they could do for her right now was just pray that their Archon would do something about it.

Amber almost bumped into her best friend as she made her way to the main door.

"Oh, Eula! How have you…" Amber winced at the glare. Right, she knows, too. "...been…"

Amber was starting to think that maybe she should've gone home instead.


– Barbara –

"Thank you so much for your help, Rosaria!" She thanked the stoic, pale nun. "I would've done it on my own but–"

"Don't mention it." Rosaria dropped the groceries in front of the church's door. "Didn't have anything else to do anyway."

"A-ah, I see…"

Casually, Rosaria lit up a cigarette in front of her, and while usually Barbara would try to stop someone from doing something that would harm themselves, this woman was intimidating. She could never tell what was going on in her head.

Barbara tried to get her to attend their choirs or prayers many times, but Rosaria would always shirk her duties to do… well, if she weren't taking her neverending 'smoke break' outside, she'd be out in the city, doing gods know what, or at the bar drinking until she passed out. The Deaconess of Mondstadt knew that she had a troubling past, but this…

It left Barbara very worried. Rosaria was probably hurting somehow, but she didn't know what to do to help the poor thing. Was she supposed to force her to do these things? But that was the opposite of freedom. Barbatos would never approve of that.

How was she supposed to help? Was it even possible to help someone who didn't care enough to accept someone offering them a hand?

"Well, thank you regardless."

"Mhm."

That was all Rosaria uttered before walking away. Then, all of a sudden, she stopped dead in her tracks as she started… sniffing the air. Confused, Barbara stood still as the taller lady turned her head around to face the church, then chuckled quietly, surprising the Deaconess.

"How shameless." She said, "To do it in such a sacred place."

"Pardon?"

Rosaria said nothing and continued walking forward, not even bothering to explain what she meant. Barbara watched her until she disappeared from view, sighed, and then picked up the groceries.

As she went to open the front door, someone on the opposite side beat her to it. A young nun, perhaps around her age, flinched violently once she saw Barbara for whatever reason. The Deaconess immediately noticed that something was wrong with her—multiple things were wrong. Her face was bright red, she was sweating bullets, her breathing was very clearly labored, and she walked strangely.

"Ms. Barbara?!"

"Um, yes." Barbara blinked. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah! I-I was just… uh…" The nun paused, obviously flustered for some reason. "Um, Mr. Crimson is waiting for you inside."

Hearing his name made her brighten up immediately. She hadn't seen him in a while now.

"He is?! That's wonderful!" She said, quickly moving past the nun to get inside. "Be sure to rest if you're feeling ill."

As she got inside the church, she saw him sitting alone on the edge of one of the pews, and she approached him with excitement as she saw his smile. She dropped the bags and surprised him with an embrace.

"I missed you!" She said earnestly. "I thought you forgot about me."

"I would never." He claimed. "I told you I would visit."

"You did say that, yes." Barbara nodded, sitting beside him. "But what were you doing with that nun just now? She looked a little flustered."

Now that she thought about it, it smelled weird here, didn't it?

"Oh, don't worry about her." He answered. "She was simply trying to help."

"Help with what?" She tilted her head. "Is everything okay?"

"For the most part, yes," Crimson responded. "But I'll admit, I woke up with a very painful headache today, and I thought maybe you would be able to help. After all, I did say I'd tell you if I got hurt, didn't I?"

"That you did!" Barbara confirmed enthusiastically. She was very happy that he remembered their promise. "Thankfully, my healing magic could help with that. Hold still."

Barbara put both hands on his cheeks, letting her magic flow. A blueish-gold light began emanating from her, lighting up the empty cathedral they were in. Crimson closed his eyes and enjoyed the gentle sensation of her magic soothing the pain.

After years of experience healing small bruises, lethal wounds, and everything in between, she had practically mastered the art. She'd put a lot of work into it. Since she first figured out she could do it, in fact. A simple migraine or tummy ache was nothing.

She was very proud of it.

"Are you feeling any better?" She asked.

"Much better." He said, putting a hand on hers.

Barbara froze as he opened his red eyes, looking directly into her blue ones. This soul-piercing gaze made her feel a wave of strange emotions she'd never felt before. It broke her concentration on her healing magic, making the light die down, replaced by the glow of Crimson's eyes.

Her heart started to pound more and more as he got closer. Barbara knew what he was trying to do, but a big part of her wanted this to happen. This shocked the girl, as she didn't quite realize that's how she felt towards him. Barbara didn't try to stop it. She closed her eyes as she felt his lips on hers, enjoying the moment.

Even though it had barely been a few seconds, it felt like hours before he backed away. She was unsure what she should specifically be feeling right now, but she liked this. She liked it a lot.

"W-was the headache an excuse so you could do this?" She said with a smile, a bit embarrassed to continue eye contact.

"Perhaps." He answered vaguely. "But if it was?"

"You're quite the charmer." She admitted with a giggle. "I never stood a chance, did I?"

His response was another kiss, which she thoroughly enjoyed as well. Barbara wasn't sure what she was doing, but he seemed to have taken the lead. He was as gentle with it as he was with his words, which she appreciated greatly.

"It's getting late," Crimson said after their small make-out session. "But hopefully, we can continue this tomorrow night."

"I-I'd love to."

"Then it's a date." He stood up and winked at her. "A real one this time."

Barbara watched him leave the cathedral, calming her beating heart before an eventual squeal of excitement escaped her. She didn't know what it was that suddenly made him so dreamy for her, but at this point, she didn't care.

She had never looked forward to something as much as this before.


– Crimson –

I have decided that Barbara is now my favorite person in Teyvat. That healing spell of hers saved my life, and now I am willing to die for her. Sweet relief has never felt so good before.

I didn't even count on doing all of that afterward. I just wanted this agonizing migraine to disappear. I simply had to. I have fallen completely in love with her.

Until I leave Mondstadt, at least. I'll be sure to keep an eye out for her, though. She's a decent healer, and healers are great.

Honestly, if I had pushed her a little harder, I would've gotten her blowing me, but unfortunately, I had other things to take care of. Because I knew that if I did end up fucking her like the nun before her, I would've completely forgotten Carmine's gift.

And I would rather I don't get on her bad side. A furious Carmine is a very scary Carmine.

I look at the several bags worth of food, likely enough to feed a family of eight, and realize that this will probably make a dent in my wallet. I'd need to finish maybe five or six commissions to get back half of what I just spent. I got all of this from the most expensive restaurant in the city, after all.

That could take me a lot of time if flying didn't make traveling the world a breeze. I love being a dragon.

I got one of everything, not out of fear that Carmine might not like certain things, but because I know for sure she'll enjoy all of it. I wouldn't have gone to such lengths had this been for one of my other siblings. She's my favorite person for a reason—that glutton.

I close the door of my room and lock it. While I'm okay with people finding out I'm a dragon, I'd rather be safe and not show off my mother's personal technology to normal people. Relatively speaking, of course. I think Mona isn't as normal as everyone else, but I digress.

I open up the cross-space option, pressing on 'transfer', which prompts a red holographic table of sorts to appear in front of me. Neat toy. I'm certainly not new to interdimensional transfer/travel, but this method is unique.

The bags disappear as soon as I put them on this table. I assume they're all sent?

The watch vibrates from a new notification, a message from Carmine. I snort in amusement as I see the content. That was fast.

Carmine: ❤︎❤︎(ᗒᗨᗕ)❤︎❤︎

Right, I forgot she exclusively texts in these silly emotes.

Crimson: I assume I'm forgiven, then?

Carmine: ( ´∀`)b

Good.

I stretch my limbs after a long day, taking one of the wine bottles I hid under the bed before popping it open and drinking from it directly. I'm surprised at the taste. This is very good quality, comparable to the best I've been having here. I can't read what's on the labels as it's in a language I am unfamiliar with, but I'd reckon she got it from nobility or royalty.

And she robbed them because they were rude to her? That's a bit unlike her. Usually, she'd just ignore them and go about her business. Whoever it was, they must've gotten under her skin somehow.

But now that my headache is gone, what should I do? It's getting late, so there's no one I can bother right now. I could either go to the tavern and get drunk there or, better yet, get drunk here in peace. Alone.

I spot the notebook Sucrose gave me on the bedside table, pick it up, and go through a few pages. I'm willing to read it for sure, but I don't know about editing it. That would take too much time. And it would probably be very boring to do.

Hmm…

Crimson: Can you do something for me?

Carmine: (。· v ·。) ?

Crimson: I have a research notebook by a friend who is interested in what we are. Could you edit it into a guide or manual of sorts?

Carmine: (¬з¬)

Crimson: In return, I'll send you more food.

Carmine: d( -_ )

I chuckle at her quick response before I resummon the table and throw the notebook at it, sending it to Carmine.

Simple people really are the best.


If Carmine's emotes aren't showing, blame FFN. It's a shit site for a reason.

Check money site. check discord. all in profile.