Disclaimer: I do not own BtVS or Angel.

Youth Problems

"Talking"

"Thinking"

It should've been a regular day at the Slayer House. Last night had been the usual kind. The Slayers went out on patrols, found vampires, demons, and other kinds of supernatural badness and took them out. When a patrol was done, they came back, put away the weapons, and went out to have fun.

The morning should've been no different. Twenty Slayers were all gathered around the table, ready to eat. Given their metabolism, any time they sat down for food could quickly devolve into a fight. But they waited for their self-proclaimed Den Father, Xander Harris, to show up and have the first serving.

Yet, as the minutes crawled on and Xander didn't show, their stomachs wanted to know why they weren't eating. The food was right there, hot and tasty. The smell alone was fantastic. Still, they waited for Xander. They already knew if he didn't get the first serving, he usually didn't get anything to eat (a fact no one was willing to let Mandy and Tabatha forget).

"Alright, that's it," Faith declared, standing up. "If X is still in bed, I'm gonna drag his ass outta there." She was hungry, damn it, and she wanted to eat!

No one said a word. As one of the last Prime Slayers, Faith was in command. What she said goes (even if it usually came with language some would call impolite). And she was the only in the house who could speak to Xander, or even manhandle him, like that. She earned the right back in Sunnydale.

She reached the door, only for it to open and a little boy walked in, wearing a shirt that was clearly too big for him. Faith blinked, wanting to be sure she was seeing this right. "Xander?" All eyes turned and looked. They saw the same thing Faith saw.

Alexander Harris, the Slayer's White Knight, the One Who Sees, was a kid. He couldn't have been more than four years old. And that wasn't all.

He looked at them all with both eyes. "Would someone like to explain why I ended up like this?" he asked in a boyish voice.

Silence reigned supreme in the kitchen as the Slayers looked at the little boy. No one dared to say anything. If they did, something might break and cause weird stuff to happen. Faith was the first to speak. "That really you, X?" She tried to put her usual brass in her tone, but the stunned surprise undercut it.

"Yes, and I would like an explanation." He walked past towards his chair at the table. More than one Slayer thought it was a wonder he was able to walk without tripping on the shirt. It took him a moment to climb the chair and look out at everyone. Normally it was a look that announced someone was in trouble, a look that any of his Slayers didn't want directed at them. This time, however, the fact only his head was higher than the table (and that it was a boy's face) sold it short.

"So," he began, "there I was, having a nice sleep, enjoying the last few moments of peace before the day's chaos wakes me up. I hear the stampede outside my door that tells me my girls are up and heading down for breakfast, so I should get going too. I open my eyes and somehow, my bed grew overnight. Took me a couple of minutes to find the edge and when I looked down, the height was bigger than I remembered. And so were my clothes. I didn't know what was going on, until I looked in the mirror.

"Now, would someone liked to tell me how I ended up a kid?" No one answered him. "Anyone?"

"We don't know," Cathy answered. Heads nodding followed. No one knew why their Watcher was a kid.

Xander was annoyed. "Did anyone say the W-word last night?" he asked.

"No," they answered. They all knew the danger of the W-word.

"Was anyone cursed or struck by a spell?"

There were a few glances, but the answer was the same. "No."

"Did any of you get hit by some kind of goo, slime, or blood that stayed on your clothes when you tossed them in the hamper?" Since there hadn't been a washer or dryer built that could withstand a Slayer's strength (especially one who hadn't learned how to properly do laundry), Xander ended up handling the bulk of it.

The looks were a little more embarrassed and the answers seemed more uncertain. Still, they answered, "No."

"Did someone pick up an item, thought it was interesting, and just left it around so it could be examined?"

"No."

"Did anyone somehow run into one of my exes and they found out you were working with me?"

They wanted to giggle. They really did. Xander's luck with women was infamous amongst the Slayers. The fact he knew his luck and made fun of it himself made it all the easier for them to make little jokes (jokes that would never be spoken in front of him). But considering the situation they were looking, laughing wouldn't be right. So again, all Xander got was "No."

Stomachs were growling and it wasn't just his. Hungry Slayers were a danger only the idiotic would face. "Faith, can you get me a plate, please?"

She did get him a plate, a small one. There were only two pancakes on it and some scrambled eggs, no bacon. "You want some help eating all that?" she asked with a grin.

"Not funny," he grumbled.

"Little bit, X. Little bit."

Breakfast began with the usual gusto. The talking followed but not with its usual energetic pace. Eyes kept glancing over at Xander. Meanwhile the man (boy) found he was full after he ate everything on his plate. He wasn't sure if he should be annoyed by that or not.

Once the dishes were cleared away and put in the dishwasher, the Slayers lingered around the table. No one denied the fact they were staring at Xander. "How are you feeling?" Shannon dared to ask. Since she was the only other veteran of Sunnydale there, she was third-in-command.

"I feel like a four-year-old who's about to get lost in a shirt," he replied. His boyish voice undercut any annoyance he had. He tried to focus on the problem. His girls were waiting for their marching orders. "Shannon, your group is on research, see if you can find anything about this. Kelly, go over the patrol routes and reports from last night, see if you can find something that stands out."

Kelly shifted in her seat. "Um, about that…?" She was doing her best to look anywhere but him.

Xander kept his eyes on her. "The reports are all in, right?"

"They are," she quickly assured him. "They're just a bit…messy."

He knew what that meant. They wrote the reports and tossed them in the office before heading out for fun. "Get them cleaned up and start looking. Faith…" This part, he actually dreaded. "You call London, let Giles know what happened."

Her grin was practically feral. "You mean along with B and the rest of the Scoobies?" She could just imagine the looks on their faces when they heard the news. If she video-called, they'd be able to see the results themselves.

"Just Giles." It wouldn't do much since Buffy would hear it from him pretty much after the phone call. But Xander could hope they might find a solution before the rest of the Scoobies flew in. "Cecilia, you're going shopping."

The Slayer from Vermont perked up at that. "I am?"

"You are. I'm going to need actual clothes." What he didn't say was very loud. There was not a single scrap of boy's clothes in the house, much less a child's. "So, I'm willing to lend you the house card for this."

That got everyone's attention. "Really?" The Slayer House credit card was only handled by Xander, since he knew how Slayers could get when they had a chance for a shopping spree. It was only used for the bills or an emergency.

Xander nodded. "Just don't go overboard. Three sets should do it."

The excitement brewing inside her for the opportunity faded. This wasn't for her. It was for her Watcher and Den Father. Although…maybe she could do something with the clothes. He wouldn't mind, she was sure about that.

He didn't like the way Cecilia was looking at him. Memories of Buffy on a shopping spree came to mind. He could only hope she'd listen.

The Slayers stood up and headed for the door. "One more thing," Xander announced, stopping them. They looked back and saw his serious eyes. "Has anyone seen my teddy bear?"


Everyone tried to do their tasks.

They really did.

But it was harder than they expected. And it wasn't because they were being attacked or anything like that. It was a simple reason.

Xander Harris was a freakin' adorable four-year-old.

After the initial surprise (along with the new eye), Xander did his best to keep in command. Once Cecilia was back with the clothes and he was better dressed, he was around the house, trying to do his job. Unfortunately, there wasn't much he could do except stand around and look up. So, he decided that since he was a four-year-old, he might as well be one.

Throughout the day, with his bear, he would read, draw, and watch kid shows (he did draw the line at Teletubbies, though). He did it all with a happy smile and bright eyes. A stranger never would've thought this was a Hellmouth veteran who saw death more than he should've, just a child happy with how his day went.

For the Slayers, seeing their Head Watcher like this, along with his warm chocolate eyes and dark hair, it gave them an urge. An urge to pick him up and cuddle. They were sure he wouldn't mind. He might even enjoy it.

It wasn't just the Slayers in the House either. Faith Skyped London and had Xander waiting so Giles and the rest of the Scoobies could see. Once Buffy and Dawn saw him, and after the surprise had passed, they wanted to reach through the screen and hug him. Needless-to-say, plane tickets were being purchased when the call ended.

Xander started to get tired as the evening rolled past. Since he refused to take a nap earlier, he got cranky after dinner. He tried to stay awake and do his job, but everyone could see he was about to fall asleep. So he was taken to bed (grumbling half-drowsily about being tucked in).

That left with Faith in charge of directing Slayers out on patrol. They waited (loitered) in the front hall while she read off the details, but they weren't really paying attention. Faith noticed how they whispered and quiet-argued when they should've been listened. One quick slam against the wall got their attention. "Someone wanna tell me what's so interesting?" she asked.

Alice was the first to answer. "We were talking about tomorrow, Faith."

"What about it? It's Saturday."

"We were trying to figure out who got Xander."

"And by that, you mean…?"

"Taking him out to the playgrounds, the malls," Shannon answered. "Maybe even a movie."

That last one sparked interest. "Isn't the latest Disney playing?" Kelly asked. "Maybe he could be taken to that." The idea quickly caught fire and then devolved into who would be taking Xander. The conversation quickly turned into an argument and insults followed. If this went any further, the weapons they had wouldn't be used on patrol.

Faith's whistle could've been used to signal a taxi in New York. It certainly shut the Slayers up fast. "How about you guys focus on patrol first, huh?" She pointed at the door. "Get your butts moving."

She kept her displeased look on until the last Slayer closed the door. Her eyes rolled as she laughed. "Boytoy, you'd better be prepared for tomorrow," she said to herself as she walked back up to the control room. It would certainly be funny for her. Maybe she should have a camera ready.

One of the new policies Giles and Buffy had instituted when the Watcher's Council was reformed was that one Slayer stayed back and coordinated the patrols. That way, if one group got in trouble, help could come fast. So Faith sat herself down in before a gigantic map of Cleveland (seriously, where did Xander get something like that?) with a phone in hand.

Three hours later, she was reading a comic book while keeping an eye on the phone. It hadn't rung once. She was proud of that, of them. But if there was anyone who could be proud, it was Xander. He cared about the Slayers, made sure they were trained right and had the proper equipment before he even thought about sending them out.

That thought alone made her smirk. Amongst the Sunnydale veterans, Xander was the toughest teacher. If a new Slayer got assigned to him, he would put her through the ringer again and again until he was satisfied. But once he was, being one of Xander's Girls was seen as a high mark for a Slayer.

Faith didn't know who gave the nickname, but the Slayers here wouldn't change it for the world. They were Xander's girls. They saw him as a collected teacher-big brother-best friend. She was even willing to bet more than a few had a crush on him. Course, they weren't the only ones. She was fairly certain Dawn was just waiting for the chance to pounce.

By the time all the patrols came back and then headed out to party, it was almost midnight. Faith was tempted to go out herself and have fun. But there was a Xander-shaped little boy sleeping that made her stop. Normally she trusted Xander to handle himself, but that was when he was a man.

A scream ripped through the hallways, full of fear and panic. Faith was moving before she even realized it came from Xander's bedroom. She slammed the door open, stake in hand. But there was no monster, just Xander sitting in the bed, tears in his eyes while he kept touching his left one.

"X, you okay?" she asked. The stake lowered as she walked over.

He looked over as she sat on the bed's edge. "Nightmare," he said. "I thought I was back under the vineyard, Caleb looming over me."

Faith winced, although she hid it from him. He never talked about it, none of them did. That night was a black spot for the Scoobies, both for it and what they did because of it. "He's dead, Xander. Been dead for years."

"I know." He wiped away the drying tears and his fingers paused on his left eye. "Do you think I'll keep it?"

"The eye?" He nodded. She didn't know. So she put on her usual bravado. "Maybe, but you've been rockin' the eyepatch for years now. The baby Slayers love it. They think it gives you an air of mystery." That got her a little smile and she knew he was fine.

Then a tiny hand grabbed hers when she stood up. "Don't go," Xander begged.

It took Faith moment to see what was happening. This wasn't the Xander she knew and could depend on. He was nothing more than a little boy in that moment. And little boys were scared of nightmares. She didn't know what to do for a moment. Staking vampires, kicking demon ass? That she could do with a breeze and a flirty smile.

Taking care of a four-year-old who had a bad dream? That seemed harder. "You want me to stay?" she asked, just so she knew. The innocence in his nod killed any joke she could've made about him wanting to get back in her bed. "Alright, I'm dead on my feet anyway." They both knew it was a lie.

There was a spare flannel shirt in his closet. Since it would've fit Xander, it felt big on Faith. It was good enough for her. Once she was under the sheets, Xander scooted back into her chest, close enough for the sense of protection. He was out in a few minutes.

It took Faith a few minutes longer to fall asleep. When she awoke the next morning, her arm was holding Xander protectively. It was ready to pull him close at a moment's notice. She didn't remember doing it. Xander was holding her hand with his own. It would only take a little tug to pull free, but she didn't. Not yet.

The sight gave Faith an odd feeling. It was protective but also more. She was protective of Xander already. He was a friend (he could've been more, if she hadn't made a mistake and didn't have her head so far up her own ass), willing and able to fight by her side. But holding him like this, his body so small, she was willing to tear anyone who even looked at him wrong apart.

Was this what it felt like to be a parent? She had never considered being before. But now? It didn't seem like a bad idea.

While she knew they would have to get up, it was also Saturday. People could wake up when they wanted to, and she knew more than a few Slayers wanted to sleep in. So she indulged herself, falling back asleep while still holding Xander.

Of course, since Faith went back asleep, she hadn't noticed one of the Slayers coming in to wake Xander up, saw the two of them, and quickly took a picture. Neither of them knew who took the picture, but they did do their best to destroy all the copies.

They still kept circulating.


The Scoobies waited in the living room. The Slayers still in the house tried to be busy but everyone was high alert. Every time they heard a muffled scream from upstairs, they winced and fought the urge to run towards it.

Willow had been able to figure out Xander had been struck with a spell. Supposedly, it was supposed to "Remove him from time's grasp," or to put it simply, wipe him out of existence. But instead, it had just reverted him to a child ("Score one for funky magic power," Xander remarked at that).

They didn't know who did it or why but between Willow and Giles, they were able to find a spell that would revert him back to his adult form. There was a catch, though. If Xander wanted the spell to work, he would have to grow up all over again, in the span of hours instead of years. While Xander didn't remember all that much about biology class, he did know that growing up that fast would hurt, a lot.

Still, he was willing to risk it. So he grabbed a belt (he refused to be sedated for this. Who knew what that could do?) and told them to start the spell.

That had been nearly nine hours ago.

When they heard a door open instead of a scream, everyone perked up. Not two minutes later, Xander came down the steps. He was an adult again, eyepatch and all.

His girls started to swarm, eager to hug him. "Guys, wait," he told them, stopping them in their tracks. "I would love to hug you all, but I need to sit down first." He let them guide him to the kitchen table.

The Scoobies quickly joined him. They were the first to give the hugs. "How are you feeling, Xander?" Giles asked him, choosing to sit beside him.

"Sore, and tired." He put the belt on the table. Two parts of it were nearly gnawed off. "I'm also gonna need a new belt and all I can taste is leather."

"Perhaps some food would help."

He nodded. "Yeah. I'm hungry."

"Xander, you're always hungry," Willow told him. He didn't deny the fact.

A plate of tacos was placed before him. Once his girls were shooed away, either for chores, patrols, or dates, he fell upon the food like he hadn't eaten in days. He leaned back after the last was finished. "Ah, now I feel better," he declared. "Good to be back to normal."

"Glad to have you back to normal, boytoy," Faith told him.

Buffy nodded but she looked at Xander with some small longing. Dawn had the same look. He noticed both. "Buff, Dawn, I already said no."

"One more day wouldn't have hurt, would it?" Buffy asked. Once she saw Xander as a little boy, she wanted to cuddle him and take him out to the park and other things. Dawn did too. They spent a good part of the flight over arguing who got him first. Willow chose not to comment and kept her opinion to herself.

Xander, on the other hand, had already gone through two days of that kind of affection from his Slayers. Quite frankly, as nice as it was, he was already done with it. "Yes, it would've."

"And here I thought you'd like the cooing and cheek-pinching," Faith said, smirking as she lounged.

He just pointed at the belt. "Look at the teeth marks. That'll tell you how much I'd like it." Alright, so it was nice and fun the first day. Then Saturday came and he felt like the prize in a tug-of-war tournament. If this had kept up for another day, he would've barricaded himself in his room.

He looked at Giles, wanting to move past. "So, we got no idea who cast the spell?"

"No," Giles answered. "Nor do we know why it changed."

"It could've been the enchantments placed on the house," Willow suggested. "They are pretty strong. Maybe the spell got mangled by them." She might've said with her usual cheer, but there was a question that gave her chills. It was the same question that chilled all of the Scoobies.

If the spell was changed by the house's protection, just how powerful would've been if they weren't there?

Faith decided to put it behind them. "Well, it's gone now. All we've got left are the memories." She and Xander did not share a look at that. They both remembered waking up Saturday and how nice it was. If they talked about it, it would turn awkward. They didn't want that.

"And the pictures," Dawn added.

Both Buffy and Willow perked at that. "You've got some?" Buffy asked her sister.

Faith leapt for her, but she was already out of her chair, fleeing for some kind of safety. Buffy and Willow chased after Faith, half to protect Dawn and to see those photos. The men were left at the table. Xander chuckled while Giles cleaned his glasses.

Just another day in the life of a Scooby. Even if it was one of the weirder ones.

End

Author's note: Thank you for all the reviews you've sent me.

I found Buffy a couple of years ago, just browsing around Hulu. Saw the show, had heard about it sometimes, and figured, "What the hell?" I started watching and by the time I was done, I was a fan.

Here's how much of a fan I am: I acknowledge that Buffy is the Slayer, Willow is the Witch, and Giles is the Watcher. But to me, Xander Harris is, and always will be, the Boss. He is the Boss because he stood by Buffy and kept doing it even when she doubted. Yeah, he might've hoped that he could be something more, and he made some mistakes that were truly impressive, but he also learned how to be the right kind of person for the job.

So, going forward, if I write more Buffy stories, odds are they're going to be focused on Xander. There's a lot of things you can do with this guy, something people already know. Just look at the fanfiction.

I'll see you all next chapter!