"EVERYONE, QUIET DOWN!" Iruka said calmly. The class went silent, always afraid when his head ballooned inhumanly. "Ahem. Good, now let's begin roll call…"

Having finished with most of the list, Iruka's eyes landed on the #1 most unpredictable ninja in Konoha. That little shit was the cause of many headaches in Iruka's time teaching. Hopefully today he wouldn't get into any of his antics. "Naruto Uzumaki." He raised an eyebrow when he didn't receive a response. "Naruto Uzumaki, are you here?"

He was about to mark him absent - again - when a man appeared in the middle of the room. He used a silent body flicker? Iruka thought. That's advanced stuff. Who is this guy?

Whoever he was, he was no joke. The man was a 7 foot tall monstrosity, wearing a dark black trenchcoat, high military steel toed boots, Anbu pants, and an Anbu fox mask covering his face.

"Konichiwa, ANBU-san. Can I help you?" Iruka asked, because that had to be who he was. It didn't make any other sense.

"Iruka-sensei, don't you recognize me?" The man's voice was a deep, low baritone.

Iruka shook his head in confusion.

The Anbu member chuckled, taking off their mask. The girls all gasped when they saw the man's face. He was a handsome man with chiseled features, a jawline any man could die for, and bright blue eyes. His hair was a spiky yellow.

The man was grinning at him. A grin that was oddly familiar... "Naruto?"

"WHAT?! THAT CAN'T BE NARUTO! HE IS SO NOT THAT COOL!" screeched the resident banshee, Sakura Haruno. Iruka covered his ears in pain. "NOT LIKE SASUKE-KUN!"

Speaking of Sasuke, the boy was staring intensely at Naruto, a jealous look in his eyes. When did the dobe turn into… this?

"Yep! It's me!" Naruto said. His cheerful words contrasted with his inhumanly deep voice. "Made it in time, didn't I?"

"Naruto, why are you so… different?" Iruka asked, befuddled.

Naruto's look turned cold. "Because everything was a mask, Iruka. The Naruto before wasn't me. Having the village hating me, beating me during Fox Hunts, and raping me every time I left my house… it broke me."

Hiruzen, the old fart, was watching the scene with his crystal ball. Regret was in his eyes. "Oh, Naruto-kun. I wanted to help you, but the council forced my hand. Minato would be so disappointed in me. I've failed you."

"I pretended to be an idiot," Naruto continued. "A failure that was desperate for any attention. I pulled pranks, and I made everyone's life horrible. Just to make everyone doubt me, because if you knew who I really was… the villagers would kill me." His grin returned. "But now I'm a ninja. The villagers can't beat me anymore or they'll be executed. I'm safe, so now I can be the person who I truly am inside."

Naruto turned around, walking towards the back of the class. "With that being said…" He stopped at Hinata's seat. His large frame towered above her, but he went down on one knee so they were around the same height.

Hinata stared wide-eyed at the blond. "N-n-n-n-n-naruto-kun."

"Hinata, you were the only one who accepted me when I pretended to be an idiot. Every time I failed, I knew you were cheering me on. You never cared that I was a failure. You saw me… for me."

Naruto pulled a ring out of his trench coat. "That's why I know this is the right choice. Hinata Hyuuga, will you marry me?"

"WHAT? BUT WE'RE ONLY TWELVE! WE'RE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO MARRY YET!" the banshee screamed. Everyone's ears bled profusely.

Naruto sneered at Sakura. "Old enough to kill, old enough to fuck, Sakura. Now that we're genin, we're adults. That means I can marry Hina-hime. Now, Hinata." Naruto turned back to her to receive his answer, only to not find Hinata where she was earlier. Shikamaru pointed to the back of the room.

Hinata, after he proposed to her, was propelled by an intense nosebleed to crash against the wall, a puddle of blood underneath her.

"YOU KILLED HER!"

Naruto's ears exploded.

/-/

Kakashi entered the room where his genin were located. What he saw made him want to turn right back around.

Some 7 ft monstrosity had his arms crossed and was staring straight ahead, ignoring Sakura Haruno, known across the Elemental Nations as the Banshee of Konoha - seriously, Kumo sometimes demanded Konoha quiet her down. They could hear her screeching all the way from there - screaming into his ear.

The Last Uchiha was staring intensely at the 7ft man, muttering intensely. Kakashi barely caught, "That's my height. I'm an Uchiha Elite."

The banshee's attention turned to Kakashi. "HEY! WHY ARE YOU LATE?!"

Kakashi sighed. He'd had to see a medic later for his bleeding ears. Ignoring her, he nodded to the 7ft blond. "And who are you?"

"Naruto Uzumaki," the man said with an impossibly deep voice.

"Ah, very well. Meet me on the roof." Kakashi left the room, body flickering to the roof a second later. It was cooler that way.

To his surprise, when he appeared on the roof, Naruto was waiting for him. "You can body flicker already?"

Naruto just nodded.

Kakashi shrugged, accepting this weird fact as well. They waited for the others. When they arrived, he asked them to introduce themselves.

"I AM SAKURA HARUNO. MY HOBBY IS STALKING SASUKE AND SEEING HIM NAKED. MY DISLIKES ARE WHEN I'M NOT WITH HIM. MY LIKES ARE HIS DICK, HIS HAIR, AND HIS BEAUTIFUL EYES."

"Enlightening," Kakashi said. He nodded to Naruto to continue, but the boy didn't see to hear him. His gaze was off to the side. He had a look of concentration that Kakashi could never hope to replicate. Huh. I wonder what has his attention.

Naruto was dead to the world. He had no idea what was happening because inside his mindscape, Kurama was giving the best fucking blowjob in the world.

She gulped down his 20 inch down her throat, uncaring of the damage it was doing to her.

"Oh god, Kurama-nii, that's amazing. Thank god I met you when I was a kid. If it wasn't for you, I'd still be that stupid little boy I was before. It's because of your training, your love, that I'm this amazing now."

He didn't let her respond, pushing her deeper into his cock.

/-/

Kakashi held up two bells. "Alright, you should know the rules by now." He placed the bells on his belt. "Come at me with the intent to kill."

Team 7 scattered, save one… Kakashi raised an eyebrow at the cocky look on Naruto's face.

"You said to come at you with the intent to kill, right, Kakashi?!" Naruto said, his deep voice causing the ground to rumble.

"Pretty sure I said that a few seconds ago, yes," Kakashi said warily. He didn't pull out his book. This was a completely different Naruto. Anything could happen.

Like him activating the Kyuubi cloak…

He balked at the sight. One. Two. Three tails?!

"Wait, Naruto, what are you–"

"Alright, I'm coming at you with the intent to kill!" Naruto shouted. He blitz toward Kakashi, a purple Rasengan in his hand. He knows the Rasengan?!

Kakashi Hatake died that day. His name joined Rin and Obito on the memorial stone.

Hiruzen, the pedophile that he is, watched the kids on his crystal ball. "Oh, Naruto-kun. To imagine you'd be that strong. Minato would be proud of you," he said, ignoring Kakashi's death.