I close both locks

below the window

I close both blinds

and turn away

As his eyes slipped open, slowly and painfully, he knew that he'd given in to the darkness, to the pull of it's faux promise of easing things and letting the pain go.

He knew that way before but the newfound disappointment still stung harder than the voice of his old man shouting from the shadows.

He tried all the ways before and he'd never been able to forge a wall thick and strong enough.

His walls always crumbled in the end.

Everything crumbled in the end…

Sometimes solutions aren't so simple

Sometimes goodbye's the only way, oh

His mind was fractured, broken, weak…

He was too weak…

His father was right and the thought alone made the resolve to come out of this in sunshine and pink bubbles crumble along with all his other failures…

He tried to be strong, unbreakable, indestructible, powerful, winning….

He tried..

Harder than ever in his life…

He didn't let his father win, he fought against all that, he emerged and he shone…

It wasn't enough..

It never was enough… and he couldn't find a way to win…

They were the same..

It still scared him to the bone and through all his being…

The cold and lonely, the darkness, the despair…

All the struggles and fights for sanity..

Like desert sand they slipped through his shaky fingers like the good memories of his life…

Like flowers wilting in his mother's vase…

Like raindrops sinking through the layers of ground…

He couldn't stop..

And the sun will set for you

The sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day

Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

The pain was tearing through his soul, burning his body on the way. Every nerve ending was singed in great force of pain and he couldn't hear his screams…

He couldn't feel his screams tearing through the white walls of despair and hopelessness…

His mind was all deep blacks of embers of hot red flames licking at the walls of defense he was loosing… crumbling…

All the pieces of the last defense was becoming of a pile of ashes….

He couldn't feel his tears… couldn't hear the screams… he just knew everything he'd tried to build up was crumbling down to ashes…

Ashes…

The pain and betrayal, the endless distrust… he couldn't take the look in Dani's eyes as she came up to him… the stares he felt burning him from behind… the happy glow of his father as he said those damned words he believed so much…

We are the same

He wanted to run and hide so far away from everyone he'd ever known. He wanted to stop the hurt. To escape…

He needed the escape from all this… from his father never leaving… from the poking and prodding… the annoyed glances stolen when they thought he was too far gone under the meds… the whispers echoing though the hallways at the dawn of the night… the tight grips of their hands as they rush in to stop the inevitable just one more time in false hopes and pretense…

In cards and flowers

on your window

Your friends all plead

for you to stay

He fought against the pull and tried to make the pain go away, but in vain his endless tries kept smothering every memory and hope…

He tried for the sake of his family and few he called friends but it never gave up.

The torture and suffering…

He couldn't take it anymore…

But no, they won't let him anyway.. He's doomed unless he takes it fast…

His mother would cry and let the booze wash it away…

His sister will put on her armor of fight and keep on digging…

Gil would feel the pain tear through him but he will talk to Jackie from his garden…

Dani would scream and kick a perp for trying to resist arrest…

JT would swipe a silent tear off the corner of his eye and quietly tell his gravestone the name he'd been trying to guess all this time…

They will all be fine eventually…

And he'll be free for once…

And the sun will set for you

The sun will set for you