From the May 18, 2023 writer's prompt on the JE FF Facebook page. Write a one-shot using the words "asking for a friend".

All familiar characters belong to Janet. I am not making any money from this.

Asking for a Friend by Debra8652

Raphael

My name is Raphael Santorini. I am a third generation Italian-American. My complexion has olive undertones. My hair hasn't been cut in three years and falls halfway down my back.

I was assigned to accompany Stephanie on any of her apprehensions this week. She got a tip from a high school friend who works in a nearby Chinese restaurant. I drove the Rangeman SUV with Steph riding shotgun. I entered the restaurant first - the skip would recognize Steph so I blocked his view of her as he stood in line to pay for his buffet lunch. Steph slipped in line a couple of people behind him while I made a fake phone call to tell my lunch date I had arrived at the restaurant. The skip turned at the sound of my voice and caught sight of Steph behind him. He took off down the back hallway and collided with an employee who was carrying a metal container to restock the buffet table. Needless to say, a crash ensued involving the employee, skip, Steph and then me. We subdued the skip, cuffed him and transported him to the Trenton PD after covering him in an emergency blanket to protect the upholstery. So how do you get sweet and sour sauce out of long hair? Asking for a friend.

Gene

My name is Gene or Eugene. It doesn't matter, as this didn't happen to me. It definitely happened to one of the guys I work with. I'm going to write this in the first person to further protect my Rangeman coworker.

I broke my wrist in a takedown so I was assigned to guard Stephanie's Grandma Mazur at a visitation at Stiva's. The Morelli clan was rumored to be attending so I was assigned to prevent any Mazur-Morelli scenes. The deceased had a 40-year career as a clown at children's parties so they dressed him in his clown outfit.

Edna approached the thankfully-open casket to pay her respects. As Edna patted the deceased's shoulder, the flower on his lapel squirted water into her face. Did I mention he was dressed in full clown regalia? Edna was startled, which caused her false teeth to fall into the casket. Edna grabbed the handkerchief from the deceased's pocket to dry her face, which resulted in a 20-foot long multicolored scarf to be draped everywhere. She got her right leg on the edge of the casket so she could reach her false teeth. Unfortunately, in order to maintain her balance, she leaned her weight on her left wrist, which landed on every clown's favorite accessory - a bicycle horn. So picture Edna's (I can't unsee them) panties being on display to everyone, to the sound of Ooga, Ooga, Ooga.

Thankfully Steph arrived after finally finding a parking space two blocks away. Between the two of us we had three good wrists and got Edna off the casket, retrieved her false teeth, and tucked the scarf back into the deceased's pocket. So, I'm asking for a reference letter. Again, this didn't happen to me - I'm asking for a friend.