900God's Blessing on this Wonderful Dungeon
By Icura and Special FX
~o~
Prologue
~o~
It was just another regular day in a certain mansion in Axel, the town of beginnings. Or at least, that was what it should have been if it weren't for the suspicious-looking object that had just fallen out of the bag they had found in a dungeon during their last quest.
A red button on a small gray metal square that had such a simple construction that it looked just like a remote control device, except that it wasn't connected to anything nor did it have anything that could send out a signal. In fact, it could be said that it was just a metal box with a button on it. Picking the device up and placing it on the living room table in front of him, the one known as Satou Kazuma only had one thought in his mind.
It was way too suspicious.
"Hey, Kazuma, Kazuma!" Aqua excitedly jumped up from her seat. "Let's push the button!"
"What? No!" Kazuma hastily replied as he caught Aqua's wrist right before she could push down on the button. "Are you an idiot?! It's obviously way too suspicious! What if it explodes and blows up the mansion? Who do you think is going to have to pay for everything, you useless goddess!"
"It'll be fine, Kazuuuuumaaaa! Let me push it!" Aqua whined as she struggled against his grip. She reached out with her other hand, but he caught that one too. "Come on, just a little bit!"
"Did you forget what happened the last time you pushed a red button?! What if it's a trap!?" Kazuma hollered as he tried to pull her back. "Darkness, talk some sense into her!"
"...a trap?" Darkness repeated as her cheeks flushed a deep shade of red. "M-maybe it'll send us to a prison, and I'll have to sacrifice myself to—"
"Ahhhhhhh! You useless perverted knight! Oi, Aqua stop struggling! Megumin, say something!"
"This is indeed the correct course of action, Kazuma," Megumin replied as she placed a hand under her chin in thought. "But…if you're asking whether or not to push it, then I think we definitely should!"
Just as Kazuma was about to respond to that, Aqua finally managed to shake him off and slapped down on the button with the palm of her hand. For a moment, no one moved or said anything. Aqua slowly turned her head toward him and gave him a smug grin.
And that was when everything began shaking.
"E-eh? Eh!?" Aqua stuttered in surprise. "O-ow! Kazuuuuuma! It hurts!" She shrieked as she tried to pull her hand off the button to no avail.
"I told you it was a trap!" Kazuma shouted as he quickly tried to pry her hand off the button, but it stuck to her as if glued on. "Damn it, let go already!"
The world continued to shake, and his vision began to blur. It was as if the very fabrics that make up time and space were being warped, distorted in a kaleidoscope of colors. He couldn't help but feel a sense of vertigo as the world around him began to spin and twirl in ways that defied his senses.
"O-oh…!" Darkness let out a low breath as her face flushed even more. "I wonder what will happen to me? What kind of punishment will I have to endure!?"
"This isn't the time, Darkness!"
"Kazuma! Kazuma! My hand's stuck, and it feels like something is draining out of me!" Aqua cried out with tears in her eyes. "The world's turning all weird!"
"Ahhhhhhhhhh! Shut up! I told you not to press the—"
Kazuma never got to finish his sentence as the world before his sight became incomprehensible, blurred and warped to the point that it looked like a smeared painting. However, even that was fading. The colors melted away until there was only a pitch-black darkness, and then…
Nothing.
~o~
When his vision finally came back, Kazuma was assaulted by a sense of vertigo as his senses realigned. It wasn't to the point where he needed to puke and splash the ground with rainbows, but it was a close call.
"Ueeegh!"
Of course, not everyone in their party was as hardy. Turning his head, Kazuma found that the only one with a worse endurance stat than him, Megumin, was littering the ground with a mess that was better left blurred out in his memories. Moving his sight away so he wouldn't have to see–or remember–any more of that, he took a moment to sit up and take in his surroundings.
Instead of the comfortable walls of their mansion in their tastefully done living room, Kazuma found that they were now all lying or sitting on patches of dried dirt and grass in the middle of a small clearing. The midday sun was shining down on them brightly, heating them up, while the trees of the surrounding forest were dark and gloomy, densely populated with their wooden brethren. If anything, he couldn't see that far into the forest because the amount of shade exceeded the light inside.
Still, it wasn't like it was anything scary.
If worse came to worse, an explosion would clear it out, but he didn't want to be too much of a nuisance to the surrounding community. Quite frankly, if this forest was anywhere in Belzerg, they would know right away that Megumin would be the cause of it, and the bill for that would be extensive enough that he would probably have to spend a few days making a "new" invention to patent and sell off.
Kazuma watched all of his party members slowly gather their bearings, he couldn't shake the sinking feeling forming within the pit of his stomach. Would the trap that whoever put in the dungeon be as simple as random teleportation to a nearby area? Technically, forests were similar enough to each other that, unless a person's class was a ranger or druid, it would be difficult to recognize where they were right away.
Still, forests had an end because of human civilization and logging efforts. All they needed to do was keep going in one direction and eventually, they would either hit a mountain, an ocean, or a village. Frankly speaking, there was enough inside a forest to eat, so survival wouldn't be much of an issue for them. Not unless it was a desert or the arctic, but there were ways to handle that too.
"K-Kazuuuuma…" Aqua weakly called out as she grabbed at his sleeves. "I…I can't feel my divinity anymore."
There was a moment of silence.
"Aqua," Kazuma slowly began as he looked down at her with a smile. "Are you telling me that you lost your standing as a goddess? After I went through all of that trouble to defeat the demon king for you?" He put both his hands on her shoulders and shook her. "Huh?! Are you telling me I did all of that for nothing?! Give me back all of my hard work and effort, you damn useless goddess!"
"Uwaaaaaaa! W-what do I do Kazuma?!" Aqua cried out. "I'm not a goddess anymore!"
"Stop crying already! You're getting your snot all over my cloak!" Kazuma squawked as he tried to move away from the crying goddess. "Okay, okay! Just stop already! I'll help you find a way to get your divinity back."
"...are you two done yet?" Megumin deadpanned before pointing to the side. "Maybe you should take a look over there."
Darkness was on her knees, her hands clasped in prayer.
If it was just that, while it would certainly be odd, it wouldn't be an issue. The problem was that the person standing in front of her was the Goddess Eris, dressed in her usual nun outfit and looking completely stunned. When the goddess noticed that everyone's attention was on her, her head slowly turned to them as tears came to her eyes.
"...all I did was watch you press the button. Why did I get brought along as well?"
"Serves you right for peeping!" Aqua shouted, though she quickly noticed that Eris still retained her divine aura and ran over to her. "But why do you get to keep your divinity?! Share some of that with me!"
"Senpai, please calm down! S-stop tugging on my shirt!" Eris cried out as she tried to push the blue-haired girl away. "It's going to rip!"
"It doesn't matter! You're wearing pads anyway!"
"That's not the point!" Eris' cheeks were bright red from embarrassment. "And don't say that!"
"Everyone already knows!"
"Even then…!"
One of the bushes suddenly rustled, catching everyone's attention and causing them all to freeze and tense up. However, despite everyone's vigilance, a duck stumbled out of the shrubbery with leaves on its back and feathers. Oddly enough, it was holding a leek as if it was a club.
The duck froze from everyone's intense stare, but it soon began to shake in fear. During all of this, Megumin simply walked up and grabbed the duck by its neck. With one hand placed firmly on its neck and another on top of its head, there was soon a loud crack that resounded through the clearing.
Dropping the dead duck, Megumin turned around and stuck out her two fingers in a victory sign.
"I won," she stated proudly. Without waiting for a response from her flummoxed audience, she pulled out her adventurer card. "I wonder how much experience that Duxion gave me?"
The very moment that Megumin glanced down at the card, a loud scream of surprise, pain, and even agony erupted from her like a geyser. Her fingers gripped the card with so much force that she nearly ripped it in half. Her face was becoming paler and paler by the second.
"Uhm… Megumin?" Kazuma hesitantly reached out his hand to place it on her shoulder. "You alright?"
The normally fiery girl dropped to her knees in complete and utter distraught as her adventurer card fell helplessly to the ground.
"…it's over. Everything's over…" Megumin mumbled to herself. "I've lost everything…"
When Kazuma glanced down at the adventurer card she had dropped, his eyes immediately widened in surprise.
The area of the card where there should have been a record of all of Megumin's skills and stats was now completely empty, devoid of all text and images. It had simply become just a blank card. With a chill running up his spine, he pulled out his own adventurer card and saw the exact same thing.
This… This was not good.
Would his skills even work anymore?
Kazuma took a glance over at Darkness who was still kneeling down while staring at Eris with an unreadable expression on her face. Maybe she had finally put two and two together and realized that she was Chris. Well, not that it really mattered to him. Big boss might have wanted to keep it a secret, but Darkness was bound to find out eventually.
"Hey, Darkness," he called out, catching her attention. "I'm going to test out a theory of mine."
"…huh?" She tilted her head at him, confused.
Kazuma moved before she had a chance to even react.
"Steaaaaaaaaaal!"
He could feel his skill triggering. After a small flash of light, he slowly opened his hand. A pair of black laced panties rested neatly on the center of his palm.
Ah.
Well, at least he knew his skills still worked, even if he probably wouldn't be able to level them up anymore.
"O-oooooohhh!" Darkness moaned as her face flushed a brilliant crimson. "K-Kazuma…! S-so you've finally decided to lay your hands on m-me?!"
This hopeless woman…
Kazuma brought the panties up to his nose and gave them a sniff.
"It smells pretty weird."
"Scumzuma," Megumin muttered.
"This humiliation…" Darkness slowly raised her head, revealing tears in the corner of her eyes. "...is not the type that I want. Give it back!"
"Red to red, and black to black. Darker than even the most crimson blaze. Thy time of awakening has cometh. Return all creation to ash. Hear my call and know that I, Megumin of the Crimson Demon Clan, command the–"
"Wait, stop! Stop! Don't test that out now! Stop!"
~o~
After convincing Megumin that immediately testing out the explosion spell wasn't in their best interest, they wandered through the forest in a single direction, paying attention to their surroundings and keeping an ear open for clues like the sound of running water along the way. The forest seemed to stretch on forever though, and despite how much noise the entire group was making—as if this was a field trip rather than aimless wandering—they had not been attacked by any monsters yet, much to his surprise.
They did take a small break to cook up the duck—or Duxion as it was called in Belzerg-–which didn't really taste any different from duck to him. He thought it would be a little different, considering how delicious the flying vegetables were, but it wasn't really that strange of a taste. If anything, the disgruntled look on Darkness and Megumin's face as if they were tasting something weird was more enlightening.
Honestly, that seemed like the first clue that this place probably wasn't in Belzerg.
With that in mind, he decided that scouting ahead would be in their best interest. He didn't simply move in one direction, but also wandered around the vicinity in an arc, though he kept the party's position as the focal point. After a while, Kazuma perked up when he spotted something that looked like the silhouette of a village on the horizon. Since it was a bit off the path they were going, instead of immediately checking out the village, he headed back to the group.
"Hey guys, there's a village up ahead in that direction." He pointed out with his finger.
It had only been a couple of hours of walking, but when he came back to them, he found Eris and Darkness practically in tears while Aqua and Megumin were wearing smug grins that did little to hide what they had done. It took a while, but Kazuma finally calmed everyone down enough so that they could finally get to the matter at hand.
A task that was much harder than it sounded.
Luckily, Eris was on hand to help with the herding. After she regained her composure, she helped with getting the other three to focus enough that they made their way over to the path that Kazuma directed them to.
Upon getting a closer look at the village ahead, Kazuma couldn't help but notice how very archaic the houses looked. Not in the sense that it came out of a western fantasy like the town of Axel did. No, this was more like feudal Japanese style, reminding him of something straight out of a Sengoku period drama.
That sinking feeling in his gut from earlier returned with a vengeance.
The kingdom of Belzerg had been distinctly western in terms of its building aesthetics, and the fact that the village in front of him looked more like something that could be found in Kyoto did not bode well for them. Actually, it looked far more shoddily made and worn down than something from Kyoto. These were buildings made of wood, clay, and bamboo, but nearly all of them were damaged in some way or form.
"Kazuma, Kazuma," Aqua said worriedly as she tugged on his sleeve. "Is that what I think it is?"
"You don't recognize it? Maybe it's just some isolated island nation far to the east of Belzerg?"
Kazuma glanced with a hopeful gaze over to Eris, but the blank look that the goddess had on her face was telling. Aqua technically wasn't in charge of the world so she wouldn't know, but it was Eris' jurisdiction, and if that goddess was looking like this…
"We're not near Axel anymore, are we?"
Did that useless goddess really isekai him into another world again?! Or maybe it was his own world, but in the past? It would make sense since Aqua was the goddess of Japan, and she was the one that pressed the button.
No, he needed some more information before he could come to that conclusion. What if that button had just teleported them all to some super hidden eastern style kingdom in the same world? If Belzerg was supposed to be medieval Europe, shouldn't there be a feudal Japan as well?
As a former shut-in that read his fair share of fantasy light novels, that train of thought made sense to him. However, he was afraid to actually give that thought a voice. If Eris were to strike it down, that would be the last piece of hope that he had left.
Instead, he said something else.
"Wait here. I'm going to go check it out."
Without waiting for a response, Kazuma activated his [Lurk] skill and practically melted into the shadows as he made his way to the village, ignoring the shouts coming from his party members. He couldn't put it off any longer; he needed to find out just what was going on. Eris could babysit them for now.
As he made his way closer, he found that the only thing surrounding the village was a wooden barricade using sharpened logs. Not anything that would suffice against a real raid, but it should have been enough for a rural village. However, he found signs of battles.
Claw marks, teeth marks, and even arrow pockmarks as well as sword slashes were visible on it. There were even logs that were obviously different from the surrounding wood, having been replaced recently. If anything, with the amount of battles–even minor ones–that this village had seen, there should have been more sturdy fortifications instead of this rather flimsy one.
Why hadn't it been upgraded or replaced?
While it would have been a simple matter to sneak past the two guards—dressed in traditional Japanese armor of wood plates and wielding simple spears—at the gate who were practically sleeping on the job, it was actually easier and safer to just scale the barricade instead. There were plenty of battle marks he could use as footholds. It took only seconds to reach the top and drop over it. Landing lightly on his feet in the backyard of a small house, he quickly snuck out into the village proper.
All those rogue-like adventures he had with Chris really paid off.
The first thing that caught his eye once he made it inside was that all the villagers he saw were dressed in what looked like traditional Japanese clothing. Kimonos and hakamas along with haoris. Pretty much everything that he saw in one of those period television dramas that he occasionally watched. Honestly, he was expecting this to an extent, so it wasn't anything surprising. At least, there wasn't until he saw a girl with fox tails walk by. And then another girl with elf ears.
That was when he noticed the little boy who was not actually a little boy sitting off to the side. After all, what kind of little boy had white hair and a thick mustache that didn't look like it was pasted on?
Seeing Western fantasy races in Eastern fantasy clothes, he knew this definitely was not the feudal Japan that he knew of. He had faint hopes that this would have been Japan, albeit in a time-period that was way before his time, but this deftly crushed that hope.
"That useless goddess…!"
Kazuma snapped his mouth shut when a pair of kimono-wearing girls glanced at his hiding spot in confusion, but he held still until they turned away. This was not like any of the worlds that he knew of. It wasn't Earth nor was it the world that Eris governed. This was an entirely new one, and it was all the fault of one impulsive button-pressing goddess. Perhaps that explained why all of their adventurer cards were blank; a different world had to have a different leveling system after all.
Although, wasn't this the chance for an actual fantasy-like development?
Sure, there were probably exorcists instead of wizards and elves in kimonos, but there would hopefully be no more all-female orc hordes trying to kidnap men or elves with detachable ears. Maybe even actual true fantasy races that acted like they were supposed to! Would this finally be the true isekai experience he had been hoping for?!
Knowing his luck…
It was a possibility.
As exciting as this sudden revelation was, he knew he had better get back to his party before one of them did something stupid.
It wasn't as if he didn't trust Eris, but trying to control those three…
Well, it just wasn't exactly a task that anyone could do. In fact, he doubted that anyone in the world aside from himself could manage such an impossible feat.
However…
"What do you mean we can't go inside?!"
They were already at the gates. Megumin looked like she was about ready for a fight while Eris was trying her best along with Darkness to hold her back.
Those guys… He couldn't even leave them alone for twenty minutes!?
"You're all suspicious foreigners. Why would we–wait, you're a goddess! Forgive me for not recognizing you! Of course, you and your Familia may come in."
"O-oh, uhm, thank you very much," Eris replied with surprise evident on her face. "Well, come along now, everyone. Let's head inside."
Bless you, Eris.
That's why you're the big boss! Not even the three idiots could screw things up when you were around! He had never doubted her for a second.
Nope, not at all.
Kazuma tailed the four of them as they made their way deeper into the village, looking around everywhere like tourists. The four of them had a myriad of expressions on their faces ranging from wonder and surprise to confusion and bewilderment. Once the four of them had made their way to an area of the village without as many people, he deactivated his [Lurk] skill and smacked Megumin upside the head.
"Wha— Kazuma!" Megumin growled out as she rubbed the back of her head. "W-what was that for?!"
"For trying to pick a fight with the gate guards," he deadpanned. "Thanks for keeping them out of trouble, Eris."
"Oh, it's no trouble." She smiled in return. "It's the job of a goddess to watch over her children after all."
"Acting like a big shot now that I lost my divinity, huh!?" Aqua growled as she pinched Eris's cheeks. "You lying goddess who pads her chest!"
"S-senpai, please stop!"
Kazuma smacked her on the back of the head as well.
"K-Kazuma! Why!?" Aqua cried out with tears in her eyes.
"Stop bullying Eris," Kazuma dryly replied. "Anyway, I'm sure you all must have noticed by now, but we aren't in Belzerg anymore."
"I did notice that. None of the architecture here looks like anything I have seen before," Darkness said as she folded her arms over her chest. "Do you happen to have any idea where we are, Kazuma?"
"I've got a theory."
"Well, what is it, Kazuma?" Megumin asked with a raised eyebrow. "Spit it out already."
"We've all been teleported into another world."
For a moment, everyone just stared at him in silence, and then…
"What!?"
~o~
Author's Notes-
Special FX: First time doing a collab with someone, I learned a lot and it was a lot of fun! Hope everyone enjoys the story! And yes, we used the red button from Isekai Quartet, haha.
Icura: Yep, this is a new collaboration by us. Hope you all like it!