Joker's Hell Priest
Joker stood in the center of Lex Luthor's vault. He gazed around, admiring all the fabulous things that Lex possessed. Hanging on the wall he saw paintings by Picasso, da Vinci, and van Gogh. There were priceless artifacts, and millions of dollars worth of jewelry displayed on shelving. Stacks of cash were piled up in every corner. There was more money than any man should possess. But the Joker wasn't there for any of that. It was all useless to him. He was there for another reason. He had heard about a weapon Lex created which could actually kill Superman, but he had no clue of what it might look like. He imagined it must be pretty big, especially if it could kill a man who can literally stop bullets with his bare hands. But everywhere the joker looked, nothing seemed to fit that description.
He began knocking over the shelves that held the jewelry and the artifacts, hoping to uncover something. He then tore the paintings off the walls and knocked over every pile of cash, yet he couldn't find any weapon that could kill the man of steel.
Upon knocking over one of the shelves, he discovered a small wooden box. The box had a combination sequence on it.
"Hmm… it looks as if the combination is quite easy to figure out. It basically shows you which way to turn it. Surely a bright pupil such as Lexy-boy, would have been able to figure it out for himself." Joker thought to himself. "Perhaps there is a specific reason for why he hasn't opened it yet. I will just place it in my goodie bag for now."
Then Joker noticed a gun. It was big, but it certainly wasn't a gun big enough to put down Superman, that's for sure… or so he thought. He then picked it up and studied it. It was a heavy revolver that was made out of lead. That seemed weird to him because most revolvers were made out of steel. He then opened the bullet chamber. Placed inside the six slots were bright green, crystallized bullets. He had never seen anything like that before. The bullets seemed as if they had come from another planet.
"I will simply put this in my goodie bag as well. You never know when you're going to need another peashooter. I'll just place it right here next to my 357-Magnum."
Since Joker couldn't find what he came looking for, he decided to squirt lighter fluid all over Luthor's valuable possessions, and then he lit it up.
"HaHaHaHaHa! Burn, baby burn!" He yelled maniacally, dancing in place like a marionette.
Upon leaving the vault, hoping to make a clean getaway, he was suddenly surprised when he heard a man's voice yelling from above, "Hold it right there, clown!"
When Joker looked up, he saw Superman hovering over him, suspended in midair. He quickly pulled out his 357-Magnum and fired away.
BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!
CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK
Superman could see the bullets hurling towards him with his crystal clear vision, but he also knew bullets couldn't hurt him, so he simply let them bounce right off of his chest, just like he had done several times before now.
Joker was amazed at how his 357 bullets didn't even make a dent. He then decided to pull out the heavy lead gun that he had just stolen from Lex's safe.
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG! He fired all the bright green bullets one after another..
Superman could see all the bullets coming at him in HD slow motion. He noticed their bright green color, but he wasn't worried since nothing had ever penetrated his flesh as of yet and he had no reason to assume the same thing wouldn't happen again, he figured he could simply just allow them to bounce off as well. Except this time the bullet didn't ricochet off of him. Instead, a fragment of the first bullet actually stung him like a bee. Most of the bullet shattered upon impact, but a small pointed tip remained lodged in his rib cage. As soon as he felt the pain, and because his reflexes were so fast, he managed to dodge out of the way of the next five bullets. He wasn't quite sure of what the bullet was made out of as he placed his hand over the wound, and he was surprised it had actually penetrated his skin like it did.
He then descended to the ground and took Joker by his collar. "Time for you to go to jail, clown." He taunted.
However, just as he said that, he began to feel weak in his knees. Soon after that, he began to feel sick to his stomach. He looked down at his fresh wound, which was actually starting to show a spot of blood. "What was in the bullet you shot me with?" He demanded to know, still clutching Joker by his purple bow-tie.
"Beats me!" The Joker replied, showing a huge grin on his face, knowing Superman was continuing to get weaker. He then pulled out the wooden box he had stolen from Lex's vault and held it high in the air. "Or should I say… IT BEATS YOU!" He blurted, repeatedly smashing the box over Superman's head.
Superman reached up and grabbed hold of the box, trying to stop Joker from hitting him anymore. He then tried twisting it out of Joker's hand. The twisting motion caused the combination lock on the box to turn clockwise.
SHANK! The box suddenly shot a large needle out from both sides, simultaneously embedding themselves into both Superman and Joker's hands.
"OW!" They bellowed in unison, noticing the large needles had stabbed all the way through.
Normally, a needle wouldn't have been able to penetrate Superman's hand, but because he had been weakened by the green bullet, it was now possible for such a thing to happen to him. He had never felt pain like that before in his entire life.
"I'll be damned! I guess I actually DID find the weapon that could kill Superman!" Joker rejoiced. He then pulled out a large crowbar from behind his back and proceeded to whack Superman in his back several times. "HaHaHaHa! This is fun!" He salivated.
However, before he could continue swinging, everything suddenly turned pitch black. It was almost as if they had teleported to a completely different dimension. They both stood in confusion until finally a small amount of light could be seen coming from off in the distance, almost as if a corridor was beginning to open.
"I don't know what's going on, but it doesn't really matter!" Joker declared. " I can still beat you with this crowbar no matter where we are!"
He then raised the crowbar high in the air, ready to strike down one last time, but just before he could, a chain suddenly came flying out of nowhere and it grabbed hold of both the Joker's arms, and then tightly wrapped around them, The ends of the chains had large fish hooks, which embedded themselves into his pale colored skin. And then several other chains began flying from out of the darkness, grabbing hold of both Superman and Joker, wrapping themselves around their arms, legs, and neck area, hoisting them up from off the ground.
Superman winced in pain, feeling the penetration of the sharp hooks and the strangulation of the chains, which were cutting off his air supply. Joker was also being strangled, but instead of wincing he tried laughing through the pain.
Seconds later, footsteps could be heard entering the poorly lit room. Soon the silhouette of a tall man emerged from out of the lit corridor. He continued moving closer until he was perfectly within their sights.
"You summoned me." The tall, pale faced man spoke.
The Joker and Superman noticed the ritualistic scars that ran horizontally and vertically across his entire face. At each intersection of the scars were nails protruding from out of them, embedded long ago.
"We didn't summon you." Superman barely managed to reply, still being strangled by the chains, the hooks continuing to pull his flesh apart.
"The box chose you to summon me." PinHead responded, his echoing monotone voice filling the dark void.
"I stole the box." Joker coughed out. "This putz just happened to get in my way."
"It doesn't matter. The box has chosen both of you to join us. Prepare for your ascension." PinHead instructed.
"Ascension? What are you talking about?" Superman demanded to know.
"You will be made to suffer until that suffering becomes pleasure. At that point, you will have truly ascended."
Both men could feel the hooks beginning to tear their skin apart.
"Ha Ha Ha!" Joker began laughing, knowing Superman would die this way.
PinHead walked up to the Joker. "Why does this mime laugh?"
"I want to feel it all!" Joker declared. "I want to know the intense pain you are inflicting on Superman!" He cried out like a dying hyena.
PinHead placed his fingertips on Joker's forehead. He then saw visions of Joker's past victims and those of the future. He smiled at all the suffering. "You are not ready to join us yet." He informed Joker. "One day, we will come for you, but not today."
Joker suddenly began to fade away, leaving only PinHead and Superman in the dark room.
"What are you?" Superman asked.
"Explorers in the further regions of experience. I am a demon to some, an angel to others." PinHead replied. "For the purpose of this conversation, I am a Cenobite… And I have such sights to show you." He proclaimed, gesturing with his hands, controlling the tightening of the chains.
PinHead was just about to finish off Superman by ripping his body completely apart, when he suddenly noticed the glowing green shrapnel that was coming from Superman's ribcage. He thrusted two fingers into the wound, causing Superman to wince a loud moan, and then proceeded to pull out the shard of kryptonite.
He studied it. "This mineral is not a material of this world." He then placed his fingers on Superman's forehead. After receiving the visions, PinHead realized that Superman also wasn't from this world. "We have never ascended a being like you before." PinHead spoke. "Your pain and suffering will be a new experience for our kind."
PinHead then decided it was time to finish off Superman. However, as he tried tightening the chains, he began to feel some resistance. He didn't realize that removing the kryptonite would make Superman strong again. And within seconds, Superman busted out of the chains. The razor sharp fish hooks broke right off his now steel flesh, and Superman's wounds nearly healed immediately.
PinHead was astonished at Superman's strength.
Superman then grabbed PinHead by his black leather collar and hoisted him into the air. PinHead knew this wasn't a good time to try and fight back. Instead, he closed the wooden box, allowing Superman to leave his dimension. Superman could only watch as the dark scenery faded away and he was back to the same place where he had just confronted the Joker.
Superman picked up the wooden box and kept it near his side. "I will keep this in my possession. I don't need it winding up in the wrong hands again."
Meanwhile, Joker thought he had made a clean getaway. As far as he knew Superman was getting ripped to shreds. So, imagine his surprise when he heard, "Not so fast, clown!"
Joker looked up and saw Superman hovering over him once again. "Drat!"
"It's time to give Mr. Luthor his items back… And then it's time for you to go to jail!" Superman declared, descending closer to Joker.
Joker held up his duffle bag, which was filled with several items from Lex's vault, "Are you talking about these items!" he blurted as he forcefully threw the bag at Superman's head and then began to try and run away. Superman easily deflected the duffle bag and then caught up to Joker rather quickly.
He then snatched up the Joker by his neck. "You thought it was fun when I was being tortured and strangled just a bit ago. I'm going to show you what being strangled actually feels like." Superman threatened, squeezing Joker's neck until his windpipe was completely constricted.
Suddenly, because Superman was still holding the wooden box, he began to see visions of all the victims the Joker had taken. He then began to see visions of all his future victims. His face became enraged when one particular victim entered his mind.
Joker wanted to laugh because he could also see the victims. Instead he could only smile. "I… I… I." The Joker tried to speak.
Superman loosened his vocal cords just enough to allow him a few words.
"You… Better… Kill… Me… If… Not… I… Will… Kill… Her."
Superman could feel the Joker's madness. He knew how many people would die if he allowed Joker to live. He then raised his fist in the air. "I won't let you harm her!" he exclaimed, ready to punch a hole into Joker's chest and pull out his cold heart.
Just then, a growly voice yelled out from behind the two men. "Let go of the prisoner and step away!"
When Superman turned to look, Batman was standing there. "I can't let him go, Batman. I've seen all the terrible things he plans to do. He is going to kill thousands. He is going to try and kill Lois. And if he succeeds… I do terrible things to everyone."
"Well… In that case…" Batman pulled a bright green ring from out of a lead pouch and placed the ring on his finger. He then clenched his fist, readying himself in a fighting stance. "I guess I'm just going to have to take both of you in!"