66Chapter Eleven
Draco felt physically sick as he watched Harry getting ready for the date, he felt sick as he watched Harry pulling on the clothes that he had picked out for him to look his best for another man, another man who would be getting ready right now as well to have a date with Harry, hoping that the evening would go well, probably hoping for a kiss at the end of the night…maybe more.
He felt sick from the looks Hermione and Ron gave him and Harry, a mixture of confusion and sympathy.
"Well, good luck!" Draco smiled at Harry.
"Thank you," Harry nodded, but he didn't smile back.
"Don't be so nervous! You will be fine!" Draco assured him.
"Right, I will be!" Harry nodded, seemingly more to convince himself than Draco. Hermione and Ron were looking between them still as though they were watching a Quaffle being thrown back and forth.
"Remember to have fun," Draco added.
"Fun, yes," Harry nodded.
"You should probably get going," Hermione said a little awkwardly and Harry gave her an odd look before nodding.
"Right!" Harry nodded. "See you soon,"
"See you soon," Draco smiled.
"Be good," Harry pressed a kiss to Alexandra's head which made Draco's heart feel as though it was being ripped open. Finally, though he stepped through the fireplace and flooed to the restaurant and to his date.
He stood there with his mask firmly in place as the flame went from green to normal.
"You ok?" Hermione asked hesitantly.
"Of course! Why wouldn't I be?" Draco managed to sound convincing as he turned to smile at her.
"Erm…. well…" Hermione and Ron looked at each other.
"Oh! She needs changing!" Draco said as Alexandra started crying, and he hurried from the room pressing a kiss to her forehead in thanks.
It had only been forty minutes and Draco felt absolutely awful, he felt as though someone was squeezing and stretching his heart at the same time, he felt as though he had a hole in his chest.
He also felt incredibly stupid.
He had gotten ahead of where things where, it wasn't that he had seen something that wasn't there, just that he had carried on with things and fallen into a way of life that wasn't his to have.
He looked down at Alexandra who was shuffling restlessly along his legs. She had been like that since Harry had left.
"Just you and me my love at the end of the day," he said softly running his finger along her cheek as a tear fell down his.
He dashed it away impatiently trying to give himself a stern talking to. He needed to get himself together before Harry came back, if he was sitting here looking utterly miserable and as though he had been gutted with a curse Harry would worry and he wouldn't go on more dates, he would blame himself and he would lock himself in the house even more, and Draco would hate himself for doing that to the other.
No, he had to pull himself together before Harry came back.
Except…what if he didn't come back? Draco's eyes widened and more tears filled his eyes as the thought washed through him. What if Harry didn't come back tonight? What if the date went really well? What if Harry went back home with Justin? What if Draco had to sit through the night, knowing exactly what it meant that Harry hadn't come back? Knowing what he was doing?
He looked up startled from his rapidly descending thoughts when the fire flared and turned green, and a second later Harry stepped through, looking ruffled, his green eyes were a little wide as he stumbled to stop and quickly found Draco sitting on to sofa.
"Why are you back so early!" Draco blurted out, glancing at the clock to see that it had indeed only been fifty minutes since Harry had left.
"Oh, well the date was going ok, but we were just….Why are you crying?" Harry asked frantically, pausing in what seemed to be a little bit of a rambling explanation and hurrying over. Draco was flustered to realise that it wasn't just one tear as he scrubbed his face finding it wet with many tears. He scrubbed them away and looked down at Alexandria, desperately trying to get himself together.
But then Harry knelt down at his feet, low enough that green eyes could scan over his face, narrowed and searching, Harry's expression was one that Draco didn't recognise before Harry opened his mouth to say something
Harry stepped into the restaurant and he smiled at Justin who was sitting at the nearby table and waved to him when he spotted him.
"Harry," Justin stood and kissed his cheek before they both sat down. "I have no clue what I am ordering, I have scanned this three times,"
"I hope because there is too much choice rather than too few choices," Harry smiled as they sat down, the kiss making him feel strange even as he tried to ignore it.
"Too much choice, I am really struggling between the burger and the steak," Justin sighed. "Or maybe the chicken pie,"
"That is a bit of a jump from the other two," Harry laughed.
"Just a little," Justin grinned. "Have you had a good day?"
"The curtains in the drawing room tried to strangle me when I was trying to take them down but aside from that not too bad," Harry said and huffed when Justin started laughing, "I wasn't even going to replace them! I was taking them down to wash them properly,"
"I swear Harry, only you could make home repairs and renovations life-threatening," Justin chuckled. "Someone needs to write a book about you,"
"Shhhh don't say that out loud! Someone will take you seriously!" Harry groaned waving his hand at Justin who just laughed even harder.
The conversation flowed as easily as it normally did between the two of them, Justin explaining a little more about the stress he was having in getting ready for university and how unprepared he felt. They discussed their friends and the different things that they were doing, making a sneaky bet between themselves as they discussed how soon Ron or Hermione would pluck up the courage to propose.
Their food arrived fairly quickly and they carried on talking throughout the meal, and even though he was enjoying the conversation Harry felt as though half his brain was still at home. When the clock chimed through the restaurant he realised with a stab that he had missed bedtime for Alexandra, something that he had not done since she had been born. He realised that he would normally be sitting with Draco either talking together, reading, or watching TV. His mind was on the weird expression that had been on Draco's face all day, the weird tone that had been in his voice even though he had been trying to hide it.
Ron and Hermione were definitely right, he had an obsession with Draco, one that probably wasn't healthy, considering he seemed to be able to read Draco better than nearly everyone besides Vincent and Greg.
But he didn't know what it meant, he didn't know what the expression and tone had meant. Was he worried to be left by himself without Harry for the evening for the first time since Alexandra had been born? It was a lot looking after her and Harry had been trying to help as much as he could without overstepping.
Did Draco think he had overstepped and wanted Harry to stop being so involved but felt indebted to him and didn't know how to tell him? Was that why he had pushed for Harry to go on the date? Because he wanted his daughter to himself for once without Harry hovering around and getting in the way?
It had hurt when Draco had said that he should go on the date. He hadn't realised how much his heart could hurt until Draco had said he should go on the date so easily, as though it were nothing. Harry had thought that they were…he had thought they might be…he had thought that… he had been stupid, so stupid, he had been laying his hopes and imagination on something that wasn't there, and to hear Draco encouraging him to go on the date had ripped all those dreams he had been having in half in one easy sweep, and lit them on fire.
"You're a million miles away Harry," Justin's voice broke through his thoughts, and he blinked and then flushed when he realised he hadn't taken in what Justin had been saying for minutes now.
"I am sorry!" Harry groaned.
"This isn't working is it?" Justin said a little sadly, but he had a small smile on his face.
"I am really sorry Justin," Harry sighed dropping his face into his hands. "I didn't want to lead you on or…"
"Is it something to do with whatever it is that you're hiding in the house?" Justin asked and laughed when wide green eyes snapped onto him. "Harry we're not stupid, your friends know you too well, you're hiding something there, but Mrs Weasley and Mr Lupin seem to know about it, and you seem safe, so we can wait for you to let us know what is going on," Justin shrugged.
"It is yes," Harry nodded sitting back in his chair with a sigh.
"Go home Harry, it is fine," Justin smiled.
"Justin I…"
"Honestly, my pride would prefer it if you did rather than you sitting here for the rest of the meal unhappily," Justin snorted.
"I am so sorry," Harry felt horrible.
"Don't, I am interested in you, and wanted to see where we could potentially go, but I am not in love with you or anything. Pay for both meals, go home, and in a couple of weeks we will have lunch or something as friends and everything will be fine," Justin reassured him.
"I'm glad you're my friend," Harry said softly.
"Me too," Justin smiled.
"I am sorry, if things hadn't happened that have recently…" Harry said as he stood and pulled coins from his pocket.
"Someone got there first huh?" Justin smiled sitting back a little.
"Not really, but my life is different now," Harry said placing the coins down.
"Don't overthink things Harry," Justin grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "You have a habit of getting in your own head, and overthinking things, but you also don't see what is in front of you because you think the worse of yourself,"
"Thank you," Harry squeezed back.
"Now go…hang on this is more than just this meal!" Justin said seeing the pile of money in front of him.
"You definitely deserve a couple of drinks and to eat, or take with you, a whole cake," Harry said softly.
"In sight of this almighty blow to my dignity, I shall accept and take home the strawberry cheesecake with me, and then we are even," Justin grinned.
"Thank you, Justin," Harry said.
"Get going," Justin waved.
Harry smiled at his friend before turning and hurrying back to the fireplace to floo home, feeling as though he was hurrying back to where he had had his heart torn away and left.
As he practically threw himself into the fireplace, all he wanted was to be home with Draco and Alexandra.
"I didn't want to be on the date, I didn't want to go in the first place," Harry blurted out, and he felt a surge of hope going through him as he watched hope flair in silver blue eyes before it was dampened a little, but it was just enough along with Justin's words before he left to give him a bolt of courage.
Along with the tears on Draco's face.
"I didn't want to leave you and Alexandra, I just wanted to be here, with you," Harry said.
"With…with me as in…" Draco asked breathlessly, and Harry took the plunge, he took his hands and screwed up all the courage that he had to speak.
"I want to be with you Draco, I have been falling in love with you…I have been interested in you since before everything with you and Coconut, I have been falling in love with you since you moved in here,"
"You…you haven't said anything," Draco said as he felt tears slipping down his cheeks again.
"You already feel indebted to me for helping you, for buying Alexandra's things, I hoped that I could see that you were feeling the same way, but I was worried that if I confessed how I felt to you, you would feel pressured into being with me, or reciprocating," Harry admitted.
His heart stopped for a moment when Draco shook his hands off, but then he reached out and cupped Harry's face.
"Harry…I have wanted you for so long, a lot of the digs and things that I have done in the past are because I just wanted your attention on me, even if it was negative attention, I just wanted to be near you. You taking us in, helping us when you didn't have to. I feel grateful, you have no idea how grateful, and I always will be, but I don't feel pressured to return your feelings if anything…how open-hearted you are, how kind, and how generous without expecting anything in return has made me start to fall in love with you. I thought…" Draco started to say and then let out a wet laugh.
"What?" Harry asked concerned.
"I thought you were putting your life on hold because you felt that you had to be here to help me and to make sure that we were ok. When I heard you talking to Justin, I thought that you weren't going on the date because you felt you should be here," Draco admitted.
"I…" Harry shook his head laughing. "We're both idiots,"
"Just a little," Draco smiled. "You…you want to be with me? Because I come with a bit of a package deal," He said nodding to Alexandra who was sleeping on his lap.
"I have been falling in love with you, I want to be with you," Harry raised himself to his knees and cupped Draco's face with one hand before pressing a kiss to his cheek and then pressed their foreheads together as he rested his other hand on Alexandra's chest, "and her, I have been head over heels in love with her since the first time I saw her. " Harry admitted feeling utterly ripped open and raw.
At least until plump lips settled over his and Draco's eyes fluttered shut. Harry's own eyes closed as he pressed back into the kiss, slipping his hand behind Draco's head and cupping it gently.
"Finally," Greg grunted before pulling Vince from the room, the other snickering at the panicked looks on Harry and Draco's faces.
"Don't be stupid with each other like that again!" Vince called over his shoulder.
"You really want to give this a go? You're young, tying yourself down with the responsibilities of a baby already is a lot, you would be giving up a lot," Draco said softly.
Harry slipped from the floor to sit beside Draco on the sofa and he lifted Alexandra from his lap and settled her into his own arms.
"You and her, getting to be in your life, and her life, it is all I want Draco, it has become everything that I want. I am gaining so much more than I would be giving up, and what I would be giving up, I have very little interest in any way," He said softly.
"I will forever thank Mother Magic that you walked into that bathroom," Draco laughed tiredly tucking his feet up onto the sofa and resting his head on Harry's shoulder. Harry wrapped his arm around Draco and hugged him and Alexandra close as he rested his head back against the sofa and let out a breath.
"I will too," Harry said after a few moments, Draco let out a confused noise, clearly almost asleep. "That I chose to go into the bathroom. I debated walking in there, it was the fact that we were leaving the next day that pushed me to walk in,"
"The one choice that could have changed all three of our lives," Draco said, turning so he could look at his daughter resting happily in Harry's arms.
"I just wanted to be here, all night," Harry admitted.
"I just wanted you at home, with us," Draco confessed back.
"Home," Harry smiled brightly and Draco looked up at him, drinking in the joy on his face, making him look even more handsome. "Our home," he sighed contently.
Harry wanted to snort as he watched Ron staring at Alexandra in her carrier where she was snuggled against his chest. She was awake, but quite content to settle snuggled against him chewing on his shirt and looking around.
He had done it every time he had seen the baby girl, and he had done it with Teddy as well.
He wanted to snort, however he felt a little sick as he prepared himself to say what he needed to say.
"I have something to tell you guys," he said quietly but Hermione unsurprisingly locked onto it right away.
"Are you dating Justin?" Hermione asked with such a concerned expression on her face that Harry had to blink.
"Ah no…Draco…I am…Draco…dating…Justin…no," Harry rambled out.
"You're dating Malfoy, not Justin?" Ron demanded and Harry's heart sank.
"Yes," Harry said softly.
"Oh thank Merlin!" Hermione groaned dropping back into her chair, actually covering her face.
"We really didn't want to have that conversation," Ron nodded.
"What conversation?" Harry asked confused.
"That you were being an idiot and we're fairly sure that Malfoy is in love with you," Hermione nodded.
"I…what?" Harry blinked between the two of them confused.
"Honestly this whole thing with Justin completely confused us, and we have been so worried about what was going on and having to talk to you about it," Hermione sighed grabbing her cup and taking a big swig of her tea as though it was alcohol.
"I really didn't want to have the conversation with you telling you you needed to be with Malfoy mate, that you needed to admit you're feelings for him," Ron nodded.
"I…" Harry said concerned looking between the two of them.
"We're not against it," Hermione shook her head. "It is still difficult I have to admit, but we can see that he isn't who we thought he was, and that person we can, maybe, come to be good with, especially for your sake,"
"Thank you guys," Harry looked down at Alexandra who babbled seeing she had his attention.
"We just want you to be happy mate," Ron sighed. "We didn't react the best when we found out about all this, it was a hell of a shock to come back to you, and it hurt that you kept it from us,"
"We know it was because you were worried about our reactions," Hermione shook her head when Harry looked up, a guilty expression on his face and started opening his mouth to answer, "And we proved you right," she added dryly.
"If he is what makes you happy, then we can manage to be civil, hopefully friendly with him. The person that we have seen so far isn't too bad," Ron nodded.
"And if you have fallen for him, then he can't be that bad," Hermione said.
"Though you were falling for him before getting to know him so that doesn't say much," Ron snorted.
"Can we stop with that please," Harry groaned covering his face.
"Ok," Hermione said and then glanced at Ron in a way that made Harry's heart sink.
"So what was the whole date thing about anyway?" Ron asked and Harry whined behind his hands.
"I am so sorry I slept in!" Draco burst into the kitchen before pausing when he realised Hermione and Ron were there. "Oh hello," he smiled a little politely, but it was honest.
"You have been tired, I snook her out and left you to sleep as long as you needed," Harry shook his head holding out his hand to Draco. The blond looked nervously at Hermione and Ron even as he wrapped his fingers around Harry's hand, a brighter smile lighting his face.
"We believe congratulations are in order," Hermione said to Draco.
"Yeah for finally getting your heads out your arses," Ron snorted. Draco turned to look at him concerned. "Seriously, that whole date thing was concerning and confusing, the two of you are as oblivious as each other," he laughed.
"They definitely are," Greg said shuffling in and over to the kettle.
"Hey!" Harry and Draco protested.
"Honestly watching the two of you angst about the date was ridiculous," Vince agreed.
"Then why didn't you say anything?" Draco huffed.
"Because you're both hard-headed." Hermione laughed.
"So rude," Harry grumbled into his cup.
"Hey," Harry smiled when Draco walked into the living room. He was sitting on the floor with Alexandra in front of him playing with her, something made Draco's heart warm as he watched her wiggle on the mat Harry had placed her on, happily watching the toy that he was moving for her.
"Hello," Draco smiled softly walking over and sitting next to Harry on the floor. He blushed when Harry leant over and kissed him, sweetly at first and then with a little more pressure, enough for Draco to melt into as he kissed him back.
When they parted Draco took Harry's hand and rested his head on his shoulder, breathing out a small sigh of contentment as he reached up with his free hand to run his fingers through Harry's beard.
"Does it bother you?" Harry asked a little concerned.
"No I like it, I have wanted to touch it since you started growing it," Draco admitted, scratching Harry's chin and chuckling when Hary's eyes closed in pleasure. "Plus it makes it feel like I am roughing it even more," he said and started laughing when green eyes popped open and pinned him, glittering.
"Roughing it huh?" Harry growled a little before he pounced on Draco. The blond was able to let out a squeak and made to crawl about a foot away before his ankle was grabbed and he was tugged under Harry who started tickling him.
Through his laughter and wiggling he managed to wrap his arms around Harry's shoulders and pulled him down into a kiss. As he had hoped it stopped the tickling and distracted Harry, and then he lost himself in the kiss as Harry pressed his body down on top of him and the two of them lost themselves in the kiss.
Draco felt as though he was going to throw up. He felt so nervous, and more than that if he admitted it to himself he felt terrified. Even though he knew Harry was with him, and he knew deep down that Harry wouldn't let anything happen to them, he couldn't help but feel terrified.
His parents were tricky, they had their thumbs in many pies and had bribed so many people, he struggled to trust that they wouldn't be able to pull something to get Alexandra away from him, and then 'something' would happen to her.
"Draco?" Harry said from behind him making him jump. He spun around to find Harry standing in the doorway, his hair in its now familiar impressive bedhead, he was wearing only pyjama bottoms that were lying low on his hips. He looked a little sleepy but more than that concerned as he made his way across the room to where Draco was standing in front of the window, staring partially unseeingly at the rain coming down outside.
"What are you doing up?" Draco asked concerned, and deflecting slightly.
"I woke and went to check on you and Coconut, I guess I have fallen into a habit with it," Harry admitted. "What is wrong?"
"I…" Draco went to deflect, but then he looked into Harry's eyes and felt something relaxing inside of him a little. He wasn't alone. "I am just worried that once we go out with Alexandra, my parents will be able to do something to get their hands on her and make her disappear. They will use that I am young, that the other father isn't involved to get custody of her,"
"We could…" Harry started to say and then stopped biting his lip. "I know that we have said that being part of yours and Alexandra's life is what I want and that we're both serious about this," He started to say, clearly trying to work out how to word what he wanted to say.
"But?" Draco asked concerned and confused as to where it was exactly Harry was going with this.
"We haven't really talked much past us being together and, well, with the newness of everything, and trying to work out the change it makes sense, I figured we would have a conversation soon enough," Harry said taking Draco's hand and led him over to the sofa,
Draco sat down when he was gently tugged to do so, sitting down a little stiffly near Harry who huffed a little and tugged him so that he was against him.
"Stop looking at me like I am about to release a bludger in your face," Harry said cupping Draco's face and kissing him.
"I don't know what you're about to say," Draco said nervously, his blue eyes scanning over Harry's face.
"I was going to try and work out a delicate way to say this but I think I have panicked you," Harry huffed running his fingers through his hair and making his bedhead ten times worse.
"A little," Draco admitted in a small voice.
"Look, this is new, really new, and I am terrified that I am going to scare you off if I say this, especially without gentling it," Harry said before determined green eyes locked onto Draco in a way that made his heart beat faster and his stomach clench despite the conversation that they were having. "This isn't something that I have just stepped into, I am in this for the long term, life if that is possible, for you and for Alexandra, I want…this is…this is it for me, the two of you,"
"That is not where I thought you were going with this," Draco blinked, feeling the weight that had built up on his shoulders disappearing in a blink as he listened to Harry, seeing just how serious he was.
"So, what if we put my name on her birth certificate when we register her? Give her the protection of my name too," Harry said and Draco's eyes widened dramatically.
"What?" Draco breathed.
"Your mother and father can punch through a lot of things, but coming up against my name will be a lot more difficult for them,"
"You're serious?"
"Completely," Harry said. "This is it for me," He repeated squeezing Draco's hands.
"This makes things a lot more definitive for you," Draco said softly, his eyes scanning over Harry's face.
"For me?" Harry asked.
"This is it for me, I don't want to be anywhere else, or with anyone else, I wouldn't want anyone else for Alexandra, there isn't anyone better for her, but even with your vow, it is different tying yourself to her this way," Draco licked his lips.
"She is my world now Draco, I love her more than I can put into words, I would give her absolutely anything, it sounds dramatic but I would give my life for her, if I can give her my name, that is nothing to me,"
"She isn't your blood though," Draco said, and Harry's face fell, "I mean, by giving her your name she will become your heir!" He cupped Harry's face.
"I don't understand," Harry shook his head gently, making sure not to upset Draco's hands.
"She would become your heir without being your blood, if at a later date you decided to adopt her she wouldn't then be your heir, putting your name on her certificate would make her your heir," Draco said and Harry realised the problem.
"Blood or no blood, I love her as though she is mine and yours. If we only have her or have another 15 kids, she won't be any different to me than any blood children," Harry smiled.
"15 children huh?" Draco smiled a little.
"It was just a number, though I would like a few kids," Harry smiled back.
"Me too," Draco chuckled a little. "This would be making things…"
"You, me and her," Harry smiled. "That is what I want,"
"Me too," Draco melted into Harry's arms. "I can't believe how lucky I am,"
"Me either," Harry said. "I will keep saying that this is everything that I want, everything that I have wanted for a couple of years until you believe me,"
"I am believing you more and more," Draco wrapped his arms around Harry's waist and pressed fully against him. "I just worry that you will feel that I am trapping you, or look back and think that I tricked you,"
"Never, everything that I have done is my choice, because I have wanted to do it, nothing I have done has been because of duty or guilt, and I definitely haven't felt like I had no other choice," Harry squeezed Draco and then stood, pulling the blond to his feet and leading him from the living room.
Draco followed Harry when he pulled him into his own bedroom and then waited by the bed confused a little when he hurried back out the room, only to return a few minutes later carefully carrying Alexandra's basket with her sleeping soundly inside of it.
He carefully placed her at the side of the bed, before taking Draco by surprise when he swept him off of his feet. Chuckling at the gasp Draco had let out Harry crawled onto his ruffled bed and settled Draco onto the mattress before settling down behind him, pulling the covers over the two of them.
"I didn't realise how cold I was," Draco admitted snuggling down under the covers and pressing closer to Harry's warm body.
"Autumn is setting in," Harry hummed hugging him close and pressing a kiss to his cheek and then his lips.
"I love you, Harry," Draco said softly into the night.
"I love you too," Harry closed his eyes and rested their foreheads together, his heart feeling lighter than it had for a long time.
He hugged Draco tighter to himself and felt him relaxing and falling asleep in his arms for the first time, hopefully, the first time out of many times, for many, many years.
Draco was feeling nervous as she strapped Alexandra to his chest in the baby sling and then looked to where Harry was waiting by the fire. Nodding Harry stepped into the fire and flooed away to the Ministry, Draco right behind him.
Though they were putting Harry's name on the birth certificate Draco felt terrified taking her into the Wizarding world for the first time. He thought the past him would laugh hysterically at hearing him say that he was 100 times more comfortable taking her into the muggle world than the Wizarding one.
He felt vulnerable and open in a way that he hadn't really before.
Harry gripped his arm as he stepped out of the fire, concern on his face.
"You're the one that is terrible at flooing not me," Draco managed to tease, cupping Harry's face.
"That's true, please tell me Harry is never taking Alexandra through the floo," a voice said, and Draco turned and his eyes widened as he took in who was waiting for them.
Molly, Remus, Andromeda, Hermione, Ron, Bill and Fleur were all there, clearly waiting for them.
"Sorry, I am late!" Arthur jogged over with a smile.
"I know you're feeling nervous about this, we thought that a few of us here would make you feel a little safer," Remus smiled.
"Thank you all," Draco looked around at them as he hugged Alexandra.
"You're part of the family now, if you need us, we're here," Bill wrapped his arm around Draco's shoulder and squeezed him, completely shocking the other, but definitely in a good way.
As they walked through the Ministry there were more than a few eyes on them, the whispering and outright loud conversations were clear, but as they stepped in the lift to go to the Auror department to explain the situation to the Aurors who had had him registered as missing, and then they would be heading to register Alexandra as his and Harry's daughter.