CHAPTER ELEVEN – Thoughts
Ron tried to relax and to not think about Hermione and Luna. He tried reciting quidditch statistics in his head to try and quiet his mind. Despite his best efforts, every thirty seconds or so his thoughts would turn to the two girls in his life. How had he ended up here?
He closed his eyes as he lay on his back with his hands behind his head and thought back to third year when he realized that he had feelings for his best female friend that went beyond just best friend. How since then his feelings had grown and deepened until the beginning of this year when realized that he loved her. They had gone through so much together and had kept Harry and themselves safe through it all. He loved her smile, her intelligence, her passion and her willingness to take care of not only Harry, but him as well. He loved how she embraced the wizarding world despite being a muggleborn. He loved how she thought of Harry and the whole Weasley clan as her family. And as she grew older she became more and more beautiful to the point that he loved just looking at her. Her hair had always enchanted him and her chocolate brown eyes were mesmerizing. She had become quite fit as she matured and he loved the way her slim waist gracefully curved out to her hips. He loved that she challenged him and that he could challenge her and their bickering was always engaging. He loved how well they seemed to balance and complement each other.
He also remembered how she made him feel when she praised and acknowledged him, but then he remembered how terrible he felt when she dismissed his quidditch ability and couldn't believe he played as well as he did without the luck potion. Her nagging and constant corrections reinforced his already low self-esteem and she was always pointing out where he was lacking. He knew he would never measure up and would never have her love in return.
But ever since their conversation back in the Room of Requirement she had really backed off from the nagging and negativity. She was trying to be positive and uplifting without being superficial, not only to him but to Harry and everyone else. She was still brilliant but kept herself to a bit lower profile. The fact that she admitted that she had feelings for him too was intoxicating. Could they be together? He also recalled what a wonderful time they had together in Hogsmeade, and the short kiss afterward. He still felt guilty about that kiss, but at the same time kept replaying it in his mind and treasuring the smile on her face afterward.
But then he thought about Luna, Lu, his wonderful girlfriend, and how good she made him feel after Hermione had put him down so hard. She was soft and gentle and cuddly and quite comfortable. She too was beautiful, but in a unique way. Her blonde hair and silver-blue eyes were captivating and she had such a wonderful slim trim figure. She had such an air of peace around her and he loved how she went through life not getting caught up in what other people thought. He loved how she was true to herself. She had had faith in him when Hermione had not and was willing to help Harry convince himself that he was a great quidditch keeper. She went out of her way to help him overcome his own insecurities and had been nothing but supportive since. He loved how lowkey she was and how she was affectionate without being overly demonstrative in public. He loved their walks and talks together, but at the same time realized that they never really talked about the important things, like what happens after Hogwarts and what their expectations were or the future.
Ron opened his eyes and gave a big sigh. He pounded his hands beside himself in frustration. Why was his life so bollocksed up? He wondered if he really did have to make a choice between Hermione and Luna. Life would be so simple if he didn't have this dilemma. Couldn't he just keep things as they were? Of course that would mean asking Luna to the Halloween Ball and ignoring his feelings and the kiss he had given to Hermione, as well as the constant tension currently existing between the three.
No matter what happened, Ron knew he had to be truthful with both girls as well as with his friends and his sister. He hoped that Ginny and Harry would also be truthful with him about where their relationship was. Ron knew that Luna was Ginny's best friend and he worried how she'd respond if he chose to ask Hermione to the ball.
Ron sat up and pulled out his wand and cast a dim lumos as he pulled out his relationship book. He opened back to the original chapter he read about if 'she was the one.' After re-reading the chapter he put the book back down and shut off the light from his wand. He thought about both Hermione and Luna and the common values and shared experiences they both had with him. He thought about the physical spark he felt for both and who he most liked to spend time with.
He also thought about himself and his emotional maturity and how he was lacking in that but was working on getting better. He also thought about his temper and his lack of motivation for schoolwork and his tendency to be lazy about anything that wasn't quidditch. He also thought about his own insecurities and lack of confidence, and which of the girls would be most helpful to him to overcome his deficiencies. Who would help him be his best self? Who would be supportive and helpful and would challenge him to be better?
Then he remembered his book and again as he thought about whether or not he could see either Luna or Hermione married to someone else. He laughed to himself as he concluded that no, he could not be married to both girls. He did realize that it would be impossible for him to see Hermione get married to someone like Krum, but that it would be a good thing to see Luna get married to someone she had met while on a safari; someone who shared her fascination with magical creatures and was more like Luna than he was. He smiled when he thought of seeing her in a wedding gown on the arm of some nameless bloke chattering on about nargles and snorkacks.
Ron's eyes flew open again as he came to that conclusion that he'd be ok if Luna married someone else but not ok if Hermione did, but that didn't seem to convince him what to do. That interesting observation was just one thing he had to consider.
Lastly he just lay there and let his mind wander. To whom did his thoughts just automatically turn? What did his heart say about all this?
Finally, long after midnight, Ron took a deep breath and rolled over onto his side. If you looked closely, one could see the beginnings of a smile form on his face. With a sigh of relief, he realized what he needed to do and who he truly wanted to be with. Firmly establishing in his mind what he would do first thing in the morning he finally fell asleep.
The morning came too soon for Ron, but after shaking himself awake, getting dressed, and taking his time in the loo he headed for the Great Hall for breakfast. He again reminded himself what he needed to do, and how it would be best to have it done as soon as possible.
He entered the hall and scanned the tables looking for that special someone he needed to talk to first. After a brief moment he found her in her usual place and walked over to her, telling himself silently that everything would be ok, even if the day didn't start that way. He ignored the call of his best mate and walked to the person most on his mind right then. Walking up to her quietly, he tapped her on her shoulder and said softly,
"Lu? Can we go somewhere and talk?"
THE END