6I stared blankly at the sword in my hand before staring ahead at the four people ganging up on what was essentially a pair of bipedal Llama.
Some Spirit that was corrupted by Galeem, apparently if we beat them up it should free them from his control.
Luckily all four of these weirdo's can fight, Meanwhile... What the hell am I supposed to do? Stand here and cheer for them?
I'm not a fighter, even if that asshole Sheik keeps referring to me as Swordfighter.
The word he's looking for is Swordsman, or Swordster if you want to be fancy. Basically, nobody uses the word "Swordfighter"
It's Swordsman or Swordswoman if you're talking about "Person with Sword", Swordster or Swordstress if you're using some fantasy definition, but nobody uses Swordfighter.
"What am I even doing here?" I sigh to myself as I swing my sword a couple of times before cringing as I begin to think of how stupid I must look.
But then again, this entire situation is stupid.
"The Multiverse is real, and for some reason I'm here to stop Anti-Satan from turning the world into Heaven or someshit," I say to myself, continuing to swing my blade like some sort of nerd who saw Lord of the Rings once as a kid and decided he wanted to be like Aragorn when he grew up.
I ignore the bright flash of light that symbolized the team's victory against the Spirits, the dark aura that surrounded them disappearing as they turned into white orbs and floated in the air.
Don't ask me how it works, Even the team can't explain it.
"You know you could have helped us," Sheik says as he walks my way.
"I don't know, Seems like you guys had it in the bag," I ignore the Ninja and look at the three other people here.
"Even so, You could have at least tried," Sheik said, arms on his hips as he condescendingly looked down at me. Fuck you asshole, You're not taller than me!
"Maybe," I shrugged my shoulders and looked away from him, "But then again, I don't know how to fight, so... I dunno..." I shrug once more before turning away from Sheik.
"So... Do you guys even have a plan on how to beat Gollum?" I ask Mario as I start to dig through a nearby grocery bag filled with foodstuffs that I took from an empty convenience store, pulling out a bottle of water and tossing it to the three members of the group who aren't Sheik.
"Not really... First, we need-a to free everybody else who got corrupted after Galeem attacked," Mario said before grabbing the bottle of water from Kirby and taking a sip, "Once we have enough of our friends back, we'll give Galeem the good old one-two." Mario shadowboxed as he said that last part before he did a jumping uppercut while yelling "Waha!"
"So your plan to defeat Gortash is to get a bunch of people and then just beat him up? What, Do we just get onto a bus and get off at his place, break into his house and start jumping him? Didn't that plan kind of fail or something last time you used it?" I raise an eyebrow at the group.
"Poyo." Kirby said with a smile, and I simply nodded at the little guy as if I understood anything he said.
" $#$ /))(((*?" Agent 4 added, and I couldn't help but shake my head at that plan.
"He's a God or something, you can't just defeat a God by beating him up."
"/?/?" Agent 4 snapped her fingers with a smile, telling me 'My plan is good and you're just too embarrassed to admit it'
"No, You need either another God, or some God-slaying weapon, or like... I don't know, the Devil? You can't just kick a god in the face in the hope it solves all your issues, he might just erase you from existence,"
"Luckily for us, We have a Goddess, and a power that can seal away Galeem, we just need to rescue the ones who should have it," Sheik spoke up after sneakily snatching a second water bottle out of my grocery bag.
"...We do?"
"Yes, Maybe if you decided to spend more time learning and helping us rather than stand in the corner and complain, maybe you'd know that," Sheik said before turning away.
"Yeah, well, excuse me for not helping, I don't know if you realized this yet, but I'm not exactly the type of guy to hit others with a large sword. And besides, as I told you ten thousand times, I don't know how to fight," I scowl at the ninja.
"Well, EXCUSE ME for assuming that a Mii Swordfighter would know how to use his bloody sword!" Sheik quickly turned around back to me and kicked me.
My arm quickly lifted the sword into a block, my body once again moving on its own.
Sheik bounced backward after his leg hit the flat of the blade, "See! You do know how to fight! You're just lazy!"
"I don't know this!" I yelled as my body continued to move on its own. The sword in my hand quickly slashed downward, and the Ninja jumped out of the way once again.
"Yes, you do!" Sheik yelled as he dashed back in, ducking underneath a horizontal slash and throwing two quick jabs into my abdomen before rolling to the side.
"Fuck you!" I yelled as my body quickly turned to follow Sheik, my sword slashing upward as a- IS THAT A TORNADO?!
I quickly fell onto my butt and started scurrying away from the twister, my eyes wide as I stayed glued to the miniature tornado.
I was too busy staring at the LITERAL FUCKING TORNADO that I created to notice Sheik kicking drop kicking me in the face.
The knockback from the kick sent me flying away before a pillar of light surrounded me as I died once more.
"...Did you have to go ahead and-a do that?" Mario asked as he turned to Sheik with a disapproving look on his face.
"Poyo!" Kirby nodded along, trying his best to look disappointed in Sheik.
"Don't look at me like I did something wrong, you saw him, he can fight, he's just a bum who doesn't want to," Sheik shook her head, the secret Princess ignoring the looks on the faces of the only remaining guys in the group, "And besides, now that we all have proof that he can defend himself, we can keep going in search of other spirits. Once we release Link and Palutena we should have enough power to take the Fight to Galeem, Link's Triforce and Palutena's divine power should give us a chance to finally take him down, especially now that he's weakened from creating the world of light."
"...?/! $$# ?!" Agent 4 pointed out that it was taking Forest a while to return, only to immediately run over to the grocery bags he dropped as he flew away and took out a bag of cheese-flavored chips.
"It is taking him a while..." Mario agreed with the Inkling, "Maybe he's-a just respawned somewhere else?"
"Why would he spawn somewhere else? He's somewhere nearby, he's just being a pri-" Sheik was cut off as a jeep slammed into her side, sending her flying away before a Light surrounded her, announcing her death.
"Bitch!" Mario turned to look at the Driver's side window on the jeep, watching Forest slam his hand on the car's horn with a smile on his face, "Take that asshole!" He horned the car a few more times before he turned to look at the crowd of surprised onlookers, "Get in losers, I found a Car!"
"Wha- Where did you get that?!" Mario jumped as he yelled the question.
"I found it at a nearby Gas station, it still had the keys inside," Forest smiled as he leaned back and opened the doors to the jeep, "Get in, this is going to be way faster than just walking around all day,"
"So- So you're actually helping us?"
"I mean, Is this really helping?" River shrugged, "I'm just hastening the process of saving this Goddess the asshole talked about, Now get in!"
"!#$&!" Agent 4 yelled as she ran towards the passenger's seat of the car, climbing up the tall vehicle before sitting at the front, leaning forward on the car's seats in order to see over the dashboard.
"Poyo!" Kirby cheered as he flapped his arms and floated into the car from an open window, taking the chair in the middle of the back row.
"Well... If they're okay with it, I don't see why not! Let's-a Go!" Mario jumped and punched a fist into the air before he walked up and took the seat in the back row behind the Inkling.
"Now we only need-" River was cut off as a wire wrapped around his neck, the seat behind him suddenly occupied by a very angry Ninja.
"Sheik! Stop choking him!" Mario slapped the Ninja on the back repeatedly, increasing the force of each slap until Sheik decided to let go of the Mii Swordfighter.
"I want it known, that I hate you." Sheik said as she glared at the back of River's head, watching the man rub at his neck, massaging the areas she had just wrapped with a wire.
"The feeling's mutual~" River scowled before he turned back to the wheel, "Now, Let's get out of this tow-"
"There's still at least one other Fighter in this town that we need to save, so we-a can't leave yet, Sorry?" Mario said, causing River to turn the car around and start driving deeper into the patchworked city from pieces of different worlds.
"Fine, Here we go~"
Sorry for the late upload lol, But I'm back. I was busy working on a different story on another website that now has over 250k words, so I'm taking a break from it to work on my other stories, and I noticed I hadn't touched this in a while.
Hope you enjoyed River getting his revenge on Sheik (Who he still thinks is a Dude) by running her over with a jeep.
Thanks for being patient :)