2,431Cordelia just stared at Xander, she'd not even gotten through half of the first page of his travelog before stopping and staring at him like he was something she'd never seen before.
"It can't be that bad," Doyle said, before leaning over her shoulder and reading what he could see of it. "Okay, I was wrong. How are you still alive?"
Xander shrugged. "I'm a Sunnydale boy, we're just built different."
"Yeah? And how many Sunnydale boys make it to adulthood?" Doyle asked.
"About a quarter," Xander and Cordelia chorused.
"What? Seriously?!" Doyle demanded.
"Maybe less," Cordelia admitted.
"Our town was created as a feeding ground to raise up an Old One directly over a Hellmouth," Xander explained. "Do I really need to say anything more?"
"No, that would do it," Doyle said. "Damn Princess, I'm surprised you survived."
"Survived?" Xander grinned. "She thrived."
"I'd be dead if not for you and your loser friends," Cordelia reminded him as she looked over the page in front of her again.
"And you've saved me a time or two and my loser friends," Xander said cheerfully.
"Well, I certainly wasn't going to deal with all the problems that sprang up if you guys weren't around to deal with them," she said absently. "You saved Harmony again?"
"More helped her save herself," Xander replied. "That girl handles a stake like a Slayer."
"It's probably the shape," she snarked, making Xander snicker. "You've been… busy."
"Without anyone around to keep an eye on me I get up to mischief," he teased.
"You met a god… you're dating Wonder Woman?!" Doyle exclaimed.
"I'm dating Diana Prince," Xander corrected him.
"Weird flirting thing?" Cordelia guessed.
"Fun flirting thing," Xander corrected her.
"You have a unique taste in women," Cordelia said.
"Not really," Doyle said, "you and Wonder Woman both rate quite high with the entire male demographic."
Cordelia smiled and continued reading.
Xander grinned, caught Doyle's eye and gave him a covert thumbs up.
"Dorks," Cordelia muttered, letting them know they weren't as smooth as they thought they were.
"The angel's name was Jethro?" Doyle asked, reading over her shoulder.
"Rednecks name their kids after biblical characters," Cordelia said, "which does make for some strange imagery as I'm now picturing the angel wearing overalls and chewing tobacco."
"White toga, sandals, big wings," Xander said, "not a hint of the South to be seen."
"Good," Cordelia said, "if an angel showed up yelling yee haw I'd probably try to kill him."
"Not an investigator?" Doyle asked Xander as he read the short section on meeting the angel.
"No, I'm more bait," Xander readily admitted.
"You're a master at it," she said, "years of practice in high school. I can tell Dawn wrote this, she's referred to as future wife and in some rather glowing terms."
"Yep," Xander agreed, "but it's pretty accurate aside from that so I didn't mind leaving it in."
"I can't believe how much trouble you find even though you claim not to be an investigator," Cordelia said.
"Giles and Willow really did the heavy lifting in our group when it came to that, I'm just good at spotting when things seem off. It's a similar but very different skill set."
Cordelia shook her head. "They are researchers, you are an investigator, it's just the difference between poking around in person and being in a lab or something."
"Hadn't thought about it like that," Xander admitted.
"You always undersell yourself," Cordelia complained.
"I'm pretty damn magnificent," Xander suddenly declared, puffing out his chest and smiling smugly. "Better?"
"A bit," Cordelia said, surprising him. "You should do that every morning when you shave, it'll help combat… things we won't talk about."
"I'll give it a try," he promised. "Feels silly though."
"It is silly," she agreed, "but it works."
Doyle reached for the last pizza and froze as the two focused on him, the threat of imminent violence suddenly filling the air. "We can order more," he offered.
"Point," Xander said, pulling out his cell phone with a grin.
"Why were you both so… feral about the pizza?" Doyle asked, slowly reaching for it while keeping an eye on the two to make sure it was safe.
"Because competing with a hungry Slayer or two for food is serious business," Cordelia said.
"With occasional stabbings," Xander added. "Not you," he said into the phone before completing his pizza order.
An Hour Later
A flash of golden light heralded Zatanna's return.
"Damnit!" Cordelia cursed, blinking spots from her eyes.
"You get used to it," Xander told her.
"Did you just… nevermind," the mage told Doyle. "I've got the ink, and the ring, where's our ensouled vampire?"
"I'll take you to his room," Cordelia said. "You guys wait here."
"We will," Doyle promised.
After the two had left Xander turned to Doyle. "What's with the spikes?"
"Spikes?" Doyle asked nervously.
"You jumped and got all spikey for a moment when Zatanna appeared," Xander said.
Doyle winced. "I'm half demon," he admitted, "and if I do a good job with Angel, the Powers That Be have promised to make me fully human. Please don't tell anyone."
"You do know this is the kind of thing that always gets out if you try to hide it, right?" Xander asked.
"Not always," Doyle argued.
"It does around smart people who are in the know," Xander told him.
Doyle groaned, knowing he had a point.
"At least girls find this kind of thing attractive," Xander tried to encourage him.
"What?"
"You are on a quest to get rid of the taint of darkness," Xander said with a shrug. "Angst about it occasionally and girls find it hot."
"That sounds kind of shallow," Doyle said with a frown.
"It is what it is," Xander said. "Angel knows?"
Doyle nodded. "He knows my whole story."
"Then I'll keep mum," Xander promised.
"Thanks, I appreciate it," the half demon said.
"What kind of demon are you, half of you I mean," he corrected himself.
"I'm half Brachen," Doyle admitted.
"Brachen," Xander repeated. "Pacifists, just about as human as humans? Why is that a problem?" he asked in confusion.
"Because it caused problems in my marriage, former marriage," Doyle said with a sigh, "so I'd rather just be all human, ya know?"
"I got ya," Xander agreed.
"You really met a god?" Doyle asked, changing the subject.
"Diana's uncle Hef," Xander agreed, pulling a pamphlet out of his pocket. "If you are looking for a god to follow, you could do a lot worse."
Doyle accepted the pamphlet and scanned it. "Huh, this looks alright," he said, "no human sacrifices or dark rituals, just… practical."
"Like I said, you could do a lot worse," Xander repeated.
"He was a handsome one," Zatanna said as she returned with Cordelia, "but then, most are."
"And that's all it takes to make sure he doesn't go all grr argh?" Cordelia asked.
"That's all it takes," Zatanna said.
"What did you tattoo on him?" Xander asked.
"A pair of linked Zs," Zatanna replied.
"A couple of drops of ink, a couple of weird words, and poof, no more Angelus," Cordelia said in disbelief.
"His soul is locked into his body until it's reduced to ash, which normally could be considered a curse, but since he's a vampire it's really not," Zatanna said.
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but two curses can be considered a blessing," Xander said. "Thanks for the help, it is really appreciated."
"I'm just glad you called before it became a problem," she said. "You wouldn't believe how many people would just do nothing and hope for the best."
"Sadly, I really would," Xander said. "If you ever have vampire problems… Well, you'll probably tell Giles and he'd just get Buffy or Faith."
"Faith?" Cordelia asked. "Is that psycho out of her coma?!"
"No, I reminded Giles and he turned her over to the Justice League," Xander said. "It's possible the Mayor messed with her head just like he messed with ours."
"She's a murderer," Cordelia reminded him.
"So are a lot of us, even if not on purpose," Xander told her. "When dealing with demons and mind altering spells, none of us came out completely clean. So, let's wait and see what the professionals say about how much free will she had before judging her."
"Stop being reasonable and hate her with me!" Cordelia demanded. "Remember when she tried to kill you?!"
"Cordy, you had a hand in my dying and becoming a vampire and you don't see me blaming you, do you?"
"That was almost all on Anyanka, who you then took to the prom after that timeline was erased," Cordelia pointed out.
"How are you still alive?" Zatanna asked in disbelief.
Xander shrugged. "Fine," he said with a sigh, "if it makes you happy we can start a We Hate Faith club until we find out if she is guilty."
"Can I be president?" Cordelia asked.
"Of course," Xander said, "and I'll be treasurer."
"What do we do now?" Cordelia asked, eyes lighting up.
"Wait for Angel to wake up so he can contact Spike and get a copy of the tape he made of torturing me, watch it so I can figure out why all the vamps are scared of me, and then… I don't know, I'm still on vacation."
"No, I mean for the club," Cordelia said.
"Willow handled all the rules and bylaws," Xander said, "I planned the field trips."
"And I thought my life was bad," Zatanna said, "that sounds like a page out of Constantine's book."
"They grew up on the Hellmouth," Doyle offered.
"That covers a quarter of it at best," Zatanna told him.
"How did things usually go?" Cordelia asked.
Xander stood up. "Point of order. I declare Faith as a worthless worm beneath our notice and propose a trip to the ice cream shop and movies rather than wasting time thinking about her. Seconded?"
"Seconded," Cordelia said with a wide smile.
"As treasurer of the We Hate Faith club I'll provide the funds for the field trip. Madame President, if you'd care to call this meeting to a close?"
"I declare this meeting closed," Cordelia said, "now let's get some ice cream."
"Angel is going to be out for hours," Xander said, "we can take my car. You two in?"
"Sure," Zatanna said, amused.
"You had me at free ice cream," Doyle said.
"What's playing?" Xander asked.
"Mostly horror movies," Cordelia said, "not the comedies you prefer."
"The horror movies they play are comedies," Xander said, as they reached his car.
"Why is there a holy artifact in your backseat?" Zatanna asked in disbelief, feeling the power radiating off a dark red shield.
"I'll put it in the trunk," Xander told her.
That Evening
Angel awoke as he felt the sun sink down below the horizon. He looked around in confusion as he felt something was missing.
It only took a moment before he realized what it was, Angelus was silent! The demon inside him was… gone?
He searched for any trace of the demon and suddenly it was there, cursing his existence and demanding he commit atrocities, but as he mentally pushed at it… it vanished once more!
Angel pushed and pulled at the demon making it appear and disappear in his mind, convincing him it was not a fluke and he no longer had to deal with the disgusting thoughts and desires, he could be alone in his own mind!
Angel began to smile, before freezing in horror and forcing himself to remain calm, pulling the demon back up, relying on its putrid presence to keep his mood from brightening. He had to talk to someone about this!
Angel got dressed in record time, the familiar pressure of the demon something he clung to, terrified that he would accidentally break the curse keeping him bound to this plane and freeing the demon to kill once more.
"Guys!" he called out as he entered the lobby and found Xander talking to Cordelia and Doyle.
"Your soul is firmly attached, don't worry about being happy," Xander told him.
"That's how you start the conversation?" Cordelia demanded.
"I want to torture Angelus, not Angel," Xander said. "I just want to annoy him and he looks like he's half a step away from full panic."
"What am I missing?" Angel asked cautiously.
"There's a second curse on you that won't let your soul escape until your body is dust and a ring on your finger that lets you control Angelus," Xander explained.
"What?" Angel asked.
"I'm not repeating myself," Xander told him, "you should have listened the first time."
Cordelia smacked Xander in the shoulder. "Can you be nice to him for at least three seconds?!"
"That was at least three seconds," Xander pointed out, trying and failing to keep a straight face as Cordelia attacked him with a cushion.
"Xander called someone and they tattooed you in your sleep with something that prevents you from losing your soul if you're happy," Doyle explained to the confused vamp.
Angel tugged out the back of his pants and tried to examine the small of his back.
"What are you doing?" Doyle asked.
"Looking for the tattoo," Angel replied. "Can you see it?" he asked, tugging up the back of his shirt.
"You immediately thought the tattoo keeping your soul in place would be a tramp stamp?" Cordelia asked.
"Xander arranged it," Angel pointed out.
Typing By: Abyssal Angel
Beta By: Abyssal Angel and Mist of Shadows