Constantine blew out a wall of cigarette smoke, causing the fae to ready their weapons but it simply formed a pair of circles around the four of them with four glyphs in between the two circles.

The Horned Lord chuckled in amusement. "That won't keep us out forever… John," he said with some amusement as the mage winced and the circles fluttered, almost dispersing, "after all, I know your NAME."

"Name," the young boy repeated thoughtfully like he was trying to remember something.

"Names have power," Xander said, warily eyeing the hounds that were circling them, looking for a weakness in their protections.

"Names have power," the young boy said, eyes lighting up as he began to mumble to himself.

"John Constantine," The Horned Lord said with a smug grin that was almost jovial as part of the circle was blown away by simply speaking the mage's name.

A hound leapt for the gap as John took a quick almost desperate puff on his cigarette, but Xander stepped forward, the cold forged hunk of iron on a stick slamming into the man sized hound with bone cracking force, sending the silver furred creature flying back as John blew out a lung full of smoke, repairing the breach.

"May I have your name, mortal?" The Horned Lord asked as his eyes settled on Xander. "You feel like you'd be at home with my huntsmen."

The urge to speak rose up from the animalistic core of his being, but being glib of tongue if you were feeling charitable or a smartass if you weren't, Xander was able to resist giving his true name, "You may refer to me as Xander, if you'd count yourself as my friend."

The Horned Lord frowned and turned to the young boy. "And yourself? I can feel the wild in your blood even more than his."

The young boy winced and found himself speaking, "Many, almost all in fact, call me Dipper," Suddenly his eyes lit up as if he'd just recalled something. "YOU… dress quite nicely in deerskin leathers, though I prefer JEANS myself."

The Hound Lord flinched back. "You can't know!" he exclaimed before turning to the girl. "Why do you have cat heads instead of hands?" he asked, confused and bewildered.

"Oh crap," Dipper said, eyes widening in panic. "I forgot the fey realm was part of the Dreaming and fed my sister sugar. If we don't get out of here quickly she's going to lay waste to the place and probably us as well!"

"Who is she?!" The Horned Lord demanded, no longer playing with them and simply slamming his will against their own.

Constantine coughed as he was compelled to speak while taking a drag of his cigarette and started choking.

"Flat out a-door-a-bell," Xander said with a wince, twisting the concept of a table as a flat piece of wood which rhymed with Mabel and picturing it upright with a bell hanging on it, as he was unable to lie but could outright mangle the truth.

"Just as I've been named Destructor she's been proclaimed a god of destruction," Dipper said, shoving another piece of taffy in his sister's mouth before she could speak. "We gotta go, she's going to start summoning eldritch abominations that cause pain to even look at in a minute!"

Xander whirled and deflected one hound with his shield and sent another crashing to the ground with his hammer while Constantine hacked and wheezed trying to take another puff off his cigarette to re-establish the barrier.

With a pair of loud meows, kitten heads shot from Mabel's hands to slam into a pair of hounds, exploding with impressive force as the hounds were flung out of sight.

"Been nice knowing you Eugene," Dipper said dryly, making The Horned Lord flinch.

"Take her and go!" he ordered, the hounds pulling back to reveal the path they'd come from.

Dipper grabbed the arm of Mabel's sweater and pulled her into a run, only their longer legs allowed the two adults to keep up with them and Xander had to toss the mage over his shoulder after a minute so he wouldn't fall behind.

They quickly burst into the clearing and scrambled into the ring of mushrooms.

"Do your thing!" Xander ordered Constantine as he set him on his feet.

John gasped for breath and searched his pockets.

"No time," Dipper said and yanked an iron skeleton key from around his neck, shoving it into the air and turning it.

Reality flickered and the four fell onto a spinning merry-go-round.

"I do not summon eldritch abominations!" Mabel chided her twin, finally getting her braces unstuck.

"I'm not putting up with Xyler and Craz again," Dipper said firmly.

"But you were just gone for a few seconds," Ranger Cary said, staring at them in disbelief before turning back to yell, "Call off the search! The kids have been found!"

"Huh, wasn't sure that would work," Dipper said, laying down on the merry-go-round, relieved to be back.

Mabel kicked a couple of holes in the fairy circle. "So, I'm adorable am I?" she said with a smile and fluttered her lashes at Xander.

"And far below my strike zone," Xander told her, tapping her on the nose.

"Age ain't nothin' but a number," she said with a grin.

"Mabel, really?" Dipper asked dryly as he got up.

"He's handsome and he rescued me," Mabel said firmly. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a knight in shiny armor in this day and age?!"

"Kids!" a broad shouldered, white haired, old man yelled and swept them up in a hug.

"Air, need air!" the twins groaned out.

"How did you know his True Name and where did you get that key?" Constantine demanded once the old man had released the two.

"Read it somewhere and what key?" Dipper asked, trying and failing to sound innocent.

"Where were you two?" the old man asked.

"Kidnapped by buttheads in black robes," Mabel said brightly, "until my knight in shining armor rescued us." She threw her arms around Xander's waist.

Xander rolled his eyes. "I think you're a mite too young to date," he told her.

"We can make it work, baby," she said seriously. "I can change the laws, just give us a chance!"

"I already have a few women I'm seeing," Xander told her.

"You're a cad?!" she gasped out, releasing him and sounding scandalized.

"No, they know about each other," Xander said, "but it leaves me firmly in the taken category, besides, don't you want a guy of your own?"

Mabel groaned. "My first boyfriend turned out to be five gnomes in a trench coat and the second a merman!"

"My first turned out to be a life sucking mummy and the second was a giant praying mantis in disguise who tried to eat my head," Xander said.

"Is dating always like that?!" Mabel asked, wide eyed.

Xander opened his mouth, paused and considered the matter. "It's been amazingly better after I graduated from high school."

"High School is evil!" she declared.

Xander nodded. "Mine was. My best dating experience in high school was someone I knew for years and was in the same grade as me, all the rest were explosive disasters."

"So someone in my grade who I've known for years would be safe?" she asked hopefully.

"Much less chance of them being a monster," Xander agreed.

"You know what? I'm going to try that," Mabel decided. "I gotta talk to Candy and Grenda, they must know about this too!" she declared.

"From the bottom of my heart, thank you," Dipper told Xander.

"Huh, I wonder if Buffy and Willow felt the same about my dating life," Xander said.

"You mean always worrying that who you're dating is going to be a monster you have to be rescued from and almost tearing their hair out in despair because you won't listen to logic or reason and at least check to make sure they're human first?" Dipper asked dryly.

"Okay, I may owe them some apology gifts," Xander acknowledged.

"Oof!" Dipper said as he was almost tackled by his sister.

"I'm sorry Dip Dot, I'll try to listen next time, okay?" Mabel said as she released him from her hug.

"That's all I ask," he gasped out as he tried to re-inflate his lungs.

"Dipper," John said, "how did you know The Horned Lord's True Name and where did you get that key?"

"What are you, a cop?" the old man demanded.

"He's a magic man who helped rescue us, Gruncle Stan," Mabel said.

"Oh, well thanks for that, but it don't entitle you to answers unless the kid feels like giving them," Stan told him and cracked his knuckles, making John very much aware of how much larger the old man was than his own slender frame.

"Look," John said, trying to sound reasonable, "the twins were nabbed by a cult who wanted to sacrifice them, so I have to see if there is any connection I can use to track them down before they grab another pair."

"Fine," Dipper said, "I ran across the name of The Horned Lord in a journal I found hidden in the woods and I was given the key by a former President of the United States, neither of which has anything to do with any cults."

"What about the Blind Eye guys?" Mabel asked.

"They were trying to wipe out all knowledge of the paranormal and we erased all their memories," Dipper said, "they didn't have anything to do with the fey or twins in general."

"Maybe I should take a look at that journal," Constantine said.

"Ha, ha, no," Dipper said bluntly, the look in his eyes making the mage sigh and slump his shoulders, realizing he wasn't going to get any more answers from the kid.

"Well with this all settled, I'm off," Xander decided.

"Gotta do paperwork first!" Constantine quickly snapped out, figuring he could trick the kid into filling out a couple of reports to make things easier on himself.

"Dam- Dang it," Xander said with a groan.

"We get to do paperwork?" Dipper asked eagerly.

"You are such a giant nerd," Mabel said, shaking her head.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Going my way?" the blonde girl asked as she leaned on his car door with a grin.

"I've got room," Xander said with a smile. "My name's Xander, yours?"

"Call me Sandy," she said as she slid into the passenger seat. "How'd things go?"

"Kids were kidnapped by cultists who were trying to escape through the land of the fae," Xander replied as he pulled back onto the road.

"Huh, not a place I can go I think," Sandy said.

"I prefer these roads, better company, music, sights, and food that won't leave you trapped and unable to escape," Xander said.

"So the tales about eating or drinking there are true?" Sandy asked, surprised.

Xander nodded. "It's not just drinking from a stream or picking berries that gets you though, it's accepting something from a member of the fae and putting yourself in their debt."

"I never even knew they were real," Sandy said, "but then you don't learn much about European mythology while hitchhiking. It's a shame, I would have loved to go to college." She sighed wistfully.

"If you want I can pick up some books you can read while I drive," Xander offered. "I'd let you read mine, but they are all about fighting demons and the undead for the most part."

"You haven't even sent me a mean look," she said, confused as to why he was so friendly to her if he fought the undead as a career.

"You aren't hurting people," Xander replied. "Not everything supernatural is a threat."

"I'm glad to hear that," she said cheerfully.

"Okay, you can enter a park to ride the rides, because bumming rides is what you do, you can go through a drive-thru since it counts as part of the road… can you stay in a car if it's parked in a garage or parking lot?" he asked, still trying to figure out her limitations.

"If it's picking up stuff for a trip I can wait in a parking lot, I don't think garages would work, because that's the end of a trip," she replied.

"What other drive-thru places…" Xander's voice trailed off and he grinned.

"You just thought of something," Sandy said excitedly. "Tell me!"

"Can you go to a drive-in?" Xander asked hopefully.

Sandy considered that and began to smile. "I can!"

"Sunnydale California has a drive-in, which is currently hosting a large collection of geeks and nerds from the nearby college," Xander said. "They can tell you all about college life and help you get enrolled in a work from home kind of way, using the drive-in's address."

"Oh wow," she said, stunned.

"Regardless they are college students with all sorts of books and can probably get whatever you're interested in."

Sandy squealed in excitement.

*ring*ring*

"Hello," Xander said, answering his phone without looking away from the road.

"I just got off shift," Diana said. "Care for some company?"

Xander smiled. "I would love some company."

There was a flash of light and Diana was suddenly sitting in the passenger seat.

Xander glanced over and saw that Sandy was gone. "You almost teleported into Sandy."

"Sandy?"

"Hitchhiking ghost," Xander replied.

Diana shifted in her seat and pulled a pair of t-backed black panties from under herself. "Supernatural women still keep giving you their panties, I see." She grinned and tossed them in the back seat.

"Yeah, looks that way," Xander agreed with a laugh. "I should probably call Dawn so she can update my travel log and warn her Sandy is coming… or is already there. Not sure if she actually needs travel time or is just instantly places she wants to be."

"Let me call her," Diana said, "I want to say hi."

"Sure," Xander agreed.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Dawn just updated Xander's travel log," Buffy noted as she got a message on her phone.

"Let me see," Willow said, bringing up the online document that she'd set up for Dawn to save time.

*thud*

"I've got her," Oz said with a sigh as he picked up his girlfriend and laid her on the sofa.

"The Wild Hunt?!" Robin exclaimed.

Buffy frowned. "Did you hack our phones?"

"The document isn't password protected," Robin told her.

"You really should apologize to him," Raven told Robin as she read over his shoulder.

"Trust me, I'm already planning for it," Robin swore.

"Toss in some bribery," Cyborg suggested.

"Planning on that too," Robin agreed.

Typing By: Abyssal Angel

Beta By: Abyssal Angel and Mist of Shadows

TN: Eugene?...

AN: Fae have all sorts of eldritch names, that just happens to be one of them! We already have an angel named Jethro after all and that is bible canon.