I'm getting ready for the Burg's wedding of the year. It's been the most talked about wedding for weeks. Thankfully it's not my wedding. I was smart enough to avoid this pomp and circumstance by eloping last month. I'm the best woman. Is that a title? I'm not sure but since the situation isn't your average man and woman getting married it's safe to say that the labels don't matter. My husband is the other best man. Let me explain how we ended up here.
Joe and I broke up two years ago. It was completely civil. We were friends who still hung out but there was nothing romantic about it. I became one of the guys. One Friday night about a year ago he called and mentioned nothing about the boys missing me. He wanted to have a serious talk and promised me It had nothing to do with my job, my friends or our engaged-to-be engagement. He asked if he could bring subs and beer. Like I would ever turn that down. When he came over I could tell Joe was fidgety. He was running his hands through his always-needed trim hair. He wasn't angry. This was pure unadulterated nervousness.
We were sitting on the couch. Feet planted on the floor and facing each other. I put my beer down and grabbed both hands. He looked into my eyes but said nothing.
"Joe, you can tell me anything. I promise I won't be upset. I'm here for you. Yes, we have had some fights but we've been friends since we were children. I promise you no yelling, arm swinging and or hand movements. Just please tell me what's going on?"
"Cupcake, what I'm about to tell you I've only told one other person. This person knows I'm coming to talk to you. You're truly the only person I can trust with this outside of the other person and I know sharing this with you that it won't become gossip before I'm good and ready to tell others. You know I do love you right?" Joe was pleading with his eyes. I've never seen him like this before.
"Of course Joe, I love you too and I would never mention it to anyone unless you asked me to. You know malicious gossip is the bane of my existence!"
"That's another thing cupcake. I need to apologize for the way I didn't stop a lot of the gossip when I could have. The way I handled your accidents and treated you like you weren't good at your job. While it's unorthodox, you truly do always get your man and it's because of you I've solved many of my cases that had run cold. I want you to know that I've told my chief the truth. You've helped me more than you know and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. The chief wants to meet with you. Technically I had set it up so you were a consultant for the TPD and there's a check waiting for you at the precinct. You just need to fill out a W2."
"Wow, I don't know what to say other than thank you. I can't explain what that means to me." I hugged him and said, "I know that can't be all you wanted to talk to me about."
With a sigh he chuckled "Of course I should have known with your intuition, you would know there was more. Cupcake, I'm not who everyone thinks I am. I'm in love with someone else. Before you get all upset please let me finish. As I said I'm in love with someone else but I did not cheat. Cupcake, I'm in love with another man. I've tried to fight these feelings since I was 15. In the Navy, I tried to bury them. The reason I didn't make it as far as I wanted to in my military career is due to being caught in a compromising position with another man while on leave. At the time I was an E-4 Petty Officer 3rd class. The other man was of the same rank. While at a bar we went outside for some fresh air and were getting pretty close in the alleyway. What we didn't know was an E-9 Commander Master Chief Petty officer saw everything and took pictures. He is the son of our 0-8 Vice Admiral. We returned from leave and called into the Admiral's office. We were told if we left quietly both of us would receive an honorable discharge with recommendations. It wasn't what I wanted but I also was not ready to be outed."
"Oh Joe, I'm so sorry that happened to you." I hugged him and suddenly felt moisture on my cheek. Joe was crying. I've never seen him like this. I knew this was so hard for him to tell me. I'm so thankful he trusted me. I took a tissue and wiped his tears for him.
"So cupcake I guess what I'm trying to tell you is I'm done living in the closet. I'm not ready to come out yet because this is the burg and I don't think I need to explain anymore. I wanted to tell you because Steph, you're my best friend. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. I guess I didn't know how to handle my emotions and I tried so hard to live up to my burg image. This "Italian Stallion" believed If everyone thought I was bedding all these women then there would be no way anyone would figure out the truth. The truth is I could not get past kissing and a little petting with 90 percent of the women. No matter how hard I tried, my heart and my boys were just not into it. Actually, the only woman who's managed to make this guy down here stand fully at attention is you. That's because I truly love and trust you."
"Well if you were trying to boost my ego, it worked. I gave a gay man multiple boners." I broke out my happy dance.
A full belly laugh erupted out of Joe. "I knew I could count on you to keep my secret and make me laugh. Thanks cupcake. You truly are one of a kind."
"Actually Joe, thank you! Your honesty and trust in me are more important than you can imagine. I'm very honored that you came to me. Of course I won't say anything. You did mention you were in love with someone else. Does this someone else know how you feel? How did you meet? Can I meet him?"
With a smirk he said "Slow down turbo. One question at a time. I met him at the gay club Zippers. It's over in Woodburne, Pennsylvania about 20 minutes from here. To be honest I wasn't shocked to see him there but he was certainly shocked to see me. I always thought he hated me and I led him to believe I didn't like him. He bought me a drink and then came over to talk. We talked for 3 hours that night. I confided in him. I explained my actions and behavior. He didn't tell me too much as he was worried that I was fishing for information. So we continued to meet and slowly I broke down the walls he constructed so perfectly. I earned his trust. Never in a million years could this have been possible but it is Steph and I'm in love with him and he is with me."
I started to think. Who wouldn't trust him? Who would worry he was fishing for information? A thought popped into my head and I quickly dismissed it. No way could he be talking about who I think it is. Not in a million years. I was quickly brought out of my thoughts when there was a knock on the door. Joe and I both got up to answer the door. Carlos standing there looking delicious. He was wearing dark wash jeans that hugged his tush and thighs perfectly. He paired them with a charcoal long-sleeved henley. He came in and planted a kiss on my temple. He shook hands with Morelli and we all sat down for a beer.
Carlos looked at the both of us and saw the pile of tissues on the table and asked "would either of you care to explain why you've both been crying?" I kept quiet and Joe sighed.
"Ranger, I came to talk to Steph. Since you're here and I know you're not a gossip I am going to share with you what I shared with Steph. I know I don't have to ask but please don't repeat this."
Carlos raised an eyebrow at me and then stared at Joe for a moment. "You have my word Morelli"
Joe proceeded to tell Carlos about talking to the Chief of Police, my consulting with the TPD on his cases and how he gave me credit. He told him about what happened in the Navy. Joe filled him in on how he met someone. We sat quietly while Carlos took everything in. He even apologized to Carlos for his part in the gossip, name calling and general crappy behavior. He dropped an absolute bomb on both of us and asked for Ranger's forgiveness which Carlos honestly accepted without a thought. This wasn't Morelli. This was Joe. A humble and good guy. I was so proud of him.
"Morelli, I know we always haven't gotten along when it came to Steph but she can tell you that I have told her many times that you're a good man and a good Detective. I would never judge someone based on their sexuality and I can't imagine how hard it's been for you to live with this. While I wish none of the fights, slander and gossip happened, I can understand why this happened and I'm willing to wipe the slate clean. I'm impressed with what you did regarding her help on your cases. I'm also glad to know that I can date Babe without worrying that you will try and get her back."
Beer spewed everywhere from my nose and mouth. Once I stopped coughing I choked out, "excuse me, what?" Joe laughed and Carlos just smirked.
"Babe, I'm in love with you. No qualifiers, no poaching. I'm absolutely 100% in love with you and want a true relationship with you."
After the initial shock wore off and my tears stopped I turned to him and let him know "I feel the same way. I'm all in and I love you so much." We shared a passionate kiss forgetting we weren't alone. Joe cleared his throat. "It's about damn time."
We all laughed at the insanity of the situation and I knew everything would be ok.
"So Joe, you didn't answer my question, Do I know this man?"
"I hope it's ok but I texted him. He should be here any minute. I want to introduce him to both of you because we wanted to speak to you together."
Ranger just shot me an eyebrow and I returned it with a shrug.
Two minutes later there was a knock on the door. Joe got up to answer it and came back holding hands with the man I thought it was but wouldn't have truly believed in a million years.
I've never seen Carlos completely shocked. His composure was completely gone. His eyes were the size of dinner plates and his jaw hit the floor. I wish I had my camera handy. After a minute he found his composure and he got up to shake the man's hand and give him a bro hug.
Ranger turned to the man holding Joe's hand and said "Hola Hermano, Ahora sé la razón por la que has estado tan feliz. Mientras estés seguro de esto." (I now know the reason you've been so happy. As long as you are sure about this.)
Hector replied in English. I've never been happier. I know we didn't like each other but it had a lot to do with the way he talked to Angelita and the things he said about you. He explained everything to me and how he's always had an attraction to me but was so afraid to come out. He wanted to know more about my time in the New Jersey Penal system and I don't mean the prison. He thought it was better to take a page out of the 4th-grade textbook and went with picking on the person you like instead of writing on a piece of paper do you like me? Circle yes or no?"
I once again spewed my beer on the coffee table and Ranger laughed out loud. Joe smiled sheepishly and Hector had a full-on grin.
"Last week Hector proposed to me and we want to get married. I don't know how I'm going to explain this to my family. My mom and Bella especially but I was hoping Steph that you would come with me for moral support. That way no one can assume anything is your fault or you did a thing wrong. Other than Hector you're my best friend and you're also his best friend. Hector and Ranger are brothers. Blood be dammed at this point." Joe looked at Hector and you could see the love in their eyes for one another. Steph, would you be my best woman?"
Before I could respond, Hector quickly turned to Carlos "Hermano, will you be my best man?"
Carlos and I just turned to each other and smiled.
"While you've both shown me it's apparent that I'm not always aware of my surroundings, I am honestly shocked and that's not a bad thing. I am shocked because I never in a million years would of guessed you two. However, I am extremely happy for the both of you. If this is truly what you want then I would be honored to be your best man Hermano and from Babe's koolaid smile I would say she is as well." I nodded yes. Joe and Hector both gave me a huge bear hug and Carlos did that bro hug thing they do with both men.
I turned to Joe and Hector deciding I had good news to share of my own. "Yes of course I would be honored to be your best woman. Hector, Carlos and I are finally an exclusive couple." Hector picked me up, spun me around and whispered in my ear "I'm so glad he got his head out of his ass" I'll still kick his culo if he hurts you." I smiled. We decided to order in chinese and celebrate.
So that's how it came to be that I'm standing here next to Joe, Carlos is next to Hector and the hall is filled with Rangeman, off duty TPD, Joe's family minus Bella because she's finally giving the eye to the devil himself from the depths of Hell. Angie was actually extremely supportive. In fact, everyone was supportive. My mother was less than thrilled that Carlos and I eloped a month ago but after the ceremony, we are having a joint celebration for both of our marriages. It was a collective effort by Angie Morelli, Carmen Manoso and my mother. All is good in the burg. I'm back on my mom's good side and my pineapple upside down cake is safe for now.