Shepard is not allowed to challenge Thresher Maws to a dance-off, even if they've mastered the Shepard Shuffle.

Grunt: "I'd pay good credits to see that. But Shepard, remember, Thresher Maws eat their dance partners."

Shepard cannot rename the Normandy SR-2 to "SS Normandy: Ship of Galactic Awesomeness."

Joker: "As much as I love the Normandy, I think the name's a bit too long for the side of the ship. And my piloting is awesome enough, thank you very much."

Shepard must resist the urge to ask the Reapers if they've considered therapy instead of galaxy-wide destruction.

EDI: "While the concept of Reaper therapy is intriguing, I calculate the probability of success to be less than 0.00000001%."

Shepard is not allowed to use Omni-Gel to fix the coffee machine on the Normandy.

Dr. Chakwas: "Shepard, please leave the medical supplies for actual emergencies. Besides, the last thing we need is a hyperactive crew."

Liara: I know that we used to use Omni Gel to "fix" everything, but since that software update, it's not the same thing.

Shepard cannot convince the Council that the best way to defeat the Reapers is through an epic rock-paper-scissors tournament.

Udina: "Commander, while unorthodox strategies have their place, I doubt the Council will go for this one. Stick to the shooting."

Shepard cannot challenge Samara to a game of "Justicar Says."

Samara: "While I appreciate the attempt at levity, Commander, I fear my Justicar code does not cover the rules of such a game."

Shepard must not use the holographic dance floor on the Citadel to showcase their interpretive dance skills.

Garrus: "Shepard, your dancing is... unique. But let's save the Citadel's energy for more pressing matters."

Kasumi: Uniquely bad you mean…

Garrus: I was trying to be polite.

Shepard cannot organize a talent show on the Normandy, judged by Thane and Mordin.

Mordin: "Singing, dancing, performing arts, fascinating cultural activities. However, current mission parameters do not allow for such distractions."

Shepard is not allowed to turn the galactic map into a game of "Guess the Planet" during meetings.

Tali: "Shepard, I know you like to keep things light, but maybe we should focus on the task at hand?"

Shepard cannot order pizzas to the Reaper front lines using the Normandy's communication system.

James: "I'm all for feeding the enemy, especially if it's a knucle sandwich. But let's not give them the satisfaction of a good meal before we kick their butts."

Shepard must not replace all the weapons on the Normandy with foam replicas to promote "friendly fire awareness."

Zaeed: "Friendly fire isn't. And foam doesn't stop a bullet. Let's keep the real guns, Shepard."

Shepard must refrain from trying to set up Grunt on a date with a Krogan matchmaking service.

Wrex: "Shepard, matchmaking is for the weak! Grunt can find his own company. Besides, Krogan courtship involves headbutts, not blind dates."

Shepard is not allowed to replace the medigel with Varren Chow in the first aid kit.

Mordin: "Medigel is for healing, not snacks, Shepard. Varren Chow is not a suitable substitute. I can provide you with a detailed list of the potential gastrointestinal complications that might arise from such an endeavor."

Shepard is not allowed to convince Tali that the Geth are just misunderstood and would make excellent dance partners.

Tali: "Shepard, dancing with Geth? Seriously? I have enough trouble convincing people that they're not just toasters with legs. Let's not add interpretive dance to the mix, please."

Shepard must not use the Alliance's budget to fund a feature film about their heroic exploits, directed by Joker.

Joker: "Hey, I'm a great director! And who wouldn't want to see a film about the fearless Commander Shepard and the galaxy's coolest pilot? I'll even throw in some explosions for dramatic effect."

- Shepard is strictly forbidden from initiating a zero-gravity conga line during critical missions.
*Joker: "Last time we tried that, I ended up piloting the Normandy with a conga line behind me. Do you know how hard it is to evade enemy fire with a conga line?"

Shepard must not replace the thermal paste in the ship's core with actual paste.

Tali: "Shepard, the last thing we need is the drive core smelling like a preschool art project."

Shepard is not to engage in arm-wrestling matches with Krogan Warlords.

Wrex: "Shepard, my grandmother arm-wrestles harder than you. And she's been dead for 300 years."

Shepard is prohibited from using the ship's intercom to perform dramatic readings of Blasto fanfiction.

Liara: "As much as I appreciate literature, Blasto fanfiction isn't"

Shepard must not suggest a "Bring Your Geth to Work Day."

Legion: "This unit does not require a 'Bring Your Geth to Work Day.' We are always working."

Shepard is not allowed to offer "Free Reaper Hugs" as a morale booster.

EDI: "Analysis suggests that hugging Reapers would result in a 99.999% chance of fatality."

Shepard must not use the mass effect fields to create a makeshift trampoline in the cargo bay.

Miranda: "Shepard, the cargo bay is for equipment, not for... whatever it is you're trying to do."

Shepard is not permitted to start a betting pool on which crew member will be abducted by Collectors next.

Garrus: "I'm not saying I'd win that pool, but I'm also not saying I'd lose."

Shepard cannot declare "Opposite Day" to confuse enemy forces during combat.

Ashley: "Knowing our luck, we'd end up confusing ourselves more than the enemy."

Shepard must not install a karaoke machine in the med bay to "help with recovery."

Dr. Chakwas: "I fear that patients would be miracle leave, just be hearing your singing, even bleeding all over the floor."

Shepard is not allowed to use the ship's AI to prank call the Citadel Council.

EDI: "I already did that before, and sending Zetabytes of porn to Collectors"

Joker: "Best girlfriend ever!"

Shepard must not organize a "Normandy's Got Talent" show featuring Rachni opera singers.

Mordin: "Musical talents of Rachni underappreciated. Acoustics in Normandy insufficient for proper performance."

Shepard is not allowed to use the stealth drive for sneaking into movie premieres.

Kasumi: "If you're going to sneak into a movie, at least invite me. I'm great at not getting caught."

Shepard must not convince the crew that the elevator music is a form of psychological warfare.

Zaeed: "I've survived actual psychological warfare. That elevator music is just torture."

Shepard is not allowed to claim diplomatic immunity when caught jaywalking on the Citadel.

Samara: "The Justicar code does not have provisions for jaywalking, Shepard."

Garrus: "But Citadel law does. I know it very well… (low grumble) penalty to shooting the leg of that Volus my ass

Shepard must not use the galaxy map as a giant game of "Pin the Tail on the Donkey."

Javik: "In my cycle, we used real donkeys. Much more satisfying."

Shepard is not allowed to start a fashion trend based on Cerberus uniforms.

Jack: "I'd rather go naked than wear anything Cerberus again."

Miranda: "But you're already almost naked"

Jack: "Exacly"

Shepard must not use the ship's weapons systems to create elaborate fireworks displays.

Grunt: "Fireworks? I prefer explosions that serve a purpose."

Shepard is not allowed to hold "Mystery Meat Mondays" in the mess hall.

Jacob: "I've seen enough mystery on this ship. I'd like to know what I'm eating for once."

Shepard must not use the Normandy's escape pods for "extreme sports."

James: "I'm all for extreme, but let's save the escape pods for actual escaping."