Except from the Book : Dealing with Garrus for Dummies (aka Normandy Crew)

Calibration Intervention: Never, under any circumstances, ask Garrus to step away from his beloved calibrations. He's likely to give you a look that could curdle milk.

Joker: "Every time I ask Garrus for a break, he says he's 'almost done.' I'm starting to think 'calibration' is Turian for 'me time.'"

Turian Tactical Talks: Engaging Garrus in a discussion about Turian military strategies is a black hole for your time. Be prepared for an impromptu lecture complete with hand-drawn battle plans.

Tali: "I made the mistake of asking about Turian formations. Three hours later, I had a headache and a stack of napkin diagrams."

Vigilante Justice Monologues: Mentioning vigilante justice around Garrus is asking for a sermon on the virtues of taking the law into one's own hands, complete with a morality tale or two.

Shepard: "Garrus starts on his vigilante justice spiel, and I can't tell if he's trying to convince me or himself."

Target Practice Faux Pas: If you value your personal belongings, keep them away from Garrus during target practice. He's been known to use crewmates' possessions for 'accuracy tests.'

Joker: "Remember the medbay gel incident? EDI's still finding gel blobs in the cockpit. Thanks, Garrus."

Bet Against Garrus at Your Own Risk: Garrus has a mysterious ability to win bets, especially when the odds are against him. It's suspected he has a hidden quarian AI up his sleeve.

Liara: "I learned my lesson. Never bet against Garrus. He's either incredibly lucky or incredibly good."

Romantic Interrogations: Introducing your crush to Garrus? Prepare them for a 'friendly' interrogation that would make a Spectre sweat.

Tali: "He grilled my date for an hour. I'm not sure if they were terrified or impressed."

Survival Tips from Garrus: If Garrus starts a sentence with "In my experience…", brace yourself. You're about to get a masterclass in everything from combat to the best turian brandy.

Wrex: "Garrus gave me 'survival tips.' I've survived a thousand battles. But sure, tell me more about 'cover.'"

Turian Toasting Trials: Never challenge Garrus to a drinking game. Turians have a metal-based biology, and he'll drink you under the table while cracking jokes in Turian that you won't understand but will laugh at anyway.

Joker: "I thought I could outdrink Garrus. Next thing I know, I'm on the floor and he's not even tipsy."

Wingman Warnings: Garrus may offer to be your wingman, but be wary. His 'subtle' tactics often involve sniper cover and tactical positioning.

Joker: "He tried to 'sniper cover' my date with EDI. Now she thinks every shadow is Garrus with a rifle."

Engineering 'Enhancements': Encourage Garrus's DIY spirit, but maybe keep him away from essential ship systems. No one wants a repeat of the Great Life Support 'Optimization' of 2185.

EDI: "Garrus's 'improvements' to the Normandy's systems are… creative. I spend as much time removing them as he does installing them."