CID! YOU PERVERT! Tifa let out an impressive scream that echoed throughout the Highwind. It was followed by an even more impressive scream, this time from Cid, as he felt the wrath of Tifa through her Final Heaven, just before slamming the bathroom door in his face. Elsewhere on the Highwind, Red XIII awoke from his nap with a sudden jerk, Cait Sith stopped playing with the shiny big buttons at the controls, Yuffie looked up from her puking, Vincent snapped out of his reverie of Lucrecia, Cloud tripped and stumbled down the stairs leading to the cockpit, and Barret instinctively lifted his right gun hand into the air and began to shoot wildly. After the brief anarchy died down, a moment of eerie silence crept over the Highwind, its occupants wondering just what the hell Cid had done. Cloud looked over at Yuffie with a look on his face. Yuffie opened her mouth to say something, but all that came out was yet more inhuman amounts of vomit. Cloud just did his characteristic shrug. Red XIII yawned, and returned to his slumber, as Cait Sith's attention was led to a large red button, and Barrett was now busy moving boxes and crates to cover the damage he had done to the Highwind. Vincent however, was still curious.
What was that all about? he asked aloud.
Cait Sith: Wonder what this one does
Barret : Shit! How the hell am I gonna explain this to Cid
Cloud: Hey look! I found a gil on the floor!
Sighing, Vincent made his way to the bathroom. Someone has got to make sure we still have a pilot, he thought to himself. As he approached the bathroom, he spotted Cid standing not but one inch from the door. He had a look of disbelief and shock on his cut and bruised face, his jaw was dropped, and the ever present cigarette lay burning at his feet.
Um, Cid? Vincent began.
Not now, Vinny let me relish this moment Cid replied dreamily.
I said not now, you son of a whore Cid said, dreamy tone unchanged.
Okay, but it may interest you to know that your cigarette is catching the carpet on fire Vincent calmly informed Cid.
Aw, shit! Cid exclaimed snapping back to reality. Vincent watched silently as Cid stomped on the smoldering carpet, shouting every obscenity under Meteor, and mumbling sorrowfully about wasting a cigarette.
Vincent cleared his throat. Cid looked up at him startled, as though he had forgotten Vincent was standing there. Suddenly, Cid's eyes lit up, grew to a grotesque size, and glossed over dreamily. Vincent jumped back surprised, and placed his hand over the gun at his hip, ready to shoot anything so damn cute, even if it was his close friend.
Oh Vincent! Cid exclaimed. I can die happy seeing what I have just seen!
Sounds like you almost did. Vincent replied deadpan. Cid continued.
I opened the door, and there Tifa was, fresh from her shower. So beautiful, so well-endowed, so nude!
Vincent yelled, disgusted in his friends voyeurism. Don't you know how to knock? You invade a person's privacy, a lady at that, and you have the nerve to stand here and
She was so taut, so womanly, so
I will not stand here and listen to such rude
You should have seen it Vincent! Especially that magnificent set of- Cid stopped suddenly, looked thoughtful, and brought a hand up to his chin.
Wonder if those boobs are real? Hmmm What do you think Vincent? Think those puppies are natural?
Vincent's jaw dropped in disbelief. Had he no shame at all? Still, that particular question had crossed Vincent's mind once or twice, as ashamed as he was to admit it. He may have been a respectful man who abhorred sin, but he was still a man, and no man that met Tifa could keep from noticingthose.
Vincent blushed slightly, and turned his head away from Cid. I will not stand here and answer such a derogatory question. He replied. Cid just chuckled, noticing his friend actually had a trace of color to his face, and for Vincent, that must have been blushing.
Sure, sure, Cid replied. But haven't you ever wondered? I mean, when you see them uncovered like that, huge, heaving things, it only makes ya wonder more. I mean, they are just so damn BIG
Vincent interrupted, but to no avail.
I mean honestly, aren't you a little curious? Cid asked innocently.
I really haven't noticed. Vincent lied, not too convincingly.
You dirty son of a bitch, you have checked them out! Ha ha! I knew it! Not even an uptight old prude like you can keep from staring at those puppies! Cid taunted.
Vincent turned a little bit redder, but was determined not to lose his composure.
But I can't blame ya man! How long has it been since you've had a little action? Let's see, you were sealed in a coffin for 30 damn years
Vincent hissed, not liking the unusual sensation of blushing.
So I guess Lucrecia was the last time you had a little funCid continued.
That did it.
CID, THERE ARE FOUR HELLSPAWNED BEASTS RAGING WITHIN IN ME, AND THEY DON'T LIKE YOU!
Tsk, tsk, tsk. Cid shook his head. So uptight. It must be hard on youGet it? Hard on? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
If it weren't for Tifa exiting the bathroom, Cid might have died never knowing the truth behind Tifa's endowments, and Vincent would have yet another sin to add to his list. However, Vincent found his composure once again, and Cid stifled his crass laughter. Tifa gave Cid a death glare. Cid smiled sheepishly.
You really ought to be ashamed of yourself, Cid Highwind! Most people have the common courtesy to knock on a bathroom door before they enter it! And most people aren't so unbelievably rude as to just gawk at what they see when they do forget to knock!
Tifa glanced over at Vincent. She put a hand on his shoulder and looked back at Cid.
Like Vincent here. Unlike you Cid, he wouldn't just stare at me if he walked in on me, would you Vincent? Tifa looked back at Vincent.
Ummm, no I wouldn't. Vincent replied meekly, knowing damn good and well he would.
Tifa looked satisfied with this answer, as she turned back to a smirking Cid. That's right. She told him confidently. That's because Vincent is a gentleman. You could learn a thing or two from him. Sticking her nose into the air Tifa walked off. As soon as she was gone, Cid was cracking up, pointing at Vincent.
A gentleman! BWAHAHA! Dirty little boob-obsessed bastard is more like it! Cid shouted.
Vincent replied, holding back every shred of temptation to let Chaos loose.
Aww Vinny, Cid sighed between the remnants of his laughter. I'm on a mission now. I've just got to knoware they real?
Vincent glared at Cid. A huh? Vincent asked sarcastically.
Hell yeah! Cid replied. I mean I've got to know the truth! Silicon or 100% real meat? You should help me!
I see. Vincent said quietly. Meteor creeps closer and closer to the earth every day, threatening mankind's existence for all eternity, and you're going on a to find out if Tifa has had breast implants, and you want me to help you
Cid replied, missing any hint of ridiculousness in his plan.
Vincent replied as he began to walk away.
Fine! Suit yourself, ya little shit! But when I find out the truth, don't expect me to let you in on it!
Vincent stopped in his tracks. He looked back at Cid, standing there with that dirty little smirk on his face, a new cigarette between his teeth, that wild glint in his eyesNo, Vincent thought. He wouldn't be able to keep something like that from anyone for too longwould he? It would drive him crazy, if he did. He would always wonder, is Tifa really that curvy naturally?
Vincent sighed. Forgive me, Lucrecia What's the plan, you lech?