202Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Harry Potter
"Naruto…where did you get this couch?" Was the first thing Naruto was asked when he came back to the new club's official room. It had taken quite some time to find something that settled everyone's preferences but after a good search, the highest floor of Hogwarts finally had 3 new residents.
Placing the heavy couch down onto the floor with a smile on his face, Naruto looked up into the amused eyes of his friend and the anxious eyes of his other friend and laughed.
"Well you see-
(Break)
The Slytherin common room was in a state of chaos, filled with fear and confusion. Older and younger students, all in old fashioned night robes, stood in a circle around the bare spot where their beloved couch had once sat.
The dark green cushions that had been a symbol of Slytherin's hierarchy for years, an unspoken throne rumored to house even the dark lord himself was gone and they were here to solve it.
No one messed with the Slytherin hierarchy.
"What do you mean, it's gone?" hissed one of the students, their voice sharp with disbelief. "It can't just disappear, it's a couch! It doesn't have legs!"
"Couldn't someone have given it legs? We have magic!"
"...oh, right."
"But I swear it was here this morning!" another muttered, pacing in frustration.
"Who would steal a couch?" someone asked incredulously. "What kind of idiot steals a couch? It's just a couch!"
As they bickered, the door to the common room swung open with a creak. The students immediately snapped to attention. Professor Snape strode in, his black robes billowing behind him like a shadow. His piercing gaze swept over the room before landing on the empty spot.
"What is this?" he demanded, his voice icy. "Why does it look like the place has been ransacked?"
The students shifted uncomfortably but remained silent. Snape's gaze narrowed as he surveyed the room, finally resting on the glaring absence of the couch.
"What is the meaning of this?" he sneered.
The room fell into a tense silence. No one had a reasonable answer. Finally, one brave student stepped forward, muttering something about "looking everywhere" and "no sign of it." Snape's lip curled in disdain.
"And who-" he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "would dare do something so imbecilic?"
The students exchanged glances before all eyes turned to one conclusion.
"The Weasley twins!"
"Wait! You stole it!? Naruto, stealing is bad!" Astoria screeched as Naruto pushed the chair into the middle of the abandoned classroom, humming at his new bounty. Man, did he love taking stuff.
"Listen… it's not like they were using it, right? After all, would they really miss just one couch? I saw a lot when I went there, though, this one looked the most fluffy! I'm sure they'll just magic one up again!" he defended, feeling attacked. He was doing this for the greater good of them all. His club needed to be perfect!
"It's still stealing, Naruto! We can't take things that don't belong to-" Astoria tried her best to scold the blond into carrying the couch back, but she forgot one important detail.
She faced not just one blonde, but two. Two connected by a single brain cell.
She never stood a chance.
"Actually, if we're being factual, it's a school couch, so as long as it's still inside, that just means it got repositioned! I don't think anyone but a ghost would be alive to claim ownership of it!"
"Damn straight, it's everyone's couch! Luna, bring it in!"
"Hahaha!"
Astoria watched dumbfounded as Naruto dropped the couch in the middle of the classroom before he gave Luna a high-five of epic proportions, as if they had just achieved checkmate, when they had, in fact, made up some random rule.
"That's not how that works!"
"Says who though? Ohhhh man, that's goooood!" Naruto nearly drooled as he sank into the couch with a content sigh, followed by Luna, who also gave a moan of appreciation.
"It's like being hugged by a bunch of wobblepuffs!" Luna murmured, sinking deeper into the couch, her voice filled with absolute bliss.
"Wobblepuf-
"Clouds Naruto."
"Oh yeah! You're right!"
Astoria simply stood, stunned, as they completely ignored her. The two of them, with their strange logic and overwhelming confidence, made themselves at home on the stolen, no, on the acquired couch without a single ounce of shame.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," Astoria muttered, her hands on her hips. Even she knew you weren't supposed to just go and steal another house's couch!
Just about to scold them one more time she was interrupted by the blonde again.
Naruto, grinning ear to ear, reached over and grabbed her arm, yanking her toward the couch. "Come on, Astoria, you'll change your mind when you try it out, it's criminal that they kept this to themselves!"
Astoria stumbled as he pulled her, blinking in confusion. "No! I'm not going to-"
But before she could protest further, Naruto plopped her down beside him, where she landed with a soft whoomph.
The moment she sank into the couch, she understood the universe, a warm, squishy embrace that seemed to melt away the stress of everything. Her sickness, her over overprotective sister and parents, her anxiety-
"... it is pretty comfy…" she admitted softly and reluctantly, but she quickly added, "That doesn't mean I'm totally okay with this! We'll get into a lot of trouble if we are found out!"
Luna smiled.
"Then we just have to make sure that doesn't happen right?"
Astoria shot a glare at the two of them, but it was hard to argue with how perfectly comfortable the couch was. Why was it somehow softer than her own bed? It was just too good…
Naruto grinned widely, holding up a fist to her. "See? Told ya! It's all about the greater good of couch acquisition! My first act as club president was already a success!"
Astoria sighed, slumping into the couch with the two of them. "I'm surrounded by blonde dummies…"
30 minutes later
There was one unexpected(not really) downside to having such a Godsend couch to themselves.
"We should probably do something."
"...we should."
"Mhmmmmg."
"Maybe…later…"
"Yeah…"
1 hour later
"Huh?" Naruto blinked the drowsiness out of his eyes feeling like he was forgetting something. The blonde boy slowly woke, groggy eyes blinking against the light shining through the large window inside the room.
He could feel his head resting awkwardly on the arm of the couch with his legs feeling quite numb due to some weight. Looking down confused, he saw his two friends' heads resting on his lap, still fast asleep, their breathing soft and even.
After blinking twice Naruto's eyes widened as he looked around, going whiter with each second.
"Guys wake up, we're wasting the day away!"
Maybe Naruto should have thought about shouting so loudly in two sleeping girls' ears but he didn't so that was why he was currently sweating as he picked up the chalk from what he assumed was an old teacher's desk.
There were now two chairs seated in front of the chalkboard(far, far away from that evil couch) and Naruto was about to go over the current agenda to make sure the club was fully functional.
"Ahem so-" Doing his best to ignore the irritated stares, Naruto got a chair and stood on it so he could reach the top.
"Luna, what day is it again?"
"..."
"...please."
"November 13th Naruto!" She answered cheerfully, getting Naruto to sigh as he wrote.
First Official Club Meeting of Hogwarts Best Club Ever, November 13, 1992!
Today's AGENDA:
1. Pick a cool Club Name!
Tapping a bit hard on the last exclamation, Naruto turned around and looked at the interested eyes with a smile.
"Any ideas? I was thinking about Ninja bros!" The flat stares Naruto got told him how well that was received.
"We're not all boys, Naruto! Do you have any ideas Luna?" Naruto grumbled wondering why Astoria was coming out of her shell just to scold him.
The Lovegood girl seemed completely prepared for this as she pulled a small folded parchment from her shirt pocket, getting surprised stares as she unfolded it. When did she even have the time to-?!
"In fact I did have some ideas! How about Snorkeling Snorkacks?!"
"Eh? No." Naruto denied not really wanting it to be named after a magical creature. That was just weird and he had to think about pulling in potential members!
"Huh? That was my best one! Okay what about The Nargle Hunters-"
"How can we hunt them if only you know what they are?! Our name has to be indicative or whatever to what we do!" Naruto denied it exasperated, pointing his chalkboard at her as Luna pouted again.
Naruto sighed, rubbing his temples as he tried to think. This was harder than he thought. He glanced at Astoria, who was watching him with an eyebrow raised, and then back at Luna, who was still pouting dramatically.
"Alright, alright." Naruto said, holding his hands up in surrender. "What about something a bit... more normal? Like, uh... The Hidden Leaf Heroes? It's simple, but cool, right?"
Astoria raised her eyebrows. "It's very….Naruto."
"Hey what does that mean?!" Naruto protested, feeling offended on behalf of his village, crossing his arms. "It's got the vibe, doesn't it?"
Luna, still not convinced, tilted her head. "Hmm... I suppose it has potential, but it's missing a certain... sparkle."
"Sparkle? What do you mean by sparkle?" Naruto asked, his hands thrown up.
Astoria smirked. "I think what Luna's trying to say is it's a bit too boring."
Naruto's eyes twitched.
Luna nodded eagerly. "Yes! It needs something that feels... magical! Like a connection to the stars, or the moon, or maybe-"
Naruto cut her off. "Okay, no, we're not naming it something like Moonlit Warrior Knights or something just because your name is Luna!"
Luna blinked, unfazed. "Pooey."
A long silence followed, until Naruto slumped. "I don't know. Maybe we should just go with Ninja Bros. and be done with it."
Astoria groaned. "Please, not that. We'd be bullied for the rest of our Hogwarts life!"
"How about... The Mysterious Moonlit Snorkeling Snorkacks?"
Naruto immediately turned around and began writing on the board.
(Considerations: Nargle Hunters, Ninja Bros, Snorkeling Snorkacks, Naruto's Hare-)
Group name-Undecided.
"We'll figure it out later! As president I've made the executive decision to move on! Now next is-"
2. Find Club Base
"Are you guys sure you want to stay here? It's a bit small but I think it'll do." Unlike the last objective, this one got no push back at all and Naruto sighed relieved and began writing again.
(Rejected: Great Hall-too obvious, Dungeons-too dusty-Flich, Moving staircase-too much walking, too dangerous)
Base: Abandoned classroom on the Highest Floor near Astronomy class-Decided.
Without pausing, Naruto wrote the next objective.
3. Clean up the club area.
….
It was only then he paused, looking around at the state of the old classroom, his face faltering.
It was a dump and that was talking lightly.
The walls were cracked, the windows covered in a thin layer of hastily wiped dust, and the furniture was a chaotic mess, with some pieces awkwardly shoved against the walls. Even papers that had littered the floor were hastily pushed to the side to make space for them to sit in the middle.
Naruto had to wonder why this class above all others wasn't cleaned regularly but he just supposed it was a magical thing.
Naruto glanced at his friends who looked away guiltily, twiddling their thumbs, getting him to sweatdrop at how innocent they looked. He specifically remembered telling them he would leave them to clean while he went to secure the couch and now that he thought about it it looked even messier than before.
Well it wasn't like he was expecting much. He had actually wanted to skive off cleaning duty so couldn't blame them for doing the same.
After a minute Naruto looked back at the chalkboard deciding not to say anything and wrote: Undecided.
4. Get a new club couch
Naruto glanced back at the bright green, surprisingly comfortable yet evil couch placed into the corner of the room. He had to outlaw it until he figured out whether there was no foul play. There was no way something should feel that good!
Decided.
'I don't think there is anything else right?'
After realizing that, Naruto straightened up.
"Well I have to say, we're doing pretty great so far! Didn't think we'd come this far! How are you girls taking it, any nargles Luna?"
"It's completely free of nargles too so we don't need to worry!"
Naruto nodded, taking her expert opinion at face value. It wasn't like he could check if he really wanted to and he trusted his friend!
He looked over to an awkward Astoria who gave him a strained smile.
"...it's nice." It was a clear lie!
The brown haired first year soon found herself flustered when a blonde assaulted her on the chair in a bid to figure out why she didn't like the room.
"What! Do you see this place? It's amazing. Come on, you have to admit it's cool!" Naruto waved his hand to the dirty room as if in shock that someone couldn't like the raggedy place. With a bit of elbow grease this place would-
"No it isn't bad! I just mean-" Flustered, the girl tried to explain but the insistent Uzumaki just pressed closer with his eyes squinted and caused her to squeak, falling silent.
"Oh Naruto, Astoria comes from a very important pureblood house, I'm sure she's just adjusting to it." The more experienced blonde answered also misunderstanding as she picked a piece of lint off her clothes, observing it.
Naruto was taken aback as he looked toward her. He knew about these house things a bit, they were just like the kekki genkie thing like Sasuke right? Bloodlines…
"Is that true? I didn't take you for one of those…" He struggled to find a word to describe the Slytherin classmates he had the misfortunes of being in class with. They hadn't targeted him yet per say but their actions against everyone else certainly didn't paint a good picture about them.
Astoria winced and Naruto frowned at that before smoothing it out, seeing her glance at him and nod.
"...yes I'm a member of House Greengrass and she is the heir of the Lovegood Family if you didn't know."
Naruto blinked and looked at Luna who waved at him.
"Hi."
"So you're both, like, princesses or something? I guess that's why you both look so cute. You're probably used to a lot of luxury, this place must look pretty bad to you, huh?" Naruto felt a bit guilty as he looked around the dirty room again. It had seemed fine to him before, but now that he thought about it, it was really really dirty-
But hey, it wasn't his fault! Whoever dumped him in this strange world and had him camping on rooftops was the one to blame! Of course, Naruto conveniently ignored the fact that he could've had a house if he'd really tried. He could henge into anyone, make clones, and find a way to settle down in no time. But that wasn't his style.
Honestly? He liked living on rooftops. He could sleep whenever he wanted, and there was decent security (thanks to the pigeons, which he didn't eat). Plus, the view of the night sky was amazing.
And, let's be real, he had plenty of places to stash his ramen.
So, yeah, Naruto was a huge fan of rooftops. Sue him.
Still, he couldn't deny that not everyone was as self-sufficient as him. Maybe he could do something to make this place a little better quickly. Sure, he could make clones do it for him, but that was too easy and risky.
"You girls…wait here I'll be right back!"
A grin spread across his face as a plan soon came to mind. Getting up to feet about to dash off for a quick solution Naruto paused when he didn't get any answer.
Looking to the side, he blinked, seeing Astoria looking away from him and Luna's head deep inside another parchment she had gotten from…somewhere?
"Are you two alright?" They seemed a bit off and was that red on-
"We're fine Naruto, you should go do that thing you said you were going to do. Now." Luna pulled down the parchment, glancing at the door with hinting eyes and Naruto pouted, feeling like he was being gotten rid of.
After looking at them some more and not finding anything else, Naruto sighed. "Alright but tell me if anything is wrong!"
With that Naruto went to secure the solution to all their problems.
The door slammed behind the Uzumaki loudly and Luna felt it was finally safe to bring the parchment paper down from her face.
"Is he always like that? So…" Luna glanced towards Astoria who was looking towards the door warily, spying the red that dusted over the brunette girl's face. She looked like she had a serious infection and Luna wondered if she would also need a necklace.
Luna herself wondered if she had been infested with nargles without her notice. Only they could be the reason why her cheeks felt so warm.
"Random and excitable? Yes but no more than the rest of us!" Luna defended the blonde, finally able to think as she looked back at the parchment properly.
'Hmm it's a bit too sparkly!' She thought, hesitant about her little project she had designated herself while they were cleaning. She knew Naruto would ask about it soon enough and decided starting long before he did was prudent. Daddy always said the early hunter caught the Crumpled-Horn Snorkack!
"I see…you two look like great friends. When did you meet?" Luna wasn't mad about her unsure tone or the inquisitive question either. In fact she was more than happy to share.
Dipping her quill into the ink pot, she began talking while making adjustments.
"Wellllll~ A long long time ago-"
"Wait you're only eleven-!"
"Shhhhh. Daddy calls this pre-sen-ta-tion!"
"Lying?!"
"Presentation! Now where was I before I was interrupted? Oh yes, a long time ago in a certain magical world-
~Flashback~
"Go and pick out your own school text, my little moonbeam. Daddy needs to find some... adult wizarding books." The blonde man, dressed in a way that was even stranger than most wizarding folk, patted Luna Lovegood on the shoulder with a bright smile.
"Adult books, daddy? Like those Muggle magazines I saw...?" Luna looked up at her father, her wide, curious eyes sparkling. For some reason, his face flushed red, and he coughed loudly.
"...Daddy's been a bit lonely since mommy went hunting forever." he stammered, avoiding eye contact as he tugged his robe awkwardly. "They're just a passing curiosity, so don't mind them. Now go, my moonbeam, let your curiosity guide you!" With that, he gave her a gentle push toward the shelves.
Luna, giddy as ever and unaware of the discomfort she'd caused, skipped off into the maze of bookshelves without a second thought. Though the moment she was out of earshot, her father let out a relieved sigh, adjusting his robes with a nervous glance toward a far-off corner of the shop.
Luna's mind was filled with excitement as she wandered between rows of books. There were so many to choose from, some with glowing titles( literally) others that seemed to snap at her and more! She bounced from one shelf to the next, her thoughts long gone from the actual reason she was here.
She rounded a corner upstairs blinked in surprise, tilting her head all the way up curiously. Perched on top of the tallest bookshelf was a boy, no older than twelve, with messy blonde hair, wearing a simple pair of black jeans and a white T-shirt , reaching for a book.
"Oh, Hello there! Are you perhaps part of the book collection? Can I buy you? I've always wanted to be able to scale walls like an acromantula." she had asked, stepping closer without a hint of fear.
The boy's eyes widened and his face went pale as he jerked. His hands gripped the edge of the shelf tightly, as though he might fall at any moment before he quickly slid down. "What the hell?! Who are you and why didn't I hear you coming up here!"
Luna counted three questions on her hand and answered them. Her daddy always said it was rude otherwise.
"I'm Luna." she said, unfazed at the superhuman feat. "Luna Lovegood. I don't know what the hell and my daddy always silences our footsteps everytime we leave the house. It's easier hunting Crumpled-Horn Snorkacks that way."
The blonde boy gave her a strange look as if unsure on what to say to that and Luna looked at him in deep intrigue, humming when she saw the finger marks on the shelf up above.
"You're really strong aren't you? Do you think you can help find my books for Hogwarts? I'm terribly lost and I'm sure my daddy is worried. Oh and don't worry I'll keep your secret!" Luna winked slowly, getting the boy to look even more baffled but for some reason he still showed her the way all the same.
"You aren't scared of me?"
"Of course not. Daddy always said everyone deserves proper treatment. So what if you're just a little human!"
"Wait what?!"
(End)
Luna smiled to herself as she recalled the memory, of course making sure to adjust a bit as she spoke to a smiling Astoria. Just a hint of magic and she didn't question anything.
"So two met in Flourish and Blotts? That's so nice…did he stay with you two while you were shopping."
"Oh yes. Apparently Naruto had already shopped just a little while back and had been scouting out potential enemy territory before going home to study. He was a very great help in taking on our stuff so we could shop easier."
Luna smiled sticking her head back down into her parchment and giggled hearing an wary Astoria say-
"You made him a trunk boy?"
"Well he was the one who suggested it!" Luna lied with a straight face, getting Astoria to look warily at her.
"I don't know…you did offer to buy him the minute you saw him…"
In Luna's defense-
"Daddy usually buys me anything I find cute-" That was just one of the many reasons Luna adored her daddy.
She hummed in content, completely unaware of the surprised glances sent her way.
"You really like him, Luna."
"It's obvious isn't it? I think you like him too, Astoria." Luna observed with a smile.
"...yeah but I don't think it's like yo-"
"Hey guys I brought the professor to help clean up the room for us! I'm great aren't I-!" Uzumaki Naruto kicked open the door with a wide smile, teacher in tow and Luna couldn't help but glance at the whiskers on his cheeks sneakily.
A little while back
Naruto sighed for the fifth time as Lockhart went on another rant about how great Dumbledore was, how everyone should worship the floor he walked on, and how there should be a day named after him. The constant barrage of exaggerated compliments and over-the-top praise was starting to grind on Naruto's nerves.
"I regret everything." Naruto muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes as Lockhart continued. "Does he ever stop?!"
The man beside him, walking with far too much enthusiasm for someone who was clearly terrified of the headmaster, was practically glowing with self-importance.
His hands flailed around in grand gestures, and his voice became louder with every word. "Dumbledore is a living legend! An icon! I always tell people, 'If there's anyone who should have statues built in their honor, it's Headmaster Dumbledore! Why, I'd even volunteer to help sculpt-"
Naruto had heard enough. He couldn't take another second of incessant blabbering. They were just outside the door to the club's room, and Naruto was already exhausted from the man's never-ending praise for Dumbledore.
Without a word, Naruto reached over, grabbed the overly dramatic wizard by the shirt and dragged him inside.
"Naluto?!"
"Hey guys I brought the professor to help clean up the room for us! I'm great aren't I-!?" He said happily, letting the man go to stumble a bit.
"T-this! You've made quite some progress! Also why is this couch so familiar?!" Naruto heard as he went inside.
"Guys! Come tell the professor how you want the room decorated…Hmm? What's wrong?"
"Nothing at all, right Astoria? Naruto, do you think the professor can make the inside look more fluffy? I don't really want to think of it as a class!"
"..." Why was she not more concerned about how quickly Naruto got a professor and how roughed up the man looked, Asotria was afraid to ask so she simply nodded.
"Sure."
Exactly 14 days later
-November 27th 1992
Minerva McGonagall sat at her desk in the quiet confines of her office, her quill moving swiftly as she graded yet another pile of third-year Transfiguration assignments, her sharp eyes catching every error with practiced ease.
The occasional rustle of parchment was the only sound in the room as always.
Suddenly, a sharp tap echoed through the stillness and she looked up, her expression unreadable. An owl, with a silver-grey color, was perched upon the windowsill, its beak tapping lightly against the glass.
'...a post owl?' The woman thought seeing the tiny strip of cloth on its claw. They were owls anyone could rent for a period of use but why was one here?
With a flick of her wrist, the window opened, and the bird fluttered in, dropping a small, sealed envelope onto her desk before taking off again without hesitation.
Raising an eyebrow, she took the letter with an air of curiosity. She ran her wand over the seal, and it unraveled slowly. She turned it over, her sharp gaze catching the elegant yet familiar script upon the parchment.
'...Gilderoy?'
As she read, her brow furrowed, then slowly arched higher, her expression shifting from mild interest to something more akin to disbelief. She cleared her throat and, without meaning to, muttered aloud, her voice laced with incredulity.
"In light of the recent founding of.."
Her voice trailed off as she scanned the rest of the letter, her eyes growing wider still.
What in Merlin's name-
"You have been cordially invited to-" Susan and Hannah read their letters from their beds in unison their mouths gaping wide-
"...the service club's first….' a intrigued yet excited voice whispered in the depths of the library.
"...private club member recruitment! Isn't that swell dear?!" Molly Weasley said with happiness as a wide eyed, bandaged Ginerva listened from her bed in Saint Mungo's.
"Every recruit's schedule has been taken into account." Dumbledore murmured to himself, peering at the letter with a thoughtful look. "And it has been determined that Sunday, November 29th, 1992, provides ample time to attend the meeting of able minds. This letter will be used as your invitation pass."
He adjusted his glasses, then chuckled softly, shaking his head. "Ah, how delightful, I do wonder how that was figured out. Not only that, much pudding will be included, of course! One simply cannot have a proper gathering without it."
With a dramatic flourish, he folded the letter and tucked it away, a gleam of mischief in his eyes. 'Well, then. This should be quite the event. Hopefully I will be recruited. I'm not quite as limber as I used to be.'
He could not wait.