4A.N: Big thanks to TTY7 for proof-reading this chapter!
Disclaimer: I only own the idea of throwing people at each other and see of they get mashed or something.
KAUA'I ISLAND, DOG SHELTER
626 wakes up with a pounding head, like an entire row of primitive trucks ran him over, then came back to run him over a second time.
All five of them.
Which is basically exactly what happened.
He doesn't know where exactly the primitive beings who still need to use Geo-locked vehicles are, but he will find them and kill them, because he has a very specific skillset, which is to destroy everything and he would very much like to do that.
And on top of that, he just had to come across this water-logged mudball just as rain began to fall- the one thing 626 couldn't blast, punch, bite, kick, eat or generally brutalize.
Instead, he takes a look at the sopping mass of what is vaguely resembling food and his stomach growls. Grudgingly, he makes his way there, taps the slime with his claw and then just eats the entire thing, along with the bowl. It's sustenance and it does the job, even if he has tasted shoes with better aftertaste than this sludge since crash-landing on the planet. He gets up and dusts himself off before casting a disparaging glance at the pile of animals trembling at the corner of the cell, not daring to move an inch as he makes his way to the bars.
Pathetic.
Someone really took a glance at his unconscious form and thought that this excuse of a place could contain him. It was laughable, but not quite as laughable as the Galactic Federation leaving escape pods in his very own transportation vessel. He supposes he could wait for the inevitable recovery team, snap their necks, use that ship to burn this world to smithereens and then just move on to the next one. The residents of this planet were stupid, backwards, barely a little better than animals themselves, so they couldn't actually understand what he could (what he would) do to them the second he figured how to escape this place, that was surrounded by the one thing that he couldn't surpass. It was an inevitable mistake and 626 would do them a kindness and explain, as he twisted this planet's leader's neck where everybody could see.
Already feeling better at the thoughts filling his head, 626 bends the bars and gets out, before crawling stealthily on the ceiling of the building -cement, how quaint- and leaving from the open door, before shutting it close behind him...
And he only manages to take two steps before the blast of a laser gun hits the empty space where his foot was less than a second ago. Several more shots follow in quick succession with an annoying accuracy he can't simply tank. The laugh that accompanies them is familiar -drowning in a tank, breathing through a fragile mask that will break at the press of a button, lights that hurt his eyes so, so much- and Stitch let's out a curse.
"So nice to see your pretty face again!" the unmistakable voice of the one who gave him life shouts mockingly at him.
"Jumba?"
The baldie should be in prison! In space! In another galaxy!
It's easy to piece the puzzle together as he scurries back the way he came, strategically retreating -not hiding! - back into the small cell.
Jumba, his creator, was quite possibly the only thing that would be able to bring him down because, while he didn't necessarily have the skill to attack him effectively, he did know how to subdue him. With his freedom to pursue hair follicle treatment on the line, Jumba's presence is a palpable, immediate danger that could land him back in Federation custody where he would face that wrinkled, old general.
His creator would probably put a bow on him too just to seal the deal.
Jumba Jukiba might be the dumbest man alive, but he was also an actual evil genius. Given that he had been the one to imbue 626 with the hatred he harboured for the world, the bald scientist most definitely had an approximation of his plan mapped out in his big, bald head. That meant that the ship he'd used to get him here would be extremely close by. After all, Jumba would never risk facing any of his experiments without thorough preparations.
If he even brought a ship with him and didn't just airdrop here, the bald old bald bastard.
So, plan A was out the window before it even began, and there was no plan B.
He was glad for the relatively sturdy wall, because when he began hitting his head against it, it didn't immediately give.
"Hello? Hellooooo?"
He stopped mid-thrust, his ears perking up with irritation. He didn't care what the humans might do after, but he would love, right this moment, to tear something apart. A human would do.
"Are there any animals here?"
Animals?
He reaches the torn-apart bars once again and stares at the small human from the front of the shelter.
And it only takes a moment for a simple but brilliant idea to take hold, as he looks at the poster that covers most of the hallway wall.
626 makes himself look as close to a dog as physically possible, retracting his second set of arms, his spine spikes, his antennas, effectively cutting his fighting strength to less than half, inwardly grinning to himself.
Jumba hadn't been alone.
If he had been alone, he would have simply blasted this entire place down with a plasma canon and made it look like an accident.
And 626, as he begrudgingly presented himself to the tiny human, couldn't help but wonder about how Jumba's little leash holder felt about meat shields.
Well. He supposed he was about to find out.
KAUA'I ISLAND, PELEKAI RESIDENCE, EARLIER THAT MORNING
"How would you like a pet?"
The question is abrupt, and Lilo almost chokes on her morning milk. "Like Zuul and Vinz?" she asks with glee, her eyes wide with excitement in the prospect.
"Ye- no. Not like Zuul and Vinz. At all. No one is even going to understand this reference!"
"YES! I want one!"
"Good. Finish your breakfast and-"
"LAST ONE TO PUT ON SLIPPERS IS A BROCCOLI WORM!"
Nani could only let her head hit the table for five seconds.
"NAAAAAAANIIIII! THE DOOR'S BROKEN!"
And she has three to mad-dash her way to the door and pull Lilo out of the doggy door by her butt. The six-year-old struggles, but thankfully, Nani has developed her core and arm strength over the years of prying Lilo away from dangerous surfaces, pits and a variety of different other places where the average short kid shouldn't be able to reach. So, it's not really a problem for her to deposit the hyper mobile typhoon Lilo back on her chair and ruffle her hair until she submits to her superior big sister energy.
"Eat your breakfast!" she says cheerily, dropping her own empty bowl of cereal in the sink. "Drink the milk too and then I promise, we will go to the shelter!"
Lilo grumbles at her sister's too-cheery face and reluctantly resumes eating, her tiny legs swinging in the air as if she can walk to the shelter by sheer will alone.
"Where are you taking this?"
"Hm?" Nani freezes at the kitchen entrance, a tray with a glass of water and a sandwich on it. "Oh! To my room. For… later."
Lilo looks at her with a raised eyebrow. "Why are you so weird?"
Nani doesn't even dignify that with a response.
So, this is it.
She knocks on the door to the basement softly, then looks down at the furniture stuck in front of it and pulls them away as fast and as quietly as humanly possible before unlocking the wooden door.
Holding the tray with one hand, she switches on the lights with the other, a pale light providing her with a false sense of safety, as if she could scare away the monsters in the place she so used to fear when she was Lilo's age.
But there are no monsters here anymore. Just two fucking clowns.
She descends the narrow steps slowly, trying to hide the chills that go down her spine.
The blonde man tied to the old chair like a turkey doesn't say anything. He doesn't need to (gag in his mouth notwithstanding). There is just something intimidating about the bound man. Even in this ridiculous position they have both found themselves in, he makes the rickety old chair he is confined on look like a throne. The way he looks at her, with dried blood running down his left eye, is enough to make her want to spin on her heel on the spot, grab Lilo and move to Nepal, where they will both spend the rest of their lives as goats.
As if anyone is going to understand this reference.
It's as solid a plan as any, at this point, seeing as, terrifying stranger aside, she can see no way out of the predicament she has found herself in. Or rather, the one he put her in.
Her fingers tighten around the tray, and it takes all her courage to look the intruder in the eye. "Hungry?"
She doesn't like how her voice sounds almost squeaky with fear and the way his eyes, already the very definition of rage widen with murderous intent. She is terrified, but she doesn't pity him for his predicament too much. In Nani Pelekai's humble opinion, there are exactly zero reasons for anyone to break into the relatively secluded house she and her sister live in,even if she did kick said person to the ground and cuss them out. Self-defence wasn't a crime, but she knew exactly what it would mean for Cobra Bubbles to find out that someone managed to break into the house Lilo lived in because Nani couldn't control her temper. She would not lose Lilo over a crazy dude who couldn't let go of a little bit of road rage, which didn't leave her with too many options, other than to keep him in the basement and/or murder him.
At this point, she wasn't sure which option was worse.
Never mind. You can do this.
Nani forces herself to let go of his gaze and closes her own as she slowly inhales and counts to five, then exhales for another five. Once she has fully gathered up her nerves, she opens her eyes to peer at him with renewed determination.
"I am going to untie the gag." she says slowly, proud of how her voice doesn't tremble. "And then you're gonna eat. And then we are gonna talk."
The blonde intruder doesn't move an inch, nor does his gaze change. He simply keeps staring at her and Nani has to fight the impulse rising through her fear to punch him in the face. He was getting on her nerves for several reasons, most of them valid, the rest petty by her own admission. So, she places the tray with his food carefully on the floor, then moves behind him and begins to untie the knot with trembling hands. As she removes the piece of old fabric from his mouth, the man twitches slightly and Nani instinctively jumps out of his reach, her eyes scanning the knots that keep his hands tied to the chair in near horror.
"Pfft."
It's the condescending chuckle that makes her understand what happened.
"Asshole." she mumbles as he laughs and there is a pang of guilt at how hoarse he sounds. It's squashed fairly fast though when she reminds herself he has no one but himself to blame for this. Normal people don't break into other peoples' houses.
Normal people hand unconscious intruders to the police, her inner voice shoots back and she chooses to flip it off because her personal "You Are The Worst" radio knows as well as she does what would happen the second she alerted the police.
"Stop that."
"Or what, wench? You will knock me unconscious and tie me to a chair?"
"That's rich coming from a burglar!"
"Ha! As if this sad sack of rotten wood has anything worth my time!"
"Then what were you doing in here you creep?"
"You dare speak to me with such disrespect? I will tear you limb from limb!"
"Oh yeah, that's gonna help your case!"
"My case?" he shoots her a lopsided grin filled with sarcasm, and Nani takes a step back, bewildered at the sudden shift in his tone. "I don't find myself in the presence of your... police, do I?"
The colour drains from her face in an instant. She hates how he almost looks as if he is reclining on his seat instead of being bound to it, how easily he regained control of the situation when she is the one who should be calling the shots. "No. Instead, I find myself in this… humiliating position, by a mongrel no less."
Her temper flares and she takes a threatening step with her arm half-raised, fear forgotten. "Listen here you gaping fucking asshole-"
"So I was wondering." he continues unperturbed, as if he isn't about to be punched in the face, again. "Why is that?"
Nani grabs him by the neck of his -hospital gown ? - and pulls him to her, her teeth bared. "I said, shut up you-"
"Nani? What are you doing?"
Nani's brain freezes in place as the blonde's surprised face turns to what can only be described as glee, his bursting into the most obnoxious laughter she has ever heard like nails on a chalkboard. She stays frozen in place for a few seconds, trying to comprehend what exactly happened and she realizes, with dawning terror- I didn't lock the door. Of-fucking-course.
Even earlier morning, basement
He was not a man built for stealth. In fact, the very concept was impossible to apply to one such as he, for he was created to be as eye-catching as the sun itself. Brilliant and indomitable, sitting in the highest position amongst the heavens, far above his subjects, who were only meant to bask in his golden light and blindly bow down before his whims.
So when he woke up tightly bound on what he assumed was the Shinji Matou of chairs after he attempted to stealthily break into this house, Gilgamesh was not surprised.
Disappointed, sure, but not surprised.
He tested the ropes, but as he expected, they would not budge. He groaned through the gag that tasted suspiciously like a cleaning rag and allowed his head to fall back, all fight and fury momentarily beaten out of him.
With a bat.
The gorilla woman should consider a career as a bouncer. That was some hit.
When he tried to break into the shabby hut, he was already hearing in his head the pleas for mercy, the desperate begging. His body was singing with anticipation for relief from the rage that was consuming him from the moment that abomination had thrown him under the hot sun of this island in the middle of nowhere, only better than a human by virtue of being himself. Wringing the wench's neck would barely be sufficient to quell his anger, but it was a good start that would probably lead to a change of clothes and a meal.
He had patiently staked out the house until every light was switched off, trying to find some humour in the situation, knowing well that only days ago, he would have simply turned this entire shithole into a crater with a wave of his hand, not even giving the offender enough time to realize their mistake and beg for forgiveness. It was laughably easy to break into the house, as one of the windows had already been broken and covered with a newspaper page, in what was clearly a rush job. He slipped his hand through the paper, finding the window lock and quietly opening it just wide enough for him to pass through. Stepping foot in the small kitchen, he took in the mess of pots and garbage thrown all over the place and frowned in disgust.
Mongrels living like pigs, he thought and a chuckle left him.
He moved towards the main hallway and followed the stairs upwards, towards a door with the words "kapu" childishly scrawled across a paper stuck on it. He promptly ignored the demand, opening the door with care not to make too much noise.
He took in the messy room, the toys sprawled everywhere and the small tripod holding a canvas by the window. The hideous lamp on the nightstand is enough to raise an eyebrow, but it doesn't stop him from approaching the bed next to it and pull the covers from the person sleeping beneath it.
The small girl is curled up around the single ugliest vomit-green doll he has ever seen in his life, which was saying a lot since Gilgamesh had once watched Kirei attempt to create voodoo dolls for cursing and proved he was not good at doll was worse than that.
He reaches out to grab her hair, but his hand stops inches above the child.
He can't move.
No, that's not it.
He doesn't want to.
His pounding head drags him out of the memory, but it can't entirely erase the growing heaviness in his chest.
He doesn't know why he stopped.
He can't understand why the rage drained out of him, why he turned on his heel and left the room. Let alone why he bothered to pull the blanket right back over her head before he did. When the wench knocked him out with the bat as he was exiting the house, Gilgamesh didn't even have it in him to so much as try and cling to consciousness.
He could have crushed the sleeping child's skull with his bare hands if he wanted to. And he did. When he waltzed into her room, not knowing whose it was but not really caring either, he had fully planned on slaughtering whoever was in there- and if it wasn't the mongrel who had humiliated him, so much the better. He wanted to savour her expression as he choked her with his hands covered in the brains of her loved ones. He wanted to kill, to take his time, to release all this rage, all this humiliation, every single bit of it, from the moment that Faker had sliced his arm clean off, from being swallowed up in the thing meant to serve his needs, for ever being in a place where a mere mongrel, unworthy to even look upon him would dare treat him with such disrespect-
And yet here he finds himself, tied up tighter than a turkey, hungry, thirsty, helpless, the only mercy beingthe complete darkness of his holding place… and he can't even be mad about it. Every other emotion, every thought, is completely consumed by this one simple question.
Why?
Gilgamesh, the King of Heroes, humanity's first legend that spread fear and awe in the hearts of all who knew him, when faced with the prospect of harming this one little human, having harmed countless others, could only tenderly stroke the tangled raven locks of the sleeping child with the tips of his fingers, as if touching the most fragile glass.
He couldn't understand why. He couldn't pinpoint the feeling that had flooded his chest, but in that moment, the very idea of raising his hand had made him repulsed. By himself.
The very idea was foreign, ridiculous.
The familiar, almost comforting rage he had grown so accustomed to in the past ten years once again slowly reawakened, and Gilgamesh almost gratefully allowed himself to indulge in it.
This wouldn't have happened if the mongrel woman hadn't been in his path.
He wouldn't have to deal with these unwanted, forgotten emotions if she had simply never found her way into his life, if she had stayed in her place, if she hadn't dared to add one final insult that shredded the last thread of his patience with this situation.
Yes. It could all be traced back to her. Back to that disgusting, lowly woman.
So when, hours later, the door creaked open and she made her way down the old stairs with a tray of food and water in her hands, the blonde was once again back to the safety of his bottomless fury, already basking in her palpable fear of him. It was child's play to rile her up, to bring her close, to try and get any advantage he could over her. He wasn't able to physically get out of this quite yet, so he would take his pleasure of her by breaking her mind down piece by little piece, chipping away at her any way he could.
And when he was finally free of this ridiculous situation, she would be the first one he would erase from this world.
"Nani? What are you doing?"
He takes in the bright red dress, the curious eyes with no trace of fear in them and once again, his chest fills with an emotion he can't -won't- name.
The mongrel's fingers relax on the neck of his shirt, the teetering chair swaying ever so slightly more, but Gilgamesh doesn't care. He couldn't bring himself to, because it is at that moment that he realizes with absolute certainty- he couldn't harm that child. Even a single strand of hair being out of place was an unforgivable sin.
His migraine intensifies along with his realization and it is such a ridiculous notion that there would be someone he couldn't crush if he so wished, that he is at someone's mercy, that he had a headache, that this situation has even come to pass that he can't help the hearty laughter that spills out of him, even as the woman looks on horrified at the open door.
The silence in the kitchen was only broken by the sizzling of the pan and the quick stirring of the eggs, as Nani tried to make them fluffy and avoid overcooking them. Taking extra care for the oil not to splash everywhere, she lowered the heat slowly as she stirred and until she was satisfied with the texture enough to remove them from the stovetop and plate them, before putting two thin slices of stale bread in the toaster to heat them up and make them edible.
Staring into space until the bread popped back up, she then put it into a smaller plate, grabbed a pair of cutlery and a clean glass and placed them in front of what she supposed could be now called a guest, instead of maniacal intruder.
Because that was exactly what Nani expected her life to be like at this point. If an alien spaceship made its way over her house and kidnapped them all to replace various body parts with screw drivers, she was pretty sure she would just shrug and go on with her new, screw-driver life.
Because the universe hated her. It did. There was no other explanation.
"Target in sight. Proceed with caution. I will provide cover fire."
"Hm. I am all tied up, again, but you are right to fear me. If I so chose, I could have complet-"
The obnoxious blonde is not allowed to finish that sentence before a splash of pickle water is sent at his right eye and he howls.
"Prisoners are not allowed to speak without permission." Lilo declares matter-of-factly, her squirt gun still aimed at the tied man's face.
"Why, you insufferable brat-"
In the time it took Nani to untie the man and threaten him with a raised bat to the kitchen, where she tied him down a second time, Lilo had managed to get herself a pair of their Dad's old sunglasses, grab her squirt gun and decided to fill it with pickle juice, straight from her voodoo jar. Then, as Nani finished her job of restraining someone who had basically just began cooperating the second she mentioned food, Lilo had taken what she assumed to be a sharpshooter stance and kept barking orders as if she was an agent in a movie. Nani had to count to ten thrice when the first few shots of pickle juice landed on the floor (and her, of course), because she knew she wasn't going to have time to clean it up.
The blonde throws a glare at her, and Nani doesn't say anything. She simply places his food in front of hm and takes a few steps back, because she is pretty sure she is either reaching nirvana, or she has just accepted the entire absurd situation and is mentally ready to go with the flow, whatever that is supposed to be.
"Am I supposed to eat like a dog?"
"… Fair enough." she mumbles and moves to untie his right hand, absently noting that her knots aren't nearly as tight as they were the night before. She undoes the knot and notes the burn scar around the man's wrist. There is a pang of guilt, but at the end of the day, she isn't the one who broke into someone else's house, is she? No, because this is her house dang it, and of all the things she expected to come out of the previous day, serving breakfast to a home intruder wasn't on the plan.
She was, once again, not having a good day.
"Steady now. No sudden movements." Lilo warned as Nani poured herself a second cup of coffee and contemplated dumping half a bottle of tequila in it. The blonde simply threw a glare at Lilo and then an angrier one at Nani,
For a while, the only sound in the small kitchen were those of the intruder eating and Lilo occasionally shooting at him, as Nani mindlessly sipped at her coffee and stared out of the window while the other two snapped at each other. What a wonderful day. A wonderful, wonderful day.
"Oh no, I am out of holy water!"
"Finally!"
"Don't be so happy about it!" the six-year-old yells angrily. Lilo slowly back-walks her way to Nani and tugs at her shorts, not taking her eyes off the blonde. The older woman mechanically bends over, so that Lilo can whisper in her ear. "I will be right back. Keep him busy."
Nani nods. "Gotcha."
She watches as Lilo reaches the kitchen entrance then abruptly turns around and runs full speed upstairs, no doubt about to find something that would be near impossible to clean with the hours at her disposal. When she leaves the room, Nani shuts the door, locks it and drags a chair beneath the handle, just to be sure.
"Now" she turns to him, pinching the bridge of her nose, "we can talk."
"Yes, I suppose." he nods and casually stands from the chair, rubbing his wrists.
Her hand flies to the bat at her side, but she only places it on the handle, not bothering to pick it up. If he had been free for a while (which she was sure he was) and hadn't tried anything while Lilo was present, he wouldn't try anything here either.
She believed.
And desperately hoped.
The blonde walks around the table and stops barely five feet in front of her, with nothing to stand as a buffer between them. They look at each other for a moment in silence. His furious crimson gaze battles against her resigned chocolate brown.
After a while, she looks toward the window and sighs.
"Why did you even break in here?"
She doesn't want to think about how his eyes make her feel as if he can see everything she doesn't want him to. Her desperation, her fear.
"To kill you."
"Right. Of course. Why the fuck not? But no, seriously, why?"
"To kill you." the blonde repeats matter-of-factly. "You insulted me, and your life is barely adequate recompense, but it will have to do."
"I see." she nods, because this is the first time anyone has ever threatened her with murder, and she isn't entirely sure how to react. "But you didn't."
"I didn't." he agrees in the same tone.
She doesn't know what to do with this piece of information.
"And you aren't going to?"
"I don't know." he pauses for a second as his hand goes through his hair. "I don't think so."
She tries not to think too hard about how perplexed he looks at that.
Nani sighs again. "Look. Here's the thing. I need you to leave. Let's forget this ever happened. Just… just go away. I won't turn you in. I will apologize for whatever you want. Just leave my house and don't even look this way again."
He leans against the table as if thinking about it, but something sickly starts to stir in Nani's stomach. For a split second, she gets the vague feeling that she should just bash his skull in with the bat in her hand and bury him in the backyard because he's bound to….
"No."
She's not even surprised.
"No?"
"No."
She feels like she will burst into tears any second now.
"Why? Just go! We don't want you here! Just leave!"
"Normally, I would kill you for your insolence." he glares at her. "But I just so happen to be in quite the predicament myself and it seems to me that we could… help each other."
He says the word "help" the same way most people would say "cockroach", as if the very concept disgusts him beyond words. Her temper, lulled into dormancy by the mental exhaustion of the past two days, flares up again. She closes the distance between them in two stomps flat and jabs a finger at his chest.
"Why on Earth would you think for a second that you can help me? I most certainly don't plan on being of any more help to you! Just. Get. Out."
He grabs her wrist, holding it away from his body. "Don't touch me mongrel."
He spits the words, and her brain freezes as she is forced to look into his eyes up close. For the first time she truly registers the slitted pupils, and it's as if her instincts are going into overdrive, screaming for her to get away from him, to run away as fast and as far as she can. There is no rhyme or reason in her reaction, she just feels in that moment that if she doesn't run, if she doesn't get away, she is going to die. Right here and now.
She can't move. She can't move a single inch or she is going to die.
"Nani!"
The shrilly voice, accompanied by loud banging on the door breaks the moment. The man clicks his tongue and pushes her away from him.
"Nani! Open the door!"
She wants to move but she can't. Even letting her voice out to reassure Lilo is too much. She is gulping down air and she can tell that she is seconds away from bursting into violent sobbing.
Breathe in, breathe out, repeat.
Is it okay to breathe? He won't kill me for breathing, right?
She doesn't know, she can't stop it.
"Nani!"
Small feet rush away from the door, and she can hear the front door open and close with a bang, and she can't help the relief that floods her- Lilo is away. She is safe.
"As I was saying." the blonde continues, as if she isn't hyperventilating, the only reason she can still stand being the death grip she has on the counter. "I find myself in a very… peculiar situation. I need a place to live."
He is insane. This man is actually insane.
He moves back around the table, picks up the glass of water she had poured him earlier and downs it in one go.
"So rejoice, mongrel." he smirks smugly at her and if she wasn't still trying to remain standing, she might have actually thrown something heavy and breakable at his face, just to see it gone. "This hovel is far from suitable for one such as I, but I shall grant you favour and deign to stay here."
The declaration is so outrageous she is actually half-shocked out of her stupor and some semblance of rage finally returns. "There is no fucking way-"
His eyes flash with mockery. "Oh, don't be like that, mongrel. From the two of us, the only one benefiting here is you. When I am back at full strength, I shall reward you with your life."
You don't understand. He is going to take Lilo. You are ruining everything. Just go away. Just leave.
But she can't say any of that. She can't give him anything more to use against her.
Neither of them notices the small hands that appear at the bottom of the window frame.
As she opens her mouth to plead, to beg, to curse, to do anything that will get this psycho out of her house, a red bundle crashes on the floor behind them and bolts towards the intruder without a sliver of hesitation.
"Nani! Run!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! YOU BRAT!"
As if the day wasn't already out of whack, as if her world wasn't descending into complete and uncontrollable chaos, Nani stands there, in her kitchen, barely capable of keeping up with the insanity of her situation, she watches her baby sister as she violently and determinedly bites hard at the calf of the blonde man who broke into her house and declared himself her tenant in the span of less than ten hours as he tries to pry her off of him with the most hilariously shocked expression she has ever seen on someone's face.
This can't be happening.
"Let- let go of me you pest! Mongrel! Let go of me I said!"
Somehow, he manages to free himself from her teeth and she notes, not without pride, the deep teeth marks on his shin- right next to a big bruise. The man lifts Lilo from the neck of her dress as if she weights nothing, and holds her at arm's length as she struggles and growls at him, but his eyes are only trained on Nani.
"So? We have a deal?"
No. Fuck you. Put her down.
Instead, she nods her head slowly. "Put her down."
He shoots a disdainful look at her sister, but she doesn't miss how his eyes soften the tiniest bit. "Put her on a leash and we will be fine." he says and deposits the child on the table. Nani reaches for her on trembling legs and pulls her close to her, hugging Lilo tightly to her chest.
"There are conditions." she finally chokes out after a few breaths. "One, you don't go near Lilo. Ever. Two, if I tell you to disappear for a few hours, you do that. No questions asked. And third." she pauses, trying to think. "And third- you will earn your keep here."
This is insane. What are you getting yourself into? This is insane.
He looks more amused than anything. "Very well. I am not unreasonable."
"Ha!"
He glares at her but continues. "Everything under the heavens is mine to do with as I please. But since the situation is what it is, I shall allow myself to be your guest as well as your king. Truly mongrel, who can be said to have been bestowed such an honour as yourself in the entire existence of your pathetic species?"
As he bursts into the most obnoxious laughter she has ever heard in her life, Nani can only count to ten slowly while Lilo struggles free from her grasp and lands on the floor. She watches almost in a trance as she looks at him with a raised eyebrow, then back at Nani.
"So, he's staying here?"
"I guess so." she responds after a moment.
"He is weird. Weirder than you even." The verdict is delivered with some degree of good-will and Nani supposes she should be happy she ranks higher than the laughing maniac who tried to murder them.
"I guess so." is the only thing she can muster back.
"You said we were getting a dog."
Nani would probably laugh at that if she wasn't recovering from the greatest existential crisis in her entire life. Instead, she simply says "we are" and watches her baby sister nod before she walks up to the blonde and tugs at his hospital gown, interrupting his impressively long laughter spree.
"What is it, brat?"
"I am not a brat, I am Lilo. What's your name?"
He looks almost offended by the question, but answers anyway. "I am Gilgamesh, King of Heroes. Rejoice, mongrels. You have been given the privilege of being in my presence- don't squander such a gift."
"...You don't look like a king."
"WHAT?"
As the two start bickering, Nani numbly picks up her coffee mug, looks at its almost depleted contents with a newfound interest. This is my life now.
She drains her cup in one swig and moves for the tequila bottle.
KAUAI'I ISLAND, DOG SHELTER
"We're looking for something that can defend itself. Something that won't die, something... sturdy, you know?"
As if anything could actually survive that little horror. Gilgamesh sits at the chair opposite the counter, head resting on his cheek, as the mongrel tries to explain the specifications for the unfortunate dog that is in danger of ending up at the hands of the worst brat he has ever had to deal with, including his own son.
"Like a lobster!"
He can't help but relish he alarm that flashes in the young woman's eyes as she immediately goes for damage control. "Lilo! You lolo! Do we have a lobster door? No. We have a dog door. We are getting a dog."
His gaze shifts from the inane conversation at the almost imperceptible sound of- footsteps? Right above his head that sound eerily like rats… and he freezes for a small moment at the sight, before a slow smile lifts the corners of his mouth.
The blue furball doesn't spare him a glance, even as the king watches it with interest scurrying outside, unseen by the rest of the people inside the room.
"We need your name and address at the bottom of the form."
He remains unnoticed as the irritable creature scurries back in the same way it went out, less than a minute later.
"The kennel's back this way."
The worker lifts the wooden bar and steps aside. Lilo casts a hesitant glance at the mongrel, who immediately kneels to eye level with the child and gives her a gentle push. "Go. Pick someone out."
A chuckle leaves him and the mongrel turns to look at him with barely hidden hostility.
"What?"
"Oh." he chuckles again, purely out of spite, as he stands to leave the shelter. "Oh nothing."
Α/Ν: There are a ton of references here, and to be honest I thought that I would make a game out of spotting them, but here they are, just to be safe.
Zhuul and Vinz: Ghostbusters
Gorilla woman, screwdriver life: Gintama
"... live the rest of their lives as goats": Blackadder
If there is more, I missed them for now, sorry. If you find any, you can tell me in a review or an IM! Hope you all enjoyed this chapter and had fun with it!