648Chapter title is a reference to the song Gethsemane from Jesus Christ Superstar.
Who would've thought that almost getting killed could boost someone's popularity up to the sky? And not in the sense that it wasn't something people aren't interested in. Of course it's a hot topic, especially if it's someone already famous like B-Komachi's Ai. The idol quickly found herself in the news, being invited to commentary shows, and even got people invested in horror stories of other famous people being stalked or outright suffering from violence.
No, the point laid elsewhere. Because technically, the group was on "time off" so that their star singer could recuperate from the shock and could find somewhere else to feel safer living in, with some people even arguing over whether she actually got injured or not. It felt like she'd been catapulted into more work while the rest of the group got nothing but secondary mentions, or even rare appearances on one show or another where they'd try to tell whatever they knew about the incident. Even though it was stated outright that they had nothing to do with it, nor were they even aware of what happened for the first few days afterward.
Ai, as a brand, was more successful than ever. And while Hachiman stayed confined to his hospital room, he had to wonder whether he felt annoyed at this outcome or the fact that there was virtually nothing else to watch while he decided to replay the same game in his console for the 10th time in the week.
Engaging in social media was out of the question, of course. He didn't have enough flesh and bone friends to use them in any meaningful way, and he didn't want to see his feed bombarded with more idol stuff than the TV itself offered. Frankly, if he'd been visited by Ai's company, or shareholders, or whatever the guys calling the shots on her public persona are called, and was offered a ridiculous amount of money to never get himself involved with anything remotely connected to him, that'd have been fantastic. At least better than having everything else eclipsed by her!
There's only so much content and so many times that the most popular songs of the group can be repeated before someone goes insane. Hell, at this point he wondered if he had indeed died and this was some sort of demented punishment for his sins!
He wished at least Komachi was around to distract him. She wouldn't immediately freak out about his condition, given that she already knew. And her one-sided talk would at least have him keep paying attention so he didn't fall into this limbo state of boredom and being half-asleep.
Hell, even a nurse or a doctor would be well-received. If nothing else, he could—.
The door opened swiftly but silently, letting a girl with baggy and discrete clothes in before she stealthily closed it behind herself.
"He he he… Infiltration… Complete!" She stage-whispered as she did a small fist bump and smiled brightly at him "Heya~. It's me!"
No damn way.
"What are you doing here again?" Hachiman couldn't help uttering in disbelief. He pressed his lips tightly and screwed his eyes shut, as if denying the reality in front of him would do anything.
"Why… You don't look very surprised." She spoke innocently enough, but Hachiman still heard the corporate tone she so easily fell back to.
"Tsk. I AM surprised." Hachiman opened his eyes while speaking.
"Why would you click your tongue then?!" Her reaction felt kind of weird. Like, not outright out of a comedy bit. But rather, it felt as though she was behaving like they'd known each other for a long time. And that obviously wasn't the case "I made time to come here, y'know?!"
"I, well, why would you do that?" Hachiman sank a little on his spot. Already annoyed by the continued non-yelling that the idol did. He'd be grateful that she didn't straight up raise her voice with surprise. But it still pissed him off quite a bit.
"To see if you're alright? Because I wanted to see you? You must be quite bored, stuck here all the time. So I thought it'd be nice to make you some company." She looked kind of annoyed, but didn't roll her eyes or actually gesticulate to show her emotions. Instead, she just talked like she was trying to chew him for having her answer the question. Which, contrary to what most would believe, didn't actually piss Hachiman off more. Instead, it made him fall into a bit of silence.
"I thought I told you how to get even?"
"Oh, well yeah. But, like, that's beside the point! A gift is a gift, but you can't use it while still stuck here. Right?" She stretched her arms to illustrate the point, showing the room walls and how sterile it all was "So, me. I was told you only get two other women to visit you. And I was, like, really? But then I was told only women visit you, so that's kind of funny. I guess your mom and your sister really care for you, huh."
Hachiman looked away.
"Dad's taking one for the team and working extra hard so they can visit." If nothing else, Hachiman respected the old man's sturdiness. Coming home even later than usual, sometimes not even to his wife and daughter because they'd stayed in Tokyo to visit Hachiman for the whole day… It took grit. He even called a few times, so Hachiman couldn't hold it against him. If anything, he felt bad for the Hikigaya patriarch. Cutting off his precious time even more due to Hachiman's idiocy.
He deserved so much better.
"Oh, that makes sense. You have a cool dad." The idol looked around while talking, unwittingly or not diminishing the weight of her words. She approached the bed and sat on the edge, making Hachiman have to move away to put some space between them "Relax, you don't have to be so self-conscious. No one's watching."
"You don't know that. Someone could've followed you here to get some spicy gossip." Hachiman pointed at the TV "You're all everyone cares about nowadays."
"Oh, you've watched me?!"
"There's nothing else to do here." Hachiman replied flatly.
"Oh, at least you're not bored." She leaned in to kind of touch his shoulder with her elbow, but the position was too awkward and she just sort of hit the air instead. She didn't look bothered by it, probably only meant to do the motion like this anyway. But it still felt kind of weird how familiar she got out of the blue "Am I right?"
Hachiman looked away.
"...Right?" The idol repeated, this time with a lot less self-confidence.
"It gets tiring after a while." Hachiman confessed in the most uncaring tone he could muster.
"That can't be it! I put so much effort in every appearance, and everyone's always so into it. Have you seen my fansites?"
"Umm, no." Hachiman didn't know how to say this in a roundabout way. And somewhere along the line he lost the energy necessary for it. So he just spoke as it was "I'm not a fan. I don't follow idols, or celebrities and all that."
"Oh, well. But you have your favorites, right?" The idol insisted, pivoting with so much confidence that Hachiman could see how everyone was kept entertained whenever she appeared.
Not really. It just felt as though she had experience in talking, which was a funny thing to note while thinking how much better it'd be if she wasn't there, making things awkward.
"I mean, if I'm forced to choose…"
"Really? But it's not just about the music, the aesthetic, the themes! Following an idol is about passion! It's a community, it's…"
"I don't belong in such circles." Hachiman interrupted her "Do I look like someone who belongs in… Anywhere, really?"
"Well, I wouldn't judge someone based on appearances." Said the idol with a lot of fans that fell squarely on the ugly side due to the business she partakes in "But I'd think a community would be glad to welcome you in. At least I'd love for my fans to be like that."
That… Didn't answer the question. Not really.
"I don't do big groups." Hachiman said neutrally. She was tiptoeing around the topic, and Hachiman found no reason not to do the same. After all, she was indeed starting to succeed in entertaining him. And this side of her helped him to forget all the things left unsaid between them. All the things that they both probably actually wanted to talk about.
It wasn't his place to ask for her wellbeing, and she probably would be better off without revealing more to just a random guy recovering from being stitched up. They lost nothing but some time going back and forth like this.
"Really? I'd think you had a lot of friends and knew a lot of people." The idol tilted her head, saying it with such a straight expression that Hachiman almost believed her.
"Yeah, right." Hachiman did his own version of an amused sound. Not quite laughing, but it didn't come out as his usual scoff either.
"Really! I just think you're a very cool person."
"I am, but that's strange coming from someone working on showbiz." Hachiman did scoff this time around.
"Well, yeah. Everyone's great. They're kind, attentive. I've met some pretty cool people." Her smile changed a little, or maybe her eyes unfocused in the "here" and carried her all the way to a place Hachiman didn't know about, somewhere he couldn't follow. Then, she returned. And her smile was dedicated solely to him "But you're pretty nice yourself. That's why I'm here. I like nice people like you."
Now Hachiman frowned.
"You're mistaking me for someone else."
The idol's expression fell as she looked straight into Hachiman's eyes. She did the closest thing to frowning she could, and then she bounced off the bed and started to walk around the room.
"One of my ba— a guy I know helped me untie our previous interaction." She laughed it off only to become sort of serious again. Hachiman's brows were pressed together even more now "I get that you're not my fan. I didn't understand it back then, but it was kind of obvious. It's… It doesn't surprise me you're not into… Us, you feel me?"
Hachiman suppressed a sigh. It felt as though the idol was having a lot of trouble getting to the point she wanted to touch.
He didn't help her and just listened.
"So, I was wondering. And I thought and thought about it in the shower for a few days. The toilet too, sometimes but y'know…" The girl was now talking like he wasn't there, and her words started going into a strange place. Had it been anyone else, Hachiman would've called them out on talking nonsense. But something in the way she moved her hands to herself as she paced stopped him "And… Something doesn't quite feel right. And I think I know the answer, but I still wanna know: Hikigaya-kun, why were you there when Ryusuke-kun came for me?"
Hearing the creep's name cradled like that by his would-be victim made Hachiman feel horrified. It was said so innocently, so carefully. And yet, Hachiman knew that such a thing was disproportionately grotesque. She'd be in the right to curse his name, to avoid it at all cost. Yet Ai did no such thing, and instead spoke of him like a memory she couldn't let go of. Where Hachiman would've given anything to forget, to avoid the stab of pain in the stomach, this girl just kept it by her side like she carried a scar.
He felt sick, but she didn't seem to notice. His breathing failed a little, but only the silence that lingered helped him deal with the utter shock and wild heartbeat that assaulted him.
Dangerous. This woman was utterly dangerous. But in a different way that the guy had been. Hachiman didn't want her to stay in the room any longer, something incredibly wrong was happening in her mind. And his instinct told him to spare himself and just put as much distance from her as possible.
"Hikigaya-kun?" The softness of her voice now brought a different kind of pain. In the confusion of his swimming gaze, and under the odd light of the room, if he was careless he could've mistaken her for someone else. The low tone helped his brain form the connection even more, and a new cold feeling spread through his stomach and heart as he tried not to choke on his own tongue "Did you know I lived there?"
"No." He wheezed immediately. He didn't think of how the quickness of his answer could paint a picture of him akin to the creep that had tried to stab her, or how not elaborating would make him look suspicious.
The girl didn't seem to mind at all.
"Did you know him? Were you trying to stop him from making a mistake?"
"I have no idea who that guy is."
"Was." She corrected him immediately.
Damn. This girl is a lot more trouble than even the older Yukinoshita sister, huh. They say famous people are not normal, that they're completely removed from the common folk. But Hachiman didn't want to think that it was always like this.
"I saw it on the TV, yes." Hachiman swallowed. It kind of hurt, but he didn't care. He felt breathless and in danger, he hated both feelings.
"Then?" Her voice was sweet but calm. She didn't look like flowers would start growing all around her as she went 'I'm curious!'. But her eyes still looked ready to swallow Hachiman whole. Like she'd waited for this answer for a long, long time. Like her life depended on it.
From the way his heart fought to keep him alive, he didn't have it in him to feel ashamed of his own actions.
"...I was looking for someone." Hachiman looked away first, cringing at how easily he gave up the answer so the girl would stop looking at him like that "We lost contact. I… I thought…"
Don't tell her you were looking for a 'she'!
"...I thought it was the right place."
"Oh? Oh!" The idol clapped her hands together "Is that how it is? How unlikely is it that I'd live close to one of your friends?!"
Extremely. Hachiman doubted that she lived in that complex, or else she'd have gotten wind of what happened and would've visited. Or at least, that's what Hachiman wanted to believe. Because thinking that a second time getting his life in danger would warrant at least one visit.
"Yeah, imagine that…" He said without much emotion. He just wanted the idol to move on, because this little exchange was quickly leaving a sour taste in his mouth.
"If I can, I'll make sure to say hi to him… Her?"
"Oh, I don't think I got the right place." Hachiman waved his hand in front of him to dismiss the question.
"Really?"
Hachiman looked at the small pot of flowers beside his bed.
"Oh, of course. You've had no visits. That'd be kind of shitty coming from a friend, huh."
"Right."
"Well, that's why I'm here! I can make you company for…" The idol checked her cellphone "...Not a lot longer, but hey. It's the thought that counts, right? I can help you search once you're discharged too. I know, why don't we exchange…?"
"Really?" Hachiman didn't really feel confident in having this girl involve herself any more in his life "You'd do that for me?"
The grin that appeared on her face didn't make him shiver, but it also didn't feel wholesome at all.
"Of course! You're a nice guy, after all." She put her left hand on her heart, her eyes almost shining as she spoke "I owe you my life, Hikigaya-kun. Don't forget that."
"It's nothing like that." Hachiman scoffed.
"Uh, it is. You survived because the knife wasn't 'meant' for you, so the injury was less… Well, fatal." She spoke about this with such carefreeness that it almost felt like someone else's problem. Like they were talking about someone annoying behind their back "I wouldn't be so lucky. What you did means a lot to me."
"Anyone would've done it." Hachiman insisted "Any of your fans. You just gotta half-joke about it. See how many would willingly throw themselves between you and a bullet."
Maybe it was because she started with the morbid topics, but Hachiman didn't feel so bad about saying that. Or maybe he was trying to cope, who knows. At least he felt glad Komachi wasn't around now. Because he'd fear that this girl would quickly get his sister entangled in something bad.
"Oh, that's what we were talking about!" She pointed a finger at him, seemingly realizing something important "Yes! Any of my lovely fans would've done that for me… But also, some would have tried to attack me to begin with."
Her expression turned dark.
"Yet you are someone who… Not knowing who I was, or why I was being attacked, got in the way. You cared enough about someone you didn't know anything about to risk your life." She smiled again, tilting her head a little as she did "Aqua helped me realize this but… Hikigaya-kun, you did not save me because it was me. You'd simply have done the same thing if anyone else was in my place."
She walked over to his side, placing her hands on the edge of the bed to lean in close to him.
Hachiman would've gotten to his feet and put as much distance from her as he could if he thought it'd help.
"Why? I don't think you're dumb. So it has to be because you're an exceedingly nice person, right?" She got a hand on the left corner of Hachiman's mouth. Stretching it up and down absentmindedly. Like she was trying to distract herself from something else.
Slowly, almost like he was trying to get to Kamakura without startling the cat, he reached out to her hand to get her to stop.
"Why?" She repeated. And although the tone was neutral, Hachiman could feel the demand for an answer in her gaze.
"People help each other in times of crisis all the time." Hachiman spoke slowly, deliberately making it as impersonal as he could "You see it all the time in the news, Ai-san. I just did what was right."
"People do?" She asked with some confusion. Like a kid who didn't understand a concept or a complex topic.
"Yes." His answer didn't seem to satisfy her.
"You know, they say that in times of crisis people show their true colors. I think it's like that. I think you're just trying to pretend you're not nice."
"That's a quote from a superhero movie." Hachiman pointed out "You're quoting an overseas movie."
"Well, yeah. But it has some merits!" The idol pulled back and puffed her cheeks "You know this. Where are your friends when you need them?"
"I don't have that many." Hachiman deadpanned "And they don't know I'm in the hospital."
"Eh? Why?"
"I don't want to deal with their questions." Hachiman almost groaned until he realized that it'd be better for her if he didn't spread the news anyway "It's the best for the both of us, right?"
"Aww, you're thinking about me?" How did she see him talk about the people he knows in an annoyed tone and come to that conclusion "You're so sweet."
"Sure. Whatever." He scoffed now that the tension had all but gone away thanks to her antics.
"I, umm…" She looked around. But as one would expect, the room was almost barren "How are you?"
Hachiman let out a single big 'hah!'.
"Don't be like that… I mustered up my courage to ask the things I wanted to know." She fiddled with her fingers while talking, making herself look cute in that way Hachiman was starting to associate with her falling back on true and tested patterns when she was unsure about how to proceed.
"I'd think someone with the guts to stand in front of thousands upon thousands of people wouldn't have trouble talking to some guy confined to bed." Hachiman scoffed, but not in annoyance this time.
"It's a lot more intimate! Doesn't it make your heart flutter~?"
"I don't think that's the right word." More like, make his heart jump. He was already bad at dealing with strangers, and top it with someone who had a different common sense from him and you'd see what happens.
Like, maybe he was getting it wrong. Maybe he wasn't giving the girl behind the celebrity enough credit for the way she carried herself. Sure, in high school he'd have ranted about how blatantly hollow her cheer was. The context mattered, and he'd used it often enough to rely on the cracks that inevitably appeared under enough scrutiny but…
But in high school, he hadn't taken a knife for someone else yet. And, given how life-changing this single encounter had been, he couldn't blame her for coping however she could.
"Did I say it wrong? Doesn't that mean what I think it means?" The girl blinked with a bit of confusion. Cute confusion, but still with enough wonder to let Hachiman know she was actually wondering if she messed up.
Call it a hunch, but it felt as though she had been increasingly more blatant about that gap. About showing where Ai-chan ended and the real actress behind that role started.
"No one would say that in real life."
"I'm told this all the time!"
Right.
"Gotta watch out for those kinds of people." Hachiman sighed.
"Don't worry, Miyako-san came here with me this time. I'll be fine!"
"Wait, you came alone last time?" Hachiman sounded more surprised than he intended.
"Umm, yeah? Ichigo-san wouldn't let me come if I told him, so I had to fool them to make a quick escape and…"
"Are you actually insane?" Hachiman couldn't keep listening to this lunatic "Didn't you say you wanted to take your time to recover? Feel safer? What?"
"When did I say that?" The idol asked back "Like, specifically. The question might have a different context…"
"You're a lunatic. You're actually out of your damn mind." Hachiman couldn't help but feel wonder. And here he had thought about how she was actually faring behind all the publicity and re-telling of what should've been an extremely traumatizing event "What… What is wrong with you?"
The idol pouted, seriously considering the question.
"I don't think we have time for that." She looked at her phone again.
Hachiman was stunned into silence.
Her smile came back.
"But don't worry. I forgot the gift to your sister, so we can maybe talk about this the next time!"
Hachiman called his mom that night, wondering if he could transfer to a hospital in Chiba after all.