78Author note- Thank you all for the reviews. It's great to see that the story is being enjoyed. I'm hoping to post about once a week. A little faster if I can manage it. Enjoy the new chapter.
Song inspiration- Nobody's Praying for Me- Seether
Chapter 3
I Make No sound
Severus pinched the bridge of his nose as he stepped out of the Slytherin common room. Draco was the only student who hadn't made it back by curfew. He was not on rotation for prefect patrol so he should be in the common room.
He walked down the hall with the intention of finding his wayward godson. Turning the corner, he found him immediately. Draco was staring down the hall towards the staircase but just seemed to be frozen in his place.
"Draco?" Severus called.
Severus felt an uncomfortable twist in his stomach when Draco turned to look at him. Draco's eyes were slightly red, and he looked shocked, though the cause wasn't apparent.
"Sev." Draco whispered.
Severus stopped in front of Draco and looked him over. He didn't appear hurt or otherwise disheveled.
"What's going on Draco?" Severus asked calmly.
Draco seemed to shake himself from his stupor.
"Nothing. Sorry, I'll get back to the common room." Draco said softly.
Severus brows creased. Obviously, something had happened.
"Come with me." Severus instructed as he turned and walked to his office. He didn't like having to hunt students down, nor did he abide rule breaking. However, Draco usually was well behaved and something seemed off with him.
He quickly made his way through his office and into his quarters. He didn't know what was wrong with Draco, but they hadn't had much time to talk last night. He owed the boy a few minutes of his time uninterrupted by other students or responsibilities.
"Take a seat." Severus said, when he heard the door close behind him.
Severus continued into the kitchen and set about making them tea, though he would have preferred something stronger. If he was being honest, today was exhausting. His normal rhythm of student schedules and exams had been disrupted. While he appreciated that there was a new schoolwide approach, it would take some getting used to.
When Severus returned with the tea, Draco was sitting on the end of the couch. He was bent nearly in half with his head buried in his hands.
Severus sighed and set the tea on the coffee table before taking his seat and studying the boy.
"Tell me what's going on Draco. Something has obviously upset you. I can't help if I don't know what's going on." Severus said gently.
He had concerns about Draco being back in the dorms, especially after the worrying information he'd been given last night. There were now around a dozen Death Eaters with the mission of killing the boy, in his own house. While he had some concern for himself and Albus he wasn't nearly as worried about that as he was about Draco.
Draco sat up and looked around the room for a minute before picking up his tea and taking a sip.
"Harry removed the sixth years marks tonight." Draco said quietly.
Severus sighed. He'd hoped to be there when they took on this project. His and Draco's had not caused any pain, but he still worried that it could. He also didn't know how much magic Harry was using to remove the Dark Mark. Doing so over and over could lead to magical exhaustion.
"I see. Were there issues?" Severus asked.
He'd checked in with most of his students and hadn't noticed anything concerning.
Draco shook his head and shrugged a little.
"I don't… They were removed." Draco said a little distractedly.
Severus nodded. He planned to have all of the students who skipped there exam today up to Pomfrey tomorrow. He would make sure they were all right.
"Was Harry, okay?" Severus asked in concern.
Draco sighed and a pained look came over his face.
"I don't know…I thought…but then I…" Draco mumbled before dropping his head back in his hands.
Severus sat forward at Draco's mumbling.
"Draco." Severus called.
Draco looked up and Severus could see tears in his eyes.
"Why don't you start from the beginning?" Severus said.
Draco sighed and shook his head.
"It's nothing. I just said the wrong thing." Draco sighed.
Severus' brows creased in concern. It seemed like more was going on. He wasn't sure why Draco wasn't talking to him.
"Very well. Would you like to tell me about your time at the Burrow?" Severus asked, settling back in his chair.
Severus was happy to see a slight smile on Draco's face. Perhaps his trip hadn't been as bad as he had thought. Draco's face darkened again quickly though.
"It was fine. We managed not to kill one another." Draco said curtly.
Severus rubbed at his temple. He didn't know if he could take much more teen angst today.
They sat quietly for a few minutes sipping there tea. When he was finished, Draco set his cup on the coffee table and stood.
"I'm going to head to bed. Sorry again for being out after curfew." Draco said softly.
Severus nodded. He would keep an eye on the boy. Clearly something was going on that he wasn't saying. He'd also check on Harry in the morning. He knew Remus and Sirius likely would as well, but he agreed with what Remus had said. Harry was likely avoiding them out of some misplaced belief that he was in trouble.
Harry fidgeted in his seat in the great hall. It had been hours since he'd left the tower. Sleep had not come to him the night before.
When he had returned the night before, he had been so upset by what had happened with Draco and the Slytherin's. Thankfully, Ron and Hermione had been on patrol. With his other dormmates busy in the common room, he'd taken a long shower and gone to bed.
Unfortunately, every time his eyes closed his mind would torment him with nightmares and he would wake up only moments later. He would have left the great hall by now, but it was the first day of classes and he had to wait to get his schedule.
Hoping to avoid everyone, he kept his nose buried in a book. He was sure all the teachers were here by now and he didn't want to see Sirius, Remus or Snape.
Taking a deep breath, he tried not to wince as his side throbbed. He'd been so mad at himself last night for stopping in the hall. If he'd just pushed through the pain, he wouldn't have had the conversation with Draco.
Fighting the urge to look over at the Slytherin table, he picked up his pumpkin juice and took a sip. Pansy's accusation had hurt. Draco repeating it only made it worse. The thought sickened him. He never would have even considered doing something like that. He wished that Draco knew him better. There had been a feeling of understanding over the summer, but it obviously wasn't enough if Draco thought he was capable of something like that.
Harry's jaw clenched. Obviously, he'd been wrong. Draco just saw him as pathetic. He should have known. Snape had said Draco had been having a tough time when he'd come back to Spinner's end. He just hadn't expected Draco to throw his suicide attempt in his face. He deserved it. He'd been stupid. He should have locked the door. Should have left. He couldn't do anything right. Not even die.
Harry took a deep breath. His lack of sleep and food had him on edge. He knew he was being sensitive. Despite his mental shields, his emotions felt very raw right now.
Looking at the food on the table made bile rise into his mouth. If he ate now, he'd almost certainly be sick. Swallowing thickly, he promised himself he'd eat something at lunch.
"Harry." Hermione said in an exasperated tone as she and Ron sat down across from him.
Harry lowered his book and looked at his friends.
"Where were you last night? You disappeared after dinner. You needed to be working on your essays. Ron's just barely gotten his done. You know classes start back this morning." Hermione rambled as she filled her plate.
Harry's jaw clenched.
"I told you yesterday, Hermione, I have them finished. They've been done for months." Harry growled.
Hermione gave him a shocked look.
"Easy mate. She's just making sure." Ron said defensively.
Harry's chest felt tight with anger. He wanted to lash out at them. Hermione's lecturing got old, and Ron's defensiveness was so hypocritical. Ron always complained about Hermione telling them what to do. He felt like his friends weren't listening to him.
Perhaps this was just additional fallout of what he'd shared with them.
With a deep breath he crammed the anger down. He didn't have the energy to fight with them. There was guilt and shame starting to replace the anger quickly and he didn't want to face that right now.
"Sorry. I know. I just…I didn't sleep well last night." Harry mumbled.
Hermione gave him a concerned look.
"It's fine. Thank you for your concern but my essays are done. Sorry I disappeared last night. I just needed a walk." Harry said softly.
His friends didn't look convinced. He looked away from the pity in Hermione's eyes. Ron was practically radiating suspicion.
Harry glanced down the table and saw Sirius handing out schedules.
"You should eat something." Hermione said softly.
Harry just shrugged as he shuffled his book back into his bag.
"Sixth year." Sirius mumbled over his shoulder.
Harry chanced a look up but quickly averted his eyes. The fear he'd felt two nights ago still rolled in his stomach. He just couldn't shake the feeling that it had been on purpose. That he had deserved it. That he should have known better than to trust any adult. It's not like it would have been the first time he had trusted the wrong person. Trusted an adult, only to have it blow up in his face.
"Ron, Hermione, Neville." Sirius said, holding out the parchments with their schedules.
"Harry, I'll be right back." Sirius said as he continued down the table.
Harry groaned in frustration. He just wanted his schedule and to get out of the great hall.
A few minutes later Sirius came back.
"Harry, come with me for a minute." Sirius said.
Harry wanted to yell at him and tell him to just give him his schedule. He didn't want to be alone with Sirius. He knew yelling would only get him in more trouble though.
He stood and collected his bag and followed Sirius while keeping his head down.
Sirius led him out of the great hall and into a small room near the entrance.
"How's your morning going?" Sirius asked.
Harry glanced through his fringe at Sirius. Clearly, he was stressed but trying to be in a good mood.
"Fine." Harry mumbled with a soft shrug of his shoulder.
They stood quietly for a beat and an awkwardness began to fill the air.
"Harry, I need you to go see Poppy for your check-up, All right? Just swing by before the end of the day." Sirius said calmly, but there was a firmness in it that said he wasn't going to be given a choice.
Harry wrapped his arms around himself. He wasn't going. He could feel his body shaking and wished it would stop. Sirius wasn't going to hurt him…he didn't think. His mind swam with the feeling of hurt he'd felt this summer. Sirius not telling him he was alive. Letting him go with Snape…even if that had worked out better than expected. Then the sudden reveal that they were his parents. They'd also not called one of the nights they'd been away. He knew he shouldn't read into it, but it hurt.
All of that paled in comparison to the bruises he now had.
"I'm not going." Harry said petulantly.
"Yes, you are Harry." Sirius said more firmly, stepping closer to him.
Harry hated himself when he flinched and tried to cover it by stepping back.
"Pup, what's going on?" Sirius asked. His voice softer and his brows furrowing in concern.
Harry took a deep breath and tried to steady his nerves. Sirius wasn't doing anything. Harry knew he was just overreacting. He wasn't going to the hospital wing though. He didn't want to face his bruises, or the self-harm, or the upset adults again.
"I've just been poked and prodded enough. Pomfrey just saw me. I'm fine." Harry said trying to sound firm, but it just came out whiny.
He decided in that moment that he would be taking a nap if he had a free period today. He couldn't be like this all day.
"Harry, I don't appreciate the attitude. You'll go to Pomfrey by the end of the day or I'll walk you down there myself." Sirius stated. His tone not leaving room for argument.
Harry just kept his head down and didn't say anything.
"Here's your schedule. Moony wants you in his office at five." Sirius said, handing Harry his schedule.
There was an awkward pause like Sirius expected him to say something else. Finally, Sirius sighed and turned to leave.
"Have a good first day of classes pup." Sirius said, before the door closed softly behind him.
Harry wanted to just collapse and cry. He wasn't trying to hurt Sirius. He just wanted to be left alone.
Harry looked at his schedule, then sighed in relief. His first period was free. Today didn't look too difficult. Free period then Charms before lunch, then intro to warding. The day would end with Herbology, which he always looked forward to.
With a sigh he made his way back to Gryffindor tower for a nap. Thankfully he'd avoided his friends.
He shifted into Akela once he was on his bed. He whined a little as he moved. In this form it was harder to get comfortable when his ribs hurt. Closing his eyes, he took slow deep breaths until sleep came.
Harry slipped into a seat near the back of Charms just before class started. He'd overslept and felt panicked. Looking over, he saw that he was seated next to Zabini. At this realization he looked across the class and realized it was a Slytherin and Gryffindor class. Hermione and Ron were on the far side of the classroom. They didn't seem to notice him at all. Which was fine. He didn't want another lecture from Hermione today.
Draco was sitting near the front of the class with Pansy and Teddy. He felt his heart ache. He'd really started to like Draco, and felt hurt that their friendship wasn't what he thought it was. He hoped Draco hadn't said anything to the other Slytherin's about what he'd seen last night. He didn't need a weakness to be known like that.
Feeling a small flutter in his stomach as he watched Draco, he clenched his teeth. He knew it was wrong to like him. Draco would never want him like that.
He felt heat raise in his cheeks as he looked back down at the table.
"Good morning, Student's." Flitwick said from the front of the class.
Harry shook the thoughts from his head and focused on the teacher.
"Draco." Blaise called from beside the Charms door.
Draco turned and smiled at his friend. He hadn't talked to the other boy much since they'd been back to school. Draco had been too focused on his other friends. Last night had been hard and he'd been pushing it to the back of his mind all morning. He hadn't been very successful and was ready to head to lunch for a break.
Blaise gave him a sweet smile and stepped up next to him. They walked in silence towards the great hall.
To Draco's surprise Blaise guided them into an alcove near the great hall. Suddenly Draco found himself pushed up against the wall of the alcove, mostly out of sight. Blaise's lips pushed insistently against his. Draco gasped in surprise and suddenly found Blaise's tongue in his mouth.
The kiss only lasted a minute before Blaise pulled back and smirked at Draco.
"I missed you this summer." Blaise whispered softly.
Draco stood there in stunned silence. He was trying to wrap his head around what had just happened. He'd enjoyed Blaise's company last year, but they'd broken things off before they'd left for the summer.
Draco shook his head and took a deep breath.
"I missed you too…But…I Er…" Draco muttered.
The smile faded from Blaise's face.
"Oh. Sorry. I didn't know. Wow…" Blaise said shaking his head and looking away from Draco.
"Well, this is awkward. I thought you were looking at me in Charms. I'm really sorry." Blaise said, taking a full step away from Draco.
Draco wanted to hit himself for his stupidity. He'd been looking at Harry during class. He was worried about him, and he knew that he'd really hurt him last night.
"Sorry." Draco whispered hoarsely. His throat felt a little rough.
Snorting a half laugh, Blaise raised his hand to rub at the back of his neck.
"No, it's fine. I suppose I should have talked to you before I just dragged you into a corner for a snog. It was a lonely summer." Blaise admitted.
Draco nodded.
"Friends though, yeah?" Draco asked unsurely.
Blaise gave him a blinding smile.
"Of course." Blaise said.
"Who has stolen our dear Draco's heart though?" Blaise laughed, as they emerged from the alcove and continued towards the great hall.
Draco felt his cheeks flush as he shook his head.
"I…Er…no one. I'm just…I'm not…" Draco mumbled.
Blaise looked over at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Dear Merlin, was I so bad that I scared you straight?" Blaise joked quietly.
Draco's face bloomed into a darker red and he shook his head. Blaise was a very attentive lover. Draco was pretty sure you'd have to be dead not to find his attention arousing.
"No." Draco laughed.
"It's just complicated." Draco admitted.
Blaise gave him an appraising look.
"Well, if you're ever interested in not complicated again, let me know." Blaise said with a wink as he headed to the Ravenclaw table to speak with one of the seventh years.
Draco blinked at the strangeness of the interaction and headed to the Slytherin table. His eyes roved over the Gryffindor table as he sat. Draco frowned when he realized Harry wasn't there.
He didn't really know why he'd turned Blaise down. Draco was fairly sure Harry was with George. Harry was beautiful inside and out though, and he couldn't seem to keep his mind off of him. Though after last night he was sure that he'd ruined any chance he might have had.
With another sigh he put a little food on his plate as he got pulled into a conversation with Pansy and Millie.
Harry fought tears as he ran up the many flights of stairs back to the common room. When he was nearly there, he changed his mind and charged towards the Room of Requirements. He stifled a sob as he reached the wall. He was thankful lunch had just started, and everyone was in the great hall. He hadn't passed hardly anyone on his flight up the stairs.
He paced in front of the wall and pulled the door open when it appeared. Slamming it shut behind him, he slid down the door. He was once again back in the guest room at Spinner's End. He put his head in his hands and finally let the tears fall.
He had finally calmed down during charms and felt more confident and settled. He felt like he knew the material well and was excited that the school year was finally starting and could just be normal. He'd caught Draco looking at him a few times and had decided to try and talk to him. He didn't want things to blow up and although he was hurt, he didn't want to lose the comfort that Draco offered.
He'd missed him leaving charms and had noticed him walking ahead with Blaise. When he had tried to catch up with them, he found there were just too many people headed to lunch. Blaise had been polite during class and had even properly introduced himself when they'd been set to work in pairs.
When he saw them turn into an alcove, he thought he'd lucked out and would catch Draco before he got to the great hall. When he'd reached the alcove, he'd seen Blaise heavily kissing Draco. Harry had felt his heart break.
"Stupid! I'm so fucking stupid!" Harry screamed, as more tears rolled down his cheeks.
He should have known that Draco would already be with someone. Why wouldn't he be?
Harry knew his feelings were wrong. He didn't understand, and it all just felt overwhelming and painful.
He looked around the room and felt his anger well in his chest. He wanted this place to feel safe, but it didn't. He'd nearly died on this floor as Draco had pointed out so painfully. He'd gotten to know Draco in this room. Snape too. None of them wanted anything to do with him now. He should have known. He couldn't rely on anyone. It didn't matter what they said.
Sirius was mad at him, and he knew he was likely going to get a lecture from Remus about not only being rude to Sirius, but also for hurting himself while he'd been at the Burrow.
Harry raised his hand and set the bed on fire. He cast a Bombarda at the dresser and then several other aggressive curses around the room until it was filled with smoke and in shambles. Harry coughed and wiped his watering eyes.
He grit his teeth and waved his hand repairing the room before collapsing back to the floor. The whole summer felt like a lie. Just like this room. This room wasn't in Cokeworth. He couldn't open the door and go find Snape. He couldn't walk through the house and go to town to see Mary. It was all a lie. He hated it and he hated his life.
His fingers ran angerly up his arm and he winced at the pressure on the healing cuts. His chest felt tight from the smoke, and he pulled his inhaler from his pocket. He was thankful that he still had it. He still didn't have his potions, and he hadn't had any of them since the last morning at the Burrow. He wondered if he didn't need to take them anymore, or if, more likely, everyone just forgot. They'd all washed there hands of him.
Harry buried his head in his knees and just let out all of the hurt and anger. He couldn't wait for the war to end. He couldn't wait to die. He didn't want to do this anymore.
Beatrice Comiso stood in front of her first class. She'd never taught before and was thankful that her first class was upper year students, and not the ones that would be taking the full warding class. These students either hadn't passed one of the necessary classes or had never taken them. The expectation felt slightly lower, and she was thankful for the easy start.
She watched carefully as the class filled with Sixth and seventh years. She'd been pleased to hear last night that there was a lot of interest in her class, but she worried how she would fare as a teacher. When Bill had suggested she apply for the job she'd laughed. He'd talked her around though in his calm way. Telling her how important what they did was, and how important it would be for kids to learn.
The class roster said that there would only be thirteen students in the class. Her eyes followed several students coming in. These students were wearing yellow. Which she had gathered was for Hufflepuff. She'd gone to Beauxbatons and was having a challenging time adjusting to the new school. She'd already gotten lost several times, which had been infuriating, especially when she'd had to resort to asking paintings and ghosts for directions. It was downright humiliating.
The last few students entered but they were just wearing white shirts and had shed their ties and robes. She'd discovered that while it was recommended that students be in there full uniform, allowances were made early and late in the year when the school was uncomfortably warm.
The last few students sat in the back, before a final boy walked in wearing Slytherin robes joined them.
"Good afternoon. My name is Professor Comiso. Warding is a very important skill to have. Whether you plan to pursue a career in curse breaking, as an Auror, or if you just wish to be able to properly ward your own home someday." Beatrice started.
She watched the students carefully as she talked. Curse breaking had taught her a lot about reading people. It came with the job. If you misjudged the safety of a site or object based on the person giving you the information you could be dead.
The class was broken almost perfectly in half. There were six boys and seven girls. There also seemed to be a balanced mix of students from each house. Though she could only guess at the boys in back.
"Since this is an introduction class, I will be starting with an assessment to gauge where each of you is at in your understanding. The second half of the class, I will grade the assessments while you read the first chapter of your book. Are there any questions?" Beatrice asked.
A hand in the front row shot up.
"Yes Ms…" Beatrice started.
"Abbott, Hannah Abbott." Hannah said.
Beatrice smiled softly and nodded. She hoped she would get to know the kids as they moved into the year. She did not have the advantage of most of the staff that were familiar with at least some of the students. They were all new to her.
"What is your question Ms. Abbott?" Beatrice asked.
"Will the curriculum change depending on how we do on this assessment?" Hannah asked.
Beatrice nodded slightly.
"In a manner of speaking. I will be dividing the class into two. Those who seem to have a better grasp of the content and those who will need more help getting there. Those who will be catching up will see a slightly heavier homework load. Though I hope that you will all be on the same page by Christmas. Those who understand the material will be working on firming up there understanding. Think of it like revising." Beatrice explained.
"After Christmas Break, we will all be moving forward together and applying what we know to actual warding. This portion will be somewhat of a shortened version of the advanced class. Those that are Sixth years will be able to take that class next year if they pass this class. Those that are seventh years or who do not wish to continue the class will have a solid basic understanding of warding." Beatrice finished.
She hoped that made sense to everyone. Most of the kids were nodding, a few were even writing down notes.
She took a deep breath and summoned the assessments from her table. With a flick of her wand, she sent the parchments out to each student. When they were distributed, and each student seemed to be focused, she took a seat behind her desk. So far, so good, she hoped.
Beatrice was staring down at the last of the assessments. It had been obvious which students had taken which classes. She had it noted down on her list of students as well as their OWL scores in those subjects. This last one was confusing though. While most students who had taken one or both of the necessary classes had done a decent job on the assessment. Those who hadn't had left large chunks of the page blank or were guessing.
However, she had this student marked as having not taken either class, yet his understanding of both subjects and warding itself was far above the rest of the class. She wasn't sure there was even much he would gain from her advanced class.
She looked around the class and noticed the child in the back of the class talking quietly with the Slytherin student. Nott, she thought. She had asked that they read the first chapter of the book and could talk quietly when they were finished.
Beatrice pulled Nott's assessment and looked it over again. He had taken both classes and done remarkably well on the assessment. Not as good as…
She sighed as she looked back to the top of the page she was grading. Potter. Perhaps the boy had cheated off his classmate.
With a sigh she finished grading and stacked all the pages together except Potters and returned them.
"Each of you has been given a pass or fail grade. However, I do not want you to be discouraged if you failed this assessment. As I said at the beginning of class, this was just to gauge where you are in your current understanding. I left notes on which aspects I would like each of you to focus on. This class will only be once a week and will always be a double period. Should you have any questions I'm available after class for short conversations. Otherwise, my office hours are posted on the door." Beatrice explained.
There were some grumbles as the last of the assessments were returned.
"Class is dismissed. Potter, please stay behind." Beatrice said, walking back to her desk.
She watched as the students filtered out. When Potter was the last one in class he approached her. His head was down slightly. He seemed shy and unsure.
"Mr. Potter can you explain what a Fidelius Charm is?" Beatrice asked sitting back in her chair.
The boy looked up through messy hair. She noticed a sadness in his eyes before he looked away.
"A Fidelius Charm isn't exactly a ward. Though it can be used to protect a location, object, or information. When the charm is cast, information is hidden in a single person's soul. This person becomes the secret- keeper. They alone know the secret. It's a complicated multistep process. While it isn't a ward per say, because it allows an object or location to be hidden it is an effective alternative. Though if the secret-keeper is untrustworthy, or shares the information with the wrong person the information becomes vulnerable." Potter explained.
Beatrice nodded. He was right and he hadn't just recited the book definition.
"What kind of wards would be most effective should you want to defend your home against, lets say, werewolves?" Beatrice asked.
It was a question that would be difficult for most new Curse Breakers to answer. Certainly not something she would be teaching. She doubted the boy would know but was curious how far his knowledge extended. Clearly, she'd been wrong, and he hadn't been cheating off of his friend.
The boy bit his lip in consideration for a moment.
"I'm not sure what the most effective might be, ma'am. I suppose standard home wards, perhaps a lotus ward, because while werewolves are cursed, they are still human. I would imagine infusing ward stones at the corners of the property with silver would be an efficient way to keep werewolves off the property." Potter answered.
Beatrice's brows scrunched together. The boy had once again answered correctly despite having not obviously known the answer. She'd watched him reason out what sounded most logical, and he was right.
Beatrice nodded.
"Is one of your parents a Curse Breaker?" Beatrice asked smiling widely.
The boy's face scrunched up slightly before he shook his head.
"Er…no ma'am." Potter answered.
"Hm… well could you explain your in-depth knowledge of warding? I have you down as having not taken runes or Arithmancy, yet your assessment was complete and accurate on every question. You also just answered two questions many apprentice Curse Breakers would struggle to answer correctly."
The boy blushed and there was a slight smile at the corner of his mouth.
"Just self-study this summer, ma'am." Potter answered.
Beatrice was surprised by this answer. Runes and Arithmancy were difficult subjects. There application in warding wasn't something she thought one could teach themselves.
"Very well. Here's your assessment. I'm not sure this is the right class for you." Beatrice said tightly.
The boy frowned and nodded. He looked dejected.
"Not to discourage you. I'm not sure if it's possible but I might see if I can move you into one of my advanced classes." Beatrice said in a kinder tone.
The boy nodded but did not raise his head.
"Well, you better hurry to your next class. I'd hate to be the reason you're late." Beatrice said lightly.
"Yes, ma'am." Potter said softly before heading out of the classroom.
Beatrice sat back in her chair and watched the child exit. Something seemed off about him to her. Perhaps he had cheated. She shook her head and organized her desk. She had another class shortly. Perhaps she'd speak to his head of house later.
Harry hesitated in the hall that he thought led to Remus' office. Herbology had gone by too fast, and the hour he'd walked around the grounds had raced by. He knew he needed to show up to this meeting or he would be tracked down and he didn't want that. His palms felt sweaty, and he tried to dismiss his racing thoughts.
Today had been a lot. His classes had been all right he supposed, but after seeing Blaise and Draco and getting pulled aside after warding he really just wanted the day to be over. He'd talked quietly to Teddy in warding. Apparently, Draco had explained why he'd wanted to talk to Pansy alone, and they were no longer upset.
Harry wished he was also not upset by what happened, but he still was. Teddy had agreed to talk to him later about the lordship. He didn't feel safe discussing it in class though.
Harry was glad things had been smoothed over with the Slytherin's. He'd told the Gryffindors that he was going to reach out to the Slytherin's. Something that wouldn't happen if they all thought…
Well, if they all had the wrong opinion of him.
With a deep breath he pulled up his wall tight and plastered a smile on his face. Hopefully, he could get in and out of this meeting quickly. Rolling his shoulders back he marched down the hall. He smiled to a few students he passed.
When he was at the door to Remus' office his stomach rolled, and his ribs twinged painfully. Swallowing the bile in his throat he approached the door and realized that it was open.
"Please relax Siri. I'm sure everything's fine." Remus' voice said drifting out the door.
Harry swallowed thickly. They were both here. His pulse quickened as he reached a hand up to knock on the door.
A moment later Remus pulled the door open and smiled at Harry. Harry smiled tightly back.
"Come in." Remus said, letting Harry walk past him.
Harry's body hugged the door frame as he slipped passed Remus. His eyes roamed over the office. Sirius was sitting on a short couch. It was a dark green with a tan blanket tossed over the back. Across from it was a brown chair with a small side table next to it. The walls had dark wood bookshelves lined with books and other assorted items. Remus' desk had a stack of files on it as well as a plant and a few framed photos. He couldn't see what was in them from where he was standing.
"Come sit down." Remus invited, closing the door, and walking to the armchair.
Harry's jaw clenched. His only real option was to sit next to Sirius on the couch. Harry shuffled his feet a little in hesitation and then shook his head.
"I'm all right Moony. I've been sitting all day in class." Harry said with a light tone.
Remus' brows creased but he nodded.
"How was your first day of classes?" Remus asked, relaxing back in his chair.
Harry rolled his shoulders a little and tried not to hold himself so tensely.
"Good." Harry answered.
Remus nodded and glanced over to Sirius. Harry's eyes followed.
Sirius was staring intently at him. Harry's eyes darted away and he went back to looking at the bookshelves behind Remus.
"Did you make it down to the infirmary?" Sirius asked. His voice was neutral, but Harry could tell there were stronger emotions behind the words.
Harry's jaw clenched and he shook his head.
"No." Harry huffed.
"Harry." Remus said with slight warning in his tone.
Harry lowered his head and fiddled with the cuffs of his shirt.
"Sorry." Harry mumbled.
Remus sighed.
"It's okay Harry. Can you calmly explain why you haven't been to the hospital wing? Sirius said you were a little short with him this morning when he reminded you, that you needed to go." Remus asked calmly.
Harry bit his lip. He should just tell them the truth, but he was afraid of what they would say or what they would do. Part of him worried this could be a test. Petunia would ask where a mark had come from to make sure he would say he didn't know or that he was fine. It happened so often when he was little. He'd learned quickly that an honest answer was met with punishment and insistence that he was lying. Sometimes Harry wasn't even sure by the end of it what had really happened or if he could trust his own memory.
Harry pushed the thoughts back and shrugged before answering Remus' question.
"I've seen Pomfrey, and the muggle doctor. Both more than once this summer. All the pills, and potions, and vaccines. I just don't want to go again." Harry said softly. He felt like this was a reasonable enough answer. The kind of thing he'd heard in the common room after Sirius had announced the check-ups.
Harry heard Remus groan and looked up to find Remus' hand covering his face.
"You haven't had your potions, have you?" Remus asked looking up at Harry.
Harry felt his cheeks warm, and he shook his head and looked away again.
"Fuck." Remus mumbled.
"I'm sorry." Harry muttered, taking a half step back as he felt a slight tremble begin in his legs.
"It's not your fault pup. Why didn't you come talk to us?" Sirius asked.
Harry shrugged.
"I thought maybe I didn't need them anymore…or…" Harry cut off.
He didn't want to say that he thought they had forgotten or just didn't care.
"Or what Harry?" Remus asked softly.
Harry shrugged again.
"I don't know, just that you'd forgotten…I guess." Harry whispered.
"I'm sorry Harry. I did forget. It's not your fault. We can't expect you to take them when we've taken them away. We'll get that fixed." Remus tried to reassure.
Harry nodded slightly.
"I could just have them again." Harry offered quietly. He didn't want to inconvenience them.
Glancing up, he caught the look on Remus' face that clearly said, Harry was out of his mind if he thought he was going to have free access to potions again any time soon.
"Right." Harry sighed and nodded.
He wrapped his arms around his stomach. This was the second reminder of his failed suicide attempt in the last day. His mind kept warring between wishing he'd been successful and wishing he'd never made the attempt. He knew he had to die. It would have been easier if he had. However, he knew he needed to help his friends first.
"I know you feel like you've had to do a lot medically this summer, but this exam isn't optional Harry." Remus explained.
Harry's shoulders fell.
"Sorry pup." Remus said earnestly.
Harry just shrugged.
"If you go now you can come up to our quarters after and we can have dinner together." Remus offered softly.
Harry shook his head before he had even realized he was going to.
"Harry, Remus said that like an invitation, but it's not. You'll be up there after you go to the hospital wing." Sirius said a little firmer.
Harry shrunk into himself.
"Sirius." Remus growled softly.
"Okay." Harry mumbled. Obviously, he didn't have a choice. He just wanted to get out of here now.
"Our quarters are just down the hall from here." Remus said softly.
Harry nodded and turned to leave the office.
"Do you want us to come with you?" Remus asked.
Harry just shook his head and pulled the door open before disappearing down the hall.