134Chapter 1: A Broken Heart
January 1812, Hertfordshire
It was a cold January morning in Longbourn, and somehow, the weather added to the melancholy of the woman who stared outside the window. The rest of the family were breaking their fast downstairs, but she did not have the temperament to eat, nor was she hungry, despite starving herself for several days.
At times, she wondered whether she was trapped in a dreadful nightmare from which she would soon awaken or if she truly lived in the horrid reality of the world, subjecting her to misery and deceit.
Elizabeth felt lost, as her heart had been broken into a million pieces by the man she loved.
Her entire existence became painful because of him. As much as she was angry with him, she was furious with herself for falling in love with him. All her life, she had believed in true love, and a few months ago, she found it while staying with her aunt in London. He was everything she had hoped to find in her man: kind, intelligent, compassionate, and loving. But now, she wondered how she had misjudged everything about him.
It had been a week since she saw him, and her last moments in his company were nothing but torment. He had to repeat his decision to her over and over again for her to understand the reality.
Yes, Elizabeth's engagement to Mr. Harrington was broken by him, and according to her, she had never imagined something like that to happen, even in her wildest dreams.
He arrived in Longbourn early one morning and requested to meet her privately. He conveyed his intention to break off the engagement, and the reasons he stated pained her beyond measure.
Elizabeth relived the horrific conversation she had with him, and she knew she would never be able to forget how she felt that day.
"I am left with no choice, Elizabeth. It pains me to make this decision, and however unforgiving the reasons are for ending our engagement, I must for the sake of my family."
"You knew all this while about my dowry; you were well aware when you proposed a week ago. You have never doubted our future and happiness until now, irrespective of your mother's disregard for me. Is this why you asked me to keep our engagement a secret? I thought the purpose of your visit today was to speak with my father and obtain his consent. How can you forsake me now?"
"Because my entire livelihood is at stake, our financial woes are mounting daily, and we have lived a life of luxury so far, I cannot imagine my mother and sister losing their current status in society. You are already aware of the financial crisis we have been entrapped in, and every day in the past month has been nothing but torture. I was under the assumption that I could resolve everything, but the truth is that I cannot. My sister is in love with Mr. Kingston; she cannot imagine a life without him. I have done nothing for her so far, and as a brother, I am responsible for ensuring her happiness. I have no choice but to marry Miss Kingston to save my family."
"You do not need to elaborate; it is quite remarkable that you have such an easy solution to all your problems, and I can attribute that Miss Kingston's dowry would have convinced you amiably. You mention your sister's happiness with such feeling. What about mine? You have inflicted irrevocable pain on me in the name of love. What enrages me is the audacity you have to end it so easily, without any guilt. Do you think it is easy for me to forget you? From what I can see, it seems a very easy task for you."
"It will not be easy. I can never forget you, but I will have to live with the pain."
"Did I seek you out? Did I relentlessly pursue you? You did everything to make me believe that such kind of pure love could never exist; I fell in love with you because you declared that no one could break us apart. I let my heart believe in every word you said because I trusted you. My dowry, your mother's disapproval, and everything you state as a reason now was never a problem a week ago when we got engaged. You were not certain about our marriage, were you? That must be why you wanted me to keep our engagement a secret."
"If I were not certain, I would have never proposed to you, but then, I did not understand how much misery our father has inflicted upon us because of his senseless actions. Our debts have mounted incredibly due to the loss in our business, and we may have to sell our house to survive. As much as I love you, I bear the weight of safeguarding my family's well-being. I cannot allow my mother and sister to suffer because of me.'
"Yes, you are right. You want to do right by everyone except me. You need not beat around the bush, Mr. Harrington. You can plainly state that you are leaving me for money. At this point, I would at least appreciate your honesty."
"Elizabeth, look at me," he said, trying to hold her hand.
"Do not dare to touch me; please leave. I wish you a lifetime of happiness in your marriage," she cried.
"Even though our engagement has not become public, I wish to speak with your father if you want to; I am not a coward to walk away from my actions."
"No one can call you a coward,especially me; you dare to stand in front of me and declare that you love me, yet because of how poor I am, you want to marry someone else. I admire your courage in this. As you state, it is very convenient for both of us that our engagement has been a secret, and please trust me, I will not say a word to my father, nor would he come after you looking for an explanation or beg you to reconsider your decision."
He tried to reason with her again about why he was forced to end their engagement despite his deep regard for her, but Elizabeth opened the door and motioned him to leave.
"I am truly sorry," he said with remorse.
"No, you are not. Goodbye!" She said, controlling her tears.
The conversation was still fresh in her mind. The week had been terrible for her, as she had to face her family, who assumed Mr. Harrington had paid a visit to claim her hand. They were aware that he favored her during their acquaintance in town.
Except for Jane, no one was aware of her engagement, but her father suspected something was wrong.
"Elizabeth, what was the purpose of his visit? Did he say something to upset you? I am not an ignorant man; I could see that you were in happy spirits since you returned from town, and I am aware that you spent much time in his company there, and he called on you frequently," Mr. Bennet asked.
"Yes, I did like him and enjoyed his company, but I intend there was nothing more to it. He paid a friendly visit to inform me about the upcoming marriage with Miss Kingston."
"Why would he come all the way to inform you this? Are you hiding something from me?" he asked with a piercing gaze.
"Trust me, Papa. There is nothing to worry about," she smiled.
Her mother, who expected a proposal that morning, was gravely disappointed.
"Oh! How could he not propose? Your aunt wrote to me saying that he was smitten by you and was certain that he was in love. Did you say something to upset him? Is that why he left without proposing? Only if you had the beauty and temperament as Jane would he not have thought twice about claiming your hand. Just yesterday at Lucas Lodge, I proudly declared that a handsome gentleman from town was courting you; now, what do I do?" she cried with despair.
Elizabeth hardly had time to face her feelings as she was tormented by several questions regarding his arrival that morning. Jane, who was aware of the actual situation, tried to convince her to inform their father, but Elizabeth declined as she knew very well that there was no hope for Mr. Harrington to change his decision, and even if he did, she was unwilling to accept him.
"It is a blessing a disguise, Jane, that I kept the news to myself. Now, he can get married happily, and I can at least spare myself the shame of a broken engagement. But in reality, the shame would be trivial compared to the pain my heart is subjected to now."
All those years, when her mother mentioned her meager dowry and worried about the same, Elizabeth had brushed it aside. Now, something she never cared about had played with her life in the most terrifying way.
The man she had loved and imagined as her husband rejected her because of the same.
At present, she sat in her room reliving the four months she had known him and how she had gradually allowed her heart to fall for him.
"Lizzy, I brought you something to eat," Jane said as she walked into the room with a tray.
"Please do not trouble yourself. I do not have an appetite.".
"You hardly ate anything yesterday and cannot go on like this. How could you do this to yourself for someone who never loved you? You must know, Lizzy, if he ever did, he would not have done this to someone as pure as you."
"I am not angry with him anymore; I am angry with myself. I agree; he never truly loved me, but he has wounded me for life. When I fell in love with him, I truly believed my intuition and never doubted his feelings. He pursued me for four months, convinced me of his regard, and gained my trust. I saw him as a man without fault; love blinded me. I let my heart belong to him, and I suffer now because my heart can never recover from this."
"As difficult as it is, you must forget him; he does not deserve you, Lizzy. You will find true love in the future, and I am certain of it."
"Never! My heart has turned to stone, leaving no space for anything that might bring me joy. And if you speak of true love, please understand that I no longer yearn for it. Even if someone is willing to give me the love you think I deserve, I can never go against my heart and accept it. Because right or wrong, I loved a man and imagined a life with him; I can never betray my own heart."
Jane looked at her sister with distress.
You will, Lizzy. I am certain that someday you will go against your heart when you find the man willing to go against the world for you.