Jonathan was afraid.

When Dragon caught him pouring the drug in his bowl the feeling hit him like a lightning hitting an antenna.

When the hellish cat pounced and chased him it got intensified.

And when he felt the stinging feeling of sharp claws ripping through his skin the feeling drove him to near madness.

But it wasn't the normal kind of fear he used to feel when he first he MET the cat or any other times that he would go out in the wild, perform all sorts of daring and dangerous tasks. No.

All those times he was afraid that he would die. (and he was not keen on experiencing it any time soon)

But not this time.

This time it was different.

Jonathan wasn't afraid of death.

It would be normal if any other hothead young man would make such a bold assumption. But Jonathan wasn't anything like that. He was Jonathan Brisby. That name alone spoke volumes about him. How intelligent, handy, resourceful, kind and brave he was.

So no Jonathan isn't blowing hot air, no thank you.

Jonathan wasn't afraid of his own death, no. He was afraid of the impact his death will have on them. On Her.

His family. His children. His wife.

They are his beacon of light in this dark world. They are his only source of sanity after the nightmare that was his childhood.

His death would put too much weight on their shoulder. It would cause his sweet children so much grief. It would break his dear wife's heart.

Only seconds passed under the claws of Dragon that it clicked him.

Fear wasn't all that he was feeling, no. There was something else that messed with his head and twisted his gut. Images of his wife flashed through his mind, carrying the responsibilities of their children all on her own, getting tangled and twisted by this cruel world, being abused and mistreated by a bunch of lowlifes, crying herself to sleep without any hope for comfort.

The mere thought of Elizabeth and his children going through such things made him lose all common senses.

Fear and guilt panged so hard at him that it made every fiber of his being burn.

He could not, would not leave her alone in this cruel world. The notion was unfathomable, unacceptable.

True, thinking like this might view Elizabeth as weak and vulnerable but that was from it. She was strong in her own ways but he would not let her go through even a fraction of what he lived all those years before. She did not deserve for her life to be ruined because of making the poor choice of choosing him.

When they swore their vows Jonathan swore that he would always be there for her and that was exactly what he did.

At least that's what he thinks he did.

He still can't really remember how he escaped from the literal jaws of doom. All he remembered was that through his fear and guilt drove him to utter madness and he thrashed and clawed and stomped; and the second he didn't feel any more weight on him he made a run for it.

But his injured leg only carried him so far and he collapsed in a dark field with tall grasses and succumbed to exhaustion. After that everything was pretty much a blur. He was sure that he didn't made much of a distance from the farmhouse so the cat could easily catch up with him. But it didn't.

He remembers pain. Lots and lots of pain. His entire body was in pain, his head pounding with a nasty headache, he couldn't feel his legs, his fur was matted against his skin by sweat and his hands was covered in blood.

He remembers voices and images coming and going. He remembers being touched, in his shoulders, head, back, under the arms and legs. He remembers sliding… No, being dragged. There were so many loud and low voices and there were so many unclear shapes and colors coming and going.

Jonathan had lost all sense of time and couldn't feel or do anything but wait in the semi-darkness he had gotten trapped in. He is beginning to doubt that if he even survived the claws of Dragon.

His anxiety and guilt started to build right back up. To think that he had failed… It broke him. Failed his friends from the rose bush. Failed to care for his family. Failed to keep his vow. Failed to be there for her.

No.

Not possible.

This Couldn't be.

He escaped from the Dragon.

He had felt the wounds, the wetness of the grass, the straining of his legs.

He couldn't have died in the fields. He couldn't have.

He had to wake up. He had to find a way back into consciousness.

He needed to see her, to hold her. Make sure she is okay.

He can't die. Not now. He can't leave them, not until he made sure they are taken care of.

He can't die with this…this…This GUILT. He can't. He can't. He…

Suddenly Jonathan felt something.

Something on his face.

Something wet and cool.

Wet and cool.

Tears.

He was feeling tears on his eyes.

He was crying.

Dead people don't feel these things. Dead people don't cry. Do they?

Jonathan had no answer but he grasped at the little silver of hope.

He tried to blink but his eyes seemed to be shut tight. If he still could use them that is.

'No' he thought. 'Don't think like that. Focus.'

After several attempts of finding other senses he finally found something. There is this light buzzy and heavy feeling in where he supposed his right leg is. He tried with all the might that was left in him to move his fingers or little at least a muscle to feel something… anything.

That seemed to be a poor decision because the first thing he felt was a revolting and unbearable pain shooting from his knee to his upper thigh. His eyes shot open and he let out a loud cry of pain.

Panting both from exhaustion and the pain he finally regained consciousness of most of his senses. He was in his room…No, their room, lying in bed. His right leg, torso and head was covered in bandages and it pulsed with pain.

"Jonathan?" His ears perked at the familiar voice. The very same voice that always filled him with warmth and happiness. The very same voice that soothed his soul and vanquished his pains.

Turning his head towards the door he spotted her. His wife, his love, Elizabeth was standing in the doorway of their room with concerned and tired eyes. Wearing the very same red cape he gifted to her all those years ago.

"Jonathan!" She rushed towards him, tone wavering, eyes scanning him carefully. "Your awake! Oh thank god. How are feeling? Why did you yell? Do you need something?"

The grey mouse was caught off guard by the situation.

He was alive!

He was still with her!

But… something is still nagging him, telling him that he needed to make sure.

Licking his dry lips, he tried to talk but the words died in his throat before he could even make them. He just kept looking at the brown furred mouse with an open mouth and a dispread look on his face.

Elizabeth looked at him with what could be only described as concern and worry. She blinked a few times and then it seemed she suddenly noticed his tearstained eyes.

"Oh what am I saying! Of course you are in pain. Wait a moment, I'll be back." She went back towards the living room, not noticing when Jonathan tried to grab her hand and stop her.

"No wait." he wanted to say but no words left his mouth.

'I need to make sure.' His thoughts haunted him. 'I need to… Make sure.'

Clenching his fist, he could feel more tears were starting to form in his eyes. The guilt is clawing at his heart and soul again, thinking that this is all just some kind of afterlife hallucination. Thinking that he had left them. Left Her.

Such thoughts ate out his soul, shattered his heart.

The sound of hurried footsteps got his attention. Seeing Elizabeth entering the room with a steaming bowl of what seemed to be hot liquid but he paid no mind to it. He gathered his strength and tried to reach out to her again.

"Here, drink this. It will help with the pain." She holds out the bowl towards him but he reached for one of her hands and the moment he released a sigh of relief.

The warm and delicate skin beneath the beautiful brown fur, it was familiar. The delicate fingers and the shape her veins under her skin pulsed, it was hers.

This is Elizabeth's hand.

This is his dear wife.

He didn't die. He didn't leave them.

He was here with her.

He kept his grip on her hand and tried to stop his tears. She looked at him worriedly.

"Jonathan." Her calm and delicate voice was like a melody. "Please drink this. I can't see you in pain."

Who was he to refuse her? Breaking the physical contact took a lot of willpower from him and he found himself missing the warmth of her hand. Trying to get on a half sitting position, he groaned and took the bowl from his wife. The steam of the bowl put the muscles of his face at ease; smelling the beverage, he could pick out the smell of turmeric carrot and garlic.

He took a sip and sighed, appreciating the warmth and filling sensation. In three more sips he downed all of the soup, realizing how hungry he was. Handing the bowl back to Elizabeth and looked straight into her eyes, the tension and concern was eased by relief but it was still there.

Elizabeth put the now empty bowl of soup in the nightstand and looked at him with a weak smile. Running her hand through his messy and matted hair. Unconsciously he leaned into her touch.

"How are you feeling dear?" Her caring voice soothed his ears.

He wanted to tell her so many things. He wanted to apologies to her; beg her for forgiveness, for lying, for keeping secrets from her, for nearly leaving her and the children alone. Seeing her smiling at him like that made the claws of guilt rip his heart to pieces. She was so innocent in all this. She trusted him with everything and here he was, letting his secret nearly cost his life and his family grief.

So many words he wanted to say but none came. Knowing it would shatter many things but most importantly, her heart.

He gently grabbed her hand and brought it to his muzzle. Nuzzling into her palm, he planted a chaste kiss on it. Elizabeth's cheeks gained a rosy color and all she could do was to smile sheepishly and ask "What was that for?" She didn't get an answer as Jonathan suddenly pulled her close and hugged her.

It took her off guard but she recovered quickly and hugged back her husband. Jonathan nuzzled into the soft fur of her neck and breathed, his wife's natural odor making him relax. Ignoring his injuries his hands kept a tight grip on his wife.

"I'm Sorry." His voice was barely above a whisper.

Elizabeth recoiled a little bit, clearly not expecting that.

"Why do you say that?"

"I…I shouldn't….I shouldn't….it's a….I'm sorry." His voice was wavering; he couldn't hold his tears anymore.

"I'm so sorry." He wailed, burying his head into Elizabeth's shoulder.

Why her? Why him? Why did she choose him? Why did she said yes to his proposal? She could do so much better than him; so much better than a traumatized lab mouse whose being mutated to gods know what. She could have had a husband who wouldn't break his vows and lie to her face every day. He didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve someone so kind, so understanding, so compassionate, so… Perfect.

Elizabeth pulled back but kept her hands on his shoulders, looking at him with shock and confusion. Noticing tears pouring out of his eyes.

"John why are you apologizing?"

It was as if the god or karma or whatever kind of deity that runs world had set everything in motion for his guilt and regret to reach its peak; and force him to break out crying and tell her everything, the NIMH, the rats, his mutations. He felt he is about to.

But he didn't.

He couldn't.

He wasn't strong enough. Not strong enough to shatter her heart like this. He's not sure if he'll ever be.

This situation isn't new. Every day he is torn between the impossible choice of telling her the truth and endanger her or keep her in the dark, in safety. Every time this internal battle within him would get intensified to the point of frustration. But this time he is devastated. He can't keep it within himself anymore. Can't keep it bottled up anymore.

"I…I…" He couldn't form his words.

He took a deep a breath and looked straight into her eyes. "I nearly left you."

Elizabeth blinked a few times and rose an eyebrow at this.

"I was….I was so foolish….I thought I….I could….I thought…" His vision is blurred by the tears and he could barely breathe.

"I'm sorry I nearly left you." He tore his gaze away from her shocked face and let his tears fall into the sheets.

"I could feel the air leaving my lungs and….and the pitch blackness of death. I couldn't… couldn't stop thinking about you and the kids. I…" He didn't even know where he was going with this but it was all he could think of saying.

He closed his eyes shut and breathed out "I'm so sorry Elizabeth."

He knew she wouldn't forgive him, she shouldn't. But he had to say it. Had to let it out of his chest.

Jonathan don't know how long they were like this, him sitting on the bed, head low and eyes shut with tears streaming down his face and Elizabeth sitting right in front of him, her hands on his shoulders and looking at him with the most bewildered expression possible; but he felt his wife's hand under his chin and pull his head up. He opened his eyes to meet her kind and compassionate ones. He stared blankly while she smiled at him.

Suddenly two hands were gripping his head and his lips met the soft perky lips of his wife.

It took a second for him realize that Elizabeth was kissing him. He felt heat rise up to his cheeks and his head began overworking to understand the reason for her reaction but the taste of his wife's lips was too great for him to ignore.

He kissed back with all the willpower that was left in him, basking in the moment.

After breaking the kiss Jonathan looked with confusion into Elizabeth's eyes, seeing nothing but love and comfort. Only now it all clicked together. Everything made sense now.

It was simple yet powerful. It was love.

She loved him.

Him. Jonathan Brisby.

Elizabeth loved him.

She could fall in love with anyone, but she fell for a nosy, cheesy, chatty lab-mouse who she only knew for a year.

He couldn't believe himself. He was so blinded by guilt and fear that he had forgotten one of the most important facts in all this. Elizabeth's unwavering love for him.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." She stopped him before he could protest. "If and only IF it makes you feel better, consider yourself forgiven. But know this…" She smiled at him and ran a hand through his matted and messy hair. "In my eyes you have nothing to be sorry for. You made a mistake, simple as that." She copped his cheek. "Everyone make mistakes, even the smartest of people." That earned a small chuckle out of him.

The way she made him feel better so fast and so easily just reminded him why he loved her so much.

'Good god' He thought. 'What did I do to deserve her?'

He couldn't tear his gaze away from her lovely smile. Subconsciously he trailed a hand inside Elizabeth's cape and her back and pulled her close once again. Feeling the breath of his wife on his own, his head went into the clouds. Jonathan leaned in and pressed his lips to Elizabeth's, gaining a sigh from her. She got closer to him putting her hands on his chest, knitting his fur. The taste of her lips on his and the soft fur of her back made him forget all of his pains, all his worries. Elizabeth tended to have this effect on him.

There was nothing else in his mind, just Elizabeth. Wanting nothing more than to give her back the amount of love she gave him unconditionally. Nothing more.

The two field mice lost track of time. Being completely lost in their own little world. Pouring each other's heart and soul to the person they love the dearest. Neither of them had any intention to depart but the need for air became too much to bear. Breaking from the compassionate kiss, the mouse couple leaned their head on the other panting. Both of them with red cheeks and a satisfied smile.

After a few moments Jonathan looked at his wife and was greeted with the sweetest of smiles. Smiling back, he brought her in for another hug but this time it was a hug of appreciation. Elizabeth hugged him back, rubbing his sore back and the back of his head; soothing him. Something about this position made him feel like a newborn again, in his mother's arm. But this amount of love and affection? Not even his own mother could make him feel so adored, so warm, so cherished, so comfortable, so…Loved.

Nuzzling into Elizabeth's neck, he stifled a yawn. All the emotional turmoil, hugging and the warm food set the situation quite perfect for his body to go sleepy. But he wanted to hold his wife close to him, wanted to talk to her, wanted to see his children.

"It's okay John. You have to rest. We'll talk more in the morning." It was as if she could read his mind. "That is, if the children lay off you and let us have some real privacy." She giggled slightly, making him chuckle as well.

But he still couldn't bring himself to let go. He kept his hold on her. It is embarrassing to ask her to stay especially now that it seemed she would be much busier without his support; but he just couldn't let go. Not now.

Elizabeth kept rubbing his back and her smile didn't waver. "Do you want me stay?" Her tone was so sweet it could practically melt the heart of stone.

Jonathan knew that he was blushing so had that by now his cheeks were blood red. He didn't know how to respond so he kept on embracing his wife.

"Jonathan." She said with a teasing tone. "Do you want me to stay?" Good god why is she teasing him like this? She knows he can't actually answer.

Summoning up all of his willpower, Jonathan nodded while his head was still buried in his wife's shoulder.

Letting out a soft giggle, Elizabeth broke the hug and gave him a little kiss on his forehead. She helped him back towards a sleeping position. When she was sure he was comfy she took off her cape and hung it on the footboard of bed and got beneath the covers. She got into a higher position and then rested Jonathan's head on her shoulder. Jonathan sighed contently and brought his left hand around his wife's torso and side hugged her while she kept running a hand through his hair. Once again in the past 5 years Jonathan Brisby, despite his intelligence and amazing feats, felt like a mere child when his wife treated him with so much love.

Reminding him of how many reasons he had to love her, to protect her, to be with her.

When he was succumbing to sleep he couldn't help but feel so incredibly lucky that he is loved by Elizabeth Brisby, the most perfect person, ever.