3Gifting this wonderful world with a new status quo
Part 1
While Kazuma was chasing Aqua trying to prevent her from… ruining his reputation maybe? I feel really angry all of a sudden!... Anyway Wiz came from the back of the store with a surprised expression on her face.
"Hey Vanir-san, isn't that the magic power potion you wanted to enhance for me?"
"Oi, Moi sold it to the brat 34 seconds ago."
There was no life to be found in the undead lich after that statement.
Wait, what did Wiz just say about enhancing?
"Did you fiddle with the potion Vanir? Is that why the drawback is so oddly specific?"
I incitedly asked the devil that ignored my presence despite me being tied up in Kazuma's ropes on the ground.
"As if that would matter to the impudent bride with a poor choice of men?"
"I don't have a poor choice of men! He finally found his balls and chose me over Iris and Darkness. I'm going to marry the hero that defeated the demon king, so stop talking about him so condescendingly!"
"Or what? What would happen if moi called him brat a bunch more times? brat, brat, brat, brat, brat, brat, brat… fuahaha, Are you going to use your new found power to blow moi and the town up?"
While taunting me Vanir came closer and leaned over my tied up body, giving me the chance to give him my retour right in his stupid face.
"Don't challenge me devil! You know I have a screw loose, so insult my hero one more time and we're going to find out just how far I'm willing to go!"
At my remarks he Suddenly straightened himself up, struck a thinker pose and said while lucidly staring at me.
"Mhm… we'll see about the hero part."
Part 2
- In the streets of Axel
Why is she so fast? Why is she only efficient when it comes to causing me, her lord and savior trouble?
While chasing Aqua through the streets of Axel, I could spot her passing on the news to an innocent looking girl…! Why her of all people?!
I ran to the now disturbed looking girl Aqua was just talking to. Her body turned pale as a corpse and her head was slightly bobbing back and forth with her eyes staring lifelessly into the distance.
"Yunyun, it's not like this…!"
"W-w-waaaahhhhhh… K-k azuma… y-y-y… megu… Waaaaaaahhhhhhhh!"
The disturbed Yunyun ran away with tears in her eyes. This stupid goddess, telling an innocent girl like Yunyun about something like this out of nowhere!
After Yunyun ran away I was looking for Aqua, but lost her out of my sight.
If I had to guess, she's probably on her way to the guild while taking some detours through different places nearby first. That means if I take the shortest route to the guild I should be able to stop her from ruining my reputation.
If anyone finds out that I crossed the line with an underage girl, they will forever call me loliNEET and other such names, and rightfully so.
…it's weird that I worry about that now.
While looking for Aqua, I took the shortest route to the Guild as fast as I could, she seems to have not yet arrived. I can still save my dignity!
As I was hurriedly making my way to the guild entrance the ground below my feet started shaking and I heard noises of what sounded like a horde of Lizardrunners to my left… This damn Girl!
Before I could stop her, Aqua slammed the Guild's doors not just wide open, but out of their hinges, the sound of someone getting hit behind the doors could be heard.
"Aagghh!"
"Aquaaa, waaaiiiiittt…!"
"Kazuma and Megumin get a Child!"
Aqua triumphantly screamed as loud as she could, for the entire guild to hear.
Everyone present in the guild, staff members and adventurers alike, people i have come to know over the time i spent in this world, all looked first to Aqua, and now directly at me, looking at them in a panic.
While the male adventurers looked at me in awe, the female adventurers looked at me like I'm the scum of the earth…
"Stealing a child's panties is one thing, but…"
"That poor girl. What a brute!"
"She's way too young to have a child!"
"It's not even been two days and he's already abusing his status as a Hero."
You should think that they would treat the guy that just saved all their asses two days ago a bit better!
"Auuuuuuuuuuaaahhhhhhh"
The guy that was hit by the door started screaming in pain and all the gazes shifted towards him.
It was the blond haired delinquent Dust. He was the one that gave me this magic sword that blocked one of the demon king's attacks and saved my life. I was planning to repay my debts sooner rather than later, but that idiot goddess just deepened them and made my life harder.
"Huh? What are you screaming for? It's not my fault you stand right behind the door where people pass through."
He was not standing right in front of it, but in the middle of the room. Damn, when did Aqua get so strong and how does she manage to make a situation like this even worse?
"Hey! You can heal me can't you? Just shut up and heal me! Right after that you can apologise by buying me some drinks and become my personal maiden for 3… no, 5 days!"
"Apologise? What, are you stupid? Did the door ring a bell? If anything you should apologise to me for trying to make a goddess look like a bad person!"
"If I could stand up I would give you a good beating right about now, but since I'm seriously hurt down here, you get away just this once!"
Aqua sulkingly turned around.
I knelt beside Dust and used my healing magic on him in Aqua stead. Now that I have the chance I might as well return his favor.
"Sorry about Aqua, she's not used to taking responsibility."
After me saying that while he was laying in my arms, he spoke to me with a soft voice as if he was on the verge of dying.
"But you are, right? I know that you are. I know I can count on you in my times of need, Kazuma-san."
Not sure how to react to this sudden act of his, I offered him the succubus coupons I had with me.
After closely inspecting my offer, Dust jumped up and started berating me.
"That's all?! I almost died to the hands of your lunatic companion, and you offer me a bunch of measly coupons? After all I have done for you? After you're going to get rich beyond imagination as a Hero? After you lived the dream and crossed the line with a loli? That's all you're willing to spare for your good friend Dust?"
Guess I have to bring out the big guns. So I stood up and whispered into his ear…
"I have an unholy amount of these in my mansion, so next time you visit, just take as many with you as you want."
"H-how many?"
"Yes."
"R-really? A-all of them if I want to?"
"All of them and more."
Dust seemed quite happy with the outcome and I actually don't mind giving them all to him. Now that I have made the ultimate move on Megumin, I would feel bad visiting the 'shop' anyway, so being rid of them makes my life way easier.
Part 3
- back at the mansion
I carried the still bound Megumin to the mansion and am currently preventing Aqua from freeing her.
"Impregnating a kid and tying her up for your own amusement, you're still as trashy as ever LoliNEET-Trashzuma."
"Must you phrase it like that? It's technically not wrong, but I didn't constrain her for my amusement, I did it to save the kid from..."
"Hey, who are you calling a kid! I'm a woman! A grown mature woman! Why would you say something like that after crossing the line Kazuma? Explain it in detail!"
"Because I'm talking about the kid we made, and not about you!"
"..."
Megumin shamefully averted her gaze and it shifted towards Aqua, whose interest shifted to the potion on the table.
"Don't purify that Aqua! I could never forgive you for that!"
"Huh? What's wrong with you Megumin? What's so special about this potion?"
"This is a potion that doubles magic power permanently and I need it in life to be successful…"
"Wow, really? That sounds super OP… Now that we finished the last quest, we could give it to Megumin and make her the God she always wanted to be.
"No, Vanir said it removes all positive status conditions including pregnancy. You were there when he said it! Do you ever listen?"
How did this deaf girl overhear such important information?
"So that's why that devil mentioned the dirty things you perverts did last night. Anyway, except this one time, I always listen closely. Like you just essentially said that we could kill two birds with one stone."
"Why does our child mean more to me than to the both of you?!"
Megumin averted her gaze again and Aqua looked at me in disbelief.
"Are you dumb? It's barely a day in the making, so stop being so protective and just make a new one, or even better, don't. Or what do you think Darkness will say if she hears that?"
"And I'm supposed to be ruthless, I don't care what darkness thinks, I made my choice!"
Speaking of the devil, the main door flung open and a panicked Darkness entered the room.
"This can't be true, right?!"
She said in a desperate tone and continued.
"Why is the talk of the town that the two of you have a child."
"Who says that I have a child with Kazuma? I have a certain standard, unlike our Megumin over there!"
"I'm not talking about you Aqua. Answer me Kazuma, there's no way you would do it, you're too much of a coward and…"
While she was violently shaking me, I interrupted her.
"Hell yeah I did! That's what happens if you underestimate me and my resolve!"
"You brute, having your way with an innocent child!"
"Why are you all calling her a child, she was ok with risking it, i just followed her lead!"
"Hey! Don't pretend like I was the one in charge, you were the one that proposed to me right before and who handed me this ring!"
The still bound Megumin rolled to the side and lifted her hand up from below the ropes.
"!" x2
"Who are you?!" x2
"Megumin, that man is not Kazuma, you lost your virginity to an imposter, I can not believe that you would be so foolish."
Darkness said, and Aqua started pulling at my face like she wanted to rip a mask off or something.
I pushed Aqua aside and screamed.
"Of course I'm me, why would it be so unlikely for me to go all the way? Have you all forgotten that I have just become the Hero with legendary resolve and vigor!"
"Maybe we were fooled and the demon king won the duel after all. I'll save you from that evil, rotten child you're carrying Megumin "
Aqua took the potion to turn it over to Megumin.
"Stop it Aqua! If you give her the potion i'm going to drink your precious and expensive ale that you're hiding in the corner of the attic!"
"iihk!"
The confused Darkness turned to me after she heard how serious I was and asked.
"What's wrong with that potion that you don't want Megumin to drink it?"
"The potion removes her pregnan…"
Crap, I just said something unnecessary.
Darkness looked at the bottle for a second and snatched it from Aqua to dandle it in front of Megumin's face.
"Hey Megumin, you want this potion right?"
The mesmerised Megumin was looking at the potion in darkness hands while she drooled.
"Stop this nonsense! There's no way I'll let that happen! -Steal!"
Darkness looked at her hands…
The now flustered Darkness looked at me with the potion still in hand.
"Now's not the time for this… Hey, those aren't mine?!"
Instead of the potion, I held familiar looking black panties in my hand.
"I wasn't even aiming at her, I swear!"
Everyone now looked at Megumin, who had a satisfied and relieved grin on her face.
"So this is how it is? I'm not even good enough for your steal anymore?"
Darkness said with tears in her eyes.
"I swear I didn't mean it."
After my plea, Darkness paused briefly and started berating me in a more desperate tone of voice.
"But you do! You do mean it! You love her enough to marry her for real… I should be happy for you after saying that… but you could have at least given us a heads up before doing something this important. This changes everything! The entire dynamik in our group. Doing something so selfish without regard for the people that loved you is just…"
While saying such selfish lines she looked more depressed by the second, but I won't be fooled by her tears. There's no way I feel bad or apologise for what maybe was the most courageous thing I have ever done in my life, just because her feelings got hurt.
"You had your chance to make a move, but you didn't, and so I made mine, deal with it! It's not my fault that you think that a used woman like you can only be loved by a desperate man like me and that you never made an effort to know any of the countless admirers of yours."
"You bastard! I'm not a used woman! Even now you pretend like it's my fault for being hurt and just can't apologize for breaking my heart so carelessly that I had to receive the news via street gossip."
"I would have told you the first chance I got! It's Aqua's fault that the entire town knows about it already!"
"Hey, don't drag me into this, I didn't do anything!"
"It doesn't matter what Aqua did, you just made the ultimate move on another girl and expect me to just accept it?!"
"But you won't! You won't anyway! Last time I told you that I'm not interested, you almost crossed the line right after, so why does this even matter to you?"
"The only reason I did was because you enticed me and played along. But I can't see any of that playfulness on you right now, and that hurts, because I know that you're serious this time, and that our silly banter is a thing of the past!"
"Oh sorry, does the perverted crusader have to keep her stupid fetish in check for once in her life! Do you think I don't have to sacrifice a lot for Megumin, do you think this was, or is going to be easy?"
"But I didn't ask for this!"
Darkness screamed with all her heart and started crying on her knees.
"I never wanted things to change so suddenly. The reason I enjoyed traveling and adventuring with you all, is because you allowed me to be myself… but now, you just took that life away from me…"
"Selfish bitch! Don't I deserve happiness too? Do you think I forever wanted to exist in limbo between all the different beautiful women I come across? Grow up! It was obvious that things would change! It's not my fault that you couldn't see that because daddys girl only ever thought about herself and her own selfish desires!"
"You Fucking Bastard! You're the worst Kazuma! And I don't mean that in a perverted good way, I mean it with all my heart! I hate you, you heartless cruel selfish piece of shit!"
After saying such outlandish lines like she meant it, Darkness turned around and rushed to leave.
"I'm going!"
"Good!"
I shouted emphatically.
She then stepped through the door frame and rotated her head sideways.
"I'm leaving, and I'll never come back!"
"Good, You'd better not!"
Darkness walked down the path of the mansion, and while Aqua and I looked after her, Aqua said something unnecessary.
"Hey Trashzuma, she's not reacting to your treatment like she usually would, I think you really went too far this time."
"Wait for it."
…
"…Huuhhh!..."
"Pervert!" x2
Part 4
It's been a day since darkness left our party and I couldn't sleep overnight. breeding over questions like 'maybe i should have used some physical force?' or 'maybe she would have calmed down if i called her more names?'. In any way, I just hope that when she comes back, she no longer tries to seduce me and really works on keeping the eroness in check, otherwise I can guarantee for nothing.
But maybe I'm too worried and we meet her on the way to the celebration.
Today, the entire town of Axel celebrates the defeat of the demon king with me as protagonist. A dream come true. Everyone is going to praise me as a Hero, everyone will look up to me as their new paragon, all the women will fall for me and ask me to make children and I'm going to build an army of…?!
No… i mean… despite their efforts im going to stay cool and decline every single request… man, that line of thought really took an unexpected turn for the worst. I have Megumin now, I have to stop thinking like this.
Anyhow, soon the capital should also hold their big celebration in my name, with a lot of cute onee-chan's that have never seen a hero like myself before. So today should be the perfect opportunity to steel myself for the war and file on my speeches.
"Explosion!"
"Waahh, Megumin. You could have told me that I forgot to ban the explosion rule again."
"hahaha, 10 in 0, that means you have to give me the potion Aqua. I'm going to become a dark god after I drink it, so hurry up and hand it over."
"I honestly don't even know where Kazuma hid it, I just wanted to play games with you."
"Huh?! What was I tryharding the last 2 hours for then?! Kazuma, be a good man and give me the potion I have rightfully earned."
"Oh, you wish! I will protect that potion with my life if necessary, and don't even get me started on Aqua gambling something away that she doesn't even possess."
Despite Megumin's complaints she knew that i wouldn't give in and continued to play with Aqua for a while, while i was laying on the sofa with chomusuke on my lap, thinking about the things i'm going to say during my grand speech.
- later that day when the sun was already setting
"Emergency broadcast, Emergency broadcast, the festival to celebrate the defeat of the demon king has officially started, the adventurers that contributed the most, namely Kazuma Satou, Megumin, Yunyun, Aqua and Darkness are all welcome to join the festivities in the guild and hold a speech later this night!"
"Finally, the festival to celebrate our heroic deeds started. Get up and Let's go!"
Aqua was about to leave in a hurry without even changing into clothes that would be appropriate for a main character.
"Hey Aqua, where do you think you're going? You don't seriously want to show up in your normal clothes?"
She looked at me confused.
"What do you mean? I'm ready to celebrate today. That's right, I'm going to party hard till morning, so stop being such a sourpuss and get going!"
I just looked at her unconvinced and she started to feel the pressure.
"Those are the clothes of a goddess, and therefore the best ones I have, so stop looking at me like that and go spy on megumin changing or something!"
When she mentioned that, It felt like I had just woken out of a dream. What was I doing arguing with Aqua over her clothes, when there are way more important matters to attend to right now!?
Megumin already started preparing herself a while ago, so I might be able to sneak a glance if I'm quick.
I sprinted straight to Megumin's room, hoping that I was not too late. But as I approached, an angry looking Megumin left her room, wearing that beautiful black dress of hers.
"What took you so long to spy on me? I even put myself into vulnerable positions while changing!"
Noooooooo! This is all Aqua's fault! What have I done to deserve this?!
"I meant to, but Aqua distracted me on my way, please forgive me and let us try that again!"
"No, you're never going to find out what would have happened if you showed up just a bit sooner… Well, what a pity."
For some reason she giggled and left with a satisfied expression on her face.
After my failure as a good man, I put on a formal white suit I bought for exactly this occasion and the three of us made our way through town.
Sweeping through the streets of Axel today was a very pleasant experience. Minus most of the women, all the male passengers and kids we came across greeted, thanked us or even gave us food or self made presents. The food didn't last long with Aqua and Megumin around, but the cute little presents from the kids I will hold dear to my heart.
So that's what being a hero feels like. I think I could get used to this.
Before we arrived at the guild I could already see some familiar faces through the door that had yet to be repaired. looks like everyone already eagerly awaited our arrival.
Everyone was here, Yunyun sitting with the delinquent Dust and his crew, the magic sword guy with his entourage, and even Vanir and Wiz sitting at the table with… Cecily and Chris?! I have a bad feeling about this.
- The moment we entered the guild.
"""""""Kazuma! Kazuma! Kazuma!..."""""""
It sounded like everyone was cheering me when I entered the guild, but on closer inspection it was obvious that the female adventurers still held a grudge against me for crossing the line with megumin.
"Get away from that man Megumin, come over here, we listen to your troubles."
A female mage with red hair pulled megumin away to a group with other girls and the sword guy sitting right at the entrance told me something outrageous.
"Not gonna lie Kazuma, I actually thought you would become the next demon king at the end."
I greeted him with a mean look.
Then the receptionist onee-chan approached me.
"Good to see you and your companions Kazuma-san, despite me still being a little mad at you for violating a minor, I'm willing to look past that for today and thank you for defeating the demon king with all my heart…"
'All my heart' my ass.
Also, isn't Luna already considered past marriageable age by this world's standards? Seriously, when do these people expect women to have kids?
"... enjoy the festivities, grab a beer and have fun. When you're ready to receive your bounty for defeating the demon king and to hold your speech, just come up to me at any time."
And so we partied for a while till I was ready to give my heroic speech about how I single handedly and without breaking a sweat defeated the demon king with nothing but a shortsword and stockings in hand.
Followed by cheers I climbed up the stage where Luna already waited for me.
"First things first, the bag I'm holding in my hand is filled to the brim with 1 Billion eris in total, minus the repair cost for the door Aqua broke. That of course is only a small percentage of the total sum, you will receive the rest during the royal capitals celebration.
I received the heavy bag from Luna, raised it in the air and the room started chanting my name again.
Then, after the crowd calmed down again, it was finally time for my grand speech that should change the history of the world forever.
"Just speak into the microphone and the entire town will hear you."
"Hey kazuma, don't take too long, i also prepared a speech, so be quick."
Aqua whispered to me.
When did Aqua prepare a speech? Didn't she spend almost the entire day losing to Megumin in all sorts of games?
Anyway, it's time for my grand appearance!
"Before I talk about my glorious victory over the demon king in a one on one duel, I want to take the time to thank my friends, family, and most of all my trusty companions without whom I would have never…"
"Speaking of your companions, where's Lalatina-sama? I haven't seen her today!"
"Yeah, you're right. Where's lady dustiness?
I barely started talking and I'm already getting interrupted.
The two that asked the question started a turmoil amongst the adventurers and they unanimously looked me in the eyes with expectant, confused looks.
"S-she was sick and wanted to rest a bit at home before joining in on the fun."
"Lalatina? resting? I have never seen her ill or sick in all this time!"
"Yeah, and even if she was sick she would just shake it off and come here for our sake!"
"For real Kazuma, are you dumb? What made you think anyone would buy that story?"
After the adventurers and Aquas remarks, the other adventurers' looks became grim and the guild became dead silent, expectant of my answer.
That's not how I imagined this would go. I'm the hero! They should worship me! Why does everyone turn against me all of a sudden and why is this stupid goddess part of it again?
"Oh, shut up Aqua! Ever since I returned you to heaven, all you do is get in my way more than ever! It's not my fault that Darkness ran away crying like a baby because she was jealous of my and Megumin's luck, just like all the other onee-sans in this forsaken town!"
The adventurers seem to not like my honest answer.
"Crying like a baby?"
"Yeah, forsaken town?"
Are these guys for real?.
"Hey! Are we forgetting who saved you? It was me, me! Kazuma Satou! Demon king slayer and your Hero. Without me and my efforts this town and the entire world would no longer exist! Why aren't you bunch more thankful?"
"Lalatina-sama!" x50
…
The male adventurers answered unanimously
Do they really care about this useless crusader more than about my heroic deeds?
I felt my eyes start twitching… I have enough of this bullshit!
"Fine, in that case, screw all of you! Now I understand why the demon king wanted to eradicate humanity! Because you're all a bunch of jealous, ungrateful, nasty creatures with zero respect for the Heroes you should worship! Maybe I should just become the new demon king and show you who's boss!"
Part 5
On my way back to the mansion.
I got kicked out of my own celebration, by the adventurers. The people that I saved...
While strolling through the streets of Axel, with Aqua's voice following me wherever I went, I reflected on what happened the last couple days.
I defeat the demon king and save the world, I bring a goddess back to heaven, and I make not just any, but the ultimate move on a girl and finally lose my virginity right after…
After that, Darkness and all the women in town turned against me, Aqua caused more trouble than ever, and because I screamed it into the speakers, the entire town full of people that I saved started resenting me…
I don't get it.
The only ones that still admire me are the kids
"Auh, hey!"
A young boy kicked against my shin.
"When I grow up I'll become an adventurer and defeat you, evil demon king Kazuma!"
Maybe I really should become the new demon king. If it's trouble this world so desperately wants, then there's no better than me to…
"Kazuma!... mmhgf… Wait for me!..."
Chasing after me was megumin still chewing on her meal, with 2 legs of meat in her hands.
"Don't just leave me there. I want to take part in whatever you plan to do as revenge."
Oh, you better believe that I have something outstanding in mind this time.
"I'll become the new demon king."
"That's the spirit! You finally came to your senses. Let's blow them all up together!"
She answered immediately. She's kidding right?... The fact I'm not sure says it all.
"Ähm, Kazuma? Stop looking at me like this… i'm obviously joking, who do you think i am?... Well, but I have to admit that I'm not opposed to the idea of becoming demon queen at your side."
"I thought you were kidding?!"
"Well, I honestly just don't care about what becomes of me, I follow you wherever you go, so i guess i'm just mentally preparing for the worst."
"Yeah, make it sound like I'm the crazy one… say, would you really follow me anywhere?
"Pretty much. You actually went all the way for me and proposed, so I think staying by your side through the good and the bad days is only appropriate."
"I-i… think I appreciate your devotion… but your 'yesman-y' attitude makes me kinda worried."
"I'm not a yesman!"
"But a Demon queen…"
She shook her head and giggled.
"Ok, i guess i wouldn't become demon queen if you fall that low, but as long as you don't try to hurt innocent people, i'm fine with whatever. So I guess that's what I was trying to say."
"Don't worry, I don't plan on hurting innocent people, so please always take care of me."
No innocent ones, never…
She looked at me with a bright smile and shining eyes.
"Then please take care of me too, no matter where you take us."
She came closer standing on her tiptoes and slowly approached my mouth..
Once again destiny allowed us to share a moment with each other and we shared a gentle kiss in the moonlight, on the streets of Axel.
But while we were still kissing, another voice suddenly started crying after megumin.
"Megumin, stop! You can't do that!"
"What's that supposed to mean? Are you jealous? And why are you following me, Yunyun?"
"What should I be jealous of? Don't try to play dumb Megumin, I saw it in your eyes. I'm not letting you blow up the town over Kazuma's poor choice of words!"
"What are you talking about? Seriously, who do all of you think I am? Someone that would blow everyone up just because they threw Kazuma out of his own celebration?
"That's exactly who you are, and even if you didn't actually plan to, you at least considered it."
"So what, maybe I did consider it. But unlike you, I'm a mature woman now, so I can no longer allow myself to be so shortsighted and brash."
"Stop saying you're a woman. While you were telling them all these preposterous stories, the other girls started looking at you like some sort of sacred deity."
Hey! Why are they only treating her like this?!
"What the hell did you tell them, Megumin?"
"I told them about how womanhood feels like and about the process through which I achieved it."
"It only lasted 5 seconds!"
"But they don't have to know that, that's also still 5 seconds longer than they ever experienced."
After hearing real adults talk, the innocent Yunyun turned away and covered her ears.
"Waaahhhhh… lalalala, i can't hear you! Please don't talk about these things in public!"
"Why not? Hey Yunyun, Kazuma and I had… mgmgh…"
Yunyun sealed Megumin's mouth before she could verbally deflower her..
"Actually, now that you're here too Yunyun, a great idea just came to my mind."
Part 6
If I want to decide if I should be the new demon king or not, there's no better way to find answers than to visit the people that deserve eradication the most.
"Hey Yunyun, does this count as progress?"
I was currently hiding behind Yunyun, fearing for my life.
"Why? because he didn't hide behind you?"
When we arrived at our destination, everything was already gone and in flames.
"No, because he's not looking at your butt while doing so."
High level spells flew through the air and the sound of explosions could be heard all around the village.
"Anyway, what are we even here for Kazuma?"
To figure out if i should become the next demon king or not, but that question is superfluous.
"To inform megumin's mother about her pregnancy, so i can make at least someone happy today."
"Can we not?!"
After we decided to not tell her family yet, we wanted to at least tell them about Megumin's accomplishments and give them the legs of meat she brought along.
And so we made our way through the warzone known as the crimson demon village.
According to Yunyun, this chaos started the moment the demon king was defeated and it's probably going to last for a while.
That also meant that Yuiyui was probably 'occupied' anyway.
"Hey Megumin, doesn't that child standing on the hill look like Komekko?"
On the small hill before Megumin's house stood a happy Komekko seemingly enjoying herself.
"Hey Komekko, I'm Back from fighting the demon king..."
Megumin said to Komekko and handed her the legs of meat she was holding.
"...But what are you doing outside this late? Are you enjoying the lightshow?"
"No, that's boring! I was waiting for onee-san and onii-san to bring good news."
"?" x3
After we arrived at Megumin's house, Komekko and Yunyun started playing outside while me and megumin met up with Yuiyui.
"Did you finally decide to visit your family and share the good news? Say, is it a boy or a girl?"
"How are we supposed to know that already?"
I headlessly answered.
"So you finally thought about your family Megumin, I'm so happy for the two of you."
Before Megumin could slap me for my carelessness, Yuiyui started hugging her tightly.
"I can't wait for my first grandchild. That's the first time since you enrolled that I was so proud of you."
"I helped defeat the demon king! Isn't that praiseworthy?"
"No."
This woman is coldblooded.
"And what's with my graduation?"
"Stop talking dear, you should really learn to read the mood."
Cold as ice.
"Anyway, we just came here to share the food and the good news. We don't want to waste more of your time than necessary, Yuiyui-san ."
"Oh, but no, you can stay as long as you want Kazuma-san. Maybe the two of you want to make yourselves comfortable in megumin's room overnight and try to increase the odds?"
"We're fine! Now come on kazuma, we have things to do."
None that I know of, but I'm not complaining about her extricating us from that situation.
"Say Megumin, what was that about increasing the odds?'
I asked her for no particular reason.
"Weirdos like her think, doing it while already pregnant increases the odds of healthy offspring."
"And…? Is it true or not?"
I followed up for no reason at all.
"How am I supposed to know? It's probably just a way for perverts like you to gaslight their woman into doing it more often."
So there's a Chance?
"But you're already pregnant, why should your mother tell us about that if it's not true?"
"Because she's just weird. Hey, I know what you're trying to do, stop it!"
Nice try, Kazuma Satou. I have to review this interaction in detail when I go to bed and figure out where and how it went wrong.
We walked outside to meet up with the other two crimson demons.
As we left the house, an excited Komekko greeted her sister with bright crimson shining in her eyes.
"Yunyun told me that onee-san rained hell on the demon king, is that true?"
"Yeah, they were pretty scared of your cool looking big sister."
"You really showed them! So cool! Almost as cool as the stories that old devil told me."
After hearing Komekko mention a devil, we worriedly looked at each other..
"Old Devil? What are you talking about Komekko?"
"Yesterday I summoned an old looking devil that told me all kinds of stories about hell and the time before the demon king that killed reigned…"
Is she for real? What kind of devil could a small girl like her possibly summon?
"...At the end he said he wanted to meet the Hero that killed the demon king and challenge him to a duel, so i told him where to find onii-san."
"!" x3
Is thinking stuff now enough to raise a flag?... Hey! What is that sudden turn of events? She has to make this shit up, right?... But she's a crimson demon… oh, please be a harmless devil. I'm sick of fighting strong opponents!
While I was thinking that Yunyun asked something most unnecessary.
"Say Komekko, if a kid like you could summon him he's probably not that strong right?"
Komekko then unbefittingly exited answered.
"He's pretty strong! He said he's the King of Hell and stronger than the demon king!"
"The King of Hell?!" x3
Part 7
The secret raidboss that awakens after you finish the main game just appeared, except that i don't have to find him, he's coming straight for me. Why does every little thing in this world have to work against me?
"We have to do something Kazuma! We have to warn and rally the town before he arrives!"
"No."
I answered dryly to Yunyun's urgent pleas and she started staring at me in disbelief.
"You really meant it when you said you wanted to become the new demon king! I might as well stop you right here and now if that's the case!"
"If you dare lay a finger on him I'm going to break all of yours! Of course he doesn't really want to become demon king!"
Obviously. If I was planning on becoming the new demon king I wouldn't make it so obvious.
"Can the two of you shut up and listen?! If it's me who he's after, we have no reason to leave our safe position in the village. So let's wait here until he comes back to take revenge on Komekko for lying and take him out with the other crimson demons at our side when he arrives."
My blunt methodical answer seemed to amaze them and they looked at me with eyes of admiration…
"That won't work…"
…until a certain demon summoner ruined the moment.
"... he told me stories about how he leveled entire cities if his opponent tried to run from the duel, if you stay here, then your home will go bye bye."
Komekko's nonchalant way of putting it stunned me and the girls for a second…
What can we do if he has already reached the city?
I could try to teleport him to the deepest dungeon and leave him there. Or we could lure him to the outskirts and blow him up with explosion…
But it's not guaranteed that the teleport would work on him, and without the decoy skill, we can't lure him safely either…
Our best chance is Aqua, but that only works if we arrive before he does. That means we really have no time to spare right now.
Damn, why do these difficult decisions always fall to me?
"Since it's already been over a day and he didn't show up yet, he is probably taking his time. If we go now, there's a good chance we will arrive before he does."
"Wait kazuma, you don't have to risk your life if you don't want to. They have Aqua with them, remember?"
"You idiot! What makes you think she's still awake after all that partying? And before you mention it, why should Wiz or Vanir stop him if he's the king of hell?"
"B-but we have to do something!"
"Just give me a second, I'll figure something out!"
…
After I came up with a plan, I took a deep breath and gave them my orders.
"Bring us back to Axel Yunyun, we're going to stop this demon!"
"I knew you didn't really think about becoming the new demon king, Kazuma."
"Wrong, I just don't want them all to die before I can carry out my revenge."
"-teleport"
Part 8
- Back in the streets of axel
In an attempt to stop the King of Hell, we ran towards the guild as fast as we could to alarm Aqua.
I hid our party with the lurk skill before arriving, so as long as we stay in the shadows we should be safe.
"K-kazuma… m-my b-bones shiver and I-i struggle to focus on any thoughts for some r-reason?"
At this point the town quieted down and besides Yunyun's worries, the only thing breaking the silence were Aqua's occasional snores that the speakers transmitted.
Despite not knowing for sure, I could already feel an intense atmosphere just like Yunyun, and it made my belly cramp in fear.
Then, not long before the guild, I could make out a figure in the distance using my farsight skill.
Despite my well trained farsight, I couldn't make out any details about this figure, other than him being the exact same size as Vanir.
… weird, my enemy detection gives no sign of danger. Maybe it's really just Vanir strolling the streets after everyone fell asleep? Maybe he is preparing for the arrival of his king?
According to my observation we closed the distance on the figure, so I could get a clearer vision.
…
Fuck! It's not Vanir, this guy is wearing armor!
But everything is fine, we have the advantage and the first hit. In case anything goes wrong, I can just teleport us out of here and we can regroup. There's no reason to be afraid.
Despite knowing that, my body is unreasonably trembling in fear. Usually I'm not THAT scared before we even encounter our opponents.
"Ok, megumin, channel your explosion, but only use it if absolutely necessary. Yunyun, take some of my mana, hide somewhere and bombard him with spells from the shadows, i'm going to…"
"You're going to do what?"
The figure suddenly turned around and made his way straight in our direction. Did he seriously hear my whispers through the lurk and from all the way over there?
As the giant figure came closer followed by the loud clanking sounds his armor made, I could make out more of his details.
He looked like an old man, with grey long hair. He wore what looked like silver armor, covering his entire body to the shoulders and despite him looking like a knight, I could not make out any kind of weapon on him.
Finally, the most outstanding feature about this devil was an elegant golden crown with red shining crystals scattered across its surface, giving him an air of authority.
Before we knew it, the King of Hell stood right in front of us, inspecting us with a stern expression.
…still no enemy detection?
"You boy! I'm looking for the hero that killed the demon king, where can I find him?"
He spoke in a deep and rough, but calm and collected voice.
… no enemy detection… maybe we don't have to fight him if we play our cards right.
"E-ehm… may I ask what exactly you want from the Hero?"
Maybe komekko didn't listen carefully and he just wants to congratulate me.
"I want him to die by my hand."
Crap!
I'm channeling teleport!
While I was taking a step back after his dangerous announcement, he turned to Yunyun and inspected her with great interest.
"I can see you're quite capable crimson demon, someone like you surely is familiar with the hero."
"M-me, ähm? N-no, I-i dont think ive ever met h-him."
It looked like the devil started to enjoy himself while talking to Yunyun for some reason.
"Say, sir Devil-heika , what would you do if the Hero wasn't here anymore?"
I asked with a weak voice.
"Then I would simply ask you to inform me of his whereabouts, you clearly seem familiar with him."
"He's gone!"
I answered immediately.
"Is he now? In that case, may I inquire your name, boy?"
"Mitsurugi, Kyouya Mitsurugi!"
Without hesitation my brain remembered the sword guy's name.
"You're a crafty one, aren't you? Leading two crimson demons, trying to ambush me and now giving me a made up name."
Suddenly my Enemy detection started reacting! This isn't good. Time to run!
I grabbed Megumin and Yunyun and cast my spell.
"Teleport!"
…
…
"Waahhhhh" x2
The three of us still stood in the middle of the street facing the devil. His demeanor didn't change at all. Almost as if he was expecting things to turn out this way.
Still, why didn't it work! Did I seriously mess up the chant of such a simple spell?
"Sorry, boy. But even the best mages usually find it hard to cast spells in my presence."
Of course the secret raidboss has some OP bullshit mechanics! I was naive to think otherwise!
"If you dare lay even a single finger on him, I'm going to blow us all up with explosion magic, so think twice before messing with the hero that killed the demon king."
Unlike Yunyun and me, Megumin didn't seem to be intimidated at all.
But, her sudden threat had zero effect on him. He knows it has to be an empty one.
Despite that, it didn't look like megumin would let herself be ignored so easily.
"Hey! I thought you had good ears, so listen up!"
She taunted him and struck a pose.
My name is Megumin, strongest of the crimson demons and strongest mage in history! I command power stronger than gods and devils alike, so if you don't want to die here and now, get lost and never come back!"
His right eye twitched when he heard her name. Looks like her reputation precedes her even through hell.
As if realizing something Yunyun also joined in.
"T-that's right! And my name is Yunyun, archwizard and chieftain of the crimson demons!"
We're dead anyway, so I might as well…
"And my name is Kazuma Satou, legendary hero that saved the world and slayer of the demon king!"
Please take Yunyun first…
"I see… In that case it's only right to introduce myself as well before our legendary duel, boy!
My name is Solomon… and I'm the King of Hell!"
Ex machina, GO!
"Self proclaimed, King of Hell."
Huh?
A familiar voice appeared behind Solomon.
"Vanir-dono?"
Was I always able to do that?
Solomon turned sideways to look at the devil who approached him from behind. His expression barely changed, but it seems that he struggles to keep his composure.
"Oh, but please, drop the honorifics my dear Solomon, it's been a long time since we last met, hasn't it?"
It was as if time had stopped and the air around us became unbearably intense.
"Last time we looked each other in the eyes, we clashed on the battlefield. So yes, I remember it well."
"Fuhahaha, We did , didn't we? I for moi part barely remember such an insignificant time of my long life hahahaha…
While laughing hysterically Vanirs expression suddenly changed from delighted to dead serious.
"... but at the end you're still only one of 7 dukes of hell, so please refrain from telling people to be my superior from now on."
Solomon and Vanir clearly have a rich backstory. Solomon clenched his fists and his voice gained a touch of aggression.
"Forgive my impudence Vanir, I will make sure to only use it again after I have rightfully earned that title."
"Have you still not given up your foolish endeavor? Moi, moi, shouldn't you be too old for such delusions?
"Unlike you I don't need an all seeing eye to predict the future, and I can clearly see you bowing at my feet soon enough!"
After that statement Vanir seemed relaxed, as if he wasn't just threatened.
"Mhm… but you didn't come all the way to such a distant corner of the world just to tell moi that, did you?"
After Vanir lifted the heavy mood with his honest question, Solomon exhaled in relief as if a lot of pressure was just lifted off his shoulders..
"Indeed, I originally came here to exact revenge for the demon king and kill the Hero that ended his life."
"You're here to kill the brat? Fuhahahah that's just great! If I remember correctly you and the demon king were good friends once upon a time, haha. But do not fret, for moi does not intend to stand in your way on this beautiful full moon night. So please don't force yourself and go on, the world won't miss him! Fuhahahahah…
Their exchange took a turn for the worse and my life suddenly ended up endangered once again.
If I knew things would turn out this way, I would have never fought the demon king to begin with!
I hate being a hero right now!
Solomon turned back to face me directly and inspected my shivering body meticulously…
Much to my surprise, his face started to relax a little and he sighed as if he just made a difficult decision.
"Thinking about it more clearly… I've changed my mind…"
Everyone, including Vanir, made a surprised sound and looked at him confusedly.
" …He's not the hero I expected. He has potential..."
I'll take the compliment. He at least knows his place.
"...That being said, I also think that I will reside in this town for a while."
Part 9
- one week later
After all the nonsense that happened right after the demon king was defeated, I finally got the time to enjoy my well earned rest and return to my sweet sweet NEET life.
Outside of that, a lot of other things have happened over the last week
First of all there's Darkness, who has still not returned home. But there's still no reason to worry, it's perfectly reasonable to assume that she just got lost on her way back.
There's also this duke of hell, Solomon, who decided to stay in town for a while. He apparently plans on opening some kind of shop soon. I wonder why someone like him would have any interest in salesmanship, especially considering that the town already entrusted him with Darkness' lord duties for the time being. Why they did something so foolish? I have no idea.
Then there's Vanir, who wanted to open a casino in town after the guild ironically gave him my bounty for defeating the demon king. But since Solomon is in charge… Well, I Can vividly imagine Vanirs reaction to that.
Just yesterday Dust also visited to fetch the coupons I promised him. As expected of that delinquent he took every single one and put them in a giant bag and even found my pornmagazines while he was at it. He of course wanted to take them all with him too, but I'm not ready for that sacrifice yet, so we argued over it for a while, but ultimately came to the agreement that I could keep two of them.
Then finally, there's the royal capital still not sending out any invitations for the big celebration in my name. Probably because they want to make it as memorable as possible.
"I'm bored demon king-san, can we do something fun today?"
The irreverent Aqua said to the lazy me lazily lazing around on the sofa.
"Hey stop calling me demon king, i'm still the same old Kazuma you know and love!"
"If we do something fun I'll stop for today, Loli-NEET Kazuma-san."
I'm actually not opposed to the idea of going out today. I haven't left the mansion in a week, and doing something with Megumin would be a good way for us to bond. The weather outside seems great for a trip too. hmm…
"How about us having a beach episode? We completed our final main quest by defeating the demon king, so I think we rightfully earned it."
Upon hearing those words, Aqua jumped up from her seat in excitement and emphatically said.
"That's a great idea Kazuma-San! I'll get everything we need."
She gave me a high-five and was about to prepare everything for our trip.
"Uhh? The two of you seem very excited about this, is a beach episode a special way to visit the beach? What exactly is a Beach episode?"
Megumin, who was lying opposite to me on the sofa, seemed confused about what we were talking about all of a sudden and Aqua answered her happily.
"A Beach episode is often the reward for the heroes and the dedicated viewers after the heroes have successfully completed their journey. So, since we kinda are those heroes that just completed their journey, it's only right for us to also have our own special beach episode!"
"What do you mean by viewers? Is someone watching us, and what about Darkness?"
But before answering Megumin's worries, Aqua already disappeared.
"Don't worry about Darkness Megumin, it was her choice to run and stay away. Not being able to enjoy the fun is the prize she was willing to pay.
"It still feels wrong."
She mumbled to herself in a soft voice.
After a while we were all suit in the proper attire and ready to embark on our beach episode journey.
"Here, I bought those a while ago. I'm so glad that we finally get the chance to wear them."
Aqua placed three sunglasses on the table.
"This one is for you Megumin."
She handed Megumin a pair of sunglasses.
"Uuuuhh…? What is this supposed to mean Aqua? I don't want pink ones with a heart shape, they would be way better suited for Darkness."
"Don't complain about your free glasses unthankful Megumin. I originally bought them for Darkness since she likes cute things, but you decided to make Kazumin official, so now you have to live with the shame little lovebird."
Critical hit
"And this one's for you Kazuma-san."
She handed me a pair of glasses with a strange design. One side was all white, while the other was all black.
"They look weird, Aqua. Are those Vanir inspired and if yes, why would you buy them?"
"What are you even saying, of course it's not inspired by a filthy devil. Those glasses represent the duality of man and the fact that even after all this time, I'm still not sure if you're a bad guy pretending to be good or a good guy pretending to be bad."
"I'm just a normal guy, stop reading so much into it!"
"Don't scream at me during our last episode on air! Do you want to wear glasses or not?"
I took the glasses and let the matter rest.
"Finally there's me."
Aqua took out a standard looking pair of black glasses and excitedly put them on.
"What do you think? Don't I look like an announcer of some special event or tournament or something?"
"No, what makes you even think that, those are just standard looking glasses."
She ignored my remark and started babbling nonsense in a deep voice.
"Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the 22. tenkaichi budokai, I expect sportsmanship from all the contestants and some exciting fights that will shake the heavens!"
The first half seemed oddly familiar.
After we were all set for the trip, we left the mansion in a joyful mood and Aqua and I sang our hearts out.
"Beach episode, beach episode, beach episode…" x2
But Megumin still didn't get it.
"Ähm… I still don't feel that comfortable about the 'for the viewers' part. Why are you two so comfortable? What if we're getting watched by some old, lonely perverts?"
"Oh nonsense. That was just an exemple Megumin. We are of course not getting watched like the heroes I described. It's just the 3 of us, so the only one showering you with lustful gazes will be our Kazuma-san over here."
…
"Beach episode, beach episode, beach episode…" x3
…
"Stop right there demon scum!"
"Huh?" x3
Suddenly our merry way down to the beach was interrupted by a familiar voice saying these dangerous words.
"…Darkness!" x3
It was Darkness blocking off our path. Looks like she finally found the way back home.
"What took you so long Darkness, we almost had our last episode without you!"
"We were really worried for you Darkness, please don't do something like that again!"
Aqua and Megumin said to the stoic looking Darkness that rudely cut off our way.
"Took you long enough, meathead. Go home and change your clothes. I'll even let you join in on the fun if you apologize properly to your master this time… Got it Darkness? Are you listening?
"My name is Dustiness Ford Lalatina…
Untouched by our remarks she said something weird and rammed her longsword into the ground with a dead serious expression on her face.
...and I'm a Royal Capitals General!"