A Series of Unfortunate Events

From Various Frightening Dilemmas to A Very Favorable Destiny

Summary: What if the Baudelaires were able to escape the Village of Fowl Devotees with Duncan and Isadora? How would the story be different?

A.N.: I'm taking aspects from all three A Series of Unfortunate Events media.

Disclaimer: I am not Daniel Handler, so I do not own A Series of Unfortunate Events or any of these characters!

A.N. #2: The Hook-Handed Man will also be named Hooky. The Bald Henchmen will be named Baldy. The white-faced twin Henchwomen will be called The Twins, and The Henchperson of Intermittent Gender will be named The Other Henchperson.

Chapter One: Lights, Camera…Run!

Only those who spread treachery, fire, and death out of hatred for the prosperity of others are undeserving of pity.

-Jose Marti

No One's POV

Set During The Vile Village

The story you are about to read is, to say the least, mostly unpleasant. If you are in the mood to keep reading about a group of children whose lives have become filled with treachery and despair, I can't stop you.

My name is Lemony Snicket, and it is my sad duty to research and report about the tragic lives of the Baudelaire children.

If you've read this far, you would know about the two fires that orphaned two sets of children as well as the dastardly acts of an untalented and relentless villain who has stalked Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire since the loss of their parents. I won't recount every detail again, but I can pick up where I left off. The Village of Fowl Devotees is where our dreadful story continues.

…...

Isadora and Duncan Quagmire released a quick sigh of relief as they felt the car below them completely stop. The two triplets weren't sure where they were, how long they had been trapped inside the red herring statue, or what their captors' next plan was, but one thing they did know was that they had faith that their friends would find them again. Somehow, in some way, the two triplets would be reunited with the Baudelaires. They looked up at Count Olaf's creepy, smug face as he opened the red herring. Olaf pulled Isadora out and held her against him while his wicked girlfriend, Esmé, did the same with Duncan. The triplets wrestled against the sinister villains as they led them to a crow fountain.

"There's no use struggling. No one's here to save you now," Esmé minaciously told the teens.

"Don't worry, I'll get a hold of one of the Baudelaire brats soon, and when I do, we'll leave." Count Olaf told them.

Baldy pulled down on the beak of the crow fountain, causing it to open.

"However, there will be time for you two to discuss which of you is coming with us. It doesn't matter to me either way," Olaf said, while Esmé laughed beside him.

The sinister duo shoved the two triplets into the fountain. Before the doors shut, the Quagmire teens called out…

"You'll never get away with this!" exclaimed Duncan.

"Violet, Klaus, and Sunny will find us again," Isadora added.

"Oh, Orphans," Olaf said, "You just never learn. Don't you think if you children could've stopped me, I would be behind bars by now?"

Esmé kept smirking at them, amused.

"Don't bother screaming. No one will be able to hear you over the water," he said before the doors closed completely.

After they could no longer hear their voices, Isadora looked at her brother.

"Duncan, hand me some paper. I have an idea."

…...

Like in the elevator shaft, the two triplets stood there and listened to the world go on. They could hear Olaf and Esmé constantly cackling, their associates trailing behind them with ridiculous disguised voices, and their friends desperately trying to find them. Isadora kept sending out her couplets, day after day, hoping that she and her brother would be reunited with their friends soon. Until they heard their captors' plan come to light one horrifying day. The two of them could barely hear over the sound of the water, but with a small crack in the statue and the familiar sound of all their voices, the teens could piece together what was happening. And what happened next horrified them.

"This is horrible, an innocent person is dead!" Violet exclaimed.

"I'm just as shocked as you are, Baudelaires, but you of all people should know that Count Omar was far from innocent," they heard a random male voice say.

"Count Olaf," Klaus corrected, aggression present in his voice.

"You see? Even the name gives me the shivers. That bushy eyebrow and tattoo of the eye on his ankle."

"The tattoo isn't of an eye. It is of the letters V-F-D," Klaus explained.

"Well, that doesn't make any sense. Why would Count Olaf have the name of this town on his ankle?"

"We don't know! But we do know that man is the real Count Olaf!" Klaus exclaimed.

"And that police officer is Esmé Squalor!" Violet added. "They kidnapped the Quagmires, and now they murdered Jacques Snicket!"

"These kittens have flipped. I am a groovy man of the law, man. I wouldn't harm a hair on a shoofly. But reconnoiter this, villagers. The Baudelaires are pointing their bony little fingers at me because they are, in fact, 100% the murderers."

"The Baudelaires can't be murderers. They're children!"

"Detective, you must have evidence for this startling and handsome accusation."

"Correcto, Lady cop. It's just not cool to accuse people of murder without having evidence. Lucky for you, I'm a great detective, and I found some. Orphans are dragsville, man. They come into your village, sneak into your jail. They kill and they pillage. With the help of these…bl-bl-bl-bl-blu Blue Bird. Blue sky. Blueberry pie. Uh-uh, Blueprints! Yeah, man. That's what the Baudelaires used to find a weak space in the wall, so they could use…uh, what is that thing?"

"I think it's some kind of mechanical device," Baldy said.

"Oh, yeah. A device of mechanics so mean, the Baudelaires used that thing. They punched a hole in the wall of the jail. Crept in on bad cat paws. And snuffed out the light of Count Olaf, um, in the night."

"That's very shocking!" The mysterious man exclaimed.

"He's wrong!" Klaus yelled.

"So, these blueprints and mechanical device aren't yours?" They heard a woman ask them.

"They are, but we aren't murderers!" Violet cried out.

"The spunky sister is right. These two aren't murderers. They're accomplices."

"That means 'helper of murderers.'"

"We know what 'accomplice' means!" yelled Klaus.

"What are you talking about?" Another random male voice asked.

"Detective, talk to them about what you're talking about," Esmé said.

"I'm talking about the tooth marks on Count Olaf's body. There's only one person so uncool as to bite someone to death. The person who murdered Count Olaf, by murder, is none uder than Sunny Baudelaire!"

"That can't be right. I'll admit she has unusually sharp teeth, but-"

"That's what I'm saying. She's a killer. A killer baby with deadly teeth. Dig those chompers, man."

"Our sister didn't bite anyone to death! Detective Dupont is lying!" Violet yelled out.

"Yeah. This is ridiculous, even for you! Sunny's just a baby; she wouldn't hurt anyone," Klaus explained.

"Instead of dropping accusations on cool detectives, maybe you orphans should tend to our own accusational woes."

"Si. Si. They should give everyone an alpaca," Esmé stated.

"Yes! Wait. What?" The mysterious man from earlier questioned.

"Alibi?" Another random woman asked.

"Yes! Alibi!" exclaimed Esmé.

"Baudelaires, where were you last night between the hours of dusk and dawn?"

"We were at Hector's house," Klaus stammered out.

"He'll tell you himself," Violet added confidently.

"Hector, tell them you were with us," Klaus pleaded.

"Well…well, I… see, I…"

"Hector, please," Violet also pleaded.

"Hector, we're waiting."

"No, no. Not again," said Klaus, watching their guardian begin to feel faint.

"Oh, no," added Violet.

"Hector."

"Hector."

"It's true! The children were with me. They're not murderers," he finally said.

"Where did these items come from, Hector? Did you provide these children with illegal materials, in violation of V.F.D. rules?"

"Hector, didn't do anything," Violet said.

"Trying to pull an innocent cat into your bad vibes? That's low, man, real low."

"We've heard enough. The evidence is clear."

"We've adopted murderers!"

"V.F.D. can no longer serve as guardians for such terrible orphans."

"So, trial over. I say we burn them at the stake!"

"Just wait a minute. We're talking about children."

"I won't wait a minute! We're talking about murderers! I say we burn them right now!"

"Hold on a moment. We can't just simply burn people at the stake whenever we want. We're civilized people."

"How about after supper?"

"Okay."

"I'll keep these bloodthirsties on ice at the uptown jail."

"We're not going anywhere with you," Klaus stated.

"Resisting arrest? Chiefie!"

"We can do this the quiet way, or it can get really noisy," Esmé said.

"See you at the burning."

Isadora and Duncan watched Esmé drag their friends away.

"No!" They exclaimed. "Violet!" yelled Duncan.

"Klaus!" Isadora cried.

"Sunny!" They yelled.

They banged against the fountain, trying to get anyone's attention, but it was useless.

"This was his plan all along. That's why he said we'll be with one of them soon," Duncan stated.

"No. They'll get out of this. They'll find us. They have too," Isadora stammered out before beginning to cry. Duncan tried comforting her as best he could while fighting back tears himself.

…...

"Oh, Baudelaires, I'm so sorry. I should've seen this coming. Children with your troubled background often wind up in jail. I…well…I blame myself."

"Mr. Poe, we're innocent," Violet tried explaining.

"They're going to burn us at the stake for a murder Count Olaf committed," Klaus added.

"Friends," Sunny yelled out, meaning "Even if we wanted to kill Count Olaf, why would we do it before he told us where the Quagmire triplets are?"

"Oh, Baudelaires, listen to yourselves. You positively blame everything on this Count Olaf, and now you claim he's responsible for his own murder? I simply find that somewhat difficult to swallow."

"Shock," Sunny muttered, meaning "You find everything hard to swallow, you ignoramus."

"Can't you use our parents' fortune to bail us out of jail?" Violet desperately asked.

"Or hire a lawyer?" Klaus added.

"Oh, no, no, no. The Baudelaire fortune is off limits until Violet comes of age, which seems unlikely now. It certainly can't be used for criminal matters. No, no, no. You have to take responsibility for your own actions. Especially you, Sunny."

"So, you're not going to help us?"

"Then why are you here?"

"Oh, I'm here to say goodbye. So…goodbye, Baudelaires."

"Goodbye," Violet and Klaus said simultaneously, watching Poe leave and Olaf enter.

"There's joy in my eyes, Baudelaires. Can you see it?"

"You're wearing sunglasses," Klaus answered while rolling his eyes.

"How about now? Do I look like a man who's about to become very rich?"

"You won't become rich. Your scheme will fail, like they always fail," Klaus flatly stated.

"Not this time. You see, a scheme is like a fire. Everything must be in order for it to work. You need matches, torches, an angry mob that won't listen to reason, and the right sort of kindling. Orphans, for instance tied to the wooden stake."

"If you burn us at the stake, you'll never get your hands on the Baudelaire fortune."

"Oh, you never know. One orphan may just escape amid all the smoke and confusion, and whichever two of you don't make it out, don't worry. You won't die alone. You'll die with one of your bratty friends."

Within a flash, Sunny saw her older siblings more angry than ever before. She watched Violet and Klaus grab Olaf's jacket and pull him into the bars.

"Where are they?" Violet hissed.

"Oh look, the orphans have got some spunk. Too bad it's not enough to save you or your obnoxious allies this time."

"You haven't won yet."

"Oh, haven't I, Bookworm? Because now according to the press and the town full of gullible old buffoons, I am now dead and permanently free. In a few hours, two of you and one of your twin cohorts will become ash just like your parents. And I will have two enormous fortunes in my grasp for good," the sinister man replied, laughing and pulling away from their grasp. "For now, here's your final meal, orphans. The chef has prepared this loaf of stale bread and a cup of water, served with what my Aunt Evelyn liked to call 'a handful of dust.' Your last meal, Baudelaire's. All alone in the deluxe cell of a jail."

"What makes the cell deluxe?"

"It comes with a noose. There's nobody to save you. Nobody to comfort you. Nobody to even stop by–"

"Is it visiting hours?" Hector asked, cautiously walking in.

"Who are you? Oh, you're that guy who faints all the time."

"It's not something I can control. I've tried all kinds of herbs. The police chief said I can come in and visit the children."

"If you faint at the sight of a birdie hat, I'm not sure I should leave you alone with three murderers."

"You could stay with me if you want. Should I tell the reporter you're unavailable?"

"No. No, I'll be right back."

"I had to see you on my way out of town," Hector told the children after Olaf left the room.

"You're leaving?"

"The hot air mobile home is almost packed, and I've calculated the best time to launch is cocktail hour. If you managed to escape by then, you could float away with me."

"Don't worry about us, Hector," Klaus said.

"Yeah. You should get yourself away from this town and these crazy people. Once we find a way out of this and find our friends, we'll figure out another way out," Violet added.

"I know that you're innocent, Baudelaires. I tried to help you the best I could. But the council of elders overpowered us. I'm sorry I wasn't a better guardian to you kids."

"You were fine, Hector."

"Yeah. You listened, believed us, and tried to help. That's more than we've come to expect from adults in a long time."

"Luck," Sunny said.

"What our sister means is that we're grateful for all you've tried to do for us and wish you luck on your journey."

"You too. Goodbye children. I've enjoyed our time together very much, even though most of that time was spent doing other people's chores. Which reminds me, I found this when I was sweeping the feathers under the Nevermore tree. I hope you get out and find your friends."

"Thanks, Hector. Goodbye." Klaus said.

"Goodbye."

"Bye-bye."

"The first thing you read contains a clue. An initial way to speak to you. Inside these letters, the eye will see. Nearby are your friends and the V.F.D.. It's two more couplets from Isadora," Klaus explained.

"A crow must have dropped them by the Nevermore tree."

"This is all wrong! We were supposed to free Jacques and find the Quagmires

Instead, we're in jail, Jacques is dead, and we may never see our friends again."

"Unless we break out."

"How?" Sunny babbled.

"There must be something in the cell I can use for an invention, and maybe you can think of something useful you've read."

"I…I, uh, just remembered something."

"Will it help us escape?"

"No. No. I, um…I just remembered that it's my…my birthday today."

"Oh, Klaus. We forgot all about it."

"I forgot, too. I was thinking about the book about a boy who goes to prison and becomes a long-distance runner. I remembered I got that book a year ago exactly."

"I remember Mother and Father made that terrible bread pudding."

"The worst we'd ever tasted. And they promised me that next year I'd have the best birthday in the world. Except, instead of the bar mitzvah Mother and Father had been planning for over two years, we're here. I don't mean to sound spoiled, but I was kind of hoping for a better birthday than being in prison for murder and being burned at the stake."

Sunny crawled into Klaus's lap while Violet wrapped her arms around him, both young girls pulling their brother into a big hug. The three sat there for a few minutes wrapped into each other's arms before Violet pulled away with an idea forming in her mind.

"This is a terrible birthday. But I think there's a gift waiting for you."

"Stale bread and dusty water?"

"Deus ex machina," she replied, tying her hair up in her ribbon. "Klaus, keep examining Isadora's poems, and Sunny, stay back. I don't want you getting hurt."

…...

"Poetry can be difficult to interpret even when you're not searching for a hidden message," Klaus said a few moments later.

"This bread is so hard I don't even think Sunny could bite it."

"Wow!" The youngest Baudelaire cried as Violet banged the bread against the wall.

"Perfect."

Violet worked on creating a battering ram by sticking the bench through the noose and tying the bread to it. Klaus used the water to attach the couplets to the other side of the wall. Smiling at her handy work, she grabbed the bench and swung.

"Happy birthday to you, hey! Happy birthday to you, hey! Happy birthday, dear Klaus, hey! Happy birthday to you, hey! Happy birthday to you, hey! Happy birthday to you, hey! Happy birthday, dear Klaus, hey! Happy birthday to you, hey!"

"Baudelaires, you're annoying the Chief of police," Olaf yelled as he came to look down at the cell. Klaus and Violet quickly ran to the bars to hide what they'd been doing. "What's that infernal singing and thwacking?! Don't make me come down there!"

"It's Klaus's birthday. We're celebrating."

"Well, keep it down!"

"Happy birthday to you, hey! Happy birthday to you, hey!"

After a few minutes, Klaus looked back over the poems and smiled.

"Klaus, you're smiling."

"I am?"

"You're in jail and you're smiling."

"Well, I think I know where the Quagmires are."

"Really?"

"Look at all four couplets in order. Isadora couldn't tell us where she and Duncan were directly in case the crows were intercepted. So, she hid their location in her poems, like Aunt Josephine hid her location in her note. The first thing you read contains a clue. We initially thought that was the first poem. But I think it's the first letter of each line. For our sapphires, we are held in here. Only you can know our fear and so on until you get–"

"Fountain."

"As in Fowl Fountain."

"That's brilliant. You're brilliant."

"Isadora is brilliant, and Fowl Fountain is right outside that very wall."

"We'd better keep smashing that very wall then."

…...

A huge cloud of dust is not a beautiful thing to look at. Very few painters have done portraits of huge clouds of dust. Film directors rarely choose huge clouds of dust to play leads in romantic comedies. And as far as my research has shown, a huge cloud of dust has never placed higher than 25th in a beauty pageant. Nevertheless, the huge cloud of dust the kids were about to see was the most beautiful cloud of dust that the Baudelaires had ever witnessed. That is because it was composed of the brick and mortar of a jailhouse wall.

"Happy birthday to you, hey!"

It meant Violet's invention worked.

"Isadora and Duncan must be trapped inside the fountain," Klaus expressed as the three of them headed out of the jailhouse wall.

"Perhaps there's a hidden mechanism that opens the secret entrance," Violet replied. "There has to be a clue inside the poems."

"There's something that bothered me about them. 'This sad beak' is an odd choice of words even for a poet. Isadora doesn't usually rely on overly florid imagery."

"We jumped to the conclusion that she meant the V.F.D. crows, but what if she meant the beak of the Fowl Fountain? We need to get a closer look."

The two teens lifted their baby sister up to the beak to examine.

"Just a little higher."

"Why 'beak' and not 'crow' or 'bird'. Poets choose their words carefully. It has to mean something."

"I don't mean to rush you, but I don't know how much longer we can lift Sunny up. Do you see anything?"

Sunny grabbed hold of the beak while her siblings, unfortunately, slipped and fell on their backs. Sunny gripped tight, pushing the beak down in the process.

"Sunny!" Violet exclaimed before the toddler fell into her arms. The three siblings watched the statue open, revealing their two friends.

"Duncan!"

"Isadora!"

"You found the poems," Isadora said, running up to hug Klaus. Duncan hugged Violet before Klaus picked up Sunny and pulled the triplets into a group hug.

"Are you guys okay?" Violet asked.

"Much better now," Duncan replied.

"The better question is, are you guys okay?"

"Isadora and I heard everything from inside the fountain. We thought we'd never see all of you again."

"We're fine. Just had to bust out of jail, but you know, nothing we couldn't handle. How did you get here?" questioned Klaus.

"Count Olaf smuggled us out of the auction inside a red herring," Isadora replied.

"We found it in the saloon. That's how we knew you guys were close," Violet stated.

"You didn't happen to see anything written inside?" Duncan asked shyly.

"We didn't have time to examine it closely," Violet answered, also shyly.

"Olaf hid us in the fountain so we'd be out of his way."

"It was Isadora's idea to use the couplets as a code."

"And Duncan figured out how to smuggle them out."

"It was always damp from the morning dew, and there were always crows on the fountain. So, we just waited until one landed on the beak and wrapped a wet couplet around its leg."

"The paper dried overnight and fell from the tree. But how did you know we were here?" Klaus asked.

"We didn't at first. But the other day, we could hear your voices while you were cleaning the fountain," Isadora explained.

"We tried yelling out to you, but the sound of the water drowned us out."

"Mob!" Sunny suddenly exclaimed.

"This way," Violet said.

"What do we want?"

"To burn children."

"And when do we want it?"

"Now!"

"What do we want?"

"To burn children."

"And when do we want it?"

"Now!"

"I disapprove of children being burned at the stake, but it is the rules. And one must follow the rules," Mr. Poe expressed.

"'Angry mob leads to record Pitchfork sales!' Wait until the readers of the Daily Punctilio hear about this!"

"What do we want?"

"To burn children."

"And when do we want it?"

"Now!"

"Where can we go?" Isadora asked.

"This village is in the middle of nowhere," Violet stated.

"And now we're on the lam," Klaus added.

"We just need to find a way out of the Hinterlands. Then we can figure out what to do next," Duncan said.

"Like learn about V.F.D.. The real V.F.D., not this vile village," Isadora expressed.

"Jacques Snicket said that he was a part of it. That's why he and Count Olaf have the same tattoo," Klaus explained.

"The firehouse was one of their headquarters. We wrote everything we learned in our commonplace books," Duncan said.

"Baudelaires, what are your thoughts on your daring escape?" Mrs. Poe asked.

"Run!" Violet exclaimed.

"You can't hide from the press!"

"There they are!"

"Where did those two additional children come from?"

"Blast those brainy Baudelaires. Hey, everybody, those half-cut murder birds have recruited accomplices. I say we b—b-burn them all!"

"We need a distraction," Duncan said.

"Let's murder them murderers!"

The youngest orphan looked over at the donkey and a crate of carrots, thinking of an idea.

"Good idea, Sunny," Violet replied, following her sister's train of thought.

As the donkey chased after the carrot, distracting the mob, the orphans hid behind the firehouse.

"We're at places to hide," Isadora realized.

"Is that a mechanical device? One of the elders asked.

"It's a motorcycle," Duncan said.

"It's Jacquelyn," Violet recognized.

"And Larry the waiter," Klaus realized.

…...

There's a term to describe the arrival of someone helpful when you least expect it. The term comes from very old plays, in which at the end of the play, when things seem especially dire, a powerful authority figure arrives on a mechanical device to save the day. And for this reason, the term for such an occurrence is 'the god from the machine' or in the original Latin 'deus ex machina.'

"Is that my secretary, Jacquelyn? Jacquelyn, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question. All of you. Where's your conscience? Where's your sense of decency? This town should be ashamed of itself."

"You city folk don't belong here. So, scat man. This is village business."

"Some city folks come from villages. Hello, Mr. Lesko. How's retirement? Is that Mrs. Morrow? You were in a book club with my mothers. Read anything good lately?"

"We only read magazines now. I hate it."

"This was a good town once. With good people who helped each other and put out fires. It can be a good town again."

"A noble man has been murdered. Look in your hearts and ask yourselves, what do you really want?"

The mob was momentarily silent, giving the children a bit of hope. Did they do it? Did the 'deus ex machina' work? Well, if you know the story of the Baudelaires, thus far. Then you would know that what meniscal help the children had was destroyed by three little words.

"To burn children!"

The mob gathered around Jacquelyn and Larry. And while the children were a little worried for them, they had to be more concerned for themselves.

"You can't stop us. We're the deus ex machina."

"They're coming," Isadora stated.

"How much further to the town entrance?" Duncan asked.

"It shouldn't be too much further. We just need to get away from this mob," Violet answered.

"Burn those kids!"

"But how?" Klaus asked.

"You're out of buildings to hide behind, orphans."

"Burn those kids! Burn those kids!"

Suddenly, the fire truck they were crouching behind began moving. The four teens jumped up on the back as Sunny crashed it through the wall and drove through the mob. The villagers jumped out of the way.

"Your sister drives?" Duncan asked, shocked but amused.

"Apparently," Violet said. "Sunny, be careful."

"Yeah, keep your eyes on the road," Klaus added.

Led by Olaf and Esmé, the mob follows behind them.

"Burn those kids! Burn those kids!"

Violet was just about to tell Sunny to floor it before she saw Esmé pull out a harpoon gun.

"Sunny, stop for a minute," Violet said as the truck got a little distance from the mob.

"Birdland, groove on this. I am deputizing the whole kit and caboodle. Now, let's scoot up that red hot jalopy and drag down those killers!"

She pulled out a hose and aimed it right at the crowd.

"There's no water in that," Klaus whispered to her.

"But they don't know that."

"She's got a hose!"

"That's right. I've got a hose, so if you want to stay dry, stay back!"

"Violet, what are you doing?" Duncan asked.

"Yeah, we've got to keep going. They're never going to listen to us," Isadora added.

"Out of my way! Move it!" Esmé demanded.

"I beg your pardon, but is that a harpoon gun?" Mr. Poe questioned.

"Si. My boyfriend bought it for me," she said before aiming it at the orphans. "Come down peacefully or I'll open fire on you."

"Really? With your mechanical device? Not a very good police chief if you're going to break the rules as well," Violet snidded.

"Mechanical device?" One of the elders asked, shocked.

"Officer Luciana, you can't break the rules to catch people breaking the rules!" The male elder reprimanded.

"She's catching murderers, you squares!"

"Maybe. Or she could hit a crow. I'm sure there's a major rule against that," Klaus said, following her lead.

"I'll be careful."

"We demand that you put down that device in the name of these wonderful birds!"

"The only bird I like is on a chicken sandwich," she said before firing.

Luckily for the kids, who ducked, the harpoon bounced off the truck and flew right into… Can you guess?

"You harmed a crow!"

"You broke rule number one!"

"That is the most important rule of all!"

"It's just a stupid bird," Olaf commented.

"Stupid bird? A stupid bird!"

"Young man, this is the Village of Fowl Devotees."

"We take our fowl devotion very seriously."

"Relax, man. Everything's cool."

"Everything was cool in this village before you two showed up. You and your funny talk, and you with your harpoon guns."

"It would be a shame to waste all this kindling."

"And pitchforks!"

"Burn them!" The mob cried, circling Olaf and Esmé.

"Stop in the name of the law!" she cried out.

"Floor it, Sunny!" Violet exclaimed.

"Stop in the name of the law!" she cried out again. But it was too late as the mob had fully encircled the villains. Luckily for them, but unlucky for the children, the hench people pulled up in Olaf's car. The villains got away, but by the time they did, the children were far ahead, driving over the town line.

…...

"I guess that was your plan?" Duncan asked.

"To be honest, I was winging it."

The four teens sat, settled in the back of the truck, and breathed a sigh of relief.

"So, what now?" Violet asked.

"Books," Sunny shouted back.

Realizing what she meant, Duncan and Isadora pulled out their commonplace books and shared everything they had learned from the Incomplete History of Secret Organizations so far. They talked and talked as the sun set, and the night fell upon them. They talked and talked as their fire truck took them farther and farther away from the vile village and out into the Hinterlands. Sunny, being pretty resilient from all the all-nighters at Prufrock Prep, kept driving silently. After the Quagmires caught the Baudelaires up on their research, Sunny called out to them for the first time in hours.

"Cake!"

Klaus was lucky the darkness hid his blush as Violet chuckled, and Duncan and Isadora looked at them curiously.

"Definitely not what Mother and Father planned for your first birthday in young adulthood, but memorable nonetheless," Violet said before hugging her little brother.

"Oh yeah. I can definitely cross becoming a fugitive on the lam off my birthday bucket list now."

"It's your birthday, Klaus?" Duncan asked.

"Yeah, my 13th."

"After a lifetime filled with treachery and lies, it's pleasant to be surrounded by friends excited to yell 'surprise!'" Isadora stated, causing all the kids to laugh.

"Thanks, Iz."

"What would you have been doing today if your parents were still here?" Duncan asked.

"I would have had my bar mitzvah."

Klaus then provided a detailed description of what a bar mitzvah is and what the day typically entails. They weren't sure exactly when Violet and Duncan moved to the front seats to check on Sunny and get some rest, but eventually it was just Isadora and Klaus in the back, which made the now 13-year-old boy nervous. Not upset - nervous, but excited - nervous.

"Duncan and Violet are out cold," Isadora said, before settling back down next to Klaus.

"Good. It's been a long day."

"More like a long year."

"True."

The pair sat silently for a few minutes, looking up at the stars.

"I'm sorry, Iz," Klaus said, looking down at his feet in shame.

"For what?"

"For letting you and Duncan get involved in all of this. If we had not let you cover for us at S.O.R.E., then–"

"Duncan and I would still be stuck at Prufrock Prep with terrible teachers, Vice Principal Nero, and Carmelita Spats. Back in the orphan shack and just as miserable as before."

"But you be safe."

"Our house was burned down, too. This situation may not be ideal, but I'm looking at the bright side."

"What's that?"

"At Prufrock, we were miserable and lonely, then we met you guys. This is the most alive I've felt since the fire. It's a beautiful night, we're safe for now, and together. That's the bright side."

"I missed you. I missed Duncan, too, but I really missed you."

"I missed you, too. And Violet and Sunny as well, but mostly you."

Suddenly feeling awkward, silence fell upon them again.

"We should, um, get some, uh, some sleep too."

"Yeah. Yeah, of course."

Feeling tired but brave, Isadora rested her head on Klaus's shoulder. Klaus responded naturally by resting his head against hers.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Klaus, and happy birthday."

A.N. #3: That's the end of chapter one. Yes, like 80% of the dialogue in this story is from the show. However, I'm also trying to add some of my own perspective. The next chapter will cover The Hostile Hospital, so look out for that.

-Bye :)