Sweet Things

- FELIX IN A DRESS! -

Well, almost, anyways.

Picard x Felix sapfest! Sapfest! Kissies! =0 And hyper Mia! O_O; Lucky you, 'tis a long chapter (for once). XD IT'S A LONG CHAPTER! HUZZAH!

I'm sorry. I'm still stalling... X_X;; The contest REALLY WILL BEGIN next chapter. You just have to have the events leading up to it, and etc. etc... ::Hopes she isn't mauled::

-|-

Sweet Things -

- Finally, the (beginning of the) competition! And, er, lotsa glomping.

-|-

He was running a mantra through his head: This isn't fair, my sister is evil, all Lemurians are evil, this isn't fair, Djinn deserve to be thoroughly barbequed, why the heck am I in a dress?! He wheezed.

"Jenna, the corset is too tight..." Mia said, standing back and observing.

"No it isn't," the Mars adept said cheerfully.

"Felix is blue in the face, Jenna."

"He's so happy he's turning blue, y'know?" Jenna grinned. She poked Felix in the side with a pin, and he yelped.

"Jenna, it won't look good at all if our contestant dies of suffocation before the actual competition." Picard remarked, fanning Felix with a decorational yellow fan.

"Let's ask Felix. Felix, is the corset too tight?"

"...Meep..." Was the only reply.

"I'll take that as a no!" She cackled.

Picard and Mia exchanged worried glances.

"I think I heard something crack." Mia told Jenna, frowning with worry as Felix squeaked and meeped.

"Ah, must be his spine..." Jenna muttered. "Didn't know you had one, bro. Never the agressor in a relationship, eh?"

Felix turned red at this comment, which, with the earlier blue color, made him purple in the face. Picard coughed and glanced at something invisible at the wall as he continued to fan the Venus adept. Mia tittered.

"Jenna! It's Garet!"

"Eargh, that was Garet! Hide Felix, Mia! I'll go talk to him for a moment!"

"Where, Jenna?" Mia asked frantically, picking up scattered bits of ribbon and loose pins.

"The closet! Somewhere Garet isn't going to go!"

"Jenna? Are you in there?"

"Coming, Garet!"

Jenna was beginning to regret asking Mrs. Jerra for some of her Angara- famous oatmeal cookies. It was only obvious she was going to force her son to run over to their house and drop them off... And being the generous soul Mrs. Jerra was, she probably provided some jam and a pie to go with it. Jenna had an inkling, too, that Garet was plotting to stay and eat some of that pie. "Garet, hi!" Jenna positioned herself against the doorframe in such a way that it was impossible to get past her without bodily forcing her out of the way, and they both knew Garet didn't have the guts to do something that foolhardy.

"Hey, Jenna. I brought the cookies. And a pie and some jam..."

How did she know? Jenna would have sighed and rolled her eyes had Garet not been there. "Thank you, Garet. MIA," she called, louder than was necessary. "Are you coming DOWN?"

Garet didn't seem to notice (For some odd reason).

"Uh, erm, coming, Jenna! Just give me a - ow! Ow! Sharp!"

Jenna braced herself against the door. "Um, just wait a moment, Garet dear." She chuckled nervously. Garet blinked. "I think she was trying to - uh - juggle the knives again! Yes, that's right."

Garet blinked again. "I didn't know Mia could juggle knives... Can I see?"

"No!" Jenna yelped, gripping his shoulders. After a moment, she relaxed and released him. Garet stared, beginning to be frightened. "Uh - she's just... learning... You don't want her to hit you, do you? MIA!"

"Just a moment!"

"Ow! What th' hell do you think you're doing, woman? Arms don't bend that way, for Iris - "

"Don't ask," Jenna cut in before Garet could.

"I... wasn't going to?" Garet shrugged. "Uh, but why is Felix yelling so loudly?"

" - and don't you dare touch my hair, you evil, soulless, son of - "

Whack. Jenna's eyes considerably widened. Thud. Now Garet was getting worried, too.

Mia finally came downstairs, her hair poking out in various places. She greeted Garet, seeming to talk to herself and giggle occasionally.

"Mia! Mia, tell me Felix didn't hurt you in some vicious brotherly way!"

"He didn't hurt me, Jenna-love. I just... ohh... I didn't know Mercury Djinn could tango..."

Jenna, thus, began "freaking out." As in, the Jenna-way of "freaking out."

"FELIX! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" She roared, storming up the stairs two at a time. Mia coughed and plopped down on the nearest chair.

"What do you have, Garet?" She asked innocently.

"Um, cookies, pie and - "

"Cookies!" Mia screamed, launching herself at him, her former weariness forgotten. "Cookies! GIVE ME COOKIES!"

Garet yelled in surprise. The jam went flying.

-|-

"Felix!" Bam. There went the door he had ONLY just replaced... "What the hell did you do my precious Mia?!"

"I didn't... it... him..." Felix mumbled incoherently. He lay on his bed, the yellow dress spilling over the edge of the mattress.

Him? Picard? Where *was* Picard, anyway?

"...Under..." Felix groaned, looking as though he had a horrible headache or something. Jenna lifted the edge of the bed sheets.

"Um, hi?"

"Picard," Jenna hissed, her tone a frigid, Tundarian-night cold. "Get out. Explain. Now."

"Yes ma'am," he replied meekly, crawling out from under Felix's bed as slowly as possible without getting yelled at.

"What did you do to Mia?"

"Nothing, ma'am." Picard stared down at the floor, whimpering. "She... Well... I can't help it if she's a pervert!"

Jenna gaped a moment, working her jaw.

"...Excuse me?"

Hurrying on without pausing, Picard said, "When Felix was complaining so much I hit him and kissed him and then Mia turned around to see what the noise was and because she's a pervert..." Picard paused. "...Wait. I'm lost..."

"I am, too." Jenna blinked. "I didn't know Mia of all people was a - "

"She likes guys making out, basically..." Felix muttered darkly from the bed. He had apparently recovered while Picard had explained. "Evil women the lot of you are."

Jenna stared. Her eyes bored into the far wall. And if that wall didn't start smoldering under the intensity of her gaze, she would damn well MAKE it smolder with her own hands.

"...Never knew Mia was a voyeur." Felix sighed.

"Shut up, Felix."

"Hey, it's the truth." Felix rose to a sitting position. "She just freaked the moment tongue entered the picture..."

"Felix..." Picard squeaked.

Jenna twitched.

There came a: "MIA, GET OFF ME!" from downstairs. Jenna glanced at the boys and left, shrieking to high heaven.

Picard turned to Felix. Felix was holding a pillow to his chest possessively, glowering at something invisible on the bed.

"...Er..."

"I hate you." The crossdresser grumbled.

"B-but Felix..." Picard whimpered. "I... I..." He tackled the Venus adept, earning a strangled stream of curses and a scratch under one eye. "I still love you!"

Felix, by some chance of fate, once again ended up being bottom. He glared up at teary golden eyes. He sighed and turned his head to stare at the wall. "You're evil."

"I am not evil!" Picard cried. "Unless it's evil to love you!"

Something wet dropped onto Felix's cheek. Felix glanced up. Picard was *crying*. Fine then, screw the grumpy act.

"You baby..." Felix murmured, twining his arms around the Lemurian's neck and drawing him down. "There's no way I can hate you... the best sailor in the world... the best kisser... the only person I've really cared about that's survived my sister's red days... You're so silly sometimes..."

"Felix...?"

"I haven't tried sticking you in cookie dough yet, anyway..." He continued quietly, partially to himself. His fingers trailed slowly through the Lemurian's hair. Picard meeped. "Got to get around to that."

"You don't hate me?"

"Of course not." He chuckled. "Really, do you never consider the components of our relationship? What makes us click?"

"Everything?" Picard asked innocently.

"Well - " Felix paused. "...I guess so."

"Can I still consider putting you in a dress as foreplay?"

"No." He said firmly.

"Aww... Fe..." Picard whined, giving him his best puppy eyes.

"Fine. I get to stick you in cookie dough."

"Sounds fun."

They stared at each other for a moment. Picard smiled. Felix grinned. And they kissed.

-|-

(Sap-sap-sap-sap! XD)

Jenna stood at the top of the staircase, staring downwards at the horrendous sight that ravaged her eyes.

Which shall not be described here - aw, what the heck! That's what you guys are here for! To see the gore! The murder! The -

Sorry. Back on track...

"MIA!"

"Hi Jenna!" Mia waved. She saw on Garet's chest, feeding him a cookie. "Wanna cookie?"

"Mia!" Jenna flew down the stairs faster than ever before, wrenching Mia off Garet. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Save...me..." Garet twitched. He had purple jam in his hair. Jenna gaped. Mia giggled. "...Cookie..."

"Mia! What did you do to him?" Jenna asked, afraid of what the answer might be. "You - you - you're a pervert!" Jenna hugged the still-giggling Water adept to her, giving a dramatic cry: "Why, Mia, why?!"

After another giggle or two, Mia responded, "'cause!"

"Oh, Mia, where did I go wrong? Why do the gods curse me so? Why? WHY? Iris, wh - "

"Can it, Jenna."

Jenna whirled. Felix, back in normal attire, was making his way down the stairs.

"Don't interrupt my dramatic breakdown!" She snapped, still holding Mia against her.

"That's exactly WHY I'm interrupting." Felix said dryly.

"Felix? I think I missed a barette - " Picard haulted at the look of pure fury sent his way via Jenna. "...Uh..."

"You did not." Felix tore something out of his hair and chucked it at the Lemurian, then turning back to his Shakespearean sister. "Now, Jenna... Let's get Mia in her right set of mind, and throw Garet out..."

"Go back upstairs, Felix! I hope you don't really think I can't see those hickeys!"

Felix instantly paled. Picard began slinking back up the stairs backwards.

"That's off the subject, Jenna," Felix said, attempting to adjust the collar of his shirt without looking suspicious. "Get your arse back down here, Picard."

"Felix, Jenna's going to eat me..."

"She will not. I have to eat you later, right?"

The innuendo didn't go unnoticed. Mia giggled. Picard whimpered.

"...Fe, love... I don't think I really like you as the one 'in charge'..." Picard squeaked.

"W-wait, when did this shift of power happen?" Jenna asked, looking warily between her dark and menacing evil older brother and the timid sailor inching further upstairs.

"Just a little while ago." Felix grinned, brushing past her to haul Garet up by the front of his shirt. "Now, you oaf, out."

"Cookie..." Garet mumbled.

Felix threw him outside without mercy.

"Garet!" Mia called. "Your cookie!"

"Jenna, she's not mentally sound. Picard-get-down-here, and don't you whimper at me. If you can't get her back to normal - PICARD, I'm warning you - we'll have to resort to drastic measures."

While Picard was wondering how Felix suddenly grew invisible eyes in the back of his head, Jenna stared worriedly at Mia, running her hands through the other girl's soft hair.

"...By drastic measures, what do you mean?"

"Kraden's form of psychiatry." Felix said, his tone dead even. Picard gasped.

"Dear Kirin, no!" Jenna clenched Mia suddenly, her eyes darting to her elder brother. "You wouldn't do that, Felix! I - I'd hate you!"

"There's your incentive. Get Mia back to normal."

Jenna burst out into tears.

-|-

The contest was only in a few more days. (At least, I think it was...) And hopefully, sometime during those three days, Mia would return to blessed sanity. Though Felix wasn't looking forward (at all) to the competition, he was sure things would still go much easier if Mia wasn't trying to stuff his face full of cookies until then.

"AAAH! NO! NO! SAVE MEEEEE!"

Felix didn't bother looking up from his book as Picard ran past, screaming like a girl, with Mia hot on his heels, holding one giant hell of a cookie over her head. He sighed and flipped the page. When Jenna also ran past, holding her Tisiphone Edge and screaming a warcry, he didn't as much as blink. 'Tis daily life for poor Felix, you see. (^_~;;)

"Two days, Felix. Two days until the contest. And Mia's no more near sanity than she was a day ago." Picard sighed to him, the next day, dropping onto the bed and curling up beside him.

"You'll get through to her sometime," Felix said to him, continuing to read his book without looking up at him. "I'm sure a bloodthirsty Jenna will get her back to her senses fairly quickly."

"But Jenna's already tried dicing her... It's no use!"

"Iris's will." Felix said, turning the page.

"What are you reading, anyway?" Before Felix could respond, Picard yanked the book out of his hands, staring at the cover. "'1001 Ways to Avoid Your Sister.' ...Felix... I think we need to talk. Again."

"Again?" Felix echoed. "About what?"

"...Um. Us."

"What's there to talk about us? I love you, you love me, you get to consider me in a dress as foreplay as long as I get to stuff you in cookie dough... Is there anything else left unsettled?"

Picard winced at the word 'cookie.' "Well... Are you... happy?"

Felix blinked. "What do you mean by that?"

The Lemurian took the beauty into his arms, pressing their cheeks together. "We're in love, but are you... happy? As in, really happy? Glad we're in a relationship?"

"Haven't we gone over this before?" Felix turned to glare at him, but at Picard's sincerely troubled eyes, he sighed. "Picard... There isn't a difference between love and happiness, is there?"

"There's a difference! You can be happy, but not in love. And you can be in love but not be..." He trailed off.

"When you're in love, you're happy. You make me happy, Picard. That's it."

Picard gave a sigh of relief. Felix rolled his eyes, turning his head to peck his cheek. "You silly dodo."

"Dodo?"

"Heard it from Mia; not asking."

Picard made a sort of 'I'm-not-at-all-surprised' snort while Felix giggled against his neck. (Felix! Giggled! They don't belong together in the same sentence, unless 'drinking' was somewhere there before! o_O;;) And then, their day was over.

-|-

"You can't catch meee!"

"Come back here, you scamp - "

"Heehee!" Thok. Jenna bent downwards.

"Mia? Are you okay?"

"Nnnghh.."

"Mia? Mia, tell me you're okay!"

"N...not... okay..."

"Mia! NOOOOOOO!"

"Jenna? What's going on?" Picard looked out from the kitchen, a chef's hat sitting askew on his head.

"Picard!" Jenna leaped at him, her eyes desperate. "You have to save Mia! She's too young to die!"

"Mia? ...Is she back to normal?"

"That's the point!" Jenna wailed.

"It was?"

"DON'T BE STUPID! Save Mia! Go! Now!" Jenna shoved him in the direction of the fallen healer. Picard blinked.

"...Jenna, um..."

"Go! Save her! BE A HERO!" Her large brown eyes watered.

Picard's eyebrow rose. "Jenna, I'm in a chef's hat and apron, and I have a ladle in my hand. And don't you have healing Psynergy anyways? And Felix does too - "

"Jenna?" Mia asked, walking towards them and rubbing her head.

"MIA!" Jenna uber-tackled Mia. "You're ALIVE! Oh thank Iris!"

Mia gave the Mars adept a very strange look. "I, um... Was I dead to begin with?"

"No, Jenna just thought you were..." Picard sighed, retreating back into the kitchen. "Felix, get your paws off those brownies!" A sound whack followed, along with a shriek.

Felix ran out, screaming, "Sadist, sadist!"

"I am not a sadist!" Picard threw the ladle at Felix's head, and the distressed Venus adept couldn't avoid it. "Nobody touches my brownies!"

Jenna and Mia watched, intrigued and disturbed at the same time. Felix ran around them, clutching his poor ladle-beaten head and crying.

"...I think... you got to him, Mia..." Jenna said slowly.

"I... what?"

"...Nothing..."

"It hurts! You hit my head! You slapped my hand! AND YOU GROPED ME!"

"I did not!"

"Umm... Jenna, love..." Mia said, pulling aside the Mars adept, away from the girl's crazy older brother and his lover. "The contest...?"

"Uh, yeah - that. We haven't made much progress with you on a cookie-slash- sugar-slash-something-really-dark-and-scary-high. Once Felix is back to normal - hopefully, sometime soon - we can finish up on his hair and makeup, okay?"

"That'll be fine. Oh... should we stop Picard? He looks... murderous."

"Don't worry. He always looks murderous when he wants to do something really bad to our lovely Felix. It'll probably get him back to normal... Come on, let's go scheme." With a foxy grin on her face, Jenna tugged Mia back into the kitchen, where they would snack on Picard's brownies and plot to Rule the World.

"Get your hands off my - "

"This is for touching my brownies!"

"Aiiiee!"

-|-

While Felix lay on the couch, half-dead with a pack of ice resting on his rear (With many thanks to Picard), Jenna and Mia decided which colors would "accent Felix's eyes and lips to their fullest extent." Felix, of course, had to put in his two cents (Er, coins) about it, and promptly got another sound whack from his sister. He then decided, thereafter, that it was better just to shut up. Picard, who stood nearby, had to agree.

"Shut up, Picard."

"That's *your* job, lovely." Picard cooed, patting Felix's messy brown hair.

Felix was tempted to say something rather inappropiate, but he was worried that both the Lemurian and readers alike would get rather... interesting images, so he bit his tongue and did not speak the words out loud.

"So if the dress is yellow, his scarves are a light orange..."

"Then maybe a soft brown?"

"What are we going to do with his hair?"

"Curl it?"

"There's no way in the seven HELLS that his hair could curl..."

Mia gave a long-suffering sigh. "Then we have no choice... we'll have to do it up."

"He doesn't have enough *hair* to do some nice bun, though..."

"Simple braided look?"

"With beads?" Jenna faltered. "Well..."

"And if we tied the rest of it back, say, with one of those nice tortoise- shell barettes, it would look nice..."

"You'd have to trim his split ends, though." Picard remarked.

"Shut UP, Picard..." Felix muttered, burrowing his head under a pillow.

"See, that's how you get your split ends, darling." He chuckled.

"I thought it came from stress."

"Well..."

"Can it, you Lemurian."

-|-

End

-|-

Sap! It's your best friend!

...Er, yeah. ^^; I promise chapter 8 will be up sooner than this was... More than two effin' months! I suck. u_u;; I've been busy writing one- shots. ::Sigh:: Bad Azu.

I hope you enjoyed the waffyness, anyway...

*Azu (Who needs a break!)

PS: If you've played Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire, and like yaoi, please check out Spontaneity, a Brendan x Wally one-shot I posted yesterday. ^-^ Thanxx much!