Authors Notes: This is serious. (Depending on your mood.) Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, I am not a genius.

Malfoy strolled in to the room, arrogant as ever. He tossed his sumptuous golden locks, which tumbled down his back like a waterfall in paradise, the kind of romantic place in which naked virgins danced. The eyes that watched the toss would never be the same again; it was if two hundred doves took off into the sunset. He was a very womanly-man.

Every morning he would twist, curl, style, and we mustn't forget the gel, his hair into perfect locks that reminded everyone of cork screw pasta. This arrangement was such a delicate balance that it resembled the yellow icing designs on a French wedding cake. It flowed just like icing flowed, in smooth richness that gave hints of desires yet to be found. The girls swooned, and several fainted. The teacher sighed, as this was a daily ritual, and was getting rather tedious, but even Professor Flitwick could not repress his strong animal instincts. He was overcome by the desire to give Malfoy, a traditional gift of a bunch of bananas, but moderation was key. Only two a day. However, little did the rest of the school know that Malfoy was…indeed…gay! Malfoy had feelings for only one—Harry Potter. Yes, the infamous Harry Potter; who had ruined Draco's father's relationship with another man.