Disclaimer: Don't own em, just for fun.
Warning: if you can't stand character bashing, this would not be a good fic for you
"Chris, Cory, I have some news for the both of you." TC started, then stood up, sat down again and stood up again, all the while nervously wringing his hands.
"Good news or bad news?" Chris asked, wondering why the hell he had summoned her here for so very rudely. He'd better be dying or something to send a distress call like that!
"Well you see..." He looked down on his hands, then back at them again. "How do I put this?"
"In words preferably." Cory answered dryly.
"Yes, OK will do... So the reason you're both here is because..." And he stopped again.
"For godssake man spit it out! I have more things to do today!" Chris snapped.
"I'm pregnant alright!" He finally got the words out.
"TC, dear, listen to me, you cannot get pregnant." Chris practically spelled out for him.
"I couldn't get pregnant." Cory shrugged, and then looked down on her XXL stomach as to prove her point.
"Let me just put it this way... You have a womb, you have eggs, TC here only has a little tube with little seeds, he has no room to keep a baby in and no means to make them." Chris slowly explained, feeling that the world had gone crazy.
"Not that small, his tube I mean." Cory disagreed; she was after all in love with the man.
TC sniffed like he was about to cry. "This would be the point where I told you both something about my first days of life... You see, I was both boy and girl, my parents chose to have me be a boy and I was operated upon... apparently not well enough." His hormones took over, the oestrogen mostly and his eyes now really started filling up.
"Well that explains a lot!" Chris exclaimed, thinking of TC's tendencies to shave his legs and worrying about his hair, which she begrudgingly admitted looked prettier then hers.
"OK, so you're pregnant, what do you want with us?" Cory questioned, hoping he was going to ask her to be the mother of his child because she was sooooooo much in love with him and everything.
"Well... I went to the doctor, and she said that I didn't have any eggs, so that it had to be the egg of my partner. The foetus has been tested and it is clear that it only has half my DNA." TC admitted.
"And you haven't slept with a guy?" Chris asked. TC turned red.
"That was ONE time! In college! You SWORE you wouldn't tell ANYone EVER!" He squealed, his voice was getting a higher pitch as the conversation wore on.
Cory was starting to doubt her undying love for the guy.
"How the hell could an egg from one of us get into you. It would defeat the whole purpose of our grand replication design." She asked.
"Well the doctor said..." TC started blushing "That it had to have come up my rectum." He whispered "She wasn't sure exactly how it could've happened, she says the woman would have prematurely shed her egg and well without the bloody mess because Cory was messy that one time and Chris refuses to have intercourse with me that time of month, she once actually threatened to hide my nailpolish if I wouldn't back off!"
Chris felt like banging her head against the table. Cory desperately wanted Will back, after all he was her one true love not this fruitcake.
"So if you would please give some blood we can do a maternity test." TC continued.
"Sure, I was planning on slashing my wrists anyway." Chris said, she just couldn't get the mental image of TC as a woman out of her head, stupid thing was, he was better at it then she was!
"Chris! Surely you don't mean that?" Cory asked, rather worried.
"No Chris please don't do that! Who would take care and provide for me and the baby?" TC asked, getting on his knees before Chris and grabbing her hands in his.
"Are you saying you're becoming a housewife?" Chris asked.
"Yes! I will give all this up to stay at home with our little miracle baby." He sniffed, on the verge of tears yet again.
"Cool, can you watch my brat too then? I wouldn't want to miss a promotion to lieutenant." Cory asked, finding the thought of herself with lots of power and minions to command quite entertaining.
TC ignored her "Chris, please I am begging you here, please come back to me and the baby."
Chris was in doubt, return to the moron and the freak child meant loads of worry and responsibility, but it would also mean she could add to more slaves to her rapidly growing assortment.
"Sure TC, because I..." She struggled to get the words out of her throat "Llllllll." She felt like vomiting all of a sudden "OooOoofff. You." She started coughing profusely, then as an afterthought added "Not because I am secretly a slave trader using the FBI as a cover to get to all the important people in need of love slaves."
TC and Cory blinked.
"Right, anyway, when do we have to give blood?" Cory asked.
"I was thinking tonight." TC said, then pulled out his palmtop from his pink uniform shirt. He had sworn it had been an accident doing laundry, only now Cory started to think it might have been purposely done. "I can't tonight." Cory said.
"Why, what are you doing?" Chris asked, shoving TC's face away as it slowly travelled up her leg.
"Oh uhm, I'm not going to manipulate my way to world domination or anything, just uhm... you know uhm..."
"Vacuum your apartment?" Chris added.
"YES! That's it, you know me, clean freak that I am, if I do finally take over the world I will make my minions finally clean up the third world, it looks so filthy over there!"
A nurse in a slutty nurse uniform stepped into the room with a little briefcase in her hand. She practically drooled when she saw TC, not noticing the dogcollar and belt Chris had attached to him already.
"I'm here for the blood test." She smiled brilliantly.
"Now?" Cory asked, calculating that it was only three more hours until her plan would set itself into motion.
"It'll only take a minute." Slutty nurse smiled again, then got a friggin' huge syringe out of her case and stuck it in Cory.
"Ouch you botch!" Cory yelled, but only slapped the nurse around when the syringe was removed from her arm, full of blood.
The nurse did nothing to defend herself, airhead that she was. She just got out another syringe and went to Chris who was trying to teach TC to do tricks at that point. And just as she wanted to stab the needle into the other woman's throat thus murdering her and proclaiming herself the substitute mother of TC's child, Chris grabbed her arm and twisted it around.
"Just test Cory's blood, if it's not her it's me, simple as anything, now shoo." She ordered. The thought of capturing the nurse and selling her came to mind, but then anyone could get a tramp like that for free, who would buy her?
"Monica sure has changed these last few months." Cory sighed, rubbing her arm "She must've become a nurse after being fired from the police corps."
"She spread syphilis through the whole male side of the department... Probably the city, maybe she wants to do something good to repay her debt to society." TC said, very glad that he avoided the bag of STD's when she had thrown herself at him over and over and over again.
Two minutes later Slutty nurse, aka Monica skipped into the room once more, trying to look seductive she bent over to retrieve some papers from the briefcase. One of her implants suddenly popped out, she quickly put it back, rather embarrassed, and went on with the task at hand.
"So I like have your like test result like right here... OMG this is sooo cool! I am just sweating all over!" She happily exclaimed, figuring TC would like fangirls.
"Monica, you can't do this kind of complicated procedure in two minutes, you can't even get to a DNA testing facility within two minutes." Chris explained as if talking to an imbecile, which of course, she was.
"But like don't you like know? Anything can SOOO happen because like this is only a fanfic and the rules of canon, science and logic like so don't apply in fanfic. How like stupid are you?"
"Right. Have you any idea how stupid you sound right now?" Chris asked.
"Like, totally!" Monica answered.
"Just give us the test results." Cory sighed, rolling her eyes at the stupidity in front of her, this ditz would be the first thing she would get rid of after gaining control over the world.
Monica handed over the test results, Cory opened the envelope and gasped, because of course this would heighten the angst and drama of the whole situation.