4Author: Helen T
Rating: PG
Summary: Sam thinks about the end of the quest and Frodo's decision to leave and Frodo's wishes for Sam to remain behind. NOT SLASH!
Disclaimer: Helen T does not own the characters, the characters and the title are owned by JRR Tolkien.
Authors Note: Contains spoilers for Return of the King - Movieverse and The Two Towers and Return of the King Bookverse. The attitude of Sam is something the School Chaplain told us. "You should love your friends." So there for this fic is NOT SLASH!
Don't Go Where I Can't Follow
I should have suspected it would have come to this. Master Frodo leaving Middle Earth. Leaving his Sam behind. Leaving me behind to understand his decision to leave.
I suppose all this started at Weathertop, or maybe it began the day when Mr Frodo was left the Ring by Mr Bilbo.
It is not like I can't follow him. He said I could, later, but not for now. Now I must stay. I have my Rosie and my little darling, Elanor. I have every reason to stay. You were right, Mr Frodo, I couldn't have abandoned them.
I remember the shadows and distress from Weathertop, the days when Mr Frodo would be fine only to have the darkness fall in his mind as the shadows that came with dusk lengthened. He never fully healed from that wound. Never. Every October the sixth his illness became more severe. Same with March thirteenth. I remember thinking Frodo dead. I told him not to go where I couldn't follow. I remember the ring pulling on his soul torturing him. Yet he lived. The hour in which I had to chose between Master Frodo and the Quest. I couldn't. I couldn't leave Frodo to die. I just could not leave him. Friends do not leave each other.
I should have tried to complete the quest. I couldn't. I couldn't leave you to die Mr Frodo, yet my master needed me, lying poisoned and a hostage of Orcs.
Now she is dead, Mr Frodo and so are those orc's we did it. We completed the Quest. But did we pay to high a cost. A cost of your health, your life and your soul.
You were poisoned a poison that maybe more that once could have, should have killed you. Ended your life. Yet you live, maybe you should have died at Cirith Ungol or on the slopes of Mount Doom.
Lord Elrond and Gandalf said you would suffer the consequences of the Morgul Stabbing for many years. After the first year's anniversary - for which apart from the pain and quietness you seemed to be fine. I watched you get sicker and sicker every year. Twice a year. The shelob poisoning was the same.
I had to let you go. Let you go, find healing in the elven lands or sit hear and watch you slowly fade. I could not sit back and let you fade. Slowly get worse, get sicker, and remain ill for longer. I couldn't not bear to see you dying. I could not sit back and let you fade unable to do nothing.
And yet you would have a chance to become whole again. A chance for healing.
For perhaps Mr Frodo you would be whole again when I joined you. A Mr Frodo like the Mr Frodo I remember from before the journey. I can see it in my mind. I can see myself you ill for weeks. Maybe permanently. I could see you die.
I couldn't bear to see you die Mr Frodo. I couldn't. In the west, you will find healing; you will be well again. And you and I can spend the rest of our days there, happy together. We will be whole again. I will be whole. For I love you Mr Frodo and you didn't go where I could not follow. If you had tears of despair would have run down my face.
But you didn't and our bond of friendship is as strong as ever.
I love you Mr Frodo, as every friend should, for the hardship we went through together. The lack of food, water and sleep.
There have been time's I wished the King had let you die after the rescue from Mount Doom, yet I am glad you didn't, except when you are ill or in pain. Not that I can bear seeing you pain, your suffering. You made the right choice Mr Frodo and one day your Sam will follow you into the west.
The light is disappearing over the horizon and you are gone. Gone from Bag End and the Shire, but not totally gone, and most certainly not forgotten. You remain in my heart, and Merry and Pip's. And maybe even Arwen, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli's hearts. You remain in so may people's hearts.
But Mr Frodo you did as your Sam asked that dreadful day in Shelob's lair. I asked you don't go where I can't follow and you didn't. I will follow you one day
I turn and head back to Bag End and to My Rosie and My Elanor, hoping that they can give me some comfort.
I keep my promises Mr Frodo and I am glad that, should the pain and illness come again Lord Elrond and Lady Galadriel will help you through it. And Bilbo will be there with you.
I hope you find healing, you deserve it.