He just sat there paralyzed by the fact what his doctor just told him. How could that have happened to him?
He thought it was just the flu he never even gave it a thought that it could be something serious and now, there he sat just having found out that he was terminally ill. He didn't know how to react to this news, nor what to do next.
The doctor brought him back to presence, "I know this must be a shock for you but…"
The shocked figure in front of the doctor cut him off, "How long Dr. Michaels? How long do I still have?"
Dr. Michaels took a deep breath, even for her who didn't do this the first time it was hard telling somebody how much time they still have to spend it on earth, "There is a good chance that if we find a donor soon enough that everything is going to turn out ok."
"What if we don't find anybody? What's my chance that we ever will find an adequate donor? How long do I still have if we don't find one?", all those horrible questions crossed his mind at that moment.
Dr. Michaels said in a sad and sympathetic tone, trying to cheer the broken man up, but she knew that in such situation that just doesn't work so easy, "Millions of people are registered in our databank for transplant and there is without much doubt at least one person who will fit. . . at least I hope so," she whispered that last part of her sentence and after a short pause continued, ". . . of course there is never a guarantee."
"Doctor you still haven't answered the most important question! How long do I still have if we don't find a donator?"
". . . when I look at the test results I would say that if we don't find a donor within the next year I don't see much chance to ever recover. . .", she answered straight, seeing that it was really important to the man to know that.
Realizing that she still hasn't given the real answere she added, ". . . I can't tell you how long you still have because for that, this test is too inaccurate, to be really sure of how far the decease is sophisticated we need to make some check ups and if we have the results of those test then I can tell you the final prognose."
The man suddenly stood up and said with a louder and desperate voice, " But you have to have a clue of how many years, months or weeks are still left for me!"
Dr. Michaels looked into the eyes of the man seeing the pain and the exasperation in them, "I could say that you're having an other one or two years to live but it also can be that you're having four to five years . . . we will have the exact answer to you're question when we have done those tests. I think that the best is if we start those tests as soon as possible."
"Probably. . . can you tell me what kind of tests that will be?" the man said accepting the fact that the doctor can't give him a proper answer about how long he still has.
Dr. Michaels told him everything he wanted to know about the tests they are going to make. After the clarification the doctor asked, "So is there anybody who is able to pick you up I don't think that you're in the any state to drive."
"Oh no it's fine I walked here and I don't want anybody to pick me up. . . I need some space right now to think about some stuff", he stated.
"Okay, but you know that you need to talk to somebody about it if you don't it's going to eat you up from the inside," Dr. Michaels said knowing all to well that the patients, who just found out that they are deadly sick, prefere it to keep it a secret.
"Yeah I know", he said not very believable but knowing that she was right.
"Good then we see each other in two days again, maybe you bring somebody with you huh? For moral support", she suggested.
"I'll see maybe I will", he gave her a weak smile and said goodbye.
He was sitting at the beach, he was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't even realized that it had gotten dark. He couldn't stop thinking about what could happen if they don't find a matching donor. He didn't want to die, he still had so much that he wanted to do. He wanted to marry his girlfriend and grow old with her, he wanted to have children with her. . .
Then it hit him as he thought about his girlfriend, *How is she going to react to this horrible news and is she going to leave me now since I'm dying. . .*, all those questions and many more were floating his head.
When a cold breeze touched him and he started to shiver he decided that it was time to go home and tell his girlfriend.
As he reached his house he noticed that all lights were out so he thought that she wasn't home yet but as he entered the house and reached his bedroom he noticed that he was wrong. There she was laying quietly asleep in their bed. He got undressed until his boxers and slowly climed into the bed trying not to wake her. As he settled himself under the blanket she woke up hence to the movement he has caused.
"Hey where have you been? Are you ok?", she asked sleepy.
"I was just at the beach with a friend. . . ", he said, he hated it to lie to her but he couldn't tell her the courage he just had minutes ago left him, ". . . go back to sleep baby."
"Okay", she said, put her arms around him and nuzzeld herself against him. Soon she fell asleep again.
He just lay there awake holdig his girlfriend in his arms, thinking if it was the right thing to do not to tell her the truth. Was he being a coward? No, he wasn't, he thought to himself. At first he has to know how he is going to deal with it then he will tell the others. He gave her a kiss on her forehead and whispered, "I love you!" After some more thinking he finally fell asleep exhausted by the days event.