Blues and Yellows

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A/N: Sigh. More Picard x Felix sap. But I can't resist... Such an adorable couple. - Picard ANGSTS, Felix can be SILLY sometimes, kissing, and - DUH! - yaoi. This came up after I tried making a background for my computer on Paint ('Tis bored, was I), with the words "Sometimes... I wish the sky wasn't blue..." scribbled on it. Heehee, anything can inspire me, even week old cheese. P (No, not really.)

Enjoy!

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Blues and Yellows

Dedicated to Asaka Kiseragi, lovely SCHMUFF writer (and second wifey!)

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It wasn't ever fair to begin with.

He had been washed out of his home by a tidal wave, landed on a beach of a foreign land, jailed unjustly, had his ship wrecked too many times to possibly count, and now his mother was dead. He was also Lemurian, a race that he now considered cursed. Lemurians could live for centuries, and saw the rise and fall of other nations, as well as the deaths of enemies and loved ones while they continued their sad existence. They were the only ones remaining that were aware of Gaia Falls chipping away at Weyard's edges, and they had literally no ways to make this problem known to the other nations. It was hopeless.

And he was on a quest to "save the world," which was doomed to the eternal Abyss anyways. Travelling with a pyro, an eerie girl that fell from the sky, and a handsome, rarely speaking young man that didn't know how to steer ships was never how he planned to live several more years of his life. He had grown up learning that if the lighthouses were fired, it would mean disaster. But now, he was aiming to light them with said crazies, and probably get himself killed in the process of doing so. Fate made an eternal mockery of him.

What would his mother have said? He turned back to fact the marker he had been leaning on, staring dismally at the engraved name in the stone. He had been away so long... And his mother was constantly sick, too sick, to ever speak with her son. He had very few motherly wisdoms and sayings and universal truths passed onto him, even though the most strained of families had some. He was by himself again... a misfit. He was a misfit among mistfits... But those other misfits managed to fit in better nonetheless.

"Picard?"

He didn't raise his eyes from the gravestone to meet the Venus adept's face. Instead, his gaze drifted down to some small, white flowers that were growing at the base of the marker.

"Please leave me alone."

Footsteps drew near to him. He felt weak for wanting to cry, but even weaker when those dark brown eyes settled uncertainly on him, making him feel guilty.

"Felix..." He tried again.

"I'm sorry," the other replied, his gloved hands fidgeting in his lap. "...for everything."

"There's no need. Everything that has happened..."

"...has happened, because the gods deemed it to be rightly so." Felix finished in a quiet, grave voice. "Have you ever thought... that... that it's not true?"

Picard gave a derisive snort, finally looking up at Felix's expectant eyes, then regretted the decision instantaneously, for his heart wrenched painfully. "Too many times to count."

"I'm still sorry." Felix murmured. "For... Dragging you along with us, for crashing your ship so often, for your mother, for my horrible cooking... Everything that's happened on cause of me... I'm sorry."

"Felix... are you aware that when you apologize, it's always a little too late?" A little, barely noticeable smile had crept onto the Lemurian's face. He still remembered the Unidentifiable Gloop (As Jenna called it) that had emerged after they had left Felix with the duty of cooking for a night. (Felix still insisted it took a professional to realize the truly glory of its taste.) It was one of the less pleasant of things that had to come along with trekking around with these people. (And wonder of wonders, Felix was apologizing for that mess.)

"What?"

The smile twitched upwards just a little further. "I've accepted this 'journey' as just my destiny. Apologizing for bringing me along now is, well... pointless." He was lying through his teeth, just so that Felix wouldn't feel down on himself. He really was pathetic. "My ship has been in worser condition... You haven't cooked since (Which I am eternally grateful for), and..."

"Your mother, though," Felix said, leaning forward slightly, a downward tilt to his lips. Picard closed his eyes, sighing.

"My mother was born weak. You had nothing to do with that."

"But maybe... If we hadn't gotten lost in the whirlpools, and spent some more time training rather than bargaining for weapons, we could have beaten Poseidon sooner, and we would have gotten here earlier! And maybe you could have even seen your mother one last time before she - "

"Do you just like making yourself feel guilty?"

Felix was taken aback. He blinked. "I - "

"It's too late now." Picard said again, tiredly. "There's nothing to apologize for."

"But, still..."

"Felix."

"Picard - "

"Felix."

The Venus adept winced, inching away from him. He looked as though he had been slapped in the face, and Picard felt some immense sort of weight being dropped onto him, knowing he had hurt the feelings of the Valean.

A dull and uncomfortable silence settled between them. Picard allowed himself to think and sulk more on his horrible life, while Felix watched him from a distance, at the foot of some trees.

Felix didn't know why, of all the people on Weyard, strange Proxians from the frigid north included, he had to fall for Mr. Uptight and Insecure Lemurian. Picard obviously had some stranger issues, as did he himself, but the way he was acting certainly set off something in his brain. Something that said to him, "Hug the poor guy!" However, if he tried that, he feared he would be diced to pieces by the Lemurian's razor-sharp sword.

He sighed and looked up at the sky through the tree's branches. It was such a pure, untainted blue, with only a small smattering of clouds. So blue. Blue as the sea, as sapphires, as a certain Lemurian's hair -

Stop, stop, stop.

Picard's hair was a nicer shade of blue, anyway.

Felix dropped his head, deciding to watch Picard again. His chances, now, of finding some path to Picard's heart had just about disappeared. He wouldn't be surprised if Picard ignored him for the rest of the day, or the rest of the week... He wouldn't think it was unjustified, either. Picard was feeling bad, and he wanted to help in any way he could, even if it meant having to place all the blame all on him. He loved the guy that much.

There was a reason why he had been 'elected' leader - he was decisive. More than the rest, at any rate. Enough to be able to know when going right was better than going left, and deciding that sleeping on the floor was a better decision than arguing with a cranky sister. He didn't know what to do now, though. He knew Jenna and Sheba, who were back with Lunpa, would begin wondering about his whereabouts soon enough, but he didn't want to go back with them just yet. Maybe he could...

"Felix?"

The Venus adept blinked, looking up quickly at the Lemurian, who was standing to his side. He gulped, scrambling up into a sitting position. Picard knelt slowly. Felix squeaked.

"I apologize for my words just then. But only for those."

Felix's tension lessened, and he grinned. "Because everything else was deemed to be rightly so by the gods?"

Picard regarded him with those peculiar gold eyes for a moment before he turned his gaze away. "Hm. You don't deserve to have your feelings hurt, anyway."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Felix didn't usually jump to conclusions, but at that point in time, he was lunging for something, anything.

Picard sighed, shaking his head. "...Nothing."

The high hope that had been steadily rising in Felix quickly crashed down to subzero. "'Nothing'?"

"Please, Felix."

Felix was about to try and wheedle the other adept into telling him, but he dropped it, not wanting to be ignored another time. Instead, he went back to his endless sky-gazing, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't offend the Lemurian. "The sky's too blue."

Oh, yes, brilliant. He resisted the urge to dig a hole nearby and curl up in it.

"Too blue? Is there such a thing?" Picard looked at him sideways, his head cocked to one side.

"Of course there is. It's too blue. It's too perfect." Felix said, trying to keep his nerves under control.

"Isn't a perfect sky a nice thing, though?"

"In this imperfect world? No, not really. I'm tired of seeing the same old blue in the sky everyday..."

"What about on stormy days?"

"...Excluding stormy days." Felix sighed.

"You're very interesting, Felix..." Picard murmured, fidgeting with the tattered red ribbon tied around his wrist. "In all the strangest ways."

Felix didn't know whether to feel offended or to preen. He still hadn't figured out Picard's definition of interesting, after all. He felt left out again. "The sky should be..."

"Purple? It already is."

"At night. But that's just a few hours. For the majority of the day, it's too damn blue."

Picard chuckled at his swearing. "Green, then?"

"Green's an interesting color, but I'd be terrified to wake up to a green sky. I'd think Alex was trying to take over the world."

"I have to agree. Alex? Ruler of the world? It just doesn't work out. What about brown?"

"Yuck. Brown is such a drab color."

Picard gave him a sly, all-knowing look. "You sound like a fashion expert, Felix."

"Shove off. I have a sister like Jenna, so I have a reason for sounding... knowledgeable."

The Lemurian smiled. "Your hair is brown, though..." He took it as an excuse to finger some strands of loose hair. Felix stiffened.

"I hate my hair. It's too... feminine."

"Oh? So would you consider my hair feminine?"

Felix stared at Picard in wonderment. Picard? Feminine? Oooh. He didn't know whether to squeal or to scream in absolute horror. "No... It's just... Well... you're a sailor!"

Picard arched an eyebrow. "And...?"

"You look male. I can pass for a female... I'm skinny enough." Felix covered his face with his hands, thoroughly embarassed and fed up with their conversation. Blast him and his bloody non-existent sense in conversations. "Saturos always called me a girl..."

The Mercury adept scooted backwards to give Felix his personal space back. He loved the soft feeling of Felix's hair, though... Unlike his. He was a sailor - not only did the sea water and salty air make his hair rough and matted, he never had any time for personal needs. Wait - so did that mean Felix spent hours on his hair? He didn't seem like the type...

"Would a yellow sky be nice?" Picard asked softly. Felix blinked.

"Yellow? Er... I'd think a nice goldeny yellow would do some good... But just yellow..."

"Yellow is the color of your element, Felix. Yellows and greens... Earthy tones. It suits you."

Picard's eyes were also yellow - stunningly so. Felix loved those eyes, cat-like and often eerie when they looked at you in the dark of night. Or were they gold? More like a mix...

"What's the color you like most?"

"Color?" Felix wondered where all these questions were springing up from. "I like... blue."

"Blue? More than half the population likes blue, Felix. Why? Why do you like blue in particular?"

"It's..." He struggled to keep his eyes diverted from Picard's hair, focusing his attention on a far gravestone. "It's a soothing color."

"I thought you said you didn't like blue, though."

"I never said I didn't like it... There's just too much of that shade of blue." Felix muttered, pointing upwards. Picard smiled at him, and he blushed. "A darker shade of blue..."

"I like yellow, personally..."

Felix stared at him.

"It seems strange, but yellow's such a cheery color. I like being happy. There's no point in being sad, now is there?" Picard made a thoughtful sort of noise and stared up at the sky hanging above them like a silk canopy. "Yet here I am..." He murmured softly to himself.

Felix was an intelligent person, now let me tell you. But now... He was confused. He liked the color blue. He was letting on that he liked Picard. And now, Picard claimed to like yellow. The color of his element. Fishy. "Any other reason?"

"Well..."

He lunged forward, eye to eye with the Lemurian. "Well, what?"

Picard chuckled, shoving him lightly on the shoulders. "Why do you want to know?"

"I have a right to be suspicious!"

"Of?"

"Of..." He looked helplessly between the gravestones, Picard, and the few trees. "You... I think you like me!" He managed to get it out as sounding fairly offended, which was what he was aiming for.

"And if I do?"

"You do?"

"I never said that." Picard gave him a coy smile.

Felix frowned. "Just give me a yes or a no."

"You tell me first," Picard murmured in his ear. They were suddenly nose-to-nose again, and Felix blushed a bright pink.

"I..." Felix started, but his vocal cords died on him when he needed them most. So, he decided to try the alternative. He kissed Picard.

He'd never kissed another man before. And Alex didn't count. Alex had been drunk, after all, and he hadn't kissed Alex; Alex has kissed him. That had been just a peck on the lips. What he was doing now could be called... er... well...

"Felix..."

The Venus adept stared into the golden eyes he liked to blissfully drown in, feeling self-conscious and silly. He hadn't even really been sure if Picard liked him... Jenna would have slapped him if she knew what he had just done. (It was one of those 'deadly sins' or other in the world of females, Felix knew.)

"I... shouldn't have done that..." Felix said, afraid that his voice would break if he tried raising it any more in volume.

"Mmm. I'm glad you did." Picard's strong arms slithered around his sides, pulling him against a broad, warm chest. Felix made some small noise of protest, but it quickly disappeared into nothingness as Picard's warmth heated his slender body. "Don't be sorry..."

"I'm not... Not anymore."

Picard let out a long-suffering sigh into Felix's hair. The Venus adept looked up at him, eyes questioning. "What now?"

"...I don't know. Just take the world as it comes?" Felix suggested weakly, his head really in no condition to think that much anymore.

The Lemurian smiled, kissing Felix's brow. "I knew there was another reason why I fell in love with you... You're so sensible."

"Sensible? Me? Pah." Felix muttered. "I decided to travel with a bunch of Proxian freakshows! You call that sensible?"

"Sometimes. Only sometimes."

Felix rolled his eyes, finding Picard's warmth rather comforting. "Do you really like the color yellow?"

"Of course I do. I don't want to ever lie to you."

"I really like the color blue... Maybe I can live with a blue sky just a little longer."

"For me?"

Felix laughed. "Yes, for you."

"What would you say if I wanted a yellow sky?"

"You're silly."

"What about... it was half blue and half yellow?"

"It wouldn't matter. I'd always be looking at you, anyways."

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fin

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Picard - angst. Silly at the end.

Felix - silly. Rather OOC, too.

Story - what comes from being over-worked for too damn long.

Still hope you liked it though, Asaka. :HUG:

Azu

(Fic was revised in April of 2005. It was bugging me, so there!)

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never take my eyes off of you