*******DON'T READ THIS IF YOU LIKE THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA! UNLESS YOU ARE IN THE MOOD TO FLAME...FLAMES MAKE ME LAUGH SO GO AHEAD, MAKE MY DAY!******
A/N I'VE ALWAYS HATED STORIES THAT BEGIN WITH "ONCE UPON A TIME..." DON'T YOU? THEREFORE, THIS STORY WILL NOT BEGIN WITH THOSE WORDS. WELL, EVEN IF YOU LIKE STORIES THAT BEGIN LIKE THAT, IT'S JUST TOO BAD BECAUSE THIS IS MY STORY, NOT YOURS. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, WRITE YOUR OWN. ACTUALLY, I ONCE WROTE A RATHER (DING, DING, DING) GOOD ONE THAT BEGAN LIKE THAT. WELLL, ANYWAYS...LET'S BEGIN:
Over spring break, I was visiting Washington D.C. My parents made me go sight-seeing. It's the sights I mind, or the seeing; it's the walking I hate. Well, we went to this place called the National Cathedral. Not a very creative name if you ask me, but what do I know? (Don't answer that...) Anyhow, we were inside it and looking around. In the stone walls there were all these little doors made out of wood. I elbowed my brother Ben in the stomach.
"Hey, Ben! See those little doors in the wall?"
"Yeah, so?"
"They could be mouse doors, or badger doors!"
"Shut up, Cora! Besides, Lady Cregga is a loser."
My mom interrupted then, "Ben, be nice to your sister."
"She started it! She hit me!"
"Cora, don't hit your brother. Oh, by the way, I think those little doors might be where they buried cremated people."
"No way, Mom. I'm sure the mice made them."
By that time, we had reached a little room called the Joseph Chapel. I was looking around. "Hey, Ben, I bet this place is named after Joseph the Bellmaker!"
"Cora, not everything revolves around Redwall!"
" Maybe in your in sane little mind it does!"
We came to a smaller annex where there was a little kneeler. There was a small spiral staircase at the end of this room. My other brother, Jake, wanted to know what was at the top of the stairs, but he was scared to go up in the dark by himself so I stood at the bottom and watched him ascend. He came back down very quickly (as he was VERY scared) and said, "It leads to a locked door."
I traveled up the stairs to confirm and I came back down saying, "Jake is right. (For once.) It does lead to a locked door."
We were going into the next room when I suddenly thought **what if the door wasn't locked?** So as my parents turned away I slipped silently into the room and climbed back up the staircase. I pulled on the handle of the door, and, to my great surprise, I was right! The door was unlocked! I thought to myself **this is how so many adventures begin! Who knows where this could lead?** Well, anyways, through the door I went. It led outside, but it was sunnier than before. An odd-looking person was walking towards me. He was dressed in strange medieval attire. It was a man; he was much taller than me, but as skinny as a beanpole.
"Greetings, and welcome to Narnia! I see you have come by the gates of Aslan from another world. Allow me to introduce myself, I am Caspian the 10th of Narnia!"
A scream erupted from my lips. Never again would I go exploring through locked doors up dark staircases! Oh, curse the day I was born! I had arrived in the most terrible of all terrible places; Narnia! And with this accursed fiend Caspian to greet me!
"Do not fear, stranger, I am a peaceable king, and Narnia is a peaceful country. Perhaps you have heard of me, I am the one who made the great sea voyage to the end of the earth!"
"Hmm, so you're that loser. Hey, where's the lion dude?"
"Aslan, you mean?"
"I guess so. I want to see if he can get me out of this wretched place! Tell him he's gotta take me back to Washing ton D.C."
"Narnia is not a wretched place and who are you to demand something of the mighty Aslan? I have sworn to fight anyone who dares challenge these things!"
"But I don't have a weapon! Fistfight okay by you?"
"Certainly not, it isn't a proper duel!"
"do you have a spare sword?"
"No."
" well, then shut your trap and get on with it!"
And so we began. Caspian threw down his sword. I spat on my hands and rubbed some dirt on them. This does absolutely nothing, but it makes you look cool. Caspian looked at me like I was crazy, but I really didn't care what he thought. I shouted "Are you ready to rumble?" He was about to give me another strange look, but the fight had begun so he didn't. He kicked me in the head, but I could barely feel it. Does not that hurt you, fool?"
I almost fell over laughing; if that was his hardest kick, I had already won! I threw a right hook to his stomach, which completely bowled him over. He lay on the ground, gasping for breath. Then he raised his hand and pointed to a distant hill. "Go towards that hill. I don't know where it leads, but it will take you to another world. Now go and hurt me no more!" And so I went.
After I went over the hill, I immediately saw a long grassy landscape with mountains in the distance. **why how absolutelyballyspiffinhunkydory!** I thought to my self, **Her I stand, on the Western Plains of Mossflower and off in the distance are the mountains beside the shore and the great volcano, Salamandastron.** But something was wrong. Why was there an outline of what appeared to be a village on the horizon in front of the mountain range? And why was I still a human, and not an animal?
**Oh well, I'll just head for the village.** It was a shorter distance than I had thought. These mountains were eerie and forbidding, not like Mossflower's mountains were supposed to be. When I came upon the village the thought suddenly struck me that perhaps I was NOT in Mossflower. Then I saw the two creatures that stood guarding the village gate. Of course, I had come to the land of the Hobbit! And this was the last house of lodging before the mountains where the goblin-orcs dwelt. It was the village of Elrond where the elves lived. If I had had any doubt that I was incorrect, I needed only to look at the creatures' ears; which were long and pointy like elves'.
"Halt, who goes there?"
"It is only I, Lady Cora of Mossflower."
"I have never heard of you or you Mossflower. Where is it?"
"Actually, I was hoping you could tell me that."
"Oh, leave her be, Gern, she is probably coming from the town of Lake Men that dwell in the land beyond Mirkwood."
The one called Gern was still doubtful that he could trust me. "But, if she is from Laketown, she is traveling in the wrong direction."
"Whether she is from Laketown, or not, the humans have always been our allies and it is our duty to grant them whatever we can, as they should do to us."
And so, after much more carrying on like this, they let me enter. I was beginning to wish that I had finished The Hobbit, it would've helped me to understand a bit more. I was led into the hall where there was a small meeting of the leader elves. I told them that I wished to go to Redwall but they said that they had no idea where it was.
Suddenly, a shout came from the guards at the mountain gate; "The goblins are coming, the goblins are coming!" And come they did. They flooded through the town, destroying everything in their path. The came into the town square, and halted, staring in awe.
I was wondering what they were looking at when I realized that I was the only one in the square, besides a bush. Although it WAS a very interesting bush, I figured they were looking at me, not it. At first I thought that they might've never seen a human before, but they always fought each other in the book. Then again, what did the book know?
Then I looked down at myself, I had grown incredibly tall! (I HAD been wondering why the goblins looked so small.) Not only that, but I had become a giant badger! Then ever so slowly, everything faded away.
Now where was I? It was very dark and cold. I couldn't ell if I was outside or just in a very cold chamber. Then, very faintly, and far away, I saw a glimmer of light. I heard voices and felt a dark shape slip past me in the darkness.
"Taril, Yaron! Where are you? As they got closer, I could see them clearly, it was a party of hares patrolling!
**Finally!** I thought, **I've made it to Redwall! Actually, I've made it to the seashore; that's why it's so cold.** And the hares must have been from the Long Patrol! They saw me, and an older one, who was marching in front, bowed to me.
"Oh, great badger, no doubt you have traveled from afar to reach Salamandastron! My most exalted greetings! Allow me to introduce myself, I am Captain Qualinn of the Long Patrol!"
"How very nice to meet you, I am Lady Cora Brock of Mossflower! I certainly HAVE traveled far to get here. (he had NO idea!)"
"Brock, eh? From the line of Brockhall in Mossflower, no doubt. Your family has much history here at the mountain."
"And, pray tell, what are you all doing outside of the mountain at such a late hour?"
"Oh, we were searching for two of our jolly young 'uns who left the bally mountain. Taril and Yaron, mayhap you've seen them?"
"Well, I did see someone pass this way, but it was too dark to tell who it was. I suppose it probably was them..."
Suddenly we heard shouts from further along the shore. "Eulalia! Rally the troops! Eulalia!"
We all knew that was the sound of the young hares in peril. And off we went to fight whomever they were up against. I noticed that upon my back was strapped a great broadsword. Finally, an adventure!
To be continued... well, maybe...