Disclaimer: I no own Saiyuki, as much as I wish to. A/N: Hello there! This is my first fic ever so please r&r much appreciated Criticism welcome. Let's get this road on the show shall we? ^_^ Italics represent thoughts.


When, when did this feeling of warmth of inner peace come into my tortured soul? When did the rush you get simply from loving someone re- establish itself into my guarded heart? Not when, but who. Who could possibly bring emotion back into this cold heart of mine, a heart that has remained sealed off since my master Komyou Sanzo died that dreadful night. Who could possibly do it but my little baka saru.
I already miss his voice, alive with wonder for all the things around him, even though he just left a few minutes ago with Hakkai. I miss the way his eyes light up when I give him the pork buns he loves so much or, upon rare occasion, I am nice to him. I light up a cigarette and look out the window of my room until the lights across the street come on with the approaching darkness.
"Oi, Sanzo...you okay?" I didn't even hear Gojyo open the door, I'm getting lazy.
"What do you think?" I hear him cross the room and sit next to me on the bed.
"I wonder what's keeping 'Kai and monkey boy?" when Gojyo uses his pet name for Hakkai, its almost impossible not to think of the low moans and sighs of the two lovers at work.
"Like I should care." Gojyo shrugs and I feel his eyes on me, willing me to look at him. Well being the stubborn bastard I am, I won't.
"Well, I will leave the high priest Sanzo-sama to ponder the will of Buddha."
"Urasai." With a chuckle, Gojyo left, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again.

"Come on Hakkai, its gonna rain before we get back to the inn!"
"Okay, okay I'm coming!" It starts to rain just as soon as we reach the porch of the inn we are staying at, and night light rain either. Those big, heavy raindrops that will leave you soaked in a matter of seconds. Great now Sanzo is going to be in a funk because it's raining. It's best not to talk to him when it's raining; Hakkai told me it was something about his master being murdered by youkai.
I say goodnight to Hakkai and go to mine and Sanzo's room, a bag of spring rolls and dumplings for him in my hand. I open the door and set the bag on the table.
"Sanzo, I brought you some dinner." No answer, well that's to be expected.
I guess I kinda have gotten used to the abuse that I get form Sanzo; I love it when his attention is focused solely on me. Not Hakkai and not that idiot kappa Gojyo. But I have completely given up on the hope that maybe one day, Sanzo would love me back. He's my sun, the only person who I would follow to the end of the earth without a moment's hesitation. The one person I love so much, it hurts when I realize he can never return that feeling to me. I sigh and change into my pajamas, crawling between the sheets of the other bed in the room.
"Goodnight Sanzo..." Still no response. I love you...

"No Sanzo don't leave me here again! I don't want to be alone! No... Please!" Goku's sobs broke me out of my reverie and I turn to see him reaching out as if he was losing something precious to him. I walk over to his bed and stroke his brown locks.
"Shhh Goku, it's just a bad dream." Goku's golden eyes pop open, filled with tears.
"Sanzo! I thought you left me."
"Baka, why would I leave you?"
"I dunno, maybe because you always yell and curse at me, because you hate me." Hate him?! Yea right...
"Gomen, now go back to sleep saru."
"Hai, arigato Sanzo."
"Your welcome now sleep." Goku nods and fell back asleep in seconds, a smile lifting the corners of his mouth. Sweet dreams my dear Goku...

I awake sometime in the night to see that Sanzo is still awake. That's odd; usually he is asleep by now, unless the rain is getting to him.
"Sanzo, daijobu?" Sanzo doesn't answer me and that worries me even more than if he lashed out at me. I cross the room and sit next to him. "Sanzo, what's wrong?" He looked at me, his beautiful violet eyes clouded with a grief so deep it makes my heart ache. On impulse I crawl into his lap and I put my arms around his waist. He lays his head against the hollow in my neck; his arms holding me close as if I might disappear. As selfish as it sounds I am glad that Sanzo needs me for a change, that I can do something for him no matter how simple.
Sanzo's hold eases up and he looks deep into my eyes, amethystine meeting gold.
"Sanzo I have something to tell you. Sanzo I..." I am cut off by his soft lips coming down hard on mine. I comply and receive his kiss with a passion equal to his. This is the moment I have been living for. After a time he broke the kiss, panting softly for air. "Sanzo, I love you." Sanzo nods and lies down in his bed. Well I guess it was just too good to be true, just a spur of the moment thing for him with no real meaning behind it. With a sigh I walk back to my bed heartbroken and more alone then ever.
"Saru get your ass over here, and no snoring." Utterly confused I get into the bed with my sun and settle into his warm embrace. Drifting along the edges of sleep I hear Sanzo whisper the three words I have been dying to hear pass from his lips.
"I love you." With a sigh I turn and place a kiss on Sanzo's lips, "I love you too Sanzo, with my whole heart." Content with the inner peace that finding true love brings, neither of us dreamed that night for our dreams had already come true.

A/N: So what didya think? I might do a second chappie centered on Gojyo and Hakkai cuz I kinda ignored them here. Thanks for reading!