80A/N: Wow! Finally done! This is... like... the second thing I've ever finished. And I'm really getting a little sick of it (hence the lack of actual diploma handing/graduation dance/happiness), so that's GOOD. Thanks to EVERYONE who reviewed!
Also, GR. There are no longer brackets in this thing, so I have gone through quickedit and put in parenthesis for actions as well as descriptions. Whatever. Sorry if I missed anything.
And thanks to these ppl for reviewing the last chapter:
Stargirl1439- Is this soon? Probably not... Sorry... AP US History does tend to do that to people.
KLLRS- Lol, I've never had maple fudge... I think I've had white chocolate though... that was okay...
pasmosa
Summer Rain of '89
Silencili
Christy Corr-Thanks for the super long review and for always asking me how this is going... it really makes me feel guilty enough to continue!
Red-Devil 15
ScaramoucheJay
Scene Thirty: Balloon Arch, Great Hall, Post-Dinner, June
Lily and James are standing alone in the middle of the Great Hall. They are surrounded by boxes of various decorations. They are staring at the wire frame for a balloon arch.
LILY: Uh... What colors are we supposed to use for the balloon arch?
JAMES: Let's use... (this is off the top of my head here)... red and gold!
LILY: (Squints at the script) Is it possible to talk in parentheses?
JAMES: (Firmly) Yes.
LILY: Okay. But we can't use red and gold.
JAMES: Why not?
LILY: Because that would be showing bias to a particular house, which we, as Head Students, are not allowed to do. It was also look really bad because we would be favoring our own house.
JAMES: Oh. (pauses) Then why don't we use green and silver?
LILY: But that would still be showing bias, only to another house. (mutters) A lowly, despicable, cheating, evil, very annoying house at that...
JAMES: Then let's combine them! We'll use red, gold, green, AND silver!
LILY: But what about Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw?
JAMES: (shrugs) I don't know what their house colors are. Do you?
LILY: (in deep thought) Um... I think... blue, probably. And.. .maybe yellow? But we already have gold... Isn't there a purple in there somewhere?
JAMES: Why don't we just make it RAINBOW?
LILY: Uh...
JAMES: It makes perfect sense! See- red, orange, yellow, green, blue, whateverthatothercoloris, and purple! That covers colors from ALL the houses!
LILY: (sighs loudly) Fineee. Okay. We'll do a rainbow.
JAMES: Yay! Hm.. do you think we should do a repeating pattern or just a few reds and a few oranges and so on?
LILY: (wearily) Whatever.
Scene Thirty-One: Free Cake, Backstage in the Great Hall, Just Before the Graduation Ceremony
Lily and James are wandering around backstage in their special graduation robes. The rest of their year is sitting in metal folding chairs on the stage. Lily is busy studying her speech.
LILY: (hyperventilating) Ahhh! I'm going to mess up!
JAMES: Aw, don't worry sweetie-pie...
LILY: ... sweetie-pie?
JAMES: Yes. I'm setting the scene.
LILY: (suspiciously) What kind of scene? Is it a lovey-dovey scene?
JAMES: (loudly) Shhhh! You'll ruin the surprise!
LILY: (grumpily) Too bad. I don't like surprises. Especially not lovey-dovey surprises.
JAMES: But everybody likes lovey-dovey surprises... (sends the Director a pleading look)
The Director sneaks up wearing James' invisibility cloak and spray magical fluffiness spray on Lily. The spray blooms out in a great cloud of fluff.
LILY: (pokes fluff) Ewww! This stuff is sticky! (The fluff takes effect) Aww... but it's so pretty! And it smells so good! (Sniffs deeply)
DIRECTOR: (reading aloud from the back of the fluff spray can) WARNING: INTENTIONAL MISUSE BY DELIBERATELY CONCENTRATING AND INHALING THE CONTENTS CAN BE HARMFUL OR FATAL. Hm. Oh well! (Tosses can over shoulder)
Sirius catches the can and grins mischievously, then runs off.
DUMBLEDORE: (from offstage... or rather onstage, but he can't be seen because James and Lily are backstage) First, I am proud to introduce the Head Boy and Head Girl of this graduating class- James Potter and Lily Evans!
The parents in the Great Hall clap.
James and Lily walk onto the stage and stand together at a podium.
Lily clears her throat and looks down at her parchment.
JAMES: Wait! Wait! First I have to do something! (grandly lowers himself to one knee despite tight graduation robes and pulls out a little velvet box.)
The Director hastily pushes the fast-forward button.
Lots of garbled speaking and lightning-speed gesturing ensues.
Lily happily takes the ring (from the box.)
DIRECTOR: Oh! (hastily pushes a button) Shiz, no, that was the stop button... where's the play?
The scene goes black for a few minutes, then finally warms up as Lily and James are standing at the podium again, holding hands and smiling happily.
DIRECTOR: No! I wanted to see that! (pushes rewind button) Okay... STOP! (pushes button)
Several cartoonish, round, multi-colored things bounce happily across the screen, making strange singing/humming noises.
DIRECTOR: No! (pushes TV/Video button) (pushes play button)
Everyone disappears, while Lily and James put up balloons along the balloon arch.
DIRECTOR: (with forced calm) Okay. I can do this. (waves wand) Revertus to Lily's Acceptance-us!
Everyone comes back and Lily accepts the ring.
LILY: Yay! I'm so happy! I totally have stars in my eyes! This is the happiest day of my life!
JAMES: Gooooood. (smiles)
ALL: Awwwwwwwwwwwww!
Remus gags.
Peter glares jealously and makes a pudgy fist.
Lily and James return to the podium, and James begins the speech.
JAMES: Hello, parents, students, Professors, siblings, and Sorting Hats. We gather here today to celebrate the graduation of all these young men and women before you.
The Director gives a happy thumbs-up.
JAMES: (continuing) We've all come through a lot- come on, people! We suffered through SEVEN YEARS of History of Magic! I mean, MERLIN, that has got to be the most BORING class EVER! you want to know what we did all those years? Just look under the desks- we've got this fantastic gum basé relief and-
The Director and Dumbledore both get a bit squinty-eyed.
JAMES: (noticing the glares) Er... anyway... I mean- Uh. Okay... Yeah, we all grew up and went through puberty- mostly between, like, 4th and 5th year, 'cos Sirius and I came back and we were like WHOA, Hogwarts got hot! And-
LILY: (hastily) What he means is, everyone here has changed and matured mutters for the most part. (Normal tone) We would never have done it without the help of our supportive parents and our wonderful professors-
JAMES: And the key to the teachers' lounge!
SIRIUS: (whining) Jam-mie! You gave it away!
LILY: -And we'd just like to thank you all-
JAMES: -And invite you all to our wedding. There'll be free cake!
The audience claps.
Scene Thirty-Two: Curtain Call, Random place, Random time
The whole cast stands around, looking confused and holding bits of flowers and stuffed animals.
JAMES: Thirty-two is a bit of an odd number, isn't it?
REMUS: No, actually, it's an even number.
LILY: Riigggght.
OC: Hey, like, where were WE in this chapter?
DIRECTOR: Uh, like, YOU, were, like, DEAD.
OC: Oh. Yeah.
OC2: Where was I in this chapter, then?
DIRECTOR: (shrugs) Trying to get Remus to marry you?
REMUS: (very patiently) I can't marry you. I'm a werewolf. Plus I wouldn't be lonely if I married you.
LUCIUS: (impatiently) What are we doing here anyway? Quick, before I blast your heads off!
NARCISSA: (holds up decapitated stuffed bunny) Like THIS! (cries)
DIRECTOR: Um. Yeah. So I'd just like to say... good job?
SNAPE: (barges in) ALL RIGHT. WHO STOLE MY TUTU?
BELLATRIX: (smirks) Come and get it, you sexy slime-boy...
Everyone backs away.
DIRECTOR: So ANYWAY, (we say that a lot, don't we?), I think we all pulled through... pretty much intact-
The Hufflepuffs glare.
DIRECTOR: And I'd just like to thank you all with a little party-
EVERYONE: Yeahhhhhhh!
Sirius whips out the fluffiness can, shakes it vigorously in celebration, and SPRAYS, covering everyone.
EVERYONE: Yayyyyyyyyyy! We LOVED this show! We LOVE each other!
DIRECTOR: Wheeee! I LOVE you all! GROUP HUG!
Group Hug.
Fade Out.
Little White Words:
And they all lived happily ever after, and the show made lots of money even though the critics thought it was strange. Except everything eventually got unhappy what with Lily and James getting dead, Peter getting fat, Sirius getting offed (by direction of the Director, who never did forget that "not-hot" insult), and Remus getting old. But other than that, it was a huge success!
The End.