Author's note: For a disclaimer, see chapter one. I'm still working with the layout, so bear with me. Thanks for reviewing Bored. Yes, Dr. Sloth from np. Also, thanks to Fiery-eyed-elf, who is very encouraging and generally awesome.

Erm, yeah, this chapter kinda sucks. But it's inevitable.

Scene Five: The Incredibly Annoying Yet Inevitable Train Station Scene, King's Cross Station, Seventh year because all the characters have gone through puberty and now they're old enough to properly drink, party, and shag.

Lily Evans confidently approaches the platform, waving goodbye to her parents. INSERT two-paragraph description of her amazing, flawless beauty and Quidditch-toned body, and of course, her expensive Muggle designer clothing.

LILY: (to herself) Wow, I can't wait for my seventh year! I'm so happy I'm Head Girl this year! I wonder who Head Boy will be?

OC: [runs up] LILS! I missed you so much! Omigosh, you have NO idea how much I missed you, despite the fact that I stayed at your mansion and partied with you every single day!

OC2: Hi Lily! You've changed so much over the summer! I can't believe your new pin-straight hair or your contacts or your makeup or your magical tan…

JAMES: [makes a face] Ugh. Mushy girl hugs.

SIRIUS: You know you'd luuuuuuuv to hug Lilykins! Cuz she'd be all niiiiiice and sooooooft and-

DIRECTOR: THIS IS A GIRL BONDING SCENE! James and Sirius, get out!

James and Sirius leave reluctantly.

INSERT two-paragraph description of OC and OC2's ravishing looks and Quidditch-toned bodies, as well as their expensive muggle desginer clothing. Note- length may vary depending on how much the director likes Sirius or Remus at the moment.

DIRECTOR: Okay girls! Line up and tell everyone all about yourselves because I've never heard of a little thing called characterization!

OC: I'll start! Okay I'm beautiful, bouncy, I have a great sense of humor, I'm a chaser, I have a short attention span, I like food, and I'm afraid of commitment. I have a lot of boyfriends, you know, kinda on and off. And I'm mean when I want to be. And I'm actually a water nymph who can transform into all kinds of messed up animals but my animangi form is a cat.

OC2: My turn! I'm also beautiful, shy, bookish, really smart but not as smart as Lily because she's the smartest, I'm also a chaser, and I am extremely sensitive and caring and a good listener. I'm a seer except I'm not really aware of that; I just have really weird dreams that freak me out. I'm an earth nymph and my animangi form is a… [whispers to Director] What was it again? Oh, yeah, and my animangi form is a wolf. Oh, and I've liked Remus Lupin since first year.

LILY: Okay. Hi. [waves] I'm Lily Evans, I'm beautiful as you can see, I'm Head Girl and top of the class except for Transfiguration and Potions, in which James Potter and Severus Snape are, respectively, and I have a horrible temper but I'm really just a very nice girl. I'm the third and last chaser on the Gryffindor team. I absolutely detest James Potter, although in two minutes I'm about to make the consession that he's changed a lot over the summer and has become very hot. I'm actually a fire nymph with lots of powers, aided by my pet rock, and my animangi form is a doe.

OC2: Wait… since when were we animangi?

LILY: Well, actually, I'm glad you asked that! Since we said we were!

DIRECTOR: [checks script] Um, actually, the correct answer is since fifth year because you guys got bored and decided to learn some ridiculously difficult magic just for fun. Oh, and you're all super-close to Remus so you all know he's a werewolf and figured you might be able to help him sometime!

LILY: (dismissively) Yeah, same difference.

The Marauders enter the compartment. James is wearing his Head Boy badge.

LILY: Ew, Potter, you're Head Boy? No way! You weren't even a prefect!

JAMES: [grins] Well, I'm special because I'm hot.

Insert more arguing.

Meanwhile…

OC: [bats eyelashes] Hi Sirius.

SIRIUS: [smiles politely] Hi.

DIRECTOR: CUT! It's not POLITELY. It's SEDUCTIVELY.

SIRIUS: Well, excuse me, but your Ps look like Ss!

OC2: [sarcastically] Oh, and I suppose her "olitely"s also look like "eductively"s?

DIRECTOR: WHOA! CUT CUT! You're an OC! Since when did YOU have a personality?

There is silence.

DIRECTOR: Much better. Continuing… Scene Five, Take Two.

SIRIUS: [smiles SEDUCTIVELY] Hi.

Director grins.

OC: [swoons] Wow, you got so hot over the summer! Not like you weren't hot before or anything, but now, I mean, you're just… hotter!

OC2: Nah, that's too ditzy.

DIRECTOR: CUT! I TOLD you, you don't get a personality!

There is silence.

DIRECTOR: [turns to OC] I do, however, agree with her. That was a little too ditzy. You ARE ditzy, just not that ditzy because then our Ditzy Fangirls and Ditzy Dorm Girls would be out of work. You need to have a bit of a distinction between you and them.

OC: Like, how? Like, I, like, don't get it!

REMUS: (who was wisely keeping quiet before) LIKE, CUT THE LIKES!

OC2: Oh Remus, you know exactly what we need!

DIRECTOR: (dryly) It's good to know we're all easing into our characters so well.

SIRIUS: [looks confused] What's your character?

DIRECTOR: Huh?

SIRIUS: You said "WE'RE all easing into OUR characters." So who're you?

DIRECTOR: Good question! I don't know! I'm either OC or OC2, depending on whether I like you or Remus better. And all of my friends are all of your other little Hogwarts friends, whom I didn't bother to include because I can't keep track of that many characters.

SIRIUS: Oh. [pauses] Are they hot?

LILY: (exasperated) Is that all you can think about?

SIRIUS: Yes.

DIRECTOR: Yes.

JAMES: Yes.

DIRECTOR: No! See, James, YOU'RE supposed to be the sensitive one right now.

JAMES: [whines] But Remus is the sensitive one!

DIRECTOR: Yeah, but Lily isn't going to like you until you change from a bigheaded, egotistical prat into a caring guy whose thoughts are NOT always about sex.

JAMES: Then sucks for Lily!

LILY: Hey!

DIRECTOR: But the thing is, YOU LOVE LILY. And you love her so much that you will do ANYTHING to make her love you back.

LILY: (brightly) Will he do my homework?

JAMES: First of all, you LIKE doing homework. And second of all, no.

SIRIUS: Why does James get Lily? Lily's hot!

DIRECTOR: But you get OC.

SIRIUS: But Lily's hotter.

DIRECTOR: [sighs] Fine, I'll made some edits for you. What kind of changes do you want in OC?

SIRIUS: Can you make her chest bigger?

OC: Ew, you are, like, such a perv! [smiles] But it's okay, I love you anyway.

DIRECTOR: [sighs again] Okay, you know what? We're not getting anywhere.

REMUS: Glad you finally figured that out.

DIRECTOR: [rounds on Remus] Watch your mouth, you! I can kill your parents and your non-existent twin brother Romulus if I want to! And I can kill OC2, who is the love of your life.

REMUS: But you have to kill her anyway because she obviously doesn't appear in the Harry Potter books.

DIRECTOR: Actually, I could just ship her off to Tasmania and have her come back later because you haven't died yet. But that's beside the point. I can make YOU kill her during the full moon and then you'll feel guilty forever and ever and ever.

REMUS: Okay. Shutting up now.

JAMES: [waves his hand in the air] The wha books? Did you say Harry Potter? You know, I've always liked the name Harry. And my middle name is Harold and my dad's name is Harold too!

LILY: Yeah, I like that name too. If we ever have kids, let's name them Harry!

DIRECTOR: (solemnly) And thus we have solved the mystery of why Harry's name is Harry.

LILY: Wait… what if it's a girl?

JAMES: Harrieta?

SIRIUS: Did you know I would've been named Siriusettaninanie?

JAMES: Having met your parents, I don't doubt that.

DIRECTOR: [scans the script] What else do we have? Let's see… more arguing, more flirting, some evil glances and dark glares and suspicious disappearances from Peter…

JAMES: [looks around] Peter? Where? Who's Peter?

Peter glares darkly.

DIRECTOR: [checks script] No Peter, you're supposed to be in one of the Slytherin compartments right now, happily discussing death eater business with Lucius Malfoy.

PETER: Oh, okay. [leaves]

SIRIUS: What about the Ditzy Fangirls? I WANT MY DITZY FANGIRLS!

DIRECTOR: [rubs temples] I'll fit them in tomorrow. And you can have one to shag tonight.

SIRIUS: Yay! [skips off]

JAMES: Hey, what about Snivellus?

DIRECTOR: You're not supposed to bother him this year, because you've changed.

JAMES: WHAT? No Snivellus? Can't we do just ONE tutu scene? Please?

DIRECTOR: Oh, fine. One tutu scene tomorrow morning at breakfast. Now can we PLEASE proceed to Hogwarts?