I'm not really sure if this would pass as an angst fic, but nevertheless, I placed this under angst. Hehe…^_^
DISCLAIMER: Magic Knight Rayearth is not mine. Everybody knows that. Although the concept of this fic is mine. But then again, the plot came from Hikaru and Lantis' conversation, which is technically CLAMP's magnificent works, so I guess CLAMP is still responsible for the storyline. I just…expounded it. ^_^LONELY
"So you traveled other places?" the little redhead asked, looking outside the cave and into the drops of rain that fell from the lifeless sky.
"Was that for a long time?" she continued.
I closed my eyes as a sigh escaped from my lips. "You could say that," was my curt answer
She then turned to me, concern filling up her sienna eyes. "Hey Lantis? Do you ever really feel lonely being all by yourself like that?" she asked.
I turned surprised eyes to her. I saw nothing from the depths of her eyes but concern, curiosity and…
Before her face register the shock of actually seeing an emotion in my eyes, I quickly pushed back the feelings inside my chest, concealing it with great effort.
How can this young girl, this Magic Knight brought here on this alternate universe, discern my deepest feelings just like that? How can she blatantly ask me the question that no one has ever thought of? How can she know that one emotion I'm hiding from everybody else?Lonely, lonely, lonely…
The word continued to echo in my head as the redhead's attention focused on the pixie. But my emotions are still in turmoil, my thoughts jumbled, as flashes of my journey to other countries raced back on my head.
I left Cephiro because I know that the inevitable will happen even before the two persons concerned does not recognize it yet. I left Cephiro to prevent myself from seeing the fall of two of the few people I hold dear to me. I left Cephiro to search another land that I can call my home.
But years after my travel, I was still disappointed for I could not find a place to settle in. There was always that emptiness, that lack of enthusiasm, and that…loneliness, that prevented me from being contented. So I traveled from one place to another, from one land to another, from one country to another. But still, the emptiness and loneliness haunted me like foul smell.
In my mind, I implanted that happiness is a lethal feeling and the price once you discovered happiness is also your happiness and your drive to continue living. I learned that happiness is a drug: it keeps you off reality for sometime but when you reach Earth once again, the pain comes back, this time much worse. That's why I distanced myself from anybody who dared have a close contact with me. Because I do not want to experience the pain after the happiness.
For the longest time I know, I've managed to make myself feel no emotion other than numbness and anger. But then, the large void inside was filled with another kind of emotion.
I feel alone. I feel deserted. I feel unwanted. And with these comes self-pity. After decades of searching, is still feel that there's no place like home. And that home is Cephiro.
But the people are far from accepting me again.
I buried six feet under the ground these feelings that tore me up inside, but with this redhead's question, she woke up forgotten memories and sleeping emotions.
And now, I contemplate to myself again.
When will I overcome this loneliness that I'm feeling?
What do you think? Was it good or bad? R/R! ^_^