Ha! Hello, I'm taking a break from Cold Blood or Forced Heart….
So please enjoy my Fic!
Standard Disclaimers Apply: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin… nor do I wish I did… If I owned RK you all would probably be disappointed because I can't draw Kenshin too well… And I could never beat Watsuki's story…
I never understood why people thought of me as an adolescent. And I agree with them… I was an adolescent, but now… I am a woman.
I am a maiden; a virgin, yes. And I choose to be so until I marry.
Men want me… I'm not so naïve to not know that fact … But I know nothing of their urges… for I am not a man. I never knew of urges period. That's what made me an adolescent. I knew nothing of womanhood… only childish feelings; crushes and such. That's really all I ever felt towards a man. Never did I think of a man in my bed. Never did I dream of one.
He changed that. In my dreams every night; some haunting, some wonderful, some horrible; but he is always in them. I don't tire of them.
This makes me a woman, though. These thoughts, my urges, these impulses. My want and need for his touch, something I doubt I will ever get.
It's not a simple infatuation… Simple infatuations don't make your heart beat faster every time he nears you, touches your shoulder, smiles at you…. That's not an infatuation… that's passion, its love; love that I feel day and night.
To love a man is a wonderful thing, and I only wish he knew. He does enter my room at night and sometimes even sobs by my bed. Then other times he whispers to me how he loves me, thinking it falls upon sleeping ears.
It's rather funny though, if you think about it; The man I'm dreaming of comes into my room, and without knowing, wakes me, and tells me the exact thing I'm dreaming about.
I know what you're thinking… "If you know he loves you then tell him your feelings." It's easier said than done, I'm afraid. He is the most feared man in Japan, you think he'd have the guts to tell the woman he loves just that, right? But no, he doesn't. I've heard him talk to Sanosuke… he thinks I am too young… he thinks I don't love him.
Sano did correct him, but he said that I don't love him, it's probably an infatuation. Damnit, NO IT ISN'T! Sano had corrected him again, but to no avail.
I swear he can be an idiot. Blind to what's right before him.
I grew out of adolescent mind when I fell in love with him. I grew out of adolescent body long before then.
Nothing about me is young except my age! I am woman and I intend to show him.
I could blame his sight of me on Megumi… she probably put those thoughts in his head. Damn her…
My mind is made up, then… Instead of him coming to my room tonight, thinking I'm sound asleep, I will go to his and wake him. He will see that I am no child… He will see…
I tiptoed around the dojo making sure Sano was gone and Yahiko was asleep. How embarrassing would it be if Yahiko and Sano saw me? Lastly, I stopped in front of Kenshin's shoji. I knocked softly on it and when no answer came I opened it… finding no Kenshin.
I wanted to cry. He was nowhere… I know he didn't leave for anywhere… but I had a really good plan that was just trashed. Planning all day… and it's so easily trashed.
I made my way to the porch and sat there trying to think of a new plan. I was so caught up in my thinking I didn't notice someone sit next to me. Not until the person said my name was I aware.
"Kaoru," he said in an unusual baritone voice.
I looked into his eyes. No honorific?
"Why are you out here?"
I didn't answer. I didn't want to. I wanted to just gaze into his violet eyes.
He leaned closer and I could feel his breath a little on my face. "Is something wrong?" he asked worriedly.
I shook my head and didn't break my gaze.
His eyes got a cloudy look in them and I saw a flicker of amber. What was happening to him?
Involuntarily my body moved a little closer and he lurched back, as if afraid to get nearer. It hurt…
I suppose he saw the look in my eyes because his begged for forgiveness.
No matter how hard I tried to stop them, the tears came. I cursed myself. I didn't want to cry in front of him. Not again… it would show my childishness.
"No," I said to myself, unaware that I was talking aloud, "I'm not a child; I refuse to cry."
He looked worried.
"I'm not a child! I'm not a little girl," I said to myself, still unaware of talking aloud, "I can't be a child… I'm in love… not infatuated… No mere child can be in love… only a child cries!" The tears flowed more now and I stood up. When I turned to walk away he touched my hand. He threaded his fingers in mine and my heart just about stopped. I looked down at him, still seated on the floor. He pulled me down gently into his lap.
I choked on a few tears and my heart beat faster. He wrapped his arms around my waist and he leaned against a support beam. My tears stopped and I rested against him. It felt so right to be like this… almost like I was a perfect fit in his arms and lap.
Finally he spoke, "Why do you think of yourself as a child… because you cry?"
I only sniffed and rolled my head towards the crook of his neck.
He continued, "Does that make this one a child then? This one cries."
"You think of me as young…" I muttered, ignoring his question.
He smiled. "You are…"
I sat up and glared at him. "I am not! I can't be a child… not with what I feel… it's not childish…"
"Kaoru… You are young… but that doesn't mean you're a child… You are mature in mind…"
"And in body," I said under my breath, although, by thehazey look his eyes got, I think he heard me.
"Tell me… You said you're in love, not infatuated… What do you mean?"
"I meant just what I said… I'm in love…"
He said, "Can I tell you something?"
"I want you to know that I don't think of you as a child, but as a beautiful young woman whose been living on her own. And I am glad to be here watching you grow."
I laughed sadly, "Watching me grow, huh? Well, I don't think you need to watch me anymore."
He looked at me with confused, hurteyes.
He needs to know now..."I have feelings for you… and it might not be honorable for me to say, but I dream of you. I think about you all day. I want and desire you. And I know you love me too. I just can't understand why you think of me as a child. I heard you talking to Sanosuke. You said I am infatuated, when in truth you don't understand that I love you with all of myself. And I don't think a mere child would understand these feeling I have for you."
Around the time I said, 'I want and desire you,' was when his eyes once againbecame cloudy.
I continued, "I love you, Kenshin, I love you."
"But I-" he started.
I cut him off, "Through all we have been through, don't you think I have matured enough to know what I feel is true?"
He closed his eyes. "I love you too, Kaoru," he said slowly. "I was just afraid… that's all."
I touched my forehead to his and caught him in a passionate kiss.
He took it deeper.
Kenshin, my love, you made me a woman… I am still a maiden, but that will pass in a fortnight, our wedding night. I can't wait… (A/N: Girls can have these thoughts too, you know!)
To touch, to want, to love, to desire, and the person whose smile you look forward to in the mornings. Wait for them… don't rush… it comes soon enough.
I am proud of this…
Well, review and I'll see you later!