Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun or anything associated with it. For if I did, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this would I? No. I would be gathering all you talented Trigun maniacs and we would extend the show so far with our ideas that there would probably be over 500 episodes. -cackles.- But yeah. Sadly, Im just an obsessed fangirl who owns not the tiniest thing except for her Meryl keychain and manga.

A/N: If you don't like random insanity, don't bother reading this. But if you have a slightly twisted deranged mind, read onwards and review please.

Random Conspiracies and Bar Parties

Chapter 1 - The Plottings of Knives and Legato

Knives & Legato: -hiding in a bar behind the counter speaking in hushed voices.-

Knives: You know the plan, Legato.

Legato: Yes, Master. Vash the Stampede shall experience eternal pain and ,um...

Knives: What is it? -cocks an eyebrow .-

Legato: ...Can I get a hot dog first?

Knives: ... ¬.¬'

Legato: -puppy eyes.-

Knives: sighs Fine. Whatever.

Legato: Joy! Thank you Master! -glomps Knives.-

Knives: Argh! Get off me!
Legato: -skips merrily outside to the nearest hot dog stand.- You. -points at the guy selling the hot dogs.- I desire a foot-long with the works. Does your small mind comprehend this? -speaks very slowly.-

Hot Dog Guy: ...Yeah, sure, whatever buddy. -busies himself with making the hot dog.-

Legato: o.O -twitch.- I AM NOT YOUR BUDDY YOU SICK FREAK! Now just hand over the hot dog, and back off slowly!

Hot Dog Man: o.o Um...no?

Legato:- vein pulses in his temple.- You shall pay for your impudence, pathetic human.

Hot Dog Guy: -feels his limbs start to lock up.- Ahh! Someone help me!

Legato: -devours his hotdog leisurely.- Now you shall die. -cackles evilly whilst lightning flashes in the background and creepy bad guy laughing music plays.-


Legato: Aw, but master! I was having fun! -takes one last pathetic look at the hot dog stand and sniffles.-


Legato: -falls to his knees.- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I obey, Master! -runs inside the bar.-

Hot Dog Guy: Um..hello? Im still frozen here..

-Inside the Bar

Knives: Alright, slave. Snack time's over. Get to work.

Legato: -sniffles one last time over the loss of the hot dogs.-

-In a Hotel on the second floor

Legato: -outside Vash's room.- Mwa ha ha, the idiot has gone seeking this ridiculous round pastry thingies. Now is my chance. Maybe master will let me have some more hot dogs if I do a good job. Now, how to unlock this door? -sits there for quite some time pondering on this.- Hm..maybe I could attempt to jar it open.. -grabs the door handle and begins to shake it like he's trying to rip it off it's hinges. To his surprise, the door opens.-

Legato:- blinks.- e.e What an idiot. He left his door unlocked. I wasted a whole 30 minutes on pondering how to get in! Urgh! -tiptoes into the bathroom and steps into the shower.- Hm... -sniffs his armpit.- I could use a shower...Ah well. That can wait for now. -grabs Vash's shampoo bottle and pours its contents down the drain.- Vash the Stampede, prepare to suffer! -pours a mysterious liquid into the now empty shampoo bottle.-

-A few hours later

Vash: Ah. My beloved donuts of sugary goodness, at last we are reunited! (Meaning he hasn't had any since breakfast) -opens his door.- Stupid innkeeper. Why'd me have to give ME the room with the door that doesn't lock? Oh well. I need a shower.

A/N: Eh. Not quite what I expected. But it'll get better. I think.