Title: The Key to my Soul
Author: Hannurdock / Georgina Ann Price
Summary: Hannibal happens upon a book of Murdock's poetry.
I wander through the attic, morbid thoughts of Murdock in the hospital, Murdock being in a coma. It shouldn't have happened that way. A mission which went very, very wrong.
Then I see the book. A notepad with a leather cover. I flick it open. The title reads "Insight, by H M Murdock". Strange, I had no idea Murdock was a writer. Interested, I turn the page and begin to read the selection of five poems.
What's in my mind? A cavern dripping with lost memories
Memories that should have died a long time ago
Smell of jungle, taste of fear, touch of guilt
Killed, be killed. Does it matter now?
The mind warped with drugs, no one gives a shit
Insane? Sane? It doesn't matter now
In here, I have lost time, lost self
A self-pitying darkness in which I enshroud myself
Only those who have been there will ever understand
HM Murdock (1975)
As I think of my lost love
The girl with the dog
The Vetenerian with a heart for animals
I ask myself where I failed?
With a tender heart and a kind soul
She failed to find love with me
Is it true I shall be doomed to a life without love?
Or maybe, I just can't be loved
Because I am insane
HM Murdock (1987)
"The Key to my Soul"
Loneliness and fear, loneliness and fear
Find the key to my soul, and I shall try and hear
Kind words spoken to my heart and mind
That key is so hard for others to find
I keep it locked in my mind at night
I never have it out of my sight
If I should lose it, they would mock me
Why can't they all see?
Have I any real friends who see
The real loneliness, the real me
Its hard enough keeping up a calm facade
All emotions seem to be barred
I weep at night when no-one knows that I cry
I hope each mission that I should die
Why can't I leave this lonely bitter place?
Only two reasons ... I'd miss the team and Face.
HM Murdock (1988)
"The Clouds Call"
Flying, flying way up high
The clouds, the morn dew, the endless sky
Hearing the birds, the sounds of peace
Why can't I stay up here on a long term lease
The hubbub of normal life is lost here
The pain, the heartbreak, the lonely fear
Try not to come down, stay close to the blue
Where everything is fresh, light and new
All of this passion, is through being in the sky
I live my life, just becuase I can fly
When life gets too dismal, and I think I will fall
That's when I hear the clouds call
I soar into the lonely sky
And whisper to my troubles goodbye
The plane is more than just a bird
Its more than just a simple word
Its something that I can't explain
A feeling that is like the rain
Soft and gentle, a feeling true
A feeling I can't explain to you
As I fly, this feeling becomes almost tragic
It is to me, the most delightful magic.
I close the book softly, hearing footsteps. I put it under my coat quickly before a familiar face clambers into the attic. Peck.
"You okay, Kid?" I ask, seeing a spark of hope in the Lieutenant's eyes.
"Murdock, he's woken up" Face says, his eyes darting wildy, his voice choked with emotion. "The doctors say he's going to be okay".
I smile. "I'll be down in a moment. Can we see him?"
"BA is already sitting in there. Whenever your ready, Colonel". Face leaves as abruptly as he arrived, he must see the dark contemplative look I possess.
I re-read the poems quickly. I am no psyciatrist - but this much is certain. I have found the key to Murdock's soul, and I intend to open the door and help him overcome the loneliness, the demons, the bitter war he wages alone within himself.
I will help him, no matter how long it takes. I decide on the first action I will make when I next see him. A long, warm embrace. And I shall whisper softly to him that he is not alone.