Just Sommink to keep you happy!

Nothing Belongs to me!

Sam was sat in her office writing up one of her reports when her 'You Have New E-Mail' Icon popped up. She clicked on it. Since his promotion to General, Jack had been forced to use a laptop, and subsequently was now E-Mail mad. Not that he hadn't been before. But Sam knew that Jack was very clever, she hacked into his home PC and found out what degree's he had, and was well aware that he was totally computer literate. However the amount of e-mails that she had received from him had been very few as he had so rarely been in his office. Now that he was almost always stationed in Hammond's old office, he would e-mail her, just to have something to do, so Sam wasn't surprised when she saw that her new e-mail was form her bored CO.

To: - Carter Sam

From: - O'Neill Jack

Subject: Bedtimes!

Hey Carter,

Figured you might like this to brighten up your day. Oh yeah I go to bed at 2330 (hint).

See Ya Round Carter, And Smile!


Sam noticed that he had attached a file. She opened the document and started reading.

If you receive an email entitled "Bedtimes" delete it IMMEDIATELY.

Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 0898 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING. It Will drink ALL your beer. FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING? It will Leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine. If The "Bedtimes" message opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will Leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.


And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll

Fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.

Send this warning to everyone!


Right now, as you read this, 17 Million people are having SEX!

And look at you - you're on the computer!

Sam laughed out loud and decided to return an e-mail.

Jack O'Neill, General and Base Commander of the SGC, was sat in his office playing on Solitaire, when his 'You've Got New E-Mail' Icon popped up. He grinned, and opened the e-mail, when he noticed that it was from Sam.

To: - O'Neill Jack

From: - Carter Sam

Subject: - RE: Bedtimes

Hey General.

Will be round at 2335 to make sure that you are tucked in safe and sound and your bed bugs aren't biting ;).

Shouldn't you be doing your paperwork?



Jack smiled, Sam had broken up with Pete a few weeks before and although they never flirted outrageously when in the same room, most of their e-mails were suggestive, as were some phone calls. What no-one knew was that the two were secretly mending the friendship that had been lost after the Za'tarc admissions, and both had vowed to wait for one another, what ever happened. Sam's relationship with Pete, had shaken Jack, he had been terrified of losing her. The two had, fought when Sam found out that he had got a girlfriend, making her realise that she didn't love Pete and certainly didn't want to marry him. He had been angry but had finally let her go and was, according to rumours, back with his ex-wife. Jack shook his head bringing him back to the e-mail, he read opened the attachment

As I've Matured...

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in...

I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.

I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.

I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I've learned that 99 of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it

I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.

Jack grinned and replied to Sam's e-mail.

Sam was sat waiting for Jack's reply so immediately opened the e-mail when it arrived.

To: - Carter Sam

From: - O'Neill Jack

Subject: - Ohhh Carter!


It's a well know fact that I've never matured.

Seriously now Sam, thanks for giving me a second chance at the friendship that I screwed up. After the Za'tarc testing I tried, for both our sakes, to forget that I felt this way, but I couldn't. I know that now we are rebuilding the friendship that we used to have. You are very welcome to come and talk to me any time that you want. I hope that you do not feel pressured. I have literally, as I'm writing this, have received an e-mail from the President and he has informed me that the regulations for the SGC, have been disbanded. It seems that Hammond has given us a way to be together, that is of course only if you want to be.


Sam didn't even read the last two lines; she shot off her stool and headed for Jack's office. When she arrived the door was closed. She knocked on the door and after Jack's call of Enter, she opened the door. Jack looked surprised to see her, but it didn't register on his face for long. She shut to door after her, and noticed that the blind was down, on the window into the briefing room. Sam went round to his side of the desk and moved his chair away form the desk, spinning it round to face her. He was dressed in his blues, with the tie and jacket missing and the long sleeves rolled up his arms, to just before his elbow. Sam wasted no time, now that she had him where she wanted him, in leaning down and brushing his lips his hers. She felt his sharp intake of breath before feeling his arms wrap around her waist and pull her onto his lap. She went willingly, finally allowed to be in his arms. After a long passionate kiss she rested her head on his shoulder and he said.

"You still on for tucking me in?"

"For the rest of your life Flyboy."

AN: The two emails in the story are emial that i actually have recieved.