CHAPTER TWO - Quirrel Has a Brain?

Hey, it's me, Voldemort! I'm back! I decided to use my break to go out for coffee. Where were we? Ah, yes. Fear Me. Harry's standing behind Quirell. You should see the look on the kid's face, it's priceless.

"You!" gasped Harry.

"Me," says Quirell calmly. "I wondered whether I'd be meeting you here Potter." Oh, so now he pretends to have a brain. He doesn't. I would know, on account of being attatched to his head.

"But I thought- Snape- " stutters Harry. Honestly, he can get to the chamber past all the obstacles, and he defeated me, the all-powerful, when he was just a baby, but he's blind enough to think that the person standing in front of him is Severus Snape? He REALLY needs to get those glasses checked.

"Severus?" I hear Quirell laugh. He shouldn't be laughing, after all, he got himself caught by Severus. Quirell is explaining to Harry that it was in fact he who tried to kill him, not Snape, and that it was Snape who saved him. That doesn't matter now, though. His parents (a.k.a. the fools) died for him, and now he's going to die anyway. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

At least Quirell can do one thing right, he bound Potter with ropes. Potter will never get out alive now. I can't believe he didn't know that it was Quirell who let the troll in. Quirell was loud enough while doing it, I thought he may as well have sent up rainbow-coloured sparks saying 'It was Me'. He's telling Potter to be quiet while he examines the mirror. I wish he'd hurry up, I'm having caffeine urges again. Everyone thinks I'm so evil, but in truth, these cravings would be enough to send any sane man into a genocidal megalomaniac. Honest.

Harry just blurted out, "I saw you and Snape in the forest."

Quirell is obviously too stupid to tell that the boy's trying to distract him. Potter is rather resourceful… a prized quality, even by my incredibly stringent standards. This could be useful to me... instead of killing him I'll try and get him on my side! I can play on his insecurities, use him to help take over the wizarding world, then kill him. Perfect. But would you expect a thought any less brilliant to come from a much-celebrated genius?

"I see the stone," jabbers Quirell.

Yes! Get it! Give it to me! I need that caffeine!

"I'm presenting it to my master...but where is it?" Damn! False alarm. Back to square one yet again, thanks to my servant's sheer incompetence. Idiot. Potter is trying to distract Quirell again. Ignore the kid, get the stone!

"There is no Good and Evil, only power and those too weak to seek it." I think that's the most intelligent thing he's ever said, not that it's got much to compare with. Just so you know, he did steal that line from me. Potter's trying to get in front of the mirror without Quirell noticing. Which is not too hard, he's oblivious to pretty much everything.

"What does this mirror do? How does it work? Master help me!"

Sigh. I have to do everything. "Use the boy...use the boy." I reply.

Quirell took the ropes off him. Harry is walking towards the mirror. I see the reflection, it's pulling the Stone from its pocket. He has the Stone!

Quirell just asked what he sees. "I see myself, I'm shaking hands with Dumbledore… I've won the House cup." Brat! He's lying through his teeth!

"He lies...He lies." I tell Quirell. Quirell is asking him what he actually saw. Oh my goodness, I have to do everything around here. "Let me speak to him... face to face..." I say.

"Master you are not strong enough." says the incapable idiot. I'm a damn sight stronger than he is, even when I am reduced to perpetual soul-mist.

"I have strength enough... for this." I reply. Quirell is beginning to unravel the stupid looking turban. Finally, some fresh air! It smelled like garlic in there. "Harry Potter..." I whisper feebly. He's looking at me like I'm some kind of freak, how dare he! Wait... never mind. "See what I have become?...Mere shadow and vapour...I have form only when I can share another's body... but there have always been those willing to let me into their hearts and minds...unicorn blood can give me the caffeine I require but it cannot give me a body of my own... once I have the Elixer of Caffeine I will be able to have all the caffeine I want, and rise to my former power. Now...Won't you give me that Stone in your pocket?"

He stumbles backwards. Wow. My greatness makes people fall over. That's a good thing, right? No! He's about to make a run for it! "Don't be a fool." I snarl. "Better save your own life and join me... or you'll meet the same end as your parents...they died begging for mercy."

Harry suddenly shouts out, "LIAR!"

How dare he! Calling me a liar! I didn't lie; the Dark Lord never lies. I embellished on the truth a little. Okay, maybe a lot. I'm a Dark Lord, what do you expect? Quirell is walking backwards, towards Harry, so I'm facing the brat. If Quirell falls over, I am sooo screwed.

I smile. "How touching.." I hiss. "I always valued bravery...Yes, boy, your parents were brave ... I killed your father first and he put up courageous fight... but your mother needn't have died... She was trying to protect you... Now give me the stone, unless you want her to have died in vain." I say.

"Never!" shouted Harry. He sprang towards the flame door. Why can't he bloody well stay still! His death would have been quick and painless...well, relatively, but nooooooo! He has to run! Can't he see that I'm offering the most painless option here?

"SEIZE HIM!" I scream. Quirell's hand closes on his wrist, Harry yells. Quirell lets go and hunches back in pain. "Seize him! SEIZE HIM!" I shriek again. Really! What part of 'seize' doesn't he understand? He could be more stupid than I thought, if that's possible.

Quirell is howling with pain. Really! What is wrong with him? Did he break a nail?

"Master I cannot hold him -my hands- my hands!-" he screams. So he did break a nail.

"Then kill him, fool, and be done with!" I screech with my high-pitched girly voice. God I hate my voice. It sounds like I'm on helium or something. Harry grabbed Quirell's face and now he's screaming. Loser.

"KILL HIM, KILL HIM!" I screech, to which Quirell is unresponsive. Nope, I've lost him. Oh well, time to go. Bye Harry! Bye Loser! See you guys later!

The last thing I see before I fly away into the night is Harry falling over. I told you my greatness makes people fall over. You may be safe for now, Potter, but I'll get you, my pretty, and your little owl too! Sorry, couldn't resist...villain humour. Until next time. Fear Me.