Just a Journal
I'm still feeling kinda icky about that mission. Quatre knows it and has been trying to get me to open up about it, but I don't want to talk. I did dye Trowa's underwear pink. He didn't say anything about it. I don't think there'll be much work in the war for a while, but we're changing location tomorrow.
Today I was still feeling badly about the mission. A newspaper report did say that some of the kids died. I don't know why this hurts so bad. Even Heero was worried. He took me aside and asked me. I didn't want to just break down so I made everything sound peachy. I don't think Heero is showing what he feels either. He was looking out into space all morning. Wufei has been training me vigorously in his martial arts stuff. I think he's trying to help me in his own prideful way. I really am grateful I guess, but I have to learn to deal with this kind of thing. This is war, right? I shouldn't get so emotional. I'm going to find some mischief to get into.
This morning I finished unpacking in our new 'home'. I got my stereo on loud blasting Papa Roach and life is okay. Heero and I are sharing a room and it turns out that he doesn't like Papa Roach. Stinks to be him. I can't say I'm disappointed about the rooming assignments, but now I'm nervous. There's only one bed, so I guess we're alternating between floor and bed. Today I was thinking about what I'll think years from now when I read this journal. Will I still feel this way about war? Will I still like Heero? Will I still be the ultimate prankster? Looking forward I'd like to remind myself of two things: 1) I don't want to ever tell Wufei who made recordings of him singing in the shower and then played them in the mall while being sure to say ' Hey Wufei isn't that your voice?' Really loud. 2) Someday if I'm lonely I want to remember these times. 3) Wear sun screen. Another thing that crossed my mind is that I might not get old enough to look back on this. And that's kinda sobering.
You know what? Heero and I shared a bed. Not that way! (although... ;p) I'm kind of stunned, but generally happy. I was thinking about those kids when Heero looked at me and said "It'll be okay. You can't undo what's been done'. I'd like to pretend that he just knows me too well, but Dayumn sometimes I think he can read minds.
The Happy Diary,
Doesn't 'The Happy Diary' sound like the name of a pub? I'm in good spirits today. I went swimming and managed to pull Heero in the stream with me. He looked like an angry wet cat and his hair was Kawaii. I saw Trowa and Quatre playing their instruments together. They are so perfect for each other its unreal. I've said it before and I'll say it again: They are soooooo cute when they're together. I also practiced with Wuffy and beat him for the first time. I know he was holding back, but that was still a boost to the ego. I was feeling really macho until FeiFei beat me the next five spars. That bastard is a wonderful ego popping pin. Its a good thing that my ego is durable.
Today was mediocre. I burnt my lean cuisine and watched a lot of T.V. That was about it.
Today would be Solo's birthday. We didn't really know our birthdays, but we gave them to each other. Someone threw out an old calendar and our little ragtag group (Me, Solo, Muffin, Becka, and Meek) came across it and gave each other birthdays. Today was Solo's. Its kind of sad, but we had some good times together. Next week is Muffin's B-day. Two days after Muffins birthday is Becka and Meek's. Becka and Meek always stuck together. Kinda like me and Solo. I remembered them all today with walk in the park and burning some incense that I 'borrowed' from Wufie-chan. I was thinking about how Solo taught me to steal when Heero came in and our room and sat down right in front of me and said 'Talk'. I think Quatre put him up to it, but I talked. A little about Solo and a little about the rest of the guys. Not to much, because that would just set me up for disaster. Then I moved on to trying to get Heero to open up, but I didn't get much. Oh well. Maybe later. I'm just pleased that he talked to me.
Today went well. Me and Heero went for a walk. I talked about a book and some movie, nothing major. It seemed kinda like Heero was actually listening to what I said, but you never know. I like him more and more everyday, but I can't say anything. I watched some tv and Wufei kicked my ass at his little 'training session'. Since we moved he's already gotten another martial arts teaching job and Quatre and Trowa are working together at a supermarket. I filled out an application for a gas station and Heero hasn't expressed plans for a job yet.
~The great almighty one.
Heero informed me that I have a solo mission in 4 days. That's wonderful. Not really. Today was boring, so I spiced it up by painting the house. I painted Wufei on one wall meditating and Quatre and Trowa holding hands in the sunset on the other wall. I also drew Heero sitting at his computer with me bothering him. I liked the way it turned out and nobody yelled at me for it, so it can't be that bad. It took hours. Then I spent some time putting glow stars all over the kitchen. Then I wired the toaster so that the toast won't get more than slightly warm. Today made up for the lack of pranks lately.
Quatre was pissed about the toaster. He didn't express it, but I could tell. He and Trowa went out shopping for a new one. Wufei and I watched Ranma and then Heero and I went down to the lake. I invited Wufei, but he said he needed to repair his gundam. Heero told me about some of the different kinds of fish when I asked. I felt comfortable just watching the fish. We've been doing more together lately and that rules. I'm going to go to bed now.