I'm sorry folks! I know I should be working on my other stories, but I have semi-writer's block. I have all the ideas in my head, but I can't seem to put them on paper. It's very frustrating. I hope to have posts for What the Future Holds and Love Overcomes All by the end of the week, but no promises. Anyway, I thought of this completely out of the blue and it was simply begging to be written. I'm not sure how good it is, but I hope you enjoy!
As You Lay Before Me
I quietly creep into your room, although there is no need. You're asleep and the scary thing is, nobody knows how long it will be until you wake, if you ever do.
As I watch your pale form and listen to your shallow breathing and the beeps of the Force awful machines you are hooked up to I feel an emotion I thought I would never feel. Fear, I feel fear, Obi-Wan. It is very unbecoming of Jedi, I know, but I can't seem to release it into the Force. It stays with me, tormenting me.
I don't understand. Master Yoda told me you stood and walked, well limped, away from the hanger with your own strength. Oh Obi-Wan, what happened? How did you transform from the strong and determined Jedi I know you are, injured, but very much alive, to a weak man lying before me comatose so quickly? Perhaps weak is an unfair word, for you have never been weak, Obi-Wan. You have always been strong. After Melida/Daan you were strong, even though being expelled from the Order was a very real possibility. Over the years as you went on countless missions and saw so many horrors you were strong. The many times you laid in the hospital wing from serious injuries you were strong. As your Master died in your arms you were strong. What happened? Have the hardships mixed with injury finally overwhelmed you? It doesn't make sense and I simply don't understand.
I have grown to admire you, Obi-Wan. Can you believe it? Me, admire you? It seems preposterous, doesn't it? However, it is very true. You are an exceptional Knight, probably one of the best the Order has ever seen. You don't see it, though, do you? You never have and I fear you never will.
I feel the strong presence of your apprentice nearing. It shocks me that he has actually found the time to visit his Master. I hope you notice the sarcasm. I simply don't know what you see in the boy. He is impulsive, arrogant and full of anger and worst of all, he doesn't give you the respect you deserve. Yet, you love him like a son. It baffles me.
I watch from the shadows as he approaches your bed. I briefly wonder if he senses me presence.
I frown. Is the anguish and helplessness I feel rolling off of him in waves real? I can't be sure. He takes your hand and grips it tightly. Suddenly, to my utmost surprise, he crumbles to his knees and I see him shake with silent sobs. I'm truly astonished. It is not because I feel caring for you is unfathomable, because it surely isn't. I don't know if there is a way to not care for you, Obi-Wan. I know all the Jedi do, even me. No, I am astonished because I thought the brat was incapable of feeling anything for anybody besides that damn Senator. Oh, don't get me started with her.
He abruptly turns and stares right at me. I see the tears in his eyes. He is trying to be strong. However, I can't seem to feel any sympathy for him. Although I can't imagine what it would be like to see my Master in such a state I simply cannot release my ill feelings towards him. It is mostly because of how he treats you. I am startled when he begins to speak.
"Why?" It's a simple question. It should be easy to answer, but I can give no reply. His eyes plead for an explanation, but I can give none.
"He doesn't deserve this!" He suddenly shouts. "He is a great man! How can the Force torture him so?" I remain stubbornly silent. How can I answer when I have been wondering the exact thing for so long? He sighs and turns back to you.
"It's not fair."
"No, it isn't. " I whisper this softly and I am sure he can hear the tremor in my voice. I surprisingly don't feel ashamed. He puts his head on you're your chest and I can see the sobs beginning again. I'm shocked he is showing what he considers a weakness. He straightens abruptly and turns to face me again.
"I'm going to kill Dooku." He declares to me. He says it without hesitation and I can't bring myself to admonish him for the anger in his voice. My reply is just as steady.
"Not if I get to him first." My face is impassive, but his breaks out into an evil smile. I worry that we are betraying you, but my need for revenge is overwhelming me as I see it is Anakin.
Maybe you'll forgive us when this is over. You are the forgiving type, aren't you? If we fell you would forgive us, I can feel it. Your compassionate nature reassures me. Simply thinking of how amazing you are gives me strength. I fear your compassionate side may be your downfall, though. People will use it as an advantage against you, they'll betray your trust, throw it aside like nothing. I realize I am about to do just that, but it's for you. It is always for you. Maybe someday you'll understand.
I gasp as I feel your Force signature flicker. The startled and panicked look Anakin shoots me confirms that he has felt it too, like he wouldn't. I almost snort at that. I shake my head. No you will not die, Obi-Wan. You are fighter and you will fight this.
I move towards your bed for the first time and gaze down at your still form. I hope this will not be the last time we meet, Obi-Wan, for I care about you, like so many others. I care about you more than you know. I take Anakin by the elbow.
"Say goodbye, Anakin, at least for now." The worried look he gives me proves his thoughts were along the same line as mine. He turns back to you, whispers a soft goodbye and kisses you softly on the forehead. He straightens and wipes his tears away.
I wonder if the tears will ever truly stop, if the feeling of hopelessness and despair will ever leave us. I wonder if we will be able to defeat Dooku.
Most of all, I wonder why there are no tears in my eyes.
We will kill Dooku, not for the Republic, not for the Jedi, not to stop the Sith and not to end the war. We will do it for you.
So, what did you think? Do you know who's POV this is? Please review!